Itty Bitty Big Tops Chapter 1
đźŽGangle đźŽ
Things really change around the circus and it starts when Gangle won't come out of her room.
⚠️TW: Bullying, implied transphpbia, and all together angst and trauma.
🩵SFW inteeaction only🎪 This is an Age regression fanfic
Gangle hasn't come out of her room.
It's really not like Gangle to hide and ignore everyone, especially when people are knocking on her door, specifying how worried they are.
Jax's key wasn't working, no one was answering when they knocked, and Gangle has been nowhere to be seen…and it's been that way since they returned from the adventure yesterday.
“I sure hope Gangle's alright.” Ragatha says. “It's just not like her to shut everyone out like this.”
“You don't think she abstracted, do you?” Kinger asks. “The abstracted ones can sometimes be very quiet.”
“Let's not lose hope!” Pomni says. “There has to be a way to get Gangle to leave her room.”
“Any ideas?” Ragatha asks.
“Maybe…Zooble can talk to her?” Pomni suggests. “They seem to get along with her the best.”
Ragatha rubs her arm- she's honestly always been a little jealous of their relationship. She knows she shouldn't be and that she doesn't deserve friends like them anyway but…she still wanted someone to care that much…or for someone to let her care about them that much.
“That's a great idea, Pomni.” She says, forcing her everyday smile. “Let's go find them.”
The gang all agreed- (The gang being just Pomni, Kinger, and Ragatha. Jax lost interest in Gangle's absence quickly and wandered off.) So they headed to Zoobles room to hopefully convince them to get Gangle.
“Uh- Zooble?” Pomni calls, knocking on their door.
A sigh is heard from the other side of the door. “If this is about an adventure- I'm not interested!” Zooble says.
“It's not about an adventure, it's about Gangle.” Ragatha says.
The door opens. “What about Gangle?” Zooble asks, sounding just as annoyed as before- but at least they opened the door.
“We're worried about her.” Pomni says. “She hasn't been out of her room all day. We've all tried talking to her but she just-”
“Maybe she just wants to be left alone?” Zooble interrupts. “I know the feeling.” They mumble.
“We just want to make sure she's okay.” Pomni says.
“It's not like Gangle to hide away- that's more your thing, Zooble.” Kinger says.
“We don't want to pressure her or anything! If she really wants to be alone, we'll respect that..” Ragatha explains.
“We just want to make sure nothing…bad happened.” Pomni explains.
Zooble sighs. “Fine, I'll check on her. But if she doesn't let me in, I'm not going to pester her, and I need you guys to leave her alone. Got it?” They ask.
“Can do.” Pomni says, somewhat smiling.
“Cain has some kind of adventure planned for today- So, we'll just leave you two alone for a bit.” Ragatha says.
“Good luck, soldier!” Kinger salutes Zooble before walking away with the others.
Zooble watched as they all walked to the main room of the circus- they're thankful the others gave them and Gangle some space but also…they're a bit nervous.
They waited a few minutes until they were sure the others were gone, then they slowly walked to Gangle's room, arms across their chest.
They walk to Gangle's door, and they look up at Gnagle's picture on the door…Zooble lifts their hand to knock- but their hand starts shaking like never before.
What if Gangle had abstracted?
What if she really was gone?
Zooble took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. They can deal with that. Whatever it is, they'll handle it.
They care so much for Gangle that they're ready for anything. If Gangle was in fact gone, they'll have to face that and be brave..for her sake.
But if she's not, that means it must be something bad - and Zooble doesn't want her to go through it alone.
That thought gave them enough courage to knock on the door, but there's no answer, so Zooble talks: “Hey, Gangle? I don't want to bother you…I just want to make sure you're doing okay. Everyone's kinda worried. If you want us to leave you alone, that's fine, I get it - just let me know you're okay, and I'll go.” They say, hands on their arms anxiously.
There's no answer at first. “Gangle?” They ask, eyes widening, voice shaking.
“I-is it just you out there?” Gangle suddenly asks, sounding sad. Sadder than normal.
Zooble is overcome with relief that Gangle wasn't gone- but outside it barely showed. “Yeah.”
“You…can come in…if you want, Zooble.” Gangle says.
Zooble opens the door and walks in to see Gangle on her bed, arms wrapped around a teddy bear, holding it tightly.
“Hey.” Zooble says.
Gangle sniffles and wipes away a tear. “Hi.’
“Are you okay? It's not like you to shut everyone out like this.” Zooble says.
Gangle looked away for a moment. “I know- I didn't mean to worry anybody- I just-” Gangle wiped away another tear and whimpered.
“What is it?” Zooble asks.
Gangle releases a deep breath. “I can't really explain it- Not right anyway- if I explain it wrong- you'll think I'm weird and you won't want to hang out with me anymore.” Gangle says, her breathing becoming more rapid.
“Hey- slow down.” Zooble says, moving closer to Gangle to comfort her. “Take a deep breath in and hold it.”
Gangle does so.
“Now let it go.” Zooble says.
Gangle does.
“Keep it up, take slow breaths.” They tell her. “No one hates you, this is a safe place…you're not being interrogated or judged, I'm only here to make sure you're okay.” Zooble says.
Gangle nods, seeming to feel a bit better. “Okay.”
“You can tell me anything you want, but there's no pressure.” Zooble says. “Whatever you say won't be judged, and it won't ruin our friendship. I promise.”
Gangle nods. “I- I have a secret- and I think maybe Jax knows about it.” She says. “And- I'm worried he might say something- or use it against me! He does that a lot!” She cries a bit more intensely.
Zooble nods. “Okay…if he does- what do you think is the worst possible outcome?” They ask.
“If anyone finds out- they'll think I'm- I'm-” Gangle wipes away the tears, but they keep coming. “I'm weird or- something worse than that! Who knows what Jax thinks!”
“Well, who cares what Jax thinks?” Zooble asks.
“I do!” Gangle says. “What he says could affect the others and what they think- and everyone will hate me.”
“Gangle…whatever it is I know no one else here will hate you.” Zooble says.
“You don't know that. You don't even know what it is.” Gangle says.
“I won't rush to any conclusions. I promise.” Zooble says. “There's very little you can say that would ever make me hate you. No matter what, I'm on your side.”
“Really?” Gangle asks.
“Of course.” Zooble says. “You're my best friend. There's no one I care about more than you.”
Gangle smiles at Zooble. “You're- your my best friend too.”
It's not always easy to tell when Zooble was smiling…but they were. “Look- you don't have to tell me anything. If you're not comfortable talking about it, just don't say it. I don't want you to share anything unless you're comfortable.” They say. “But, if it would help to talk to someone, you can always come to me. I may not seem very open to talk to people but- we gotta survive this s#*!show somehow and there's no one else in the world I'd rather talk to than you.”
Gangle nods. She takes her time and breaths, debating if she wants to tell Zooble…
On one hand, it's scary and she doesn't want Zooble to think something's wrong with her…
But on the other- it's Zooble. They said they won't judge her- so she trusts that. And it would be great to talk to…someone.
“I'm an age…regressor.” Gangle spits out, as if only testing the waters, her eyes closed tightly- ready for the ridicule that won't come.
Zooble's eyes widen a little, seeming a bit surprised but not judgmental in the slightest. “Could you maybe expand on that a bit?” They ask, tilting their head.
Gangle sighs. “Basically, I act like I'm a kid again sometimes. I play with toys and color, my mind gets in a certain mindset that makes me feel like I really am a kid again, and sometimes it's on purpose and sometimes it's not. The main reason I do it is for inner child healing. I want to have the childhood I never got to have…before.” Gangle explains.
Zooble continues to look at Gangle, listening and nodding, trying really hard to understand.
“If the others find out…they might not accept it- think I'm some kind of freak or- I don't know!” Gangle hides her face in her ribbon hands- quite overwhelmed. “I don't know what to do!”
Zooble rests a hand on Gangle's shoulder. “It's going to be okay.”
“You-” Gangle sniffles. “You don't hate me?”
Zooble frowns. “Of course not. I know what it's like to worry that no one will accept you…” They say.
“Really?” Gangle asks. “But- you're Zooble! You don't care what anyone thinks!”
“Yeah, but I haven't always been- I mean, I don't know if I-” They look down at their arms…their body… “I never really fit into my own body…even before the circus, I didn't know how to feel or who I could trust.” Zooble starts to say.
Gangle looks up at them. Zooble hasn't ever opened up to her like this- she's not even sure they have opened up to anyone…ever.
“The place I grew up- it was pretty conservative.” Zooble says. “I didn't really talk to anyone- worried everyone would turn on me. And they did. I never thought I'd be accepted by anyone.”
Gangle rests her ribbon hand on Zoobles. “I accept you, Zooble.” She says. “I love who you are.”
Zooble's eyes widened, then narrowed affectionately. “Thanks.” They say. “I love who you are too. I- I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to anyone, I never want you to feel alone or like a freak. You're just being yourself and working to heal and protect the parts of you that needed it- and I love that for you.” They say.
Gangle looks at Zooble and smiles. “Really?”
“Yeah, I think it's very brave, and if anyone gives you a hard time for that, I'll f**k them up for ya.” They say. “I got your back.”
Gangle leans closer to Zooble and rests their masked face against them. “Thanks, Zooble.”
Zooble wraps an arm around their ribboned friend. “Anytime.”
Gangle feels very safe- she's not sure how long it's been since she's felt that way.
“Would you like to tell me more about it?” Zooble asks. “I'd love to hear it.”
Gangle smiles. “Okay-” She lets go of Zooble and grabs her regression notebook and flips through it, there's lots of stickers and coloring and notes inside. “Well, I regress anywhere between one and four and sometimes thirteen through fifteen. I also have a cat headspace too, which I know sounds kind of confusing but it's comforting for me to act like a cat sometimes.” She says. “Little me loves drawing- of course, cartoons, and snuggling.” She says, grabbing her teddy she had dropped at some point during their conversation.
“How about teen you?” Zooble asks.
“Drawing and video games mostly.” Gangle says, feeling simultaneously shy and excited to finally talk to someone about it.
“Sounds relaxing.” Zooble says.
“It is! And it's a lot of fun- though I do get lonely sometimes.” Gangle says.
“Would it be better if someone was there with you?” Zooble asks. “To keep you company?”
“Are you…offering?” Gangle asks.
“Maybe.” Zooble rubs their arm. “I don't know if I'll be any good- I haven't spent a lot of time with kids.”
“You're good with me, you don't have to act any differently.” Gangle says.
“Alright.” Zooble says. “I could give it a try.”
Gangle smiles but then it fades. “What about Jax? He saw me while I was in my little headspace yesterday- He might be mad at me from before! And tell everyone that something is wrong with me!” She panics.
“Well- if he tells anyone anything, we'll just tell them all the truth.” Zooble says. “Or tell them he's got it wrong and you're not comfortable talking about it.”
Gangle thinks about it. “Do you think they'll be okay with that?”
“They'll have to be. You don't have anything to prove to them. You owe them nothing. If they believe Jax over you- they're not worth your time anyway.” Zooble says. “Also- I doubt they would take his word over yours, most everyone here cares deeply about you- they all cornered my door this morning begging me to talk to you because they wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“They did?”
“Yeah.” Zooble says. “You are very loved here, Gangle. By everyone.”
Gangle smiles. “Actually, just knowing you're on my team…it makes me feel like I can handle anything.” Gangle says. “Maybe telling them the truth wouldn't be so bad- and if I'm honest about it, Jax has nothing to say about me.”
Zooble climbs up on Gangle's bed. “Atta girl. I'm really glad that you feel safe with me. I feel safe around you too.”
“Maybe I should tell the others I'm okay.” Gangle says. “They seemed really worried.”
“Well, everyone else is on an adventure, so we can just hang out here if you'd like.” Zooble says.
Gangle smiles, “I'd like that.”
“What do you want to do?” Zooble asks.
“Oh! Can we watch Kpop demon hunters?” Gangle asks.
“Sure.” Zooble says.
“And maybe I can regressor or age dream for a little while?” Gangle asks.
“Absolutely.”
“Thanks, Zooble.” Gangle smiles, wrapping her arms around them.
Zooble hugs them back and holds them for as long as she needs them too.
~~~Later:~~~
Zooble and Gangle were both asleep when the rest of the big tops returned from their adventure.
“Jax!” Ragatha shouts from a distance, startling Gangle awake which then wakes Zooble.
The credits of Kpop demon hunters was playing, Zooble and Gangle holding each other close.
“Oh, come on! You're no fun!” Jax laughed.
“In what way is that fun?” She asks.
Zooble stretches and then turns the tv off. “Well, they're back. Are you sure you want to do this?” They ask.
Gangle nods and grabs her comedy mask. “I'm ready.”
Zooble takes Gangles hand. “Then I'm with you the whole way.”
Gangle and Zooble walk out her room and approach the others.
Caine has already left and the gang were all talking about the adventure they were on- something candy related, not surprising. Not noticing Gangle at first until Kinger says: “Oh, Gangle! You're alive.” Kinger says.
They all look over and Gangle with a mixture of relief and pure joy.
“We're so glad you're okay!” Ragatha says. “We were so worried about you!”
“Are you…doing okay?” Pomni asks.
“I'm sorry I worried you all.” Gangle says. “I just needed a little space.” She grips her mask and holds it close to her as she looks to the floor.
“That's okay, maybe next time you could leave a note on the door or something?” Pomni suggests. “Just so we know you haven't…abstracted.” Pomni rubs her arm. “We'd all be devastated if something ever happened to you.”
“Speak for yourself.” Jax says. “I knew Gangle was just fine!”
“Actually- before you all leave, there's something Gangle needs to say and it's not easy for her.” Zooble explains.
“Oh, whatever it is, Gangle- I'm sure we can figure it out.” Ragatha says.
Pomni nods. “Yeah, we're all here for you.”
“Just speak from the heart.” Kinger adds.
“I…” Gangle takes a deep breath. She looks at Zooble who nods, reminding her that she's not alone and no matter what happens, Zooble is there for her. “I'm a regressor!”
The gang looked a bit confused.
“A what?” Jax asks.
“Like an age regressor?” Kinger asks.
“Uh- yeah. You actually know what that is?” Gangle asks.
“Of course I do.” Kinger says. “What what is again?” He asks, seeming to forget the conversation entirely.
“Basically sometimes Gangle acts like a little kid.” Zooble explains. “It helps heal her inner child, and she enjoys it. If anyone has a problem with that- you're welcome to shut the f*@# up.” Zooble glares at Jax after saying that - expecting him to laugh.
“Oh please- this is old news! We already knew you were a pathetic cry baby.” Jax scoffs. “What people need to know is about the-”
“Jax!” Ragatha interrupts.
Gangle puts on her comedy mask. “It's okay! Because I don't care anymore. You can tell them anything, it doesn't change the fact that I have some really good friends who have always been supportive.” Gangle says.
Jax crossed his arms and rolled his eyes as she talked. “Whatever, I'm going to my room.” He says, walking away.
Ragatha ignores Jax and immediately turns to Gangle. “So, tell us more about your age regression- if you want to. I'm sure we'd all love to hear about it.”
Gangle smiles. “Well, sometimes I regress anywhere between one and four- and sometimes I regress to a teen.”
“Wow, that's a big jump.” Ragatha says.
“It is.” Gangle agrees. “And sometimes I even like to be a cat.”
“That sounds adorable.” Ragatha says. “I hope that was okay to say! I wouldn't want to offend you-”
“No, that's okay.” Gangle says. “When I'm little- I would hope I'm adorable.”
“You regress into a cat?” Pomni asks. “Is it like a past life of yours?”
“I mean- maybe. Who knows?” Gangle says. “I just find cats comforting.”
“That makes sense.” Pomni says.
“What can we do to help make you and little you more comfortable?” Kinger asks.
“I'm not sure.” Gangle says. “But I think…this is a good start.” She says.
Zooble looks at Gangle- and even if it was hard to tell sometimes- Gangle is sure they're smiling at her.
Tags: @rat-beastard43 @knoxenii
Possum: Hope you all liked this! Polls will be posted tomorrow on here for which character gets to be the center of the next chapter!
If you have any questions about this AU or headcannons in general about the circus- feel free to send some asks my way.
Ty for reading! đźŽ
