The will, the vessel, and the debt
Iâm what they call power-adjacent, a bit of an obscure way of saying that I like to be in proximity to, but never take power of my own. Iâve spent a lot of time with Luther Aldric, enough to rival that of his own wife. I could bury him with his secrets, but not without burying myself for the lengths I went to to keep them. Thatâs the tradeoff, isnât it? I can bask in force strong enough to shape the world for better or worse, but I consequently canât escape it.
I always knew this day was going to come, but I had foolishly envisioned it as being my choice. I had orchestrated a plan far bigger than myself using my ties with the Annelise and Katarina, had tried to encourage the pieces around the chessboard in the ways Iâve learned from my masters. I put the lockbox in the right hands and waited for the man with the machine in his head to act on its precious contents. The risks were never zero, but the situation was bursting with promise that maybe, just maybe I could pull this off.
Unfortunately, the student has not yet become the teacher; as a matter of fact, I still have a lot left to learn. When I showed up to Lutherâs office that day with a fresh report of shipments arriving coming and going from Radz-at-Han for both his tidy little drug empire back in Eorzea and even more shit his treasure-hoarding wife was plotting to somehow pack into their comically overflowing manse that teetered between opulence and complete gaudy excess, suffice it to say that I was not prepared for the orders he sprung upon me.
âYouâre going to kill Ezen.â
If I looked shocked, I prayed to the gods it didnât show. I felt every muscle in my face lock up in an effort to preserve the nonchalance with which I entered. Of course I said yes, what other option was there? I didnât dig this hole hugging my employerâs enemies into submission, thatâs for goddamn sure, and Ezen had the weighty bollocks to try to assassinate Luther a second time all by himself. As if once hadnât gotten us into this mess to begin with. Unbelievable, this man.
So what did I do? I tracked him down, of course. I look different now, move differently. I took my time, I prepared thoroughly, I pulled every string I could reach out and seize to get home unannounced and start the hunt. I staked out his home in Ulâdah shared with the priestess for far too many days before I finally made my move. I followed him at a distance, unrecognizable, and it wasnât five minutes into the chase that he turned around and just announced in front of the gods and all that he knew I was there.
âHello, Ezen. Letâs keep walking. No need to stop on my account,â I called back cheerfully, as though this were planned, as if this were a casual stroll between two friends who hadnât been separated by time, distance, my own faked death, and loyalties Iâm going to have a fuck of a lot of trouble explaining. âCome on, donât tell me I was obvious.â
He didnât budge. Instead, he held his ground and stared me down with one eye, the other covered strangely by a length of black cloth. âI knew you were going to be here today and I know why youâre here.â
âDonât tell me someone tipped you off.â
âI saw you in my dreams last night,â he said almost distantly. Something wasnât right about him; he seemed both there and not-there. âLuther sent you to finish what he started.â
Itâs tempting in such a situation to completely lose your cool. To be caught out at whatever dirty deed youâre up to and throw caution to the wind, go all in on a hapless gamble. But the truth was far more complicated. There were a thousand questions in the face of just what the hell saw you in my dreams meant here, but it was most important to stay the main course. I could hear the moment threatening to fly past me with every second I said nothing.
âTechnically a right answer, though not the right answer,â I finally conceded. âIâve got some time to get the job done, so thereâs no need to rush it. But you do need to die.â I paused, then tacked on, âAt least, youâve got to appear to die believably enough that I can usher along some other machinations.â Come on now, you didnât really think I was going to do it, did you?
I owe Ezen my life, not just technically, but...sort of literally. It was at Lutherâs beckon that he waded down into the River to pull me out of its deathly grasp with Inika and the vessel Lolah, herself. For months, I slept in his bed when the nightmares were too vivid, when I was held hostage to fear that if I went to sleep, Iâd be back there. I was given purpose again, had life and direction breathed back into me by the Khotgor priest himself. I threw myself into his service out of love and gratitude alike. It was the absolute least I could do, and to kill him after racking up this insurmountable debtâwell, itâs completely fucking unconscionable, you see. I donât have many, but trust that the scruples I do possess are ironclad.
âI wasnât sure,â he began, and I froze in place. He must have known, right? He must have understood that my return to Luther was complex, but that I still knew who had carried out his will in the end. âBut I actually have to kill you, Carisa.â His hand went to his blade and my blood ran cold. That name. I was surely dead.