#loveshouldnothurt

I honestly can't understand how someone can allow their child to be traumatized for "love"? The thought of my child witnessing me being repeatedly abused is heartbreaking!! The thought that one day she would see me seriously hurt gives me chills!! This is my fear. This is why I left. This is what I didn't EVER want to happen with my baby girl. But I am also a product of my upbringing and childhood. I was repeating the pattern I knew until the day I made the hardest decision of my life and walked away. Because the examples I grew up with molded me in such a way that I thought this was an acceptable way to be treated by the men in my life. It was not just physical abuse, I didn't always have visible marks and bruises, no one ever truly SAW my wounds, but I FELT THEM!! My heart, mind, and soul still carries these battle scars EVERY DAY!! . The scars that make me not trust ANYONE. . The scars that leave me doubting myself every day. . The scars that make me think that I am not enough: not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not good enough, not smart enough, not strong enough, not enough of a woman to be loved, accepted, wanted and desired. . The scars that fill me with anxiety and fear that I will end up alone, begging someone, anyone to love me. . And the scars that fill me with anxiety and fear that my daughter will repeat the pattern because of ME, Because of what I EXPOSED HER TO. Domestic violence is a HORRIBLE thing for anyone to see or have done to you. But for children, it is SOUL CRUSHING!! I fear my decision to leave so late in the game will and already has had lasting, life long effects. I'm afraid that she will grow up thinking what she saw was an acceptable way for a man to treat the woman he "loves". I'm afraid one day I will have to rescue her from an abuser. Not just a physical abuser either, because broken bones and bruises are one thing, those wounds CAN heal, but verbal and mental abuse leaves scars that take a lifetime to heal, if they heal at all. #nationaldomesticviolenceawarenessday 💜 #domesticviolenceawareness #loveshouldNOThurt #loveisblind #takeastand #breakingthecycleofabuse #unseenscars #speakout #speakup #gethelp #notmydaughter https://www.instagram.com/p/CGfiHk3Fxxp/?igshid=p4n1mednyxyl

The thought of my child witnessing me being abused it heartbreaking!! The thought that one day she would see me seriously hurt gives me child!! This is my fear. This is why I left. This is what I didn't EVER want to happen with my baby girl. But this was also my childhood. And I was repeating the pattern until the day I walked away. Because the examples I grew up with molded me in such a way that I thought this was an acceptable way to be treated by the men in my life. It was not always physical, I didn't always get visible marks and bruises, no one ever truly SAW my wounds, but I FELT THEM!! My heart, mind, and soul still carries these battle scars EVERY DAY!! The scars that make me not trust ANYONE. The scars that leave me doubting myself every day. The scars that make me think that I am not enough: not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not good enough, not smart enough, not strong enough, not enough of a woman to be loved, accepted, wanted and desired. The scars that fill me with anxiety and fear that I will end up alone, begging anyone to love me. And the scars that fill me with anxiety and fear that my daughter will repeat the pattern because of ME, Because of what I EXPOSED HER TO. Domestic violence is a HORRIBLE thing for anyone to see or have done to you. But for children, it is SOUL CRUSHING!! I fear my decision to leave so late in the game will and already has had lasting, life long effects. I'm afraid that she will grow up thinking what she saw was an acceptable way for a man to treat the woman he "loves". I'm afraid one day I will have to rescue her from an abuser. Not just a physical abuser either, because broken bones and bruises are one thing, those wounds CAN heal, but verbal and mental abuse leaves scars that take a lifetime to heal, if they heal at all. #nationaldomesticviolenceawarenessday 💜 #domesticviolenceawareness #loveshouldNOThurt #loveisblind #takeastand #breakingthecycleofabuse #unseenscars #speakout #speakup #gethelp #notmydaughter https://www.instagram.com/p/BpEr8xkB2dUSlePozMzArreGKk081fQrWtQwP00/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1efqfpqdvfi0l

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To my butterflies not quite ready to fly out of the glass bottle with no top, please let me encourage you to spread your wings and fly. If love does not live there anymore, let it go, and fly away. You can be free, but you have to decide that you want to be free from the abuse, the excuses, and the heartbreak. #ijs #timetofly #learntoletgo #letitgo #lawofdetachment #loveshouldnothurt

Let us remember that approximately every 5 to 10 seconds there is a woman being abused.. Love should not hurt.. Let us take time out of our day today and be aware of a very important situation. Yes today is Valentines day but for some around the world love is actually painful and downright deadly #domesticviolence #loveshouldnothurt #Awareness (at Givat Olga- Beach)

This self portrait was taken during my darkest years a little over 4 years ago while I was living outside of Boston. Most of my closest friends and family will understand the sadness in this image, but others will not. This is not a PSA. This is aimed at someone who may be fighting a silent battle everyday like I had been for 2 years. This is also a part of my own healing. Be kind with your responses. "Love is patient... love is kind..." Those words were so painfully true in the moment this photo was taken. I wasn't ready or even able to verbalize my fears, so I took it to the camera. I knew something needed to change before I lost myself fully. I knew that his love was ugly and scary and tainted. I deserved to feel a love like in this verse. This was the day I decided to protect my own heart and my own needs, no matter the consequences or how scary it seemed. I felt broken but I was not defeated. I had been putting on a brave face and a beautiful smile long enough. I was tired. I had concealed my truth from those who loved me. The moment I opened these photos on my computer to edit them, I started crying. In my heart, I knew... it was time. I was scared, sick to my stomach, and yet I felt an unfamiliar sense of strength. There will be people that doubt you and people that will belittle you, but then... There will be beautiful, gracious voices that strengthen you and encourage your heart. Those voices will always sing the loudest to your soul. Cling to those voices. Those are the voices that will aid in your healing. You are stronger than you know, trust me. Its terrifying and empowering and difficult to say, but you are capable of freeing yourself from this pain. You can make a change. You are worth love and kindness and deserve to feel happiness. Love should not hurt. It is not your fault. #loveispatient #loveiskind #loveshouldnothurt (at Beverly, Massachusetts)