#lovism

I want to be your drunk text romance A type of love I only show when you are too far gone to try to lie I limit myself until you are unable to censor your words Then I Excavate The thoughts I do not allow myself to think Switch on the neurotransmitters in my brain Release endorphins I swallowed down and converted to Nausea No longer can love rot the lining of my stomach I let it flow Through my fingertips to your inebriated heartstrings A direct line between my soul and yours We were Never Able to Sever What’s the difference between a best friend and a soul mate In the morning when you sober up I exhale you like a stale cigarette You always hurt The most on the way out

In the deafening scream of midnight I hear you call out to me Through what means What miles What solar system You ask if I’m feeling it yet and my skin starts crawling The bugs I’m sure live in this room of mine Unseen but not unnoticed Swarm into the shape of constellations We saw those nights on the roof And they Swarm into the shape of your fist When it collided with the tempered glass And they Swarm to every part of my body And I feel your touch all over again But this time I let myself hurt And hurt And hurt And hurt And I do not apologize for hurting And I do not go numb And I get angry Because I was not allowed to hurt Because I was not allowed to be angry

In the deafening scream of midnight I hear you call out to me Through what means What miles What solar system You ask if I’m feeling it yet and my skin starts crawling The bugs I’m sure live in this room of mine Unseen but not unnoticed Swarm into the shape of constellations We saw those nights on the roof And they Swarm into the shape of your fist When it collided with the tempered glass And they Swarm to every part of my body And I feel your touch all over again But this time I let myself hurt And hurt And hurt And hurt And I do not apologize for hurting And I do not go numb And I get angry Because I was not allowed to hurt Because I was not allowed to be angry

Cherry trees bloom overnight and I can’t figure out how to reconcile their beauty with the fear of impermanence that holds tight around my throat I’m still trying to rush already accelerated time as if I’m not terrified of wasting my youth on the depression I can’t shake Thoughts run through my head faster than the speed of light in a vacuum but then the frequency cuts out more abruptly than it started and I can’t take the silence

Rough fingers softly tracing smooth skin Inhale sharply as they land lightly Treating the slum that is my body as a temple Ash-coated lungs, cookie dough, goose-down pillows Vanilla lip balm kisses expecting nothing more Drifting further from consciousness you pull me in tighter Innocent and intimate movements derived from subconscious affection

Intertwined limbs and fingers Crooked from years of entrapment in the wrong lovers I see the love in your eyes Burning bright enough to rival the city lights Sunday night and we’re on top of the world Joining spirits atop park benches I crack your knuckles in the palm of my hand And we see what could be A rhythm of existence I’ve never fallen into A breathing pattern you’ve never thought of Calloused fingertips graze flesh You make music from heartbreak Pull songs out of my empty chest Try to teach me but I’ll never move As gracefully Or as cataclysmically As you

Love notes scrawled in the margins of books Disturbed by the emptiness following the end of a chapter Aluminum chew canisters traded for sobriety tokens Sunshine radiates from his chest Filling gaping holes between her ribs previously deemed fit only for contempt