I will never fall out of love with spirituality. I can't be unbaptized. I certainly wouldn't choose to be. I am simply no longer chasing after the Jesus I once knew. I won't deny everything I've experienced because it made me who I am. The teachings of Jesus were the reason I was confident in my identity from an early age, and my upbringing in the church built a strong foundation for my belief in having purpose and sharing the gifts I was given.
But it isn't everything.
The further in I got living out “Christianity” and being part of a church, 20 years in, actually, the further away I became from grasping the society I had to live in. Since I've been out of church, I've become accepting of anything and everything. I've loved unconditionally. In church, I was unable to experience anything without trying to analyze it to the view of the Word. And I can’t explain what this is like to a Christian with a fogged up view who has never truly lived a life without Jesus. But to those of you out there that have “fallen” out of church or have decided to no longer be associated with any religion no matter what it is, I feel you.
I know that it’s weird and foreign learning to rebuke that background and mindset of having a god around. It’s possible to think differently, I promise. It just takes time. It took almost 2 years for me to really start not thinking about God with every decision I made. I’ve now arrived to a place where I’m happy. I’m chasing my dreams without the lens of faith. And that’s okay. Maybe I’m even teaching my parents a thing or two...
