@luckcfthedraw asked for angst!
A heart so heavy cannot possibly be held up inside of just a cavity made of bones, could it? Could it's still beating pulses remain when it's stowed away in darkness, forever shattered into a thousand broken and sharp pieces? Would it ever mend with tape or healing? He had accepted his demons. He had spent six years in the one place that started it all, forced to face the ghosts that resided behind every door, that came around every corner when he walked the hollow halls, the surgical smell, still forever stinging his nostrils with each breath he takes. He remembers, he'll always remember, when he was inside of their old flat. Dust had settled upon the beds, the table he had once flipped to save her. The box that their mother had kept her sewing nick knacks in. The red tassel of a stuffed bear he had once got for Octavia, sat in the corner of the farthest bed and he held it in his arms as he cried himself to sleep that night on the ring for the first night. He remembers going through the archived files, seeing his sister, The girl under the floor, the girl that wasn't suppose to be born and he remembers the feeling it brings in his chest. Bellamy remembers when she wanted to blame him for everything that had happened and he accepted it. He took that blame because he thought he deserved it. He wrote a letter, one for every day they had been apart for those six years. He remembers standing there, facing off with the Elgius ship, admitting that he wanted his own sister to die. And he remembers the way he felt when he had thought she was dead. When he thought Echo had killed her. The knot in his throat tightens and he wants to scream out as silent sobs escape him, fingernails digging into the fleshy pad of his palms. It's a war inside of his heart, inside of his mind. She stands just feet away from him. Every ounce of her reminds him of Aurora in the way she holds her pose, the way her hair hangs down her back, the way her gaze becomes ever so fiery when her anger is alight inside of her heart, but he sees himself more than anything. Stubborn, and cold when it calls for it. He remembers her innocent curiosity and God, what he wouldn't give to go back to such innocent times, not pure happiness, but enough to remember what it's meant to be like. To have a whole family. His heart shatters again and again when he thinks of the things she had done when they were apart, the things her hand was forced to do and he struggles to accept that she doesn't need him anymore. She doesn't need his protection anymore. She is strong. She is stubborn and she can fight her own battles. He never wanted to see her get blood upon her hands. He never wanted her to know heartbreak and loss. To know what it's like when death kisses you but doesn't steal your soul. She was no longer his responsibility and he couldn't protect her anymore and that? That in itself is what shatters his soul. That makes everything inside of him break, that makes him choke on a sob as it tries to make noise as she stands there. "I'm sorry." He tries to speak but it comes out in a forced whisper. "You're my sister, Octavia. You will always be....my sister and my life will never be complete unless you're in it." He tries to regain his emotions but it's fruitless, it's nothing but a failed try. A for effort, at least. He's desperate for air but he's just going to continue drowning. "You don't need me anymore. I don't need to protect you anymore and I have to accept that. We're...we're not who we were when we landed on Earth years ago. You're not that innocent girl anymore and I'm sorry you never got a childhood." Another pause and he stands from the rock in the cave, hand reaching out to her. "I will always want you in my life, no matter what mistakes either of us make. I can't loose you like I've lost everyone else."
