#living while grieving

New Post has been published on https://www.bernspeaks.com/quotes-15/

New Post has been published on https://www.bernspeaks.com/what-to-say-or-not-when-someone-dies/

WHAT TO SAY OR NOT WHEN SOMEONE DIES

When you learn that you have lost a loved one, what do you say when you have to inform other loved ones that someone in your family has passed away?  What do you say to someone else that has lost a loved one?  When someone passes away, we sometimes do not know what to say…. and that is okay.  So here we are to talk about it.

I LOST SOMEONE I LOVE

When YOU ARE that someone, someone had to tell you… right? It was something like, “He/She didn’t make it”, “There is nothing more we could do”, “He/She is gone”, “They’re not going to pull through”, or just a simple “I’m so sorry”.  Whatever it was, it wasn’t a good feeling.  There is no good way to say that someone has died.  Nonetheless, I would hope that whoever has to deliver such news has a bit of tact and compassion when they do.  

When you hear those words, you feel an undeniable pain that pierces your whole soul and makes you want to or you do scream.  Once you clear your head, you have to repeat those same words to family and friends…. “He/She didn’t make it”, “There is nothing more we could do”, “He/She is gone”, “They’re not going to pull through”, or “I’m so sorry he/she has passed away”.  Not only do you have to relay this tragic news to your loved ones, but you are also still processing it yourself.  Gathering the words to say at this time can be very tough emotionally, mentally & spiritually.  Somehow you find the words to tell parents, wives, husbands, children, siblings, that your loved one has passed away.  

How To Help With Grief

SOMEONE I KNOW LOST A LOVED ONE

When someone else loses a loved one, keep it simple.  Don’t say too much, but offer support as well as sympathy. The main things we hear are, “I’m sorry for your loss”, “My condolences”, which is pretty much keeping it simple.   You can also offer up, “I’m here for you”, “I’m so sorry”, “You are in my prayers”, how about there are no words and a simple hug.  In the current climate of Covid-19, it would even be acceptable to send a condolence gift with a card expressing condolences.  

What you do not want to do is make their loss about you or say something to upset them.  It is okay to offer your help at the appropriate time but be mindful that the bereaved is going through a traumatic time in their lives and is usually very vulnerable and emotionally & mentally drained. 

Also, you know your relationship with the bereaved family.  If you are family

or considered to be like family then you may have more access or insight as to what to say or do.  If you are or were not very close, offer your condolences and move on unless they initiate an interaction.  They do not need added stress and issues to deal with, such as discussing the deceased belongings or being rude and/or inappropriate toward the immediate family with your words.  Therefore be careful about what you say at this time.  Words hurt, but words can also heal and comfort someone in their time of loss.  Tell them you love them, tell them if they need you to call you, tell them it is okay to cry, to scream, to experience their grief however it is showing up in their lives.  

How To Help With Grief

THIS MEANT THE WORLD TO ME

When I was grieving a loss, one of my big sisters that is not a blood big sister sent a text message to me at a time where I could not see through my tears.  I had so much to get done to prepare for the services, to prepare for the family and repass, etc.  That text message was so simple and to the point.  It said, and I may be paraphrasing, but it said something to the effect of “I love you, if you need me I’m here”.  That text message meant the world to me.  I then called my big sister and told her that I needed help typing up the program, organizing it so that I could get it to the person printing it.  My blood family members could not help at that time because they were grieving as well. 

I tell you this to say, it doesn’t take much to be supportive and to say the right thing to someone grieving.  Think first if you would want someone to say this to you if and when you go through what they are going through, then proceed with love and light.  Take full responsibility to say or not in times of grief.