Simon, who has been scarred and put through hell and mutated: Sometimes, I don't even think I understand what it means to be human anymore... I wonder if I ever knew...
Grace, who has never felt like he Fit Quite Right Anywhere: Ha. Same, man!... I- I'm sorry, that's not helpful-
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"I'm not worth all this." Simon said, his voice breaking through the comfortable silence he and Grace had settled into moments ago. Rocky was asleep behind them, and they were both leaned against the protective dome encircling Rocky- a projection of a forest at night played on the screens surrounding the three of them.
Grace looked over at Simon, confused and worried. Simon didnât like that expression on him. He preferred him smiling. He wanted to reach out and smooth the wrinkles between his eyebrows, but he refrained. He didn't deserve to touch him. He didnât.
"I, um," Grace laughed awkwardly and immediately hated himself for the reaction, but he really wasn't sure how to proceed here, "Si, that's- what do you mean?" Simon let out a grunt in response, his face contorting to form a sort of uncomfortable grimace. He had a hard time articulating his feelings. It wasnât exactly something Eden found important to teach. This wasnât a feeling though, it was fact. And yet, he still couldnât figure out how to put it in the right words.
"Itâs-" he started, interrupting himself to huff, "it's just-... I've- I've done... awful things, and-" 'You deserved to die,' a voice rung out in his head, 'You deserve to rot. Life is wasted on you. You would do far better as fertilizer. That is your purpose.' Simon drew in a long, shaking breath, "I'm not worth your time. Or your resources. I shouldn't-"
"Simon," Grace interrupted, his voice unwavering- expression serious and bold. His brow was still wrinkled, but something about the intensity of Grace's eyes made the expression less offensive to Simon than it had been prior. He felt pinned under Grace's gaze now though, like a butterfly to a board. Grace pressed on, as though the sudden intensity hadn't completely discombobulated Simon.
"I need you to understand that I don't care what you did. Whatever it was, it's in the past. If you ever want to talk about it- to talk through it, I'm here- but it does not condemn you. Not to me. Alright?" Grace's pupils darted slightly about Simon's face, waiting for a response that didnât want to come. Simon was completely thrown. He had never had anyone look at him like that, and it was... it was too much. He suddenly stood, heart pounding, staring down at Grace. Grace's eyes had followed him up, and he seemed so surprised- so concerned. Simon couldn't take it.
He fled the room, grateful for the fact that Grace didn't seem to be following him, though he did hear him call his name as he left. He paused in one of the halls of the Hail Mary, resting against a wall and catching his breath. He put his head in his hand, his mind rushing. He peered at the ground through his fingers. Pristine white. Like most of the things in the place. He could feel his face against the palm of his hand. It felt... hot. Was he mutating again? He felt like he couldn't hold onto a single coherent thought, like he was going to throw up or something- and then Grace's face flashed through his mind. The piercing gaze he had just been caught beneath, then him smiling- laughing, and then him asleep at his desk after passing out while working... Simon knew what this was. He'd just- he'd never experienced it personally. His hand slowly balled into a fist, fingers clawing not so gently against his skin as he shut his eyes tight.
Instead of them meeting during or after Grace's time in space, what if Simon appears on the Hail Mary while Grace is still in a coma? So he wakes up in this huge ship that he's never seen before and has to fix himself up alone, by himself, with whatever medical equipment he can manage to get his hands on (and likely with Mary's help, once he learns to trust her).
Anyway, he appeared there a couple months away from when Grace would wake up, so Simon is slowly learning things about the mission. He learns they came from Earth- argues with Mary about that being impossible until he looks out the windows and sees all the stars. He still refuses to believe it fully, but he can't help but hope. He's been surviving off VERY meager rations bc he knows that Grace will wake up eventually, but he knows the rest of the crew is dead (he had asked Mary about this at one point).
When Grace finally wakes up, Simon is there waiting- staring at him. He had planned to attack him, to threaten him- demand answers. But he's been alone for so long that even as he desperately WANTS to do that, he just hugs him instead.
Just- imagine the emotional toll that would take on both of them. Of Grace slowly remembering the crew and realizing this man is not with them. That they're gone and some random GUY is alive on the ship.
Imagine Simon's disappointment and fear as he realizes Grace doesn't know what's going on either.
I still have not seen either movie, so I may be way off base here, BUT!
I feel like Grace has a hard time going to sleep. He has too many ideas, too much he wants to research, to DO! But, once he goes to sleep- either at his computer or work station or, if he can manage it, his actual fucking BED, he's out. Could not be woken for anything less than an actual life or death emergency.
I feel like Simon (at least after getting a bit more comfortable with other people being near him) can go to sleep fine. He can lay there, close his eyes, and he'll just go to bed. He can't STAY asleep, though. He has horrific nightmares that constantly force him awake basically the second he starts to dream. Either that, or the smallest noise- a snore, a bump, a shift in the earth- wakes him immediately. Any sound, any slight movement. He's on high alert and ready to FIGHT.
I feel like both of these things make it difficult once they're in a relationship and want to share a bed. Simon can't sleep unless Grace is in the room, and Grace has a hard time coming to bed. Once Grace IS there, he's constantly woken by Simon, who is woken by Grace moving around. I feel like they'd have to work through some of that together and might even eventually decide that sleeping together just Isn't Worth It, but they still love each other and I feel like Simon would still want to stay in Grace's room/bed until Grace fell asleep, and then he'd slip off to his own room to Have Nightmares.
Then one night, he accidentally falls asleep in Grace's bed, because Grace rolled over and held him too tight... and he doesn't wake up from nightmares that night. He does wake up when Grace shifts, or when he snores, but only for a moment, and he hears him stir and feels Grace's arms around him, and he smiles a little, and he falls back asleep. And they realize they can finally share a bed now.
Idk. This is all probably Wildly inaccurate. I will likely delete this after I see the movies and realize I am a FOOL, but alas. I wanna interact with this fandom so badddd pls don't flay me alive đ
A snippet from my BloodyMary fanfic? About how they both sleep stupid? Starting from (mainly) Rocky's POV about how stupid these humans(?) are? Woooaahhhh... Who would do such a thing... that's crazy...
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"I fell in love with a man, and I turned him into a myth. After that, he got too big for his britches and decided he wanted nothing more to do with me." Jaskier laughed mournfully and took a hand through his hair, moving it out of his face, "... Not really, of course... but it sounds much more poetic that way, doesn't it?"
A section from a geraskier fanfic I'm thinking about working on. Thoughts?
Chapter 2 of Before I Wake is here! I am including the text under the cut here, just in case y'all don't feel like going to another website, which is real of you. (Nearly 4000 words)
Simon found it oddly unfortunate that he couldnât prove that Grace had been lying about how he had appeared. Mostly because it would make it easier to continue distrusting them. It wasnât that he didnât want to, he just knew it wasnât wise. He had spent so much of his life up to this point being tricked and used. He wasnât about to let it happen again. Simon had just stared at Graceâs hopeful expression after being shown the footage, then turned and walked away. Grace had asked him where he was going, but he had simply chosen not to respond. He just walked- walked until he found a window, and then he found he couldnât budge from that spot. The stars- the stars he hadnât seen in so long- billions of them.
He stayed there for a while, constantly shifting through sorrow, fear and anger- like he couldnât figure out what state of mind to be in. He felt like he was fucking losing it. He managed to tear himself away from the window eventually and found his way to the bathroom. There was an actual mirror in there. He could look himself over. He didnât like what he saw. Mottled scarring on the left half of his face, surrounding that eye- the eye that reminded him so much of⌠of what he had seen. Whatever it was, he couldnât be sure. What was he meant to believe? That God was real and fucking hated him, or that he was hallucinating from the alcohol poisoning and radiation and dehydration and whatever the hell else? Neither made sense, considering where he was. If God hated him, he wouldnât be alive, and hallucinations couldnât bring anyone back from the dead. Though, that did pose the concern that the Hail Mary- that everything that had happened to him after his presumed death- was a hallucination. That seemed like the easiest thing to believe. Then again, if that were the case, that would mean there was no point in distrusting Grace and- what was its name again? Rocky? Fitting, Simon guessed, though that didnât matter.
He hadnât realized he had left the bathroom until he returned back to what he assumed was the main area of the ship, where Rocky and Grace were fervently discussing him. He glanced over Graceâs shoulder, reading some of the words. Reading âMerman???â almost got a chuckle out of him. Almost. Still, there was the matter of the fact that these two seemed to view him as some sort of⌠subject. Like a fucking amoeba or something. Something to be studied. Part of him knew he should be scared, but another part of him- the cynical part of him- couldnât give a ratâs ass. What was this but another use someone could put him to? Furthering science or some bullshit like that- like he had been sent to his death to do before. He came up behind the two of them.
âWhat the fuck is thi-â he didnât even get to finish speaking before Rocky started letting out a shrill, musical shrieking sound, which Grace sort of mimicked, just less musically. Simon was a bit startled, slightly amused, and maybe a bit hurt, though he could imagine his presence had startled them more than the⌠whatever was wrong with him that they seemed so fascinated by. Still, he couldnât help but feel that was definitely part of the reason. He was a monster, as maybe he always had been- a butcher. He could hear that voice again- grating at the back of his mind. He had been trying to block it out, but it was everpresent- mocking him. Hating him. Part of him wondered if he was just imagining it as a separate voice, since he found it difficult to disagree with what it said. He forced it out regardless, though. He didnât want to hear it. Not now.
âJeez, Simon!â Grace laughed sheepishly and pushed his glasses back up his nose, âYou startled us-â
âHuman scary!â Rocky interjected, waving his arms about. He seemed⌠angry, maybe? Simon couldnât tell. He wasnât a fan of the little fucker either, so he guessed the feeling was at least mutual.
âSays the spider made of rocks.â Simon retorted, grumbling slightly.
âRocky not spider! Rocky Eridian! Eridian beautiful!â Rocky stamped one of his appendages on the ground indignantly and Simon rolled his eyes. Yeah. Rocky was definitely not a fan of him. Though, he wasnât exactly helping the thing to like him more.
âUh-huh. Anyway,â he turned his attention to Grace, who was standing rather awkwardly to the side, his hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, âWhatâs that?â He gestured past Grace and Rocky to the whiteboard behind them.
âMh- oh- oh, that?â Grace pointed a thumb behind himself, âThatâs- itâs nothing, just- I- well,â Grace sighed, âSorry. Itâs just- youâre the second alien lifeform Iâve ever encountered, and Iâve learned so much from Rocky, so-â
âIâm not a fucking alien!â Simon shouted, and he noticed the ship seemed to waver- or maybe the air around him. He had done that before- when he had yelled at Grace earlier. He couldnât understand why that was happening. Maybe it had to do with the everything that seemed to be wrong with him.
âI- well- I-I mean, weâve never sent- technically weâre all aliens, if you think about it! I-Iâm as much an alien to Rocky as he is to me, and you-â Simon watched Grace think better of what he was saying in real time- watched him shut his mouth tight with an audible âclickâ. He glanced back to the whiteboard and then- âI donât⌠I donât want to do anything to make you uncomfortable, Simon. You⌠youâre already dealing with a lot as is, and-â
âOh, yeah,â Simon scoffed, âLike you give a shit-â
âBut I do!â Grace insisted, and Simon hated the earnestness his expression held- the way he seemed so desperate to have Simon believe him- to trust him. Simon knew better, though. He knew better, âI- I donât want this to feel like-... I donât know what happened to you, or where you came from, or- I-I want answers, believe me, and I bet you wish I had more answers than just to say you âappearedâ, but Iâve got nothing. I donât want you to feel- fudge, itâs just- itâs been so long since Iâve been around another human, I-â
âWait, wait, wait- what the hell was that?â Simon was no longer concerned with whatever placation Grace was attempting to force on him, this took precedent.
â... What⌠what was what?â Grace asked, glancing around nervously.
âOkay, you- you said fudge. What is fudge, and how- why bring it up?â
â... You⌠donât know what fudge is?â Grace blinked at Simon, and his bewildered expression kind of pissed Simon off, for some reason.
âNo, I donât. Just- what is it?â
âWell, um⌠itâs a dessert. Made of chocolate-â
âChocolate? Really? Why the hell would you just say that for no reason?â
âI- well, I didnât? Itâs- itâs a replacement for, um- for a different word. Also starts with an âfâ-â
â... So youâre telling me that you, a grown ass man, just unironically sensored yourself? On purpose?â Simon jeered, but this time he smirked a little bit. He saw some odd expression pass over Graceâs face, but it left as soon as Simon returned his expression to the natural frown he had worn pretty much since he first entered that stupid fucking sub.
âI- well-â And now Grace had seemed to feel he had the right to be upset about Simon pointing it out, âI used to be a teacher! I canât just⌠go around cursing in front of them, now can I?â
â... Youâre a teacher? No offense- or, full offense really, you just- you seem so⌠soft.â Simon knew what teachers were like. They were angry, often vindictive, and didnât like it when you challenged their beliefs. Simon knew that from experience.Â
âWh- thatâs not tru-â
âIs true, statement.â Rocky interjected suddenly, âGrace leaky, squishy space blob. Soft.â Okay, so maybe Rocky wasnât so bad. That was pretty funny.
âThatâs- Rocky, you stay out of this!â Grace snapped, though it seemed playful, and Rocky made a few bouncy, shrill noises. Laughter, maybe? It seemed like laughter. Simon watched the two of them rib each other for a minute- laughing together like theyâd known each other for years. Simon couldnât comprehend any of this.
Once the tension had been broken, Grace and Rocky took their time explaining everything to Simon- why Grace had left Earth, how long the two of them had been traveling for, and how long they still had to get to Erid. Simon listened intently, asking occasional questions even though he figured they were probably useless, since he might not be getting real answers. Learning they werenât returning to Earth wasnât a shock- they wouldnât be able to keep up whatever weird lie this was if they did. Or hallucination. Or after life- he really wasnât sure what to believe anymore, honestly.
The next thing he questioned was about the stars being eaten. Simon said theyâd been gone for years- since he was a boy, just like the plants. Grace offered up the theory that maybe he was from an alternate universe where their mission failed. Simon said it was horseshit. Rocky asked what that word meant.
The day passed by fairly uneventfully. Simon felt like he wasnât really gaining any real information, but it didnât hurt to pretend that he believed them. It might make them more forthcoming with information in the future, if he went along with whatever was happening here- gained their trust without trusting them in return. He wasnât sure they were actually heading to any planet at all. For all he knew, he was just there to be experimented on, and all the rest of what they had said was just to keep him complacent⌠Actually, that seemed pretty reasonable.
Once again, he felt fear and anger creep in, but that was still unable to bubble up past the surface of his indifference. So what? So what if he would be experimented on alive until he was of more use to them dead? What difference did it make? He had wanted to live so badly, but what good had life ever done for him anyway?
â... Simon!â Graceâs voice pulled Simon from his thoughts, and he immediately reached to grab him around the neck, eyes blazing- fuck. So much for gaining their trust. He released Grace quickly, who coughed and rubbed at his neck. He felt lucky that Rocky wasnât there. He had no grasp on what an âEridianâ was capable of fighting-wise, but he didnât want to find out.
âAck- r-right, my bad. Sorry.â Grace choked out as he stepped back. Simon couldnât fathom why Grace was apologizing to him, considering that Grace was the one that had just gotten choked, but whatever. Simon glanced down at his hand, and for a moment it was covered in blood- roots spreading through. He shut his eyes tight, took a deep breath, then opened them again.
âWhat do you want?â
âI-I was just, um,â Grace cleared his throat, forcing himself to stop wheezing, âI wanted to tell you that Rocky and I were heading to bed, and that you should come with, but then I got worried that I was standing right in front of you and you couldnât hear me, so I yelled to get your attention and-â
âWhy would- you sleep together?â
âWell, yeah, we- not like that! I- Iâm not propositioning you, if thatâs-â
âThatâs⌠not at all what I was thinking, no.â Simon darted his eyes off to the side, now sort of uncomfortable. âI just think itâs⌠weird. Why would you- like in the same bed, or-â
âOh! Right, well- well, I sleep in my bed, and Rocky sort of sleeps next to it. He likes to watch me sleep-â
âCreepy-â
âNo, no! Itâs- itâs part of his culture. Eridians have to watch each other sleep because they become paralyzed. They watch over each other because they canât protect themselves during sleep.â Grace explained the concept very simply, as though he wasnât telling the most dangerous person there his best friend and fellow crewmateâs greatest weakness. Either this guy was some sort of secret powerhouse, or he was a fucking idiot. Simon decided on the latter.
âOh. Huh. Alright, gotcha. Do I have to come?â
âI mean- I guess not, no. I just figured- I donât know what I figured, actually.â He chewed the inside of his cheek, âIâll- Iâll make you a pallet on the floor or something-â
âWerenât there 3 other people on this ship? Donât they have beds?â
âWell, yes, but theyâre pretty cramped. I donât actually sleep in mine. I, uh⌠Rocky and I mainly sleep in the lab or in a pallet I made for myself in the projection room.â Grace pulled his glasses down to hang below his chin as he spoke, âI could make you one nearby, or further away- whatever makes you more comfortable.â
â... Farther.â Simon answered after a moment, and he could have sworn that Grace almost seemed hurt by that. He doubted that, though. He was imagining things, clearly. He didnât realize he was that fucking desperate for someone to care about him that he chose to imagine that Grace did. Honestly, he made himself sick.
Grace led him off to some random spot on the Hail Mary, where he set up some blankets and makeshift pillows for Simon. Simon didnât thank him. Grace didnât seem to mind. When he finished, Grace left with a barely audible âgoodbyeâ, and Simon was just⌠alone. Alone with these soft, colorful blankets and a bundle of shirts to lay his head on. He laid down once Grace was gone. He hated to admit it, but he was exhausted. He needed the rest. He drifted off basically the second he closed his eyes.
Red. A sea of it. It stretched on for miles. A giant eye. A mouthful of teeth. A ripping sensation. A scream. A sob. Eyes burning. Lungs burning- filling- wheezing-
Simon sat straight up, his breathing heavy and ragged, a scream caught in his throat. He brought a trembling hand to his face. He could hardly breathe- he could still see blood. It was seeping up through the floor. He was going to drown. He was drowning. He couldnât breathe. He was dying all over. He was dying, he was dying, he was dying-
Hands on his shoulders. Who⌠who would be here⌠he felt like he was being pulled from the blood ocean. A tugging. A voice that sounded like it was underwater shouted his name. He could hardly understand what it was saying, but he could feel its presence. He couldnât help himself. He leaned in- face pressed against whoever or whatever it was. They were warm. His hand scrambled for hold at its back. He sobbed into some soft, warm space. He could hear it swallow. He couldnât open his eyes. He refused. He would just see blood again if he did.
âItâs⌠itâs gonna be okayâŚâ He heard the voice mutter, clearer now. Grace, he realized belatedly, âYouâre okay. Y-youâre safe⌠Iâve got youâŚâ Graceâs voice cracked a bit as he spoke. He was crying. Simon couldnât fathom why. He didnât have the energy to.
When Simon inevitably returned to himself, he pulled away from Grace like he had been burned. He got a good look at his face then- his eyes red-rimmed with tears, the tracks having left damp marks down his cheeks. He looked even more hurt by Simon shoving him away, and as hard as he tried, he couldnât begin to understand it. He couldnât understand any of this.
âGo,â he said, voice still shaking, despite having calmed down considerably.
âSimon, I- are you sure, you-â Grace reached out for him, and Simon immediately drew back further.
âGo!â He repeated, shouting this time. His voice seemed to shake the walls- making them thrum for a moment. Grace pulled his hand back toward himself- against his chest, fist clenched. He said nothing. He just got up silently and left. Simon felt a familiar sensation burning through him- boring a hole in his gut. Guilt. Despite him not trusting Grace, not trusting himself- despite being unsure about anything in regards to his surroundings- he still felt guilty. Guilty for hurting Grace. He didnât want to hurt anyone. He wasnât a butcher. He wasnât he wasnât-
âYou are.â Came that voice- the voice that had haunted him since heâd woken. The voices he had thought he was hallucinating. They didnât seem like hallucinations anymore, though. He could pick out Avaâs voice among them. He had gotten her killed. He-
âYou are a murderer, Simon. A killer. Destruction follows you, Butcher-â Simon put his hands over his ears as he began heaving again. He laid down like that, trying to sleep. He was so fucking tired. He held his eyes tightly shut, praying to whatever entity might still be willing to listen to him that this nightmare would end.
He didnât get his wish. Sleep never found him that night, not fully. He slept in intervals of seconds, awoken by that same nightmare, by random noises from halfway across the ship, and his own fucking breathing. He had always been a sort of light sleeper, but it had never been nearly that bad. He groaned as he sat up from the floor, scrubbing hard at his face in hopes that he could somehow wipe his tiredness away. It didnât work. Of course it didnât. He sighed heavily before he stood, his movements unsure and shaky. From lack of sleep, residual fear, or a need to eat- he couldnât be sure. He could at least fix the hunger issue. Or, he hoped he could. He wasnât really sure. He ended up getting his answer when he overheard Grace and Rocky talking.
âGrace hardly have food for self!â Rocky was saying, âGrace no share food with merman!â
âOkay- Rocky, he isnât a merman, that- that was mostly a joke, I just- look, heâs gotta eat something. Iâm not gonna let him starve to death.â Grace muttered as he stirred⌠something. Simon had no idea what Grace could possibly have been making, but it smelled better than anything he had ever experienced, and he found himself wandering further into the room without fully thinking about it. Rocky and Grace turned around quickly when they heard his footsteps, and Simon froze where he was. For a moment, he considered apologizing, since he felt like he had somehow entered where he wasnât welcome, but then he remembered that they likely brought him here⌠Maybe. He really needed to decide what he thought was happening here and stick with it. The situation was confusing enough without him overcomplicating it by deciding all possible reasons for his being there were occurring at once. He cleared his throat,
âWhatâs that?â He gestured towards the small steaming cups that Grace had prepared. Grace seemed confused.
â... Youâve never seen ramen before?â Grace asked, picking up both cups and holding one out to Simon. It looked⌠good. Smelled fucking amazing, too. And it was warm. He took the cup from Grace, holding it closer to his nose. Yeah, that was heavenly-
âAs if you deserve even a fraction of heaven-â Simon jerked his head to the side, as though that would somehow toss the voice out. It seemed to at least interrupt its speaking. Grace was looking at him strangely now, though. Simon chose to simply not comment on it.
âThis smells⌠interesting.â He said, lifting up the fork that Grace had been using to stir it.
â... Simon, what foods have you had?â Grace asked, and he almost sounded concerned- Simon wasnât reading that right, clearly. Intrigued, then? No, that felt wrong, too.
â... Why? Is this part of your science shit, or-â
âWh- no, no! Youâll know when thatâs happening, Iâll warn you, trust me,â so they were going to experiment on him. He knew it, âNo, itâs just- well⌠you seem to be sort of out of the loop about a lot of things. I just want to know exactly how much you need explained to you.â Grace is so gentle in the way he speaks- soft in a way Simon wasnât used to hearing from anyone but his mother. He could hardly remember her face anymore. It had been so long, and he had experienced so much, but he remembered her voice- the way she would promise him that everything would be alright. He missed those days. Missed them desperately.
â... Simon?â Grace asked quietly, having learned now that he shouldnât startle the man. Simon still jumped though, nearly spilling some of the ramen in his cup.
âI- oh, right, um⌠nutrient bars. Thatâs⌠yeah. Thatâs it. Sometimes, the nutrients came in packets instead of bars. The bars were for when times were real tough⌠and they usually were.â Simon stared into the liquid in his ramen, watched it darken to red- becoming thick. He tore his gaze away, looking to Grace instead, who seemed sort of uncomfortable suddenly.
â... Oh. Well, um⌠I bet the ramen probably tastes better than that?â Grace laughed a bit awkwardly and quickly started eating from his cup. Simon watched him do it. He could mimic the action better that way. He took his fork and twisted it around in the noodles, watching them wrap around it. He lifted the fork, and a large bite of âramenâ came up with it. Efficient. He put the bite in his mouth and immediately groaned at how delicious it was. It was warm and soothing- felt like a hug for the mouth, almost.
âWow. You, uh⌠you really like that, huh?â Grace smiled a little bit.
â... Simon weird. Statement.â
â... Youâre weird,â Simon retorted, and then belatedly added, âStatement.â
âCâmon, letâs not fight. We clearly all got off on the wrong foot, so letâs- letâs just try to be civil. Okay?â Grace looked between the two of them. Begrudgingly, the both assented.
âGreat! Now, onto business,â and suddenly Grace started launching into a laundry list of different tests they needed to run on Simon, adding in a reminder to add Simon's name to Rocky's word list. Simon didn't need Grace to pretend the experiments were for his benefit, though Grace kept insisting most of them were to make sure he would be able to survive on the ship for as long as they would be there. Simon wasn't an idiot, though. He could tell that, even if this wasnât meant to specifically further some sort of progress for Grace personally or humanity as a whole, he was just generally⌠fascinated by Simonâs mutations. Simon couldnât say he felt the same. He was disgusted by them. Still, it was nice that Grace wasnât, he guessed⌠even if however he actually felt about them was honestly weirder. Still, Simon would play along. He had nothing better to do- no where else to go. Simon couldnât help but feel a sense of shame over his complacency, though.Â
He had wanted to live so badly in that sub- all he had wanted to do was live. Now, he had been granted new life, albeit likely fabricated, and he couldnât care less anymore about dying or not. He had gotten Ava killed over his desire to live, and where he may not feel the need to mourn her loss for betraying him, the guilt still remained. A heavy weight upon his shoulders- his iron cross to bear.
Blood and sinew. A body being sewn back together by the very thing that sought to destroy it. A flash of blinding light. Darkness. Endless darkness that goes on for ages. Ages. Ages.
The light blinds again as eyes crack open. Pain. Horrid pain that can hardly be described. A mouth opens that does not feel like his. Noise exits, the pain crescendos, the darkness returns.
The next time the light flashes, it is dimmed by a silhouette that is haloed by that same blinding light. An angel. Must be. What sort of angel would come for him, though? What sort of angel would wish to save such a wretched man? An arm reaches for it- just one- the pain returns. He turns his head and coughs harshly. The light is less blinding as he looks down upon white sheets splattered with red- red that had come from him. From his mouth. He feels sick. He feels dizzy. The darkness returns.
He does not open his eyes this time. He can't force himself to. He hears a voice. It's soothing.
"... a teacher is nice and all, but sometimes- sometimes those kids really just want to get a rise out of you, y'know? I once had a whole argument with this kid Jeremy-" The voice also speaks a lot. He doesn't mind, though. It is still soothing. He feels he could smile, almost. Something tells him he shouldn't.
He lays like that for what must be days. Conscious, but eyes still closed- like he doesn't trust himself to open them. He remembers things in fragments over the course of those days. He remembers the sub, the blood, the voices, the pain. He doesn't want to open his eyes. To greet the pain. To greet whatever reality he has entered now- whatever new horror wishes to befall him... But it may not be horror after all.
Over these few days he has remembered much, but he has also learned much. Learned about where he is- the Hail Mary. Hail Mary. It felt fitting, considering how comfortable he was- how kind the odd one-sided companionship he had been provided was. One was human. He called himself Grace. So did the other, an Eridian, Simon had overheard. He didn't know what that was, but he knew it was an alien. He had figured that another reason to stay asleep, but he heard it talk with Grace enough times to know it likely wasn't hostile. Grace called it Rocky. Simon doubted that was actually its name, or even an approximate translation, but that didn't seem to matter.
As time went on, Simon learned more than names and jobs, though those seemed to be important. Grace was a teacher and scientist. Rocky was a scientist, too. Simon had wondered- had feared- that they intended to experiment on him, but he had been pretending to sleep for some time. He doubted now that that was the case. Grace liked Skittles, and he missed bananas. Simon didnât know what Skittles were. He had heard of bananas, but if he had ever had one, he couldn't remember it.
Rocky had a mate, back on his home planet. Grace called him Adrien. Again, Simon doubted that was actually his name. Adrien lived on Erid, where Rocky was from- where they were apparently headed. A planet. Simon knew all the planets were gone. It was a trick, he had assumed initially. A lie. But, he eventually surmised that Rocky and Grace had no reason to lie to each other, and no reason to lie around him as he couldn't hear them, as far as they knew.
Simon tried to wake once- to move. He had heard Grace's gentle speaking- his endless prattling on- slow and slur and stop. At first, he assumed he had fallen asleep talking, as he sometimes did, but then he heard the sound of a body hitting the ground. Not sleep. Fainting- something to that effect. He had tried to make himself move- to open his eyes- but he was useless. Lost to the world. How long had that been true? Why hadn't he tried to move before? He had to help- had to help- his body felt like it was burning up suddenly. Loud beeping followed, and then he heard scuttling, and then Rocky's panicked intonations. Good. Rocky could help Grace. At least someone around wasn't fucking useless.
Grace was severely malnourished, Simon came to know eventually. Rocky was berating him for passing out. That was how he learned. It seemed there weren't a lot of rations left on the ship. Simon couldn't help but feel guilty. He was being kept alive through some means- that meant he had to be getting something. Probably not food, but still- something Grace might need that he was using. Wasting. It was wasted on him. Wasted on a convict. On a butcher.
Months passed. He thought, anyway. He could guess. He could hear Grace counting down months occasionally- calculating time and diatance to Erid. One month left- one more? Maybe Simon could wake up then. He wanted to wake up. He wanted to see the man's face. Wanted to. Needed to.
The month went by quickly enough. Simon felt his bed moved out, heard clambering and musical intonations all overlapping as he was rolled... somewhere. He had no way of knowing. A few hours went by. Or minutes. Maybe days, he didnât know. It didn't matter, though. Because, suddenly, he could open his eyes.
He squinted, his eyes adjusting, though the lights weren't as violently bright as before. The man was silhouetted again- looked like an angel again. But angels didn't faint from starvation. Angels didn't go hungry. Angels didn't get hungry. As Simon's vision became clearer, he saw a gaunt man leaning over him, smiling. Smiling bright and wide, tears brimming his eyes. Simon had never seen someone so beautiful in his life. His hand reached up, cupping Grace's cheek. Grace didn't know Simon- not really- but Simon knew Grace, and Grace was perfect. Despite not knowing him, Grace leaned his head into Simon's hand, eyes closing. He had clearly missed experiencing touch. Simon had heard him say so once or twice.
"Welcome home." Grace said, voice cracking slightly as he opened his eyes again. Simon felt himself smile. Yes. Home.
