⚠️(WARNING): this deals with sensitive subjects: suicide, implied child pedophilia with strong wording, profanity. Read at your own risk! 🖤

POV: Calvin in his own brain (his POV)

Requested by @iamdepressedkitty

I’m currently on mobile so I don’t have a “read more” thingy

~Start Reading!~

“I can’t do this anymore.” I swiftly stand up, knocking my chair backwards. “This is it, tonight’s the night, no more LeafyIsHere.” I pace around my room, thinking of everything that’s happened this week. I’ve read all the news articles about it, seen all the videos on it; ‘LeafyIsAPedo! Calvin Vail exposed for having sexual relations with a minor.’ She was really beautiful though, so it was half worth it. When I brought her here and took off her clothes I thought of all the consequences. “I knew it was a bad idea to do it but I did it anyways because I’m just a stubborn fucking idiot.” I cursed at myself. I remember yesterday and what my now ex-girlfriend told me so, I guess I’ll recite it to god or whoever the fuck is listening.

YESTERDAY …

"Calvin what the fuck is this!?” The second I saw her holding up ‘the bags’ I knew it was all over. “Babe it’s…nothing.” It was obvious that I lied. “Don’t ‘babe’ me, I don’t want to correlate with someone who does cocaine behind my back!” She practically screamed at me as I stood in silence. “And don’t even get me STARTED on these few empty needles!!” She walked slowly but came closer with every bag she showed me. I have to admit, I shouldn’t have even started this hardcore stuff just because I was feeling 'depressed’. “Are you fucking serious? Don’t you have anything to say for yourself?!” She’s staring right into my soul. “It’s not what it looks li-” before I could finish she slaps me so hard she bruises my cheek. I can already feel hot tears pouring out of my eyes onto my shirt. I’m sobbing silently with my wounded face in my knees, sitting down. “We’re DONE. You hear me? DONE. I’m coming tomorrow to pick my stuff up.” And with that, she leaves me alone and slams the door behind her as she leaves.

BACK TO NOW…

A couple of hours ago I went to a convenience store to buy something but instead, I found my now ex-friends there, ready to beat me up. I got beat up. Everything hurts. I just want my friends and girlfriend back. “I just…..can’t deal with this anymore. I never thought my life would come to this but here I am.” I reach deep under my bed for a hard black box. “Just what I need.” I open it up to find the nice little gun that I bought however many years ago. I play around with my gun a little bit. “This is so fucking retarded why am I doing this.” I counter. It’s not like anyone’ll care if I die, my family already disowned me for the relations with a minor thing. I’m left with nobody to talk to, nobody to vent to, nobody to cry to, just nobody. My YouTube career is just dead. The past week all I’ve been getting was hate comments and no more than a couple 1,000 views. I’m not making enough money and I just hate everything. “Since I won’t be seen I might as delete all my social media accounts.” I get up with shaky legs and make my way to the computer, nervous and stressed out.

After the process is complete I wrote a little letter to whoever finds my body. “Well, this is it. The end of the line is here. I never thought I’d be killing myself at only age 21.” I speak with myself. With shaking hands I lift the gun right between my eyes. I take a few deep breaths with my finger loosely on the trigger. I countdown from 3 at least 4 times but I can’t do it. “3…2….1!” As I’m about to pull I hear a knock on my door. “What? Who is it?” I shout from my room. “Your ex.” She responds impatiently. “The doors open.” I reply. She steps in, pushing past me to get her stuff and go. As she’s getting her stuff from her room I kneel down in the living room and reposition the gun. “This right here, this is it. Sorry everyone but this just had to be done.” I say as my last words.

3…

2..

1.

“Calvin what are y- OH MY GOD!!!”

I pull the trigger.

The little note read: "To anyone who find this, I am Calvin Vail and I recently killed myself. My girlfriend left me because of my drug addictions while my family and friends left me because I had sex with a minor. Oh and don’t forget that my YouTube channel 'LeafyIsHere’ was dying as well. I just want to say that if my ex finds this, I really, really loved you. You didn’t even give me a second chance but I still wish you find someone better than me.”