#loveisforgiven

It envelops you, it tickles you

And it makes you feel like you can walk on air

It’s like wind

It’s in your bones. It’s in your breath

It’s in every beat of your heart

You can’t look for it, you can’t describe it,

In the vast canvas of life, where each stroke of experience contributes to the masterpiece of our existence, my relationship with her emerges as a particularly vibrant hue. Our first encounter, mediated by the anonymity of the internet, sparked an unexpected connection, a testament to the unpredictable nature of love. Age, often a barrier in the eyes of the world, was merely a number to us; she was three years my senior, a fact that bore no weight on the bond we began to forge. It was the depth of our conversations and the mutual understanding that drew us together, transcending superficial distinctions to reveal a shared soulfulness.

From the moment we transitioned from digital dialogues to face-to-face meetings, our journey together took on a new dimension. Initial uncertainties gave way to a comforting familiarity, marking the beginning of a friendship that effortlessly deepened into something more profound. Despite not initially seeking more than friendship, our daily exchanges and shared moments wove a rich tapestry of connection, highlighting a chemistry that could not be ignored.

In the days that followed, our bond deepened through daily conversations and calls, the kind that stretch into the early hours.

Our bond was characterized by an exceptional level of communication, a rarity that became our relationship's cornerstone. Even when distance laid its cold hand between us, our connection remained unyielded, sustained by the warmth of our conversations that bridged miles with words. The kiss that followed our movie night was as natural as the flow of our talks, a spontaneous expression of the feelings that had been simmering beneath the surface. That was our first kiss, so memorable. We were addicted to one another afterwards. The sex, an important add-on, we had was adventurous and so passionate. Our moments of intimacy were a profound expression of passion and connection, transcending the physical to touch the very essence of our beings. I found an incredible depth of love and desire, a passionate affirmation of the bond we shared, I felt deeply cherished.

Despite the absence of labels in the early stages of our relationship, the emotions and commitment we shared were unmistakable. Our love, unencumbered by titles, grew in depth and strength, proving resilient even as the challenge of long-distance began to test our resolve. Her commitment, unwavering and genuine, became the anchor in the tumultuous seas of our circumstances. It was this dedication, coupled with the mutual respect and understanding we shared, that saw us through the inevitable conflicts and trials. Our communication was so good.

After days of reaching out to her with no response, the silence was palpable, a void where our conversations used to reside. Then, suddenly, the expected text arrived, suggesting we return to being just friends and abruptly ending our romantic connection. My immediate response was a hasty agreement, an apology for any frustration I might have caused during our time together. This reflex, though meant to show understanding, was in retrospect a childish misstep. It was an attempt to shoulder the blame, not realizing the additional hurt it could cause. Reflecting on this now, I see the immaturity in my quickness to settle the matter, a decision that likely deepened the wound rather than beginning the healing. This regrettable moment stands out as a stark lesson in handling complex emotions, a reminder of the growth I still need to undergo. The lingering remorse for my impulsive action underscores a hope for eventual understanding and forgiveness to bridge the gap left by resentment.

The silence that followed her departure was a void filled with echoes of our past. I think of her everyday forward. The fear of never finding a connection as profound again gnawed at me, in addition to the love I always have for her, a specter looming over my attempts to move forward (goddamn). Yet, in a moment of vulnerability, I reached out, a message sent into the night, laden with memories and the melody of "If I Ain't Got You", the song we both love, played couple days ago as I drove pass her house, I cried...

Her response, unexpected yet welcome, reopened the door to a past I thought closed. I find myself at a crossroads, yearning for another chance to prove that the love we shared is worth fighting for. Distance, once our greatest adversary, now seems a trivial obstacle in the quest to reclaim what was lost.

In the quiet aftermath of our conversations, as I sift through the tapestry of memories we've woven together, I'm reminded of the delicate balance between holding on and letting go. The soft spot she always has for me, a silent acknowledgment of the bond we once shared, offers a glimmer of warmth in the coolness of our current reality. Her willingness to re-engage, despite the complexities that led us here, speaks to the depth of connection that neither time nor distance can fully erase. While I respect her decision and the path she's chosen to walk—whether it leads back to me or away—I find myself quietly hoping for another chance. Not out of a desire to rekindle what was lost out of mere nostalgia, but from a place of growth and a newfound understanding of what it means to truly value someone. On my end, the door remains open, not as an expectation, but as a testament to the love I continue to hold for her, a love that has matured through reflection and time. In honoring her decision, I also honor the journey we've shared, holding space for whatever the future may hold, with respect, love, and an unwavering hope for the possibility of a new beginning, however subtle that may be.

As I contemplate the future, I am filled with a sense of purpose and clarity. The journey we shared, marked by its trials and triumphs, has not only shaped me but also illuminated the path forward. With a heart full of hope and a spirit undeterred, I look to a future where the distance is just a detail, overshadowed by the strength of our connection and the promise of what lies ahead. In the narrative of our lives, our story remains a poignant chapter, a reminder of the transformative power of love and the enduring bond that distance cannot diminish.

Probably, at the end of the day, loving someone doesn’t require any reason whatsoever, JUST LOVE, AND LOVE HARD...

I know you're reading this, I miss you dearly... Thank you for loving me the way you did (and perhaps will be). I'm sorry for hurting you and causing a lot of tear...

-No Name

March 8th, 2024