#lookingforward;)

Its been about 3 months since I finally left home and now I have to go back,pick up a few more things and walk on away to a new and even bigger city. I didn't think that I would miss anything here but I feel that such assumptions are a folly.

It took me a day to recognize the people I'm friends with now.Coming from different parts of the country and different backgrounds and yet identifying yourself with a 'batch number' was interesting to watch.It was a fresh thing for me and I have thoroughly enjoyed it. 

The whole thing resembled a pair of parallel mirrors to me.Seeing myself in a never ending versions without the view ever remaining the same. If there is a thing that I can be truly happy about,it is this mixed,happy-sad feeling I have now that I am stepping forward while looking back... As you get older,responsibilities and the necessities will make you stony on the inside,so its nice to have a memory of all those who touched me and those who I touched,a small thing to cherish until the end of this long life.The memory may fade but I pray it doesn't change...

It is weird how just a small crush can sometimes bring so much color to your life and take away some past stings,so randomly I wrote this parting for my 1st sight crush and now a friend...

Holding on to some hands for a while longer,I'll walk on away from this quiet place.

Some palms I'll leave,some will leave mine,A last look I'll need though to get from you my important piece

You took away my pain,brought color to my eyes,my thoughts and a breath of life in a heartbeat

Wanna call you up at 2am

Just to hear your sleepyhead voice

And take out the truth from your pretty mouth

In your sleepy,hazy phase

I want to bring you closer,melt into me

I want to leave you at peace,set you free

I want to call out and ask for help

I want to be strong and never utter of pain

All of your lovely self,I want for me

But the 'want' should not be something that haunts me

So I walk two steps to you and take one back for me

You and I are becoming parts of a unique melody

Hearing you speak and listening to you breathe

Your words and your silence,they make me fall

These sudden wants for u r confusing me

Its not the first day that I had a single realization over and over.I just trouble remembering all of them.They happen all the time anyway. Ugh! Just when you think its over,another 1 comes up and then I tend to forget the one I had before.

Lately I have realized that I don't miss the person I have the relationship,I miss the warmth of it.You know,someone who is there for you even when family and friends are not.I realize that right now,I actually miss kissing and the embrace of another body or simply the clasp of another hand that says "You are not alone in this". Funny thing is I got these feelings from my second relationship which for the most part was long distance from the very beginning. The more time passes since our breakup,the more I feel that it wasn't supposed to happen from the start.I say this not because I regret it but because it cost me the company of a good person who could have been a good friend had I not jumped into it 'cause of my insecurities.Nevertheless,through that whole phase I realized that sometimes vulnerability makes a fool of you and costs you a lot when you let it control you.Instead of trying to hide my vulnerability for one person,I let myself become vulnerable for another person which incurred me some regrets.I also realized that if you don't love yourself,nobody else can love you long enough either. 

I realized that no matter what I do,those who have to walk away will.It doesn't matter if I let them know what I feel about them or try to be there for them. Ultimately,there will always be certain people you can never hold on to.It hurts when someone walks away or you have to walk away. I have realized that pain is not a feeling that is only given to someone when you hurt them,you incur it upon yourself too. You give it to someone,you take it from someone else.Vicious cycle.And I realize once again that I miss the kiss.All of them,sloppy,wet,pecks,ones on d cheek,ones with tongue tussles. May b I should try kissing a random stranger just as Angie suggests.After all I'll be visiting Delhi in a few days,home to a lot of really cute guys.Now I feel exceptionally excited for the few days of madness coming up...! :D