#lsme

"Swiss Hornet"

september 2023

While we've always longed for our bodies to look like the "Venus de Milo," the closest we've ever come is a back made of marble. Today, chip away at your stony sinews with a bronzed bargain from Heart Hands Wellness, a Westlake massage therapy clinic devoted to renewing through restorative rubs. Re-sculpt your body for $60 (regularly $150) with a 100-minute advanced integrated massage, ideal for chiseling away the flaws of chronic pain. Rooms in this non-cookie-cutter clinic are scent-free to avoid aggravating your allergies, allowing you to focus on the hands molding the clay of your back rather than overwhelming oleander and vexing vanilla. This deal is also adorned with a $25 gift card toward a future full-price service to keep your back un-busted without turning your wallet into stone.

Dating is fun -- if you're starring in a rom-com and not at dinner with someone less interesting than a plastic spoon. Take a chance on love without getting stuck with a sucker courtesy of today's deal from Date & Dash, a superior speed dating service: For $17, catch a keeper with a ticket to any one of this cupid-esque company's evocative events (a $35 value). Whether conversation over coffee, a back-and-forth at a bar, or even searching for a sweetie in a cupcake shop is your scene, this seductive service holds enchanting (and express) evenings at a wide array of venues throughout the Greater Austin area -- just choose your event and register online in advance. The night comes with a guarantee that you'll match with a potential mate, and, at less than the cost of a dull dinner with the wrong person, this is a deal worth its weight in good conversation.

Just like the Texan spirit, Ethiopia has never nor will ever be ruled by another. Come enjoy freedom-filled fare from a sister-country with today's deal from Aster's Ethiopian Restaurant. Pay $12, and receive $25 worth of food and non-alcoholic beverages such as the national dish, doro watt (spicy chicken dish simmered slowly in Berbere sauce and authentic spices and served with a hard-boiled egg), or fasolia wott (potato, green beans, carrots, onions, and tomato sauce with cinnamon, garlic, and ginger). This North Campus eatery, which was ranked among the top ten in Central Texas by Texas Monthly, has been slinging traditional East African cuisine with a side of liberty as a family-owned business since 1991. They say freedom isn't free, but with this deal, at least it comes at a super-low price.

Overthrow the current regime of blah bangs and monotonous manes with today's deal from Propaganda Hair Group, a radical West 5th Street salon epitomizing hip and helpful hairstyling that has been recognized, along with only four other salons in the country, by the North American Hairdressing Association for Best Salon Design. Battle budget fatigue by spending just $40 (regularly $85) for a men's haircut or $65 (regularly $150) for a women's haircut including a deep-conditioning treatment and style. Both deals come with $20 off your next service. Or, for $75 (regularly $150), rebel against flat fringe with partial highlights and styling. The style soldiers at Propaganda constantly fight off pretention by being both approachable and extremely professional, leaving you no reason not to enlist their services today.

It may not be 1492, but take a cue from Columbus and sail the Guadalupe for today's half-off deal from NeWorlDeli. Leave the old world of flat meals behind and spend $7 to get a $14 worth of food and non-alcoholic beverages at lunch or $10 for $20 to spend on dinner. Navigate through Hyde Park to discover the legendary Reuben or one of the other quest-worthy sandwiches. If you're still searching for spices, try the fresh-poached salmon topped with basil pesto butter or the curried chicken salad sandwich. When you're ready to take a break from making epic meal history, get lost in the music of the locals. Free yourself from overpriced bland sandwiches with this deal and find your own route to deliciousness.

The Diaphanoids - Our Own Private Elsewhere - “Psychallucisergic Interstellar Kosmic Rock” from Italy - this track sounds like it could be a Bill Laswell production.