#lovingspeech

When communication is cut off, we all suffer. When no one listens to us or understands us, we are like bombs ready to explode. Compassionate listening brings about healing. Sometimes only ten minutes of listening deeply can transform us and bring a smile back to our lips. Many of us have lost our capacity for listening and using loving speech in our families. It may be that no one is capable of listening to anyone else. So we feel very lonely even within our own families. We go to a therapist, hoping that she will be able to listen to us. But many therapists also have deep suffering within. Sometimes they cannot listen as deeply as they would like. So if we really love someone, we need to train ourselves to be deep listeners.

We also need to train ourselves to use loving speech. We have lost our capacity to say things calmly. We get irritated too easily. Every time we open our mouths, our speech is sour or bitter. We have lost our capacity for speaking with kindness. Without this ability, we cannot succeed in restoring harmony, love, and happiness. In Buddhism, we speak of bodhisattvas, wise and compassionate beings who stay on Earth to alleviate the suffering of others. The bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara, also called Quan Yin, has a great capacity for listening with compassion and true presence. Quan Yin is the bodhisattva who can listen and understand the sounds of the world, the cries of suffering.

You have to practice breathing mindfully in and out so that compassion always stays with you. You listen without giving advice or passing judgment. You can say to yourself about the other person, “I am listening to him just because I want to relieve his suffering.” This is called compassionate listening. You have to listen in such a way that compassion remains with you the whole time you are listening. That is the art. If halfway through listening, irritation or anger comes up, then you cannot listen deeply anymore. You have to practice in such a way that every time the energy of irritation and anger comes up, you can breathe in and out mindfully and continue to hold compassion within you. No matter what the other person says, even if there is a lot of injustice in his way of seeing things, even if he condemns or blames you, you continue to sit very quietly, breathing in and out.

If you are not in good shape, if you don’t feel that you can go on listening in this way, let the other person know. Ask your friend, “Dear one, can we continue in a few days? I need to renew myself. I need to practice so that I can listen to you in the best way I can.” Practice more walking meditation, more mindful breathing, and more sitting meditation to restore your capacity for compassionate listening.”