Prompt: You can’t get over Loki’s death.

Warnings: death, angst

(gif is not mine)

   You laid on your bathroom floor, your bare body feeling the coldness of the tile floor. You huddled under a small towel, as tears slipped from your eyes. You breathed heavily out of your mouth, your nose stuffed up from crying for so long and so hard. It was about 1 in the morning, and you hadn't gotten off your bathroom floor since you stepped out of the shower around 8, earlier that night.

 Loki's face had been running through your mind all day. You could hear his voice as clear as day in your head. You had hoped that a cold shower would help calm your nerves. The cold water always felt as if he were holding you again. As if you were feeling the freezing coldness of his gentle hand on your skin once again. This time, it didn't help at all. It only made things worse.

 "Darling, you have to get up," came his gentle voice. It was so clear, it was so soothing, but you knew it wasn't real. You had watched Thanos squeeze the life out of him, but even in death, he still seemed to be in your head.

 You squeezed your swollen eyes closed, repeatedly telling yourself that it wasn't real. You tried to convince yourself that the voice you ere hearing was due to sleep deprivation, that you just needed to go to bed.

 "Go away, please," You begged quietly. You just wanted to go to sleep. Your body was exhausted from the grief it was trying to process. All your energy had left you earlier that night, all the lights in your bedroom and bathroom still shown brightly down on you. Getting up and walking to your bed seemed like an impossible mission.

 "I can't leave you like this, my love," His voice seemed closer. It was almost as if you could feel his breath on your cheek. The pain that filled your heart only seemed to worsen. The more vivid your imagination got, the worse you began to feel. To stop the voice from continuing, you struggled to drag yourself off the bathroom floor. The task took every ounce of energy you had left. Before you could reach your bed, you picked up one of many shirts that you still had of his and pulled it over your body. Loki had been much taller than you, so his shirts were like a rather short dress on you. The two of you had always loved when you wore them. Loki liked the sight of you in his clothes, you just enjoyed being able to smell him on you.

 You laggardly hit the light switch of your bathroom. The light turned off instantly, crawling from the foot of your bed to the top. You dropped your body. Your head fell on the pillow as you stared out your window at the night sky.

 "Jarvis, turn my light off," You whispered hoarsely.

 The room light switched off, the only light that filled the room was that of the full moon that sat in the sky. Almost immediately after the light turned off, your eyes blinked tiredly. As you opened your eyes once again, there stood an all too familiar figure. His back was to you, but you knew exactly who you were seeing. Your tears began to fall faster as you watched Loki's back. There he stood, staring out your window, in a white tunic and his black leather pants.

 "I've missed you, Y/n," his voice came gently. It was so soothing, yet, so heartbreaking to hear him. You refused to move, refused to say anything in return. You were scared that once you actually acknowledged him, your mind would rip him away from you. "Y/n, why is it that I am the one who has died, and yet, I seem more alive than you?"

 "Did it hurt? When you died," you sighed out, your body too weak to fight your mind. "Because it hurt me, losing you. You left a mark on me. Every word, every smile, every moment we shared. It all left a mark. How do I just erase that mark?"

 "I was only in pain for a moment. Though, all of my happiest memories flashed before my eyes. And you wouldn't believe it," He chuckled slightly. "You were in every single one of them."

 Your tears continued to fall, but the sound of his chuckle brought a small smile to your face. You began to forget that the person who stood just feet away from you was simply a figment of your imagination. For a little while, you let yourself believe that it was truly Loki who stood at your window.

Imagine: You lost Loki to Thanos, you watched the purple being squeeze the life out of him. Loki now watches you from the other side as you struggle to live a life without him.

Loki watched as you sat on the bed you once shared with him. It was mid-day, your nightgown, and sequence robe still on from the night before, your hair a mess as strands fell in your face. He could tell you had not moved all day. The curtains were drawn and the door to the balcony which you once loved to read on, was tightly shut. You sat on the edge of the bed, on his side, holding one of his shirts in your fragile hands. Loki watched as small tears slowly slipped down your already reddened cheeks, as you gripped the soft fabric as tightly as you could in your small hands.

 You stared at the tunic, memories of when he was still alive pouring back into your mind. Your heart broke as you relived each happy memory in your head, the past reminding you of what you no longer had.

Loki watched as your grip on his old shirt got tighter and the tears began to quicker down your face as if they were a never-ending river. Your once silent sobs turned into heavy breathing and small squeaks of the little noise that you were able to get out. He watched as you brought his shirt up, burying your face in it, he could tell you were trying to find his scent. He remembered how you had always loved the way he smelled and after a long day all you wanted to do was snuggle up, him lying on his back in bed and you with your nose in the crook of his neck, while he held you close, both arms wrapped around you. His heart broke as he watched you, wishing nothing more than to hold you and reassure you that everything was going to be okay.

 You buried your face in Loki's old shirt, doing your best to find any remaining scent of his on it. You searched desperately for just one little spot, even a small hint of his smell, but found nothing. You grew angry and tried to throw his shirt as hard as you could across the room, though it only flew a couple of feet away, slowly floating to the ground.  You harshly pushed yourself off the bed, walking towards the large wardrobe which still held most of your husband's clothing. Odin and Thor had wished for you to rid yourself of Loki's belongings, hoping it would do you good to learn to live without his presence, but Frigga understanding you argued on your behalf. She argued that it was your right to keep what you wanted of Loki's and to rid yourself of it once you were ready if you were ever ready.

As you reached the wardrobe, you ripped open the two large doors. You let them swing open, they stopped with a bang as they hit the wall behind. You began furiously ripping his clothes from their holders, throwing them wherever your heart desired. You grabbed a shirt that had once been Loki's favorite, you held it in your hands your breathing still heavy with rage. You stared at it for a couple of seconds, reminiscing.

Loki watched from the other side as he saw you lose yourself, ripping his clothes from their resting place. He watched as angry tears rolled down your face, he watched as your heart cried out in pain through your actions. He had tears quietly fall from his eyes as he watched as the love of his life broke because his life had been lost. You sucked in a tight breath, throwing his shirt from your hands and continuing your original task. His heart tore in two as you ripped the final piece of clothing from the wardrobe, screaming in anger and agony as you turned around to see the mess you had created.

Only moments after your angry scream left your mouth did you hear the thunderous footsteps of your brother-in-law. You stared at Loki's clothes that lay scattered across your bedroom floor, pain shooting through you as you realized that he would not be coming to pick you up from the breakdown you were having.

As your bedroom door flew open, Thor burst through the doorway, Mjölnir in hand. His face was cold and ready to fight, however, once he realized there was no danger his face softened. Thor found your small body standing, staring at the ocean of Loki's clothes you had created. His eyes saddened as they met your puffy, bloodshot ones, tears still rolling down your face. He was quick to drop his hammer, and move so he could pull you into a tight hug. You collapsed as you were pulled into the safety of Thor's arms, your sobs breaking through once again.

Loki simultaneously fell, as you did.  He watched as his brothers embrace caught you, your knees collapsed and your body gave way. As both you and Thor sunk to the marble floor, so did Loki. He sat on his knee, pain shooting through him as he watched his older brother hold what broken pieces of you that he could, together. He sat on his knees, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He watched as you sobbed out for him, you begged him to come back, you begged Thor to bring him back. Thor could do nothing but hold you and do his best to comfort you, but Thor was at a loss of words. Loki could tell that Thor knew there was nothing he could do to ease your pain, Thor only sat and held you tightly, stroking your hair, trying to calm you down. Loki watched as you continued to cry, each one of your sobs breaking his soul even more, as he could only watch, unable to do nothing as your heart continued to break over and over again.

"I need him here Thor, I need to kiss him and have him hold me." You sobbed, tears still pouring down your cheeks. You pushed yourself out of Thor's arms, earning a worried look from the blonde, God of Thunder.  You sat back on your knees grabbing one of Loki's many shirts that you had thrown to the ground in your moment of rage and pain, once again you brought the fabric to your face. You rubbed it's softness against your face, your breathing finally slowing. "He was the only one I ever loved, I need him." You stared at the wall, unable to see your dead husband sitting right in front of you.

Loki stared back at you, he knew you couldn't seem him, but it brought him a small amount of comfort as he looked deep into your eyes. Unbeknownst to you, you sat facing your husband, both of you on your knees, both of you trying to mend your broken hearts. Loki had small tears falling as he listened to the words you spoke, of how you needed him, of how you only loved him. He watched as your head fell, as you laid your head in the fabric his shirt that lay in your hands. For one last time Loki slowly moved closer, he gently wrapped his arms around your fragile body, pulling you as close as he could get you. He wasn't sure if you could feel him, but he could feel you, the warmth of your body. He felt you begin to cry and began to play with strands of your hair, as he had done when you had, had a bad day.

You don't have to wonder if he's pissed, because... it's 100% obvious.

When Loki is mad, he might hold it in. He lets small things go rather quickly and brings his mischievous, fun self into most things. However, if it's something important to him...

not only is he yelling, but he's crying.

I mean, throughout every single movie you see these same expressions. If Loki is mad he's got tears in his eyes. If Thor is mad the rage shows in his eyes.