#loathemyself

so much pain.

It's hard when you can't explain to your little sister why you start howling/crying/rocking in the front seat of the car with your mother trying to drive and my fingers pressed in my ears as if these voices are from the outside world and if I press hard enough they can't get in but I hear them all the same and, like coming up for air, I slightly lift my fingers hearing myself screaming 'you just don't understand' when 'why is she freaking out mum, tell her to stop' creeps in.