Thoughts
It's 5.30 AM and I think about her. Not only, but mainly. I should be learning, but no. I try to find a way to invite her for some wine. Haven't seen her for almost a year - 10 months. It's too long.
My private life isn't much better. My mom died 4 months ago and I feel like shit. Still I feel like that even more when I imagine that I can think about drinking with my tc. It's horrible.
Yet, a moment with her may help me deal with those awful feelings, with the lack of sense in life. I need someone who would pull me up and motivate me to live. She always does that.
Life seems to be a nightmare sometimes. I wish I could spend with her more time. By her I mean my Mom and at the same time I mean my tc. You see, it is totally fckd up.
My brain is like a desert, dead like that. Even now I would love to have some company. I'm scared that she won't answer my message. Or she'll treat me like I'm disturbing her personal space. But can't friends have a glass of wine? I wish I had the courage not to tremble over every text I sent her. But I will.
Is she the only person who may wake me up? I guess she is. The loss of energy is overwhelming. I must meet her this week or next week or I'll just be gone forever to insanity.
