#lrbarplay

She was both the light and record keeper.

Lost Records is making me emotional because of all the little bits between befriending her, and learning of the unavoidable tragedy. I originally wanted to go for Autumn, then failed/broke a bunch of her hearts unknowingly tipping the scales towards Kat. And I also, like Swann, just fell in love with her so unexpectedly. Her first impression is this bold, not afraid of anything, not taking any shit, xyz. She stands up for you. The organic progression as well (that I didn't know were signs of her illness) of my choices leading up to those heartbreaks. Like I didn't know her, I only had rapport with Autumn since she's the first main character you meet.

I chose to stay behind when we did the forest walk. I thought all of these things at the cabin were morbid, but cool. I love jabbing at that line between humor and what isn't nesssarily the "right choice" Just to poke fun, but also genuinely share moments. When Kat's tape happens I'm concerned when she says she's needs a moment since she's tired. I comment on it, but we move on in the game.

You get these little things collecting in your bedroom, a few doodles, some cutouts, and notes. You look at all of them and read between the literal lines. It feels genuine.

In the future, Nora and Autumn talk about her in past tense. They keep wanting to move on from it. I kind of find it almost impossible to not look back at the memories I'm experiencing/remembering as them for the first time and label these as not good memories. It felt almost alienating that I cherished those memories and still believed a little in the magic (or no magic supernatural elements), while they tried to bury it.

I'm in denial until it's 100% confirmed in-game. I keep telling myself there has to be a way to save her (there probably isn't). I want to believe that she's not gone. After all she's right here. She admits to Swann she cut her hair before they'd take it all away, then asks if she could help with it. Of course I chose to help, why wouldn't I?

I'm in her bedroom waiting for her to finish a playlist for me.

You have a girl barely 16 who knows her life is going to end one way or another. Back then, I think the chances of her surviving were way lower. For her whole life she's been subjected to not being reckless for her health. Was she always alone? Did she sneak out regularly? She definitely didn't have us, so who did she have? We don't know exactly how her life's been before that "day we met"

Her first instinct to meeting us is to use her herself as a shield. Maybe to stand up for what she couldn't exactly do? Putting on a brave face agaisnt all odds.

As a kid, I knew I was different. I was far weaker than my peers and I got hurt easily. While I hadn't known I was some flavor of neurodivergent/body problems (and years later diagnosised for at least one), I acted to protect myself. I didn't have the strength to do crazy things or be "cool"

Kat though, she tried so hard to do it her own way, literally cursing out her fate and did what she wanted despite it all. It's reckless yes, but how could you blame her? If asked if you'd rather live longer living so carefully you do nothing or burn out in a blazing fire doing amazing things?

But isn't it tragic? It's like she sacrificed herself to make good memories. When the game ends, inevitably, what happens to her? Her actions? The consequences? I don't know. I know she's gone, but she isn't. I can always come back to the game and see her again. Just like Swann and her friends can keep remembering her, but we all know it can never be the same as before.

I talked about how character's legacies are often a haunting of the narrative when they're gone. I think that's what grief is. Mourning her future. Mourning of what could've been.

My first playthrough will end by the next session.