#logicallyvulcan

There was a fluttering in Jim’s chest and he literally couldn’t keep still no matter how much Bones tried to help calm him. It was finally happening. Spock and him were getting married. Yeah, they’d already been bonded by Vulcan terms— he’d been nervous then, too— but now was a little different. This was something he’d always known about and thought he’d never do. He never even gave it a second glance.

Now was completely different and he didn’t want to screw this up.

He’d practically jumped out of his skin when his mom finally walked in. The look on her face calmed him slightly since now he could worry about her. They hugged and she was tearing up. Seemed to be an emotional day for everyone which only served to bring Jim’s frayed nerves back into the equation. However, it wasn’t until they finally got to walking down the aisle that Jim’s heart almost exploded out of his chest.

Spock blinked at her for a moment. For a young...

It was another regular Monday morning, and it was the day the school would start again, but this time... it was time to start studying in a university. Jim had never been interested in many subjects, but without any better choice he'd decided to go and study some astrophysics and biology. He had moved away from his mother and stepfather, found himself a fancy huge apartment nearby the university, but there was one problem: he'd need a roommate to manage with the rent.

It was around 7.30am when the clock was ringing through the whole apartment. Jim was still laying in bed like a carcass and the clock kept on ringing. After 20 minutes he did turn to his other side, falling to the floor as he did. "Ah, goddamnit..." Jim muttered, rubbing his head as he tried to get up and navigate to the clock, "Just shut up already.." And the ringing stopped.

The weather was sunny, only a few clouds flowing across the sky. Jim dragged himself to the kitchen, making some quick coffee and some cereals, pulled on his jeans and white t-shirt before getting his leather jacket and shoes. He wouldn't have any classes that day, but he was still going to visit the university just to leave a poster saying that there was a roommate needed. It had his phone number, address and e-mail, but Jim kind of wished that if anyone would be interested, they'd just show up to his door straightly.

Jim really should have been used to missions going wrong. This mission thankfully hadn't gone quite as wrong as the others (one ending up with Jim hallucinating dancing elephants in tutus), but it was still...a problem. Because now he was trapped on the surface of some M-Class planet they had been surveying with his First Officer. Alone. After the electrical storms had begun to become a problem, stifling contact with the Enterprise, Jim had ordered the rest of the ground team to be beamed back. Ten minutes later, and they couldn't even get hold of the Enterprise - let alone try and get back onboard the ship.

"G-got any rations in there?" Jim asked, jerking his head at the bag of supplies Spock had. The planet was cold at night, and he couldn't help his constant worry for his First Officer. Vulcans were cooler than Humans, used to living on a desert planet. No matter how cold Jim was feeling, he knew it would be so much worse for Spock.

Jim flinched at the unexpected hand on his shoulder, trying desperately to keep himself under control. He knew that he was on the bridge, safe. With his crew. He squeezed his eyes tight shut, a small whimper escaping his throat. Don’t look. It’s not real. 

Spock and Jim are like a bow and arrow. Jim is the arrow, Spock is the bow. They need each other to hit the target because one without the other isn’t going to do the job. Without each other, they can’t serve they’re purpose. They need each other.

Spock is the force that keeps Jim grounded, keeps him sturdy. He’s what holds the captain together because Jim is running and racing, barreling toward a finish line that he’s not even sure is there. He’s chasing the sun and the stars that blaze so bright in his blue eyes, too bright. Jim’s burning and burning out far too fast. The half-Vulcan keeps him going while also slowing him down.

Without Spock, Jim’s just another star in the galaxy that burns and burns as it goes supernova before collapsing in on itself. He’s the gravity in which keeps Jim together, keeps him from spinning and spiraling out of control. Jim needs him to keep his feet firmly planted on the ground while he tries to reach out and hold the entire galaxy and all it’s stars in his hands, but it’s too much because one person cannot hold all of that in the palms of their hands. He needs Spock to keep the weight from crippling him.

If there is one thing that Jim needs to learn is that some leaps require him to look. To think it through. Spock is the one that can get him to step back and look at everything around him before he charges ahead into the next mess that life has laid out before him. Jim realizes that maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t always need to be moving. Sometimes, he doesn’t need to be running towards the future like it will slip between his fingers like sand. Every now and again, it’s a good thing to stand still and actually see what’s going on around him because the future will always be there, but the present won’t be.

He still has trouble because all his life he’s been sliding down a steep and slippery slope towards an end he can’t see, but so desperately wants to find. That meaning behind everything. That light at the end of a long and dark tunnel. Because he is truly crumbling into dust even as he races towards a goal he can’t quite make out in the distance.

Spock is what stitches him back together after he’s been broken. He fills in the cracks and missing pieces from something that could so easily be shattered. He makes Jim whole. Complete. Makes him something better. Something that, together, is damn near perfect.