#louiera

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Louis doesn't have a clue what he expects to happen when he sees her.  Maybe he expects a swell of violins and a spotlight focused on her smile.  Maybe he expects her to see him and frown again, the way she used to.  Maybe he expects himself to panic and leave, barely containing the anxiety that has suddenly consumed him until he's safe in his own flat.

Yeah, he's panicking.  That, at least, he expects.  His heart is fluttering uselessly in his throat, muscles quivering and strung tight.  Behind him, the glass door opens.  A rush of chilled December air ruffles Louis' hair, and the person entering the small cafe coughs as they side step his frozen form to get in line.  Louis shivers and tucks his fingers into the sleeves of his pea coat

All he wanted was a damn tea and now...

Now he's seen her.  She's behind the counter, manning one of the three open registers, curls pulled back into a frizzy ponytail.  Her skin is glowing in a way it hadn't when he knew her, all those years ago  It sends a pang of guilt through him.  Things were so messy back then.  There was too much he didn't understand.

Louis isn't really sure he could ever really understand.  He's still having trouble remembering the last time he saw her smile like that, with her teeth showing and her cheeks just begging to be pinched and kissed and cradled.  All he can picture from before is the hospital bed, the bandages.  The dregs of defeat in her onyx eyes.  

She hadn't even yelled.

The door opens again, and the sound of chimes break him from his reverie.  Louis steps forward into the queue and wills himself not to vomit the thick shards of emotion he's feeling all over the business man in front of him.  

He probably shouldn't be staring the way he is.  If anyone were to spare him a second glance, he'd probably raise some suspicion   Still, he can't look away.  She's so focused, eyes meeting the customer she's helping with a genuine excitement and confidence that throws Louis so far off, he's afraid he might fall over.  

God, she looks so beautiful.

He's so busy staring, he barely notices when it's his turn.  She's still busy with another customer, so he manages to tear his gaze away long enough to meet the eyes of another cashier.  The girl's name badge reads "Alice" and the name sounds vaguely familiar.  Louis wonders if this was one of her friends that he hadn't had the chance to meet.

"Hello!  What can I get for you?"  Alice chirps, and really, she isn't annoying at all, but Louis feels his nerves wearing thin.  He takes a deep breath through his nose.

"Have you got Yorkshire?"  he tries, voice sounding much more delicate than he would care to admit.  Alice raises an eyebrow at him but nods.

"Sure.  Any milk or sugar?"

For a moment, Louis doesn't now how to respond.  He knows his order.  Of course he does.  Its the same order he's gotten since he was sixteen. But then her voice is calling from two registers away, and she sounds so casual and... calm.  Louis forgets to breath.

"Make it like mine, Alice.  He might complain about there being too much sugar, but he'll add more when he thinks no one is looking."

Alice spares a glance at her coworker before turning back to Louis, her expression blank.

"You must be Louis," she says, tone light and dangerous.  Louis' fingers curl into a fist, nails digging in to the flesh of his palm.  

"Leave off, he just wants his tea."

And the way she says it, so dismissively... Louis can feel his chest splintering into a million pieces again.  She must see the way his eyelashes flutter as he pointedly looks down at the counter, because her voice, he's missed her voice, is softer when she speaks again.

"I'm on break in a few minutes.  Go find a table and I'll bring you your drink."

Louis tries.  He really, really tries not to feel a bubble of something rising in his stomach.  His chest is still raw and aching, but something about the curve of her smile soothes it.  Frowning, Louis tries pushing it away.  He can't have hope now.  He really doesn't deserve it.  

When he pulls out his wallet, Alice rolls her eyes.

"Go sit down," she instructs, maybe a bit harshly.  Louis can't really be mad at her.  He shakes his head once and hands her a few too many bills, turning away before she can protest.

The booth he sits at is in the most secluded corner of the cafe, and really, Louis is a bit impressed that he managed to find it empty.  He brushes a few crumbs off of the table and folds into the seat facing away from the registers.  He can hear the music more clearly from here, and he recognizes the song as something his old flatmate, Harry would have played for him.  It's upbeat and a bit vintage sounding, though he knows the song only came out a few months ago.  

"What are you doing here, Louis?"

He whirls around in his seat.  She's there, holding two cups and looking more confused than hostile.

"Aliera."

He sounds disbelieving.  He is.  He's pretty flabbergasted, actually.  Aliera gives him a look, and it's one he knows so well it's like ducking his whole head into ice water after getting piss drunk at some party.

"I-- I didn't know... I'm sorry," he stammers.  "I usually go to Liam's place a few blocks away, but they're closed for renovations and he said the tea was good here and... I'm sorry."

Without a word, Aliera crosses to the other side of the booth, sliding in and placing one of the cups of steaming tea in front of Louis.

"How are you?"  he blurts, and he immediately regrets it.  His hands twitch and he almost covers his mouth, as if that could reverse the words.  Aliera merely shrugs and blows a stream of air into her own cup. Louis feels a bit like he's getting whiplash.

"I'm better," she answers finally.

"Better?"

"Well, I don't want to kill myself anymore, so that's progress."

And yeah, Louis probably deserves that too.  Her tone is dry and sharp, the way it always was, but she does sound better now that he's paying attention.  She doesn't sound as fragile.  Mostly, she sounds... mildly irritated.  Fair enough, Louis decides.

"Sorry," he mumbles again, taking a sip of his drink and letting it scald his tongue.  He's a literal fish out of water.  Every breath he takes with Aliera across from him is sucking the air right out of his lungs and replacing it with the painful images of El's face when Louis finally agreed to meet with her after work at a dodgy motel.

"What about you?  How have you been?"

Louis lets himself shrug. 

"I've been alright.  Finally got a job out in London, as you can see.  I like it here.  It keeps me busy."

Aliera glances down at her fingers, and they're intertwined around her cup like they always are and Louis literally has to sit on his free hand to keep himself from reaching across the table and touching her.

"The city's nice," she agrees.  

There's a moment of heavy silence, and really, Louis has so many questions but he's not sure which ones he's allowed to ask.  Aliera doesn't look up at him as she quietly sips her drink, and he feels bad for wasting her break like this, but he's also still overwhelmingly pleased that she's there at all.

"How's Eleanor?"  

There it is.  Louis sucks in a sharp breath, and he wishes she would just look at him, but she doesn't and he's not so sure anymore tha he'll make it out of this conversation without crying.

"I dunno," he admits.  "She left six months ago when she moved to New York."

Aliera's gaze finally lands on him then.  Her mouth parts and her eyebrows rise.

"Oh.  Really?  I didn't..."

"I didn't know if you wanted to hear from me anymore.  I mean... well, you kind of kicked me out of your hospital room and you looked pretty serious about not wanting to see me again."

Aliera's cheeks flush, and Louis' fingers press into the padding beneath his thigh as the urge to pull her in for a kiss nearly blinds him.

"In my defense, I was a bit unstable," she pauses.  "I still am, Louis.  I mean, I'm better, really.  It just gets rough some times."

Louis wants to nod like he understands, but he doesn't yet.  

"I'm sorry," he tries again, swallowing around the lump that's forming in his throat.  "I'm so sorry.  I don't know why I was such shit to you.  I'm sorry I didn't..." he gulps again.  "I didn't even try to help you, I just... I blamed you, and then I blamed us, and it was all rubbish.  I should have just loved you properly."

"It's fine," she says, her own hands unwinding and reaching over to touch his shoulders, tracing their shape and sending a tremor down his spine.

"It's really not."

"It really is.  I know what I said back then, and I'm sorry, too.  You were wrong, obviously, but I'm sorry for both of us.  I'm sorry for relying on you so much when I should have gone out and gotten help sooner."

"That's not your fault, Aliera," Louis presses, and he can't keep up with her.  He never could.

"It wasn't, and it's not your fault that you didn't know how to deal with it."

They sit in silence, drinks forgotten, eyes connected.  

"I'm still in love with you," Aliera finally tells him, and it's not until then that Louis realizes she's shaking.  Before he can stop himself, he's out of his seat and crawling into hers, pulling Aliera into his lap and holding her as close to him as he can without hurting her.  Aliera melts, her shoulders sagging as she folds her arms between them and clutches the collar of his jean jacket.

"I'm still in love with you, too," Louis whispers against the juncture between her neck and shoulder.  

"Okay," she mumbles, and he can feel her smile against his chest.

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Aliera's not really sure when Louis got the idea that she was terrified of heights, because she's really not. After ten years of friendship, it's weird to think there are still things he doesn't know about her. He knows her favorite color (green or purple depending on her mood), her favorite animal (she can't chose, but she always wants to see the tigers and giraffes at the zoo), and he knows her middle name and how it annoys her that it starts with the same initial as her first name. However, it seems he believed Aliera to be afraid of heights. Which she's not.

"Not even a little bit?" he asks her, eyebrows pulling together. Around them, the sounds of children shrieking in laughter and tacky carnival music nearly drown him out. It was Louis' idea to go the annual fair despite the fact that neither of them had had any desire to before. So, yeah, Aliera might be a bit confused by the way Louis looks like his life depends on her fear of heights when she's not even sure why they're at the fair in the first place.

"No, not really. I mean, like super high heights is kinda freaky, but I'm not, like, scared of heights in general," she offers, and Louis slumps his shoulders.

"That messes everything up, Aliera!" he whines. She only gives him a quizzical glare. "I had plans. You're ruining them."

"What plans do you have that involve my alleged fear of heights?"

At this, Louis' pout curls into a secretive smirk that leaves Aliera equal parts irritated and flustered. Sure, they're friends, but there's no denying how fit he is. Aliera had stopped lying to herself years ago.

"I suppose the plan can still proceed," he tells her, and without another word, Louis takes her hand and pulls her toward the farris wheel. His longer legs carry him faster than Aliera's can really keep up with. She stumbles after him, hand warm in his own. When they reach the queue, Louis doesn't let go.

"The farris wheel? Really, Lou?"

He huffs beside her, blowing his bangs out of his eyes. He normally likes to wear it back, showing off the sharpness of his cheekbones, but Aliera's always preferred it down. Now his fringe gather across his forehead like a messy heap of hair. Aliera curls her fingers to stop herself from brushing it back.

"There's nothing wrong with the farris wheel," he explains primly, and as Aliera opens her mouth to respond, the queue moves and they're front in line. "I hope we get the blue one."

"We're not five, Lou, this is ridiculous."

"I think you're secretly very afraid of heights which is why you're being so mean to me right now."

"No, actually, I'm being mean to you because you're an idiot."

The wheel stops, and as Louis hands the clerk the fare, Aliera climbs into the circular cabin. It's a fairly nice farris wheel, which surprises her, and there's plenty of room or Louis to climb in across from her without their knees banging together.

Yet, as he folds himself into the cabin, he chooses to slide in along side her, propping his feet up beside him and tossing an arm around the ledge behind Aliera's shoulder.

"Uh, Louis," she states, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Uh, Aliera," he mimics, sending her a grin that suggests he's proud of himself for something. Aliera rolls her eyes and relaxes into the bench, watching the lights outside grow smaller as they begin to move.

"Why was I supposed to be afraid of heights again?" she finally questions, turning away from the festivities and finding Louis' face a few inches closer than she expected. His eyes dance with his usually mirth, the blue barely visible in the dim lighting. His gaze takes her breath away.

"I dunno, I figured it might make you more likely to cower into my arms, you know, the whole knight and shining armor bit."

Although he looks confident, Aliera notices the twitching in Louis' fingers, like he wants to ball them up the way he always does when he's nervous.

"Wait... what? Knight in shining--"

"Armor, yes, because... well, I like you. And I very well wouldn't mind you, y'know, needing me or something."

Aliera pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, not sure if she's hearing what she's actually hearing. She glances out to the fair and realizes they're at the top of the farris wheel.

"That's. Okay. So."

"I like you, yes."

"Okay."

Louis frowns, his whole face shutting down like someone turned a light switch off inside of him. Aliera panics, realizing she may be missing her chance. She tries to say something, but she's still not really sure what's happening. Before she can get any words out, Louis reaches over and pulls her in with a hand over her jaw, pressing his lips to hers.

It's a bit awkward at first. Aliera sucks in a breath through her nose before she can make herself believe that, yes, Louis, her best friend Louis, is kissing her. He pulls back after a moment.

"I'm sorry, was that too much?"

"No, I just... I'm a bit. Wow. Give me a minute."

"Does that mean you like me too? I can't tell. Sometimes you act like you're really mad at me, but I know you're not and then other times you act like we're okay, but you're really mad so I just need some help here."

"I like you too!" she finally lets out, and just like that, Louis is smiling and leaning over to kiss her again. She's more prepared this time, and she barely manages to keep herself from laughing into it in time to kiss him back properly. When they pull away, Louis keeps his hand on her face.

"I feel like that would've been much more romantic if you were afraid of heights," he finally says.

Louis woke up the morning of his birthday, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He could smell the coffee in the kitchen as well as something cooking, pancakes or waffles or something. He pushed the blankets off of him, walking carefully down the hall and the steps of the loft finding Aliera plating pancakes, eggs and bacon. 

"Well, good morning to you too." Louis greeted. Harry looked up from his book, waving a hand as he sipped his coffee.

"Morning, Lou. Sit." Aliera told him, setting a plate in front of Louis as well as a mug of tea. "Yorkshire, with three sugars, just like you like it." Louis took a sip and smiled. "Four chocolate chip pancakes, four strips of bacon and two eggs over easy." Louis was surprised to say the least. "Happy birthday, love," she told him, kissing his cheek.

"You get pancakes and I get toast." Harry said, looking over the top of his book.

"I offered. But no, just sunny side eggs and bacon, that's all you wanted." Aliera said, taking her own plate out of the microwave. "Syrup, Lou?"

"No, thank you. But you really shouldn't have made such a fuss. It's just another year, 21." Aliera shrugged, cutting into her own pancakes that she had drizzled with syrup.

"Not in America. When I turn 21 it'll be a big bash, and you guys will have the pleasure of holding my hair while I throw up everything but my memories in the morning after." Harry groaned, pushing it plate away while Aliera and Louis kept on eating. "So what do you want to do today, Louis?" 

"I would prefer to stay home and do nothing. Tomorrow is Christmas and it's snowing as ever." Aliera gave him a look, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Louis Tomlinson, it's your 21st birthday. Granted it's also the 24th of December, but you should go out and enjoy yourself." Louis shook his head, cutting up his eggs. 

"I will enjoy myself, in the quiet and warmth of my own home. Thank you though," Louis replied, eating the last of his breakfast. "Thanks for breakfast, darling." Louis told her, kissing her cheek. Aliera smiled, a little sadly, and continued to eat. Harry looked at her, setting his book to the side. 

"Aliera-"

"No, no, it's nothing. I know he's not big on anything about his birthday, being the oldest in his family and all. I'm not worried." Aliera told him, picking up her plate to put it in the sink. "I'll just go give him his gift and be on my way." Harry watched her go with sad eyes, Aliera heading up the stairs to Louis' bedroom.

Aliera knocked twice before entering, Louis pulling on his jeans she did so. Aliera smiled gently, Louis turning his back as he zipped and buttoned his jeans before turning around. "Haven't you ever heard of privacy?" Louis asked, moving to flip through his closet.

"Maybe once or twice. You should wear your patterned gray one, the one you wore a lot when you were younger. It looks nice on you." Louis glanced back from his closet, pulling a plain white t shirt from his closet and then his gray sweater. "Very nice." Louis smiled, pulling the shirt and then his sweater on.

"It's a bit tight, love." Louis told her, straightening out the jumper. Aliera shrugged, setting the gift on his bed, wrapping her arms around his waist. Louis smiled, Aliera's chin on his shoulder. He only had about two or three inches on her, making her a perfect height for her to wrap her arms around his waist or neck. 

"I think it's perfect." She told him, leaning her head on his neck. Louis glanced at his bed through the mirror, finding Aliera's gift on his blankets. Aliera followed his eye line. "Go for it. It's yours."

"You didn't have to get me anything," Louis told her, turning to get the gift anyway, the two of them sitting on the edge of the bed together. Picking it up, he sighed at the snowflakes. "Downsides to having been born Christmas Eve." Aliera shrugged but watched Louis open his gift, pulling a bright red sweater out of the box. "Oh, this is lovely." Louis said, running a hand down the sweater. Soft as cashmere it seemed, making him stop. "What material is this?"

"Don't worry over it. It's beautiful, isn't it?" Aliera asked, smiling. Louis frowned, turning more towards her. 

"How much did this cost?" Louis asked.

"Well that's very rude to ask, Lou. Don't worry about it," Aliera told him, kissing his cheek. Louis looked down at the sweater and then at Aliera as she stood up, and walked out. 

-

"It's a very expensive sweater, I know it is. Why would she do that, spend so much money on me? She's probably been saving that for months." Harry watched Louis pace across the living room. Zayn and Niall and Liam had since come over as well and Zayn and Niall were watching him pace, leaning against the bar as they did. Liam was bustling around the kitchen for something or another, too busy to be watching Louis freak out over a gift.

"I think you're making too much of a fuss about this," Niall observed, sipping his beer. Louis looked over, reaching up to scratch his head. 

"Maybe you're right."

"Of course I am." Niall told him, Zayn elbowing him. "Ow," Niall complained.

"Hey, isn't that your old sweater?" Zayn asked, looking at the patterned one Louis was wearing. The gray material was a bit snug on him but it still looked nice. "Why're you wearing it?"

"Aliera suggested it." Zayn hummed but didn't say anything. "It's a bit snug though." Louis looked at his new sweater and took off his old one to pull on the one Aliera bought him. He felt something scratch his side as soon as he pulled it on, feeling around to find a tag Aliera must've forgot to take off. Pulling it off of the sweater, Louis' eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he saw the price.

"That's it, I'm going over to Aliera's. This is a ridiculous price to pay for a jumper." Louis said, throwing the tag to the side, grabbing his coat and shoes and walking out the door. 

"I actually thought he'd never leave." Liam said, glancing over as Harry was already on his phone to call everyone to come over.

"Right? But how much did Aliera pay for it?" Niall asked, walking around the bar to look at the tag. It turned out that the price was a hefty $275 that they supposed she had mailed in from America. Niall grimaced as he showed the guys, Liam flinching and Zayn shaking his head. It wasn't much of a large spending amount to them but to Aliera, an office secretary and actress trying to get up on her feet, it was a fair amount.

"Lou's going to go mental."

-

Louis knocked rapidly on her door, Aliera shuffling around to open it, startled by Louis standing there, looking so upset. Aliera felt ten times underdressed in her yoga pants, sweater and slippers. 

"Uh, Louis, what're you-"

"275 dollars for a sweater, and not even for yourself? A sweater, I mean really, Aliera?" Louis exploded, stomping into her house. Aliera looked at her feet, closing the door behind him. "How long did you save up for that? I know you get paid well for your job but that is still 275 dollars that shouldn't have gone to me. Why?"

"Because I wanted to. Because I thought you'd like it." Aliera told him, moving past him to her kitchen. 

"275, though? 275? That is ridiculous to spend for anyone on one piece of clothing," Louis berrated her, leaning on her kitchen counter. "Aliera, I can't let you do this."

"But you will!" Aliera told him, lifting her eyes from her mug she was about to fill with hot water for her tea. "You deserve nice things, Louis. You will take that gift and you will do so graciously." Louis looked taken aback. "You have always deserved nice things, Lou. I wanted you to have that."

"Not on your dime, love." Louis told her, walking around the counter to pull her into his arms. Aliera hugged him back, sighing. "I appreciate the thought, I do, love. I just," Louis pulled back to brush her bangs from her eyes, "I don't need high class things from you. I love everything you give me, I don't need fancy things."

"But you deserve them, Lou, you do. And you look so lovely in this jumper." Aliera told him, running her hands down the sleeves of the jumper. Louis smiled, the moment ruined as Aliera's phone went off in the living room. Aliera looked and ran to the living room, picking up her phone and checking the message. "Lou, your toilet is clogged." Aliera told him.

"I told those buggers to stop using so much toilet paper. For God's sake, I should go then."

"Wait, allow me to get dressed and we can go. I always love to see a good verbal whipping toward the boys." Louis chuckled but motioned for Aliera to go and get dressed. When she came back down in black boots, jeans, and a grey shirt with a teal cardigan over it, Louis was a little suspicious. "Shall we?"

"Alright, then," Louis said, though it sounded like a question as Aliera grabbed her checkered coat that she wore for outtings and her black purse. The two of them walked out of the apartment, Louis opening the door for her when they got to his car. 

"Thank you, Lou. What a gentleman." Aliera commented. Louis smiled, closing the door for her and driving them over to his apartment. "So what do you plan on saying to them, Lou?"

"I dunno, probably tell them how to use a plunger and then berrate them for a bit. The usual." Aliera smiled to herself, folding her hands on her legs. The two of them pulled up to the loft building, Louis leading the way to the loft, all the while mumbling about the idiots in his band clogging up his toilet and being dumbasses who have no idea how to work a damn plunger.

Unlocking the door, Aliera leaned over to flick on the light, all of their friends jumping out and giving Louis the heart attack of his life. Louis choked on his own breath, Aliera leaning into his side. 

"Happy birthday, love." Aliera told him, hugging his side. 

"Oh my God, you guys." Harry, Niall, Zayn and Liam came up to him, tackling him in a hug. "I was going to tear your arses to shreds for fucking up my toilet and this is what you did instead. For God's sake." Louis laughed, Aliera moving to the side to greet her friends and the other boys' girlfriends. It felt like a million people inside the small loft, but it was the best party.

Alongside the birthday decorations were Christmas lights and mistletoe and holly. Louis felt overwhelmed as Sarah, Dree and Liz brought out the cake (Niall, Zayn and Harry's girlfriends, respectively), the childish 2 and 1 shaped candles on top. The entire group was singing a loud and slightly off-key (despite the amount of musicians in the room) rendition of 'Happy Birthday', the whole room exploding in cheers as Louis blew the candles out.

As the music started playing and the fact of Louis' birthday started to become blurred with the idea of drinking and being generally rowdy, Louis slipped between people, thanking everyone from his ex-girlfriend, Eleanor, to Harry's boyfriend-except-not-really, Nick Grimshaw for coming, eventually finding Aliera talking to her older sister, Sarah (the same one who is dating Niall)  off to the side. 

"There you are." Aliera smiled, Sarah saying she was gonna go, effectively interrupting Liam and his girlfriend, Alice, dancing as she went, Aliera greeting Louis with a laugh. "You just disappeared as the party started. You okay?" 

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. You having a good time, birthday boy?" Louis smiled, averting his eyes to the ground a bit.

"Yeah, but in about, oh..." Louis check his phone. "1 minute, it will no longer be my birthday and you can no longer call me such a thing."

"Until next year," Aliera reminded him. Louis laughed.

"Exactly. But, you are no longer allowed to make a fuss in about 40 seconds, so is there anything else you want to say?"

"Uhm... happy birthday, hope it's great? Have a good 21st?" Louis shoved her shoulder, Aliera giggling as she became slightly aware of Louis backing her up. 

"What do you really wanna say? 20 seconds, darling."

"You're wonderful, Lou. You deserve everything in the world and..." Louis moved around her, Aliera turning to keep her eyes on him. She felt her back hit something, Louis still staring at her. 

"You were saying?"

"I think I love you." Louis smiled, wrapping an arm around her waist, bringing her close. "Am I out of time?"

"You are now." Aliera looked at his watch, the time ticked to 12.00 am, the 25th of December. "But look up." Aliera looked up, finding herself under a mistletoe on Christmas with Louis Tomlinson.

"You are such a cliche."

"I thought you said you love me?"

"I said 'think', you great oaf." Aliera told him, punching his arm but wrapping her arms around his neck afterward anyway. "But yeah, I think I do."

"Good. Because now you have to kiss me." Aliera shook her head at him, but leaned forward, kiss his anyway. Louis held her head, tangling his fingers in her curls as he did so, holding her close. Aliera could feel nothing but the heat of Louis' body and the firm, warm and sweet press of Louis' lips against hers. 

She pulled away after what felt like hours and she couldn't breath, staring into Louis' crystal blue eyes.

"Happy Birthday, Lou."