#losingparents

It has been over 3 years since you’ve died. 3. I can still perfectly picture your face or remember your scratchy beard. I remember your voice like it was yesterday, yet it feels like so much time has passed. The hardest part of these past years are the dreams I have of you. Diluted dreams that you are still alive and you were on a long secret mission. You came back in tears telling me how much you’ve missed me, how you wanted to tell me you were still alive for so many years. Protective services made you start a new life and thats why your body wasn’t at the funeral because you never really died. But I wake up and I know you are gone because I saw them zip up your body into a bag and at the time we didn’t have enough money to have your body at the funeral. When all the rationalizations set in, a pit at the bottom of my heart comes back.  Missing you today, 

Hope where ever you are you don’t miss me. I hope there is no pain.