#louis28th

Last year at this time, I was thiking about the happiness I wanted you to have for 2019, how things should have turned out for you... and I was aslo thinking that maybe me seeing you wasn't meant to be.

This year has been filled with more than we thought we could handle for many different reasons, yet a week from the end of the year and we both are here, a bit scarred but holding on. I wish I knew how to put into words how much you mean to me, wish I actually could let you know all that.. there’s so much bravery in being vulnerable and I have to thank you for that. Being myself and allowing myself to fall and get up again has been difficult for years, but your comforting smile and caring words have never failed to amaze me and build me as a better person. There have been moments in which deleting every single problem felt like the easiest thing... and it probably was, but it took me a little help to remember that life is not about quitting, ‘cause “what do you want them to say when you’re gone, that you gave up or that you kept going on?” I’ve never felt like I deserved anything and some things that happened this year made it even more real to my eyes. I don’t really know where I found the strength to avoid staying on the ground where I fell, but I did and I just know it’s because of you. I would have never imagined to book flights for your tour, ‘cause I would have never imaged to allow myself to believe I am a good enough fan to come. My mind works in mysterious ways, but I am sure of one thing, and that’s the fact that you always make me the happiest on Earth. I truly wish I could share how I feel when I see your smile through a screen, wish I could write about the goosebumps of seeing that smile on stage in Birmingham, the relief of seeing you walk down the stage in Madrid when it had been raining for hours... I can’t show any of these things and all I have as a testimony is my memory, but I can proudly say that you changed me for the better. You’re one of the few reasons for which I hold on and for which I keep believing in myself, and it’s a tough task I tell you. You made it in fields that no one else could with me, and I’m still amazed at how much you mean to me...

You’re basically your favorite age now, yet I remember I’ve known you since you were 19 and it sometime makes me think. That old video where I kept staring at the sweet, cheeky lad wearing red, with a huge smile on my face... I cherish that memory with my whole heart. The same way I cherish being able to see you and cry my eyes out afterwards, because I understood what being happy felt like. It felt like standing in front of a stage with your beautiful friends around, singing to “Just Hold On” and feeling every word.

There’s so many things I wanna thank you for, but I’ll stick to thanking you for allowing me to be myself, to be vulnerable but to also never give up. That is the biggest accomplishment I have so far, saying “stop” when needed and “go on” in favor of what I truly want. There’s nothing in the world I would change this for, and as you said, mistakes and tears are all part of it. There’s been a few in these years, yet I’ll never consider them weak moments anymore... they were part of this big journey that will lead me to more beautiful things.

There is this italian song about how the sun is for everyone, and all I want for you this year is to have this sun blinding you. To have the sun make you feel so warm, safe, and as much loved as possible. I want 2020 to be the year you learn to look back and always know you did a great job... because that’s just how it is. Talent is not reaching the highest notes, never making any mistake or never forgetting a note/word. Talent is about being able to deliver your feelings to the audience, it’s about making them feel things... talent is what you are, and I truly wish you get to see how many people feel like that while touring. You said you want us to take that you’re a decent songwriter, but I want you to know that no one’s words ever spoke to me like yours. No one ever saw right through me like that, no one made me cry after 7 hours under the rain while shaking badly and barely understanding the words... all because those words I was listening to, were about you as much as about me. It’s always gonna be enough, what you do. You’re always gonna be enough.