#loustattoo

FIRST KISS

Rain was pouring down, drenching Harry and Louis until their hair was matted against their faces, and their sweaty clothes clung to their bodies. Harry didn’t mind because it felt like a fresh breath of air after being in that stuffy warehouse rave. It felt nice, freeing and new. And wasn’t that how people described the rain? As becoming new. That was the ironic part because New Years was all about becoming new and such. People made resolutions to somehow become a better and more put together person as soon as the clock struck twelve. It had to be non-coincidental that it was pouring buckets tonight.

Harry ran a hand through his hair, the quiff he’d done earlier tilting down to the side, and pulled it back away from his face.

“Any resolutions?” Louis asked, walking beside him.

Harry chewed on the inside of his cheek and turned to him after thinking for a moment. “I think maybe work out a bit more. I slacked a bit last year. What about you?”

“I’m not sure yet,” he replied thoughtfully. “You want to help me?”

“Okay. Anything you hated about this past year that you’d want to change?”

“No,” Louis replied after a delayed pause. “I’ve had a pretty amazing fucking year.”

“Because you met me?” Harry couldn’t help but ask, a teasing tone in his voice, even though he hoped it was true.

“I don’t know,” he replied coolly. “You might have had a tiny, itty, bitty part in it?”

“A tiny, itty, bitty part?” he asked, bursting out laughing. “You sure about that?”

“Maybe a tad bit more.”

“Oh, alright,” Harry said, shrugging like it didn’t bother him. Louis was such an important part of his life, he couldn’t help but want validation that he was an important part of Louis’, too.

“Harry,” Louis giggled.

“Yeah?”

“I’m really fucking glad I met you.”

“You just said that I only had a tiny, itty, bitty part in making your year great,” he reminded Louis with a deadpanned expression.

“I might have underplayed it a little,” he admitted.

“Yeah, you did. And in case you were wondering, you definitely helped make my year.”

“Yeah?” he asked, his cheeks coloring a light shade of pink.

Harry felt so undeniably fond of Louis then, wanting nothing more than to tell him exactly what he meant to Harry, so he stopped in the middle of a rainstorm and stood in front of Louis. “You’ve literally been the highlight of my year, Lou. I couldn’t have asked for someone better.”

“Harry,” Louis said shakily, sound almost overwhelmed.

“No. Let me finish,” Harry insisted. “Like, you’ve helped me through a breakup from a relationship that I thought I was going to have forever. You helped me realize that life doesn’t always work out the way that we planned, but that doesn’t mean it’s the worst thing to have happened. Every cloud has a silver lining, right, and you helped me realize that.” He paused, taking one of Louis’ hands in his. “And I’m just glad I have you in my life because you make me feel like I’ll be okay. You’ve seen me at some of my lowest and you’ve helped me figure out a way to make it all not so sucky. And when you hug me, Louis, I feel like everything’s okay. Like I’m okay and nothing’s wrong.”

“Well, then what are you waiting for?” Louis asked with a bright smile and watery voice. “Come hug me.”

Harry smiled at him, pulling Louis close to him until they were wrapped around each other. Harry’s hands rested low on his waist, tight and holding him up as Louis stood up on his tippy toes with his arms around Harry’s shoulders. Harry snuggled into him, feeling something light in his heart, tugging at the strings. They pulled away at arm's length and looked at each other and Harry breathed out the one thing he could think of doing. It felt right and he didn’t want to overthink it and chicken out. He wanted to do this.

“I’m going to kiss you now,” Harry warned him, though it barely sounded like one. More of a heads up, really.

Louis didn’t make a move to stop him, instead parted his lips softly and stared at Harry. Waiting for him to do something. Harry moved his hand up Louis’ back, pulling him close and it was so easy to press his lips firmly against Louis’. If there was anything he was nervous about, it disappeared the moment Louis pulled him closer, his hand gripping Harry’s hair as he kissed him back, their mouths parted with Louis’ tongue in Harry’s mouth.

“Better than any other midnight kiss,” Harry whispered, pulling away softly and breathing into Louis’ mouth. He was better than anyone Harry had gotten with these past few weeks, making Harry feel miles more than they ever did, and Harry wanted him to know just how special he fucking was. “Want to go home?”

Louis nodded only once and Harry couldn’t have moved faster.

GOING INSANE

It took guts to bring up New Year's Eve with Louis. He was being so calm and cool, as though none of it was affecting him like it was affecting Harry. And that was what bothered him because Harry knew it couldn’t have just been a casual thing for Louis. Louis didn’t do casual hookups. He’d mentioned he’d done it a few times, but as of late, he’d rather not and hasn’t. Harry wasn’t even a random someone – he was someone Louis saw every day and interacted with on a daily basis. They were a strong part of each other's lives and it was driving Harry insane that they’d seen each other naked -- seen each other’s dicks -- and they were being casual about it.

What was driving Harry even more insane was the fact that he wanted to do it more.

He couldn’t get the image of Louis as vulnerable and soft as he’d been that night with him out of his mind. He couldn’t get the feel of Louis’ paper thin skin under his fingertips out of his mind. He couldn’t get the noises that spilled out of Louis’ mouth out of his mind. He would probably never get his orgasm face out of his mind either because it was fucking hot.

Louis was attractive – Harry had always known this, but after that night, it only heightened in a sense for him.

Harry was suddenly hyper aware of the way Louis carried himself, the way he dressed, the way he was. It was all coming to him in this whole new light that he never knew existed. Hooking up with Louis was an idea he’d only entertained when he was extremely drunk and not able to easily push away thoughts like that. Has he wanked to the idea of them hooking up again? Yeah, maybe once or a few times, but no one had to know that.

Especially now that he’d basically told Harry he didn’t want to actually talk or remember what happened that night. Harry tried his best in not letting his emotions show, or that he didn’t want to forget. He  couldn’t forget if he tried because Louis was not like the other people he hooked up with. He was Louis and Harry was going insane.

Harry felt like he was always going to be haunted by the idea that they couldn’t do more. That he couldn’t see Louis laid bare underneath him, panting his name again while Harry made him come. He thought of all the possibilities and different ways he could be with him and it was sort of horrible because Louis wanted to be friends and just friends, but here Harry was – fantasizing about fucking him.

He was transparent and so utterly into him, he wondered how Louis couldn’t see.

TRUTH COMES OUT

There had been very few moments in Harry’s life where he felt completely blindsided by things. Most of the time, they weren’t anything of importance. Just small things here and there that took him by surprise, but was easy enough to move on from. Fuck, he wasn’t even surprised the night Xander and him broke up. He’d even expected that to happen to a degree, but when Louis told him he cheated on him with Dean, he felt like the floor beneath his feet were taken out and he was free falling into nothing.

Louis had started crying after stepping into Harry’s room at the frat house. Harry was alarmed – mostly because he had no idea what could have caused it. He’d been fine the entire time at lunch and on the way, so whatever it was must have been triggered from sometime within getting out of the car and coming up to his room, but Harry couldn’t figure out what because nothing out of the ordinary happened. Louis seemed scared as well, his entire body shaking as Harry enveloped him into a hug while trying to calm him down.

Then he began to explain himself.

Their first fight was terrible. It’d stemmed from something so small and ended up becoming extremely big. The whole thing got blown out of proportion and they were both to blame for all of it, but thankfully they were past it. However, as Louis started spilling the events of the following day, Harry was starting to think they weren’t.

He frowned, his body stilling when Louis mentioned Dean in his explanation because they’d bumped into him on the way into Harry’s room. Did Dean say something to Louis that might have upset him? Dean wasn’t like that as far as Harry knew. He’d always been a good guy and had Harry’s back several times, but Louis looked like he was choking out his words once he told Harry they’d kissed.

Harry was confused more than anything while Louis continued to tell him how it had happened. Dean was a good friend and Louis was Harry’s boyfriend – one of his best friend’s – and they couldn’t possibly do that to him, right?

Wrong.

It all seemed twisted and fucked up the more Louis explained the whole story about thinking Harry’d cheated on him and Dean’s fucked up logic in getting Louis to kiss him. It was making Harry’s skin prickle with anger. He wanted to charge back downstairs and demand an explanation because this was not fucking done. Harry understood that Louis had misunderstood and let his emotions get the best of him, but what part of that made it okay for him to go and kiss Dean? What made Dean think that was okay as well? Harry knew Dean used to like Louis, but he didn’t think that was still the case now. They’d talked about it once or twice since things started getting serious between Harry and Louis and Dean assured Harry it was fine, so what the fuck was this?

Either way, with the way Louis was breaking down in front of him, Harry knew that screaming at him for it wasn’t going to solve things. He was scared to tell Harry and was genuinely looking upset. Drunken mistakes could be written off as long as it didn’t get out of hand, but when Harry asked Louis if it was only a kiss and he faltered in responding back, Harry felt like he was going to pop a blood vessel from how much his blood was boiling.

“You fucked him?” Harry had breathed out, trying to compose himself as much as he could and not blow up like he wanted to.

Louis let out a choked sob, giving Harry all the answer he needed, and it felt like everything around him was falling the fuck apart. He was so angry, shaking from it, and he had no idea what to do or how to react other than scream and hit the next possible thing in his way. Louis was crying hysterically, trying to explain himself, but everything sounded like an excuse – a better version of the cold, hard truth.

His boyfriend – the boy who he loved more than anything – had slept with his frat brother.

They went back and forth for a while, Harry’s anger worsening rather than lessening as Louis tried to explain to him exactly what happened. It all just felt so useless in the end when all Harry could think about was the fact that Louis was with Dean. Harry knew he was possessive, but always to a healthy extent. Right now, though, he just felt mad with it. He couldn’t bear the thought of Dean touching Louis and getting to kiss him and feel how it was inside of him. That was all Harry’s. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

And then Louis said, “Because I love you. I fucking love you – you don’t know, you have no fucking idea how much, Harry – just – I love you. I fucking love you and I am so sorry.”

Harry’s friends always teased him saying that he fell in love easily. When he was with Xander, he fell in love with him at first sight, and then ended up dating him for years. It was just how he was – he let myself fall completely whenever he did and when he told Louis he loved him, it felt different. Harry had an inkling that he had feelings for him for months – even when they were just friends. He just felt a tug towards him and when their relationship took a sexual turn, Harry just knew. He knew he was completely, totally and irrevocably gone for Louis.

But for some reason, Harry waited – most likely because he could feel in his heart that what they had was different, so he wanted to let it slip past his lips at the best time. When he finally told Louis that night in Leeds, he was sure he’d never forget the look on his face. It was so open and soft and beautiful. Even though he didn’t tell Harry he loved me back, Harry had a feeling that he just needed a bit of time. So, he waited again. He waited and Louis finally said it, but with the way Harry’s head was spinning with anger, he wasn’t able to accept it. Why would Louis tell him now? If he loved Harry, why didn’t he tell him a little earlier, or later even when they weren’t fighting? It just seemed desperate now – desperate in the sense that he was only saying it to appease Harry and not be angry and make up for what he did. And that was shit. That didn’t count and Harry wasn’t falling for it.

When Harry told Louis as much, he continued to try to defend himself, apologize and explain. It was only then that Harry started to piece it all together. Yes, Louis was to blame, but Dean – that fucking bastard took advantage of him. He saw an opportunity when Louis was most upset and he fucking took it, not even asking if he was okay with it. That was when Harry got livid to the point where he couldn’t take it anymore. He stormed out of the room, running down the stairs until he spotted Dean.

Everything he felt – all the anger and hurt and confusion – came out as he fought with Dean. Harry didn’t hold back as he threw in punches and pushed Dean around and kicked him. It was enough to alarm everyone in the house to the point where they had to pull them apart with great force. It didn’t help that Dean was being a mongy fucking arse fuck about it – looking at Louis, mocking him and speaking about him so crudely. Harry could tell the guys were confused, but after breaking up the fight, Harry realized how awful this all was. He’d poured out all his emotions into the fight, but now it was all coming back to him in a form of sadness and heartbreak.

His eyes were stinging with tears and his friends were all looking at him like he was a short circuit – one wrong move and Dean was done.