#litg5

I’m disappointed (to say the least) with LITG 5 so I did my first ever fic to help me cope lol. English is not my first language, so bear with me. This is a Suresh x MC fic I based off of NIKI's song, Oceans and Engines. A headcanon of what really happened before and after Suresh shattered his 5 year relationship with Euna (MC) before the villa.

The details are not all based on the events revealed during LITG 5. And I recommend listening to the song while you're reading if you're comfortable with it.

This is also posted on wattpad if you’d like to read it with the part titles here!

Giving Up Your Ghost (8k+ words)

The sun is shining bright and I feel restless. I'm a few hours away from my trip to Essex.

I'm finally going to see you again Suresh..

Seeing him only behind a screen for 6 months has been the hardest. I've been drowning myself with singing gigs and keeping myself busy from all the time he's away to distract myself. I have to admit that this tested our relationship. Suresh is never chill and would always find a way for adventure, while I'm always on my comfort zone, never leaving Edinburgh. He never forced me to get out of it, but sometimes I just wish he did. Now that this is the longest time we've been apart, it would have been easier if I tried to show him a different side of me.

We were always opposites, but that's when I know that we click together. While I wasn't always his first, he was my first in everything. And I really hope he's my last.

I really hope he's happy to see me tomorrow..

Who am I kidding? Of course he's going to be happy! We've been away from each other for so long, I know he misses me. And this is the perfect surprise for our anniversary.

I fixed my faded pink dyed hair into a half bun. I can see the overgrown roots peeking on my head. I haven't bleached and recolored my hair for so long ever since he left. I can see small bags under my eyes, and I obviously look a little messed up. I haven't really slept well for the last few days before this trip. My head has been full of questions if I should do it.

I looked at the little red velvety box beside my purse. My heart thumped hard and I'm actually really nervous.

Am I really gonna propose?

I flicked my forehead to wake me up from my senses. Why am I even doubting this? I'm definitely sure. I love Suresh, and I know he loves me. We've been together for 5 years, but we don't need to get married right away. I just want to let him know that I'm willing to do this. No big gestures. I will do it once we're alone, so he won't feel pressured to answer. I know it's not the most conventional, but I couldn't care less.

I breathed deeply and hid the box inside my purse. My bag is now packed and I'm ready to go. I called a cab and rushed to the train station. It's going to be at least a 5 hour ride, and I will arrive before midnight. And since it's a Saturday night, Suresh will be home expecting me to call him at the exact hour I'll knock on his door. It's the perfect surprise.

Me, I'm the surprise.

I don't know why my hands are shaking and my heart is beating so fast once I got inside the train. I'm fucking nervous. Why am I so nervous? Is this because I haven't seen him for so long, and it wouldn't be the same when we see each other again? I really hope this is just agitation and I'm just excited to see him.

I sat on the most secluded area and nearest to the window. It's a cold November night, but I'm too distracted with my thoughts to even notice it. I brought a book and read for a few minutes, but I eventually closed it.

All I can think about is Suresh.

He hasn't contacted me since last night. I know he's out with his co-workers and I don't usually bother him too much when he does. I didn't even bother messaging him today since well.. I'm surprising him in a few hours. We shared each other's location every time he went away since he also insisted and wanted to know if I'm safe and he'll get notified if I'm in trouble. We were comfortable in that set up because I know he's looking out for me, and he wanted to let me know that I can trust him. I rarely check his location, but since he didn't contact me last night, I checked it and he went to a pub for a while then arrived home at around 2AM.

I left him a message this morning asking how he is, but hasn't replied yet. I turned my GPS off before I left my flat. I didn't want him knowing I was coming for the surprise. But him not messaging me yet since this morning honestly got me a bit anxious. He'd usually let me know once he got up, but I figured he had a hangover and was still asleep.

I trust him, it was his day off after all. He's been like that every friday nights. Then he'll for sure stay for the rest of the weekend at home and spend time talking to me. There were times when he called me while he was drinking with his friends, and he always sounded really happy.

I just hope he's not too happy without me.

No. Here I go again. I'm not gonna doubt Suresh. I trust him.

My head's all over the place, I'm really nervous. I didn't realize how exhausted I was. I closed my eyes and fell asleep right away.

----

"Do you really have to go? Please just stay." I pleaded and held Suresh's hand tighter from our cuddle, raising my head from his chest to look at him. My doe eyes not leaving his beautiful face.

I let go of his hand and traced delicate lines along his thick brows then brushed his hair backwards. I wanted to convince him to stay.

"You know I can't do that, Euna." he left a small peck on my nose, "I have important matters to fix with a big case. I already asked you if you wanted to come. You told me you didn't want to leave Edinburgh. Are you changing your mind now?"

He chuckled and looked at me affectionately, holding my cheeks then brushing his fingers down to my chin to fix my head. We've lived together for 2 years, but the difficult part was his constant travels. It never lasted for months. He'd always come back after a few days, but not this time. This will be the longest time we'll be away from each other.

He kissed my forehead this time and I felt that area burn. I'm blushing really hard. He knows how I absolutely love it when he does that.

I pouted, almost teary eyed. I hugged him tight and buried my face on the side of his neck.

"I'm gonna miss you." I whispered, feeling my hot breath and the vibration from my voice on his skin. He hugged me tighter, holding my waist and I can hear him chuckle again.

"Me too, princess. Me too." he reached for my temple and gave it a soft kiss. There he goes again, calling me princess. I never understood why, but it's growing in on me. He's the only person allowed to call me that.

I'll always be his princess.

"Promise me you won't forget me?" I asked.

"Why would that even cross my mind?" he sounded as if it was the most disgusting thing he has ever heard.

"So you promise?" I asked again.

Good god I sound like a child. But I'm not ashamed, this is how comfortable I am with him. I never feel ashamed acting all so silly around him.

He rolled his eyes playfully and grinned.

"Yes princess, I promise."

I don't know what came to me. I moved away from burying my face on his neck and back to looking at him.

"I love you so much, Suresh."

He smiled softly, grabbing my chin and pulling it towards his lips. He kissed me passionately like it was our last, taking in a few sharp breaths while his lips moved slowly, savoring every bit of my being.

His other hand travelled down my waist, and I can literally feel my heart jump. I put my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to kiss him harder and I heard him moan. His stubble slightly scratching the sides of my mouth.

God, I love him so much. I never want to let him go.

When we pulled back, we were both breathless. I didn't want it to end just yet.

"I love you too, my Euna." he rested his forehead on mine, the tips of our nose brushing each other. We stayed like that for a while, never wanting to let go of the moment.

"As much as I really want to stay, I need to pack my bags." he mumbled. He can sense my disappointment, but I eventually let him go. He kissed my forehead one last time before getting up.

---

When I woke up, I was two stops away to Essex. I was that tired. My head hurts from the way I slept, and I was leaning on the window and I can feel how much colder it would get once I get out. I wore my trench coat and waited.

I don't know why, but I suddenly took the engagement ring from my purse. I opened the box and looked at the ring. The silver metal shines brightly from its reflection against the lights.

I'm actually doing this. I really am.

I closed the box and tucked it inside my coat pocket. There's no turning back now.

When I arrived, I took a cab and went straight to his flat. It was an extremely cold night, and I can literally see my breath in white smoke.

I don't know if it's because of my cold hands, but I'm starting to shake again. I rubbed my palms against each other to warm myself up, hoping that it will ease the tension building up inside me.

Why am I so nervous? It's just Suresh! I'm sure he'll be happy to see me.

I paid for the ride and took my bag. This is it. I'm finally seeing him. I instinctively put my hands inside my coat pocket not realizing I was rubbing my fingers against the velvet box. I'm fucking nervous but ecstatic. I knew I was also excited to see him.

I took the elevator and searched for his flat. I was slightly afraid that I might knock on the wrong door, but once I found it, I stopped. This is what Suresh sent me just in case anything happens. Surely this is the right place?

I breathed deeply, and pushed myself to knock on the door.

No answer.

I knocked once more.

No answer.

He's home right? I know he is.

I was about to knock again when someone opened the door. The tension building up inside me suddenly flared up.

It was not Suresh.

"Yes?"

A girl opened the door. She had long ginger hair, it looked a bit messy and she sounded quite irritated. Like I disturbed her from doing something. She was also heavily tattooed on her left arm.

I knocked on the wrong door?

"Sorry. I think I mistook this for a different.. flat."

I was about to leave until I saw it. She was wearing Suresh's shirt.

My heart sank. My hands are shaking again and I can feel my heart thumping louder. This must just be a different shirt? It's not really a special shirt and anyone could own one. I just knocked on the wrong place.

This must be a mistake.. right?

I heard someone come up behind her. The footsteps getting louder and louder. My heart sank and I feel the need to throw up.

"I told you I'll get it!" he stopped and stared at me. I can see the blood draining from his face. He looked like he was rushing to catch up but the girl got to the door before him.

I was not expecting that reaction.

At the back of my mind, I wanted to believe that this is just his cousin that I never met and he's letting her stay for the night.

"Euna.."

I instinctively bit my lower lip. It was him. My Suresh. He was half naked and wearing a pair of boxers. There was a lump on my throat and I didn't have the guts to talk. I was just staring at him, then at the girl. Like me, she was looking at the both of us back and forth and was completely clueless. My hands were numb and I didn't even realize that my bag fell on the floor. I bit my lower lip harder to stop myself from trembling and breaking down.

"You know her?" the girl asked, her brows furrowed. Suresh's focus was all on me now. He looked scared, even guilty. That's not the look I wanted him to show me.

"Euna.. I can explain."

That was my cue. I know that phrase. I don't like confrontations, I'm almost always the first person to leave and keep quiet. I'm not listening to any explanation. With the way he reacted and from what I saw, I think it's completely clear to me what happened.

I rushed and grabbed my bag on the floor and sprinted. Tears were welling up in my eye and my vision was blurry. Is this even real? Maybe I'm still asleep on the train and this is all just a nightmare? I was so excited to see him. I wasn't expecting for this to happen tonight. I don't even know where I'm gonna stay. I did not book a hotel since I know for sure that I was staying with him while I'm here. Somehow, I was grateful that I didn't let him know I was coming.

What the fuck just happened?

I pressed the elevator button, but I felt him grab the arm where I was holding my bag.

"Euna, wait!"

SLAP!

My free hand met his cheek in one swift motion. I can hear the echo of the sound through the halls. It was hard, and my palm hurt from doing it. Tears were already flowing on my cheek and I looked at him. He was in complete shock of what I did to say the least, holding the cheek I just slapped. I am not even the type of person who'd do it, but at the moment, I knew it was the right thing to do.

"I'm not listening to any of your bullshit." I mumbled. My shock slowly turned into anger. I feel numb all over. A small part of me still wanted to hear an explanation from him despite what I said. I want him to feel regret, to feel guilty for what he did. I want him to beg and ask me to take him back. But you know what I got?

"It all happened so fast.. This was just a one time thing."

"Oh, just a one time thing?" I sarcastically laughed, "Are you fucking kidding me?!" I screamed. My voice broke in between and I know every single room heard it through the halls, but I was too angry to even care.

"Please just let me explain." he pleaded. I pulled my arm from his grip and shook my head. I was crying so hard and my chest was heavy. It hurts so much seeing him and hearing those words from him. He admitted it and he didn't even apologize.

"Forget it, Suresh." I wiped the tears away from my cheek. When I lowered my hand, I felt the engagement ring box under my coat. Now my heart just shattered even more.

"See, this is your problem!" he screamed. I was taken aback with what he said.

"My problem? My problem? Are you fucking kidding me?" He sighed, and he clearly regretted what he said.

"I'm sorry, but I just hate that you always run away, Euna. Every time we argue, you always leave and you never try and fix it together with me."

"So you try and ruin it more by cheating on me??" I scoffed. "And now you're spinning it around and blaming it everything on me. Great. How would you suggest fixing this then?"

"I was just.. That's not what I--"

"It was rhetorical Suresh, just shut up. What you did was clear as day. I'm not dumb."

I can't help the convulsive gasps I was letting out. I was sobbing really hard, and my vision was blurring out again. I tried to wipe the tears welling up in my eye. Suresh can't even look at me anymore.

I heard the elevator door open.

"Oh and by the way," I added. I looked into his guilty eyes I almost thought he'd avoid it. But he waited for what I was about to say.

"Happy anniversary," I choked. It hurts so much to say it. "Don't worry, this is our last."

I rushed outside and got a cab before Suresh even had a chance to catch up. I'm still sobbing from what happened and I can see the driver glancing at me every now and then. He looked genuinely worried.

"Can you bring me to the farthest pub please?" my voice broke once again asking him. He just nodded and started to drive away.

5 years. 5 years down the fucking drain. I can't think straight, I'm not even sure where I'm going. I feel so vulnerable now, but I'm going to trust wherever he's taking me. I don't think this pain would ever subside tonight. I don't know what to do. Going to a pub and drinking this out was the most logical thing I thought I'd do.

I checked the earliest train trips available tomorrow and it won't be until 6am. I might have to wait for a few hours or go to the train station as early as I can so that I can leave this shithole as soon as possible.

"Do you need some tissue love?" he asked me with a thick Scottish accent and looked through the rearview mirror. He looked very old, but still strong enough to drive around. I can see my dear sweet grandpa in him especially with the accent. He didn't wait for my answer and just gave me the few tissues he got from the box beside his seat.

"Thank you.." I whispered and took it, then went back to looking outside the window. My mind was blank and I'm still processing everything. My head hurts so much from crying.

I felt my phone vibrate from my pocket. I checked it.

It's Suresh.

The pain I felt earlier flared up again. It hurts to see his name on my screen when I used to be excited from it. The picture he had on my contacts was the both of us. Him holding the phone while I hugged him from the side and kissed him on his cheek. We looked so happy together.. we were happy together. How did this even happen? Was I not enough? Should I have just risked everything for him and went with him here when he asked me? Did he even remember our anniversary?

When I left those words before I got inside the elevator, he was dumbfounded. I know he wasn't expecting for me to break up with him then and there. He wanted to reach me, but he also knew I wouldn't let him. When I felt the box in my pocket, I really wanted to throw it in front of him, show him what he missed. But I didn't want to give him that satisfaction. Knowing him, it would've been easier for him to ask forgiveness and tell me that "he would've said yes if I just asked" and everything's just suddenly okay. No, I'm smarter than that. I don't want to make him feel guilty because I was planning to risk everything and marry him, I wanted him to genuinely feel guilty for what he did.

I've seen how cheating can ruin a relationship, I've seen it first hand with my mum and dad. Hell, he knew. He was there for me when my parents were going through their divorce. He stayed with me in my lowest. He was there for me when I was struggling with my music career, and he was also there when I finally got my momentum. We shared so much and it hurts that he just took everything away with "just a one time thing".

I don't even know what I'll do once I go back. We lived together. But the lease was on my name since it was originally my place. We practically lived like we were married and I sensed that he was ready to do it. But my senses were completely wrong tonight.

I know tonight is not the last time Suresh and I will see each other. Half of the things in our flat was his. How in the fuck will I get it out? Should I just throw his clothes outside like what happens in those telenovelas I watched when I was twelve when the husband cheats on his wife? Oh that would be therapeutic.

"We're here, dear." I looked up when the cab driver spoke. He was still looking at me through the rearview mirror and smiled at me sympathetically. I didn't even realize I was just staring at the 3 missed calls Suresh left me during the drive. I can't believe it's almost midnight.

"This is not the farthest, but it's enough to keep you safe." the cab driver added. "You're alone, so please take care of yourself love. I hope everything will be okay soon."

I trembled right away. I finally let go of the tears I was holding. He really resembled my grandpa so much. I feel so lucky I was in safe hands.

"Thank you. Please stay safe too." I almost whispered. I took my bag, gave him a huge tip and left.

I felt my phone vibrate again when I went inside the pub. It was still Suresh. I can feel my heart drop every time I see it. I breathed deeply and turned it off hoping it will block all the thoughts that's pushing me to cry again.

The pub was not that busy. There were only a few people sitting near the tables and groups hanging out. I can hear faint laughter on the other side of the pub. I sat on the stool near the bar and the bartender with thick brown curls smiled at me immediately. Her visible freckles seem to glisten when she faced me. She noticed my puffy eyes and her expression started to look worried.

I can sense a faint savory smell of spices. That's when I realized I haven't eaten anything ever since leaving Edinburgh. I was too busy getting anxious, and this is were it got me. I wasn't hungry, but I didn't want to drink with an empty stomach and go back home drunk. I'm not even sure why I went here, I just assumed this would be the perfect place to gather my thoughts.

"Can I just have a bottle of ginger beer please?" I asked the bartender.

"Sure thing love." she smiled, opened a bottle and gave it to me. She left me alone and went inside the kitchen.

After a few minutes, she got back with a fresh plate of chips and gave it to me. I looked at her confused.

"But I didn't order anything?"

"On the house, love. You look exhausted." she looked genuinely worried and patted my arm.

"That's an understatement." I chuckled.

"I don't mean to pry but.." she sighed. "if you need to talk to someone, your bartender is the right choice."

First, the cab driver, now my bartender? Is this the universe's way of making it up to me? I must look really awful.

"My name's Ramona by the way, at your service!" she cheerfully held her hand and I shook it.

"Euna. Nice to meet you."

She winked but didn't push me further and continued working, wiping the table with a white cloth when the person three seats next to me left. I played with the droplets of water dripping on the sides of my drink.

She's a complete stranger, and I'm not planning on coming back here anyways. I sighed one more time.

"My long term boyfriend cheated on me just an hour ago..."I blurted it out without thinking, it almost felt natural. She suddenly looked up and her mouth dropped.

"Oh dear, how long?"

I told her a few bits and pieces, from my trip until the part where I caught him. It really helped that I had someone to talk to, otherwise I would've just bawled my eyes out crying in some corner in this pub. It was too therapeutic to the point that I didn't hesitate and grabbed the engagement ring from my pocket.

"And you know what's worse?" I scoffed and put the box on the counter. Her eyes widened and she backed away, clearly not believing what she's seeing. She let out a loud and exaggerated "NO" but I nodded. The other customers gave us a side eye.

"Oh for fuck's sake man! What an arse!" she threw the white cloth she was holding on the counter. She looked really angry, but went closer to me and asked if she can open the box. When I nodded, she opened it and her eyes widened even more like it wasn't wide already from all the things I've told her.

"You better have the receipt for this love, or I'll push this down his throat and let him swallow it myself."

I laughed at her words, but I took the box back and hid it again in my pocket. Sure, I had the guts to actually plan this, but I was still ashamed of what happened. I look so pathetic. I don't even know why I feel that way, when it should be the other way around.

Ramona noticed my reaction and I heard her sigh.

"Screw him love. Once you go back home, throw his things away and burn it. That's the least of the things he deserves. Cheaters are the worse, and you better not forgive him and take him back. You deserve better."

Her words were like ice cold water dumped on my head. I might be angry right now, but I'm not really sure how I'd feel once I see him again. Suresh was caring, and for the past 5 years, he really proved to me that I was his princess. Never once did he treat me differently when we had fights and was the first person to always apologize even when I was at fault. Now he tried to spin the situation around and blame his cheating on me for always avoiding fights. Was I really at fault? Did I push him to cheat? Was I really not working harder than him, so now he tried to fill that void with someone else?

He took care of me at my lowest, and celebrated with me at my highest. Was it all just a lie? Were my intuitions true and was I right to feel nervous before I got here? Was I wrong for trusting him? Is this all really my fault?

I had so many questions, but I didn't want any answers. I wasn't ready to hear any of it.

Ramona and I talked for hours. We'd talk about Suresh from time to time but also talked about random things while she worked. She was very sweet and was genuinely interested in everything. I had so much fun talking to her that I didn't realize it was already 4:30 and I needed to go to the train station. My head hurts, and once I got inside the cab Ramona got for me, all the thoughts I tried suppressing came back.

I'm crying again.

I was squeezing the engagement box. I wanted to throw it, I'm so fucking stupid. Why did I even plan this?

For the next few hours on the train, I tried my best to rest my eyes. My body was aching and I just want to go home. I don't know what will happen for the next few days, but all I know is that it's not going to be easy.

I tried turning my phone on once I got out of the train and it vibrated continuously with all the messages from Suresh.

-Euna please pick up. I'm sorry.

-Where are you? I'm worried. Please call me back.

-Princess? Please, I need to talk to you.

Princess. My heart ached. All the butterflies I used to have when he called me that turned into painful jabs on my chest. My heart dropped when I read his next message.

-I'm driving back to Edinburgh now. I'll meet you back home. I love you.

He's here?? I checked the time he sent the message. 12AM. He started driving when I was still at the pub. That would have been a long drive.

"I love you.." I whispered and read his last words. Somehow I doubted it, because if he really did, he wouldn't have cheated on me in the first place.

The idea that Suresh arrived just a few hours ago made me nervous. Is he waiting for me at our flat right now? What the fuck should I do? He clearly knew what to do. This is the only way he could force me to talk to him.

I was dreading it, my flight response slowed me down and I didn't want to go home. I know he's waiting there. But I know I had no choice and I have to face him. My hands were trembling and my legs were shaking.

Then I saw him. He was waiting for me outside the door, squeezing himself between the wall and his legs. He didn't bring his spare key?

He's hiding his face on his lap and was resting his head. When he heard my footsteps, his head immediately jerked up and stood up.

"Princess, you're home. I'm glad you're safe." he smiled affectionately, but his face fell with the next words I blurted out.

"Don't call me princess."

I opened the door with my keys and I went in first. He followed and closed the door. I put my bag down near the closet, but he gently grabbed my wrist and turned me so I'm facing him.

He was crying.

My heart ached seeing him like that. Despite the things that happened last night, I still love him. I know I do. This is what I feared once I needed to face him again, that I might forgive him and just forget everything because I loved him too much and I can't afford to lose him.

"Princess, please. I'm sorry.." his tears gave up and went down his cheeks. I can't look at him like this. I badly wanted to wipe those tears and just kiss it away. I avoided his eyes and tried my hardest to stop myself from crying, but all it did was to force my lip to tremble.

He took both of my hands and kissed the back of my palm. He closed his eyes and it left my hand wet with his tears. I took my hands back and avoided his gaze.

"You need to fix your things now and leave. I'm giving you two days to move out." I told him coldly. It was getting harder and harder to resist him. I needed him to leave before I take everything back.

To my surprise, he knelt in front of me and took my hands again. He looked up at me pleading.

"Euna, please don't do this. I don't want to lose you. Let's fix this." he grabbed my waist and hugged me. His head was now leaning against my stomach. It was really an odd feeling, since he was really tall and he's usually the one looking down on me. I can feel his hug getting tighter and tighter as if he didn't want to let me go. I wanted to hug him back, but I forced myself to remove his strong arms to let me go.

He got up, but he grabbed both of the sides of my jaw and forced me to look at him. His eyes were red, and he clearly didn't sleep from driving. At that point, I really felt bad for him. He didn't drive all the way from Essex just to end up getting kicked out.

"Look at me and tell me you don't love me anymore."

I do, I still love him. His deep green eyes stared right back at me and I can't help it. I wanted to tell him I still love him and I'm taking him back, but I fought the urge to even think about it. His hands were warm against my jaw and we were so close. At first, he waited for me to answer, but he eventually rested his forehead on mine.

"I love you, princess. I can't lose you like this."

He opened his eyes and he immediately looked at my lips. I knew what was about to happen.

He kissed me, slow and gentle. I badly wanted it to stop. I should feel the butterflies in my stomach now, but my heart hurts so much that I can't help but cry. His lips moved and he kissed me passionately, but the saltiness from my tears went through between our kiss and it woke me up from my senses. I pushed him away.

"No.. this is not right." I whispered. He was shocked, and I heard him sigh. "You need to leave."

"Are you really just going to throw away all we've been through with this one mistake?" he said, trembling.

I was shocked with his question. It shouldn't even be a question at this point.

"I didn't throw this away, Suresh." I paused. "..you did."

He avoided my eyes once I said it. He knew what I meant.

There was no turning back and my decision was final. He knew there was no point in convincing me.

2 years later..

"That was a great set, Euna!" my manager gave a high five once I left the stage. He was mumbling a lot of other things about my next gig and a possible big project from a recording company but I wasn't really paying attention.

"Sorry Harry, can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm really tired." I said.

He was slightly disappointed, but he understood. Besides, I needed to meet a friend at a pub tonight. It's been a long time since I spent the night chilling without me being the person on the stage, singing. Tonight, I wanted to relax.

I'm not sure why I felt down and slightly irritated, maybe I'm just really tired, or because I'm in Essex right now and it reminded me of that night 2 years ago. I can't believe it's been that long. I've spent the past 2 years focusing on my career and really didn't find the time to see other people. I wanted to focus on myself and help myself heal.

I haven't heard from Suresh since the day he moved his last stuff from our flat. We ended everything and it was quite messy. I didn't really have the full closure I wanted from him and I can't deny that it broke me for half a year. I've always wondered about the story behind the girl he was with that night. I didn't want to know, because it's pointless. Mistakes were made, and it won't change a thing. I blocked him from everything, I even apologized to his family for cutting my connections with them after our break up. I grew fondly of them, but I know it was for the best.

The friend I was supposed to meet tonight was no other than Ramona. It's been a long time since I returned, but we kept in touch. She really helped me a lot and became my go to person every time I had the urge to unblock Suresh and take him back. She was my reality check, and she constantly reminded me that it was never my fault that I got cheated on and made me realize my self-worth. I really owe her a lot.

"Euna!!" she screamed and went outside the bar counter to hug me. She wiggled me a few times and hugged me tighter, making me laugh.

"I missed you too, Ramy." I told her smiling.

"Come sit come sit! Drinks are on me." I sat down on the stool near the bar. It reminded me of the first time I was here and I suddenly felt nostalgic.

We talked and caught up with everything. We didn't have that much to talk to, since we talked a lot on the phone. But Ramona had this boundless energy and we we're laughing non-stop while she rants about her clients.

"Oh! I remembered something." her eyes widened, like she suddenly had a Eureka moment and she can't wait to tell me.

"I know you're single.. and it's been two years since-"

"Ramona!" I lightly slapped her on her arm. I know that look and I don't like it. She's bound to set me up again with one of her friends.

"No! I promise it's different this time. I have no single friends left since you clearly rejected all of them." She rolled her eyes and giggled. I saw her tapping furiously on her phone and squinted her eyes.

"Aha! Here it is." she showed me her phone and I was met with a bright white screen.

LOVE ISLAND CONTESTANT APPLICATION FORM

We are looking for vibrant singles from across the UK who want to head to the sun, in search of love. The chosen cast will spend time in a luxury villa, getting to know one another, but to remain in paradise they must win the hearts of the public and their fellow Islanders who ultimately decide their fate on Love Island.

"Uhh.."

That's the only sound I can muster with what I read. Love Island? Really?

"You should try it babe!" she bounced up and down and was clapping like crazy.

"Ramy this is ridiculous. Really? A reality show?" I gave her back the phone but she pushed it again toward me.

"Just check it out! It might be fun. Free vacation, plus a villa full of hotties! It's time to put yourself out there babe. Forget about that cheating scumbag. There's no harm in trying."

I'm not gonna lie, it made me curious. I stared at the screen for a while and checked the application form.

"I'm gonna send you a link to the form, and promise me you'll think about it once you go home. Please?" Ramona pleaded.

I stared at her sighing

"Do I really have to?"

"Just think about it! C'mon Euna pleeeease?" she prolonged the "e" and shook my arm.

"Fine." I rolled my eyes affectionately and she smiled. The idea really sounded ridiculous. Me? Joining a reality TV show? I've only watched it a few times in the past when I was bored and I needed a distraction, but I never really watched it religiously. All I know is that it's full of drama and snogging.

When I went back to my hotel, I checked the link Ramona sent me. I studied everything and read the conditions. There's no harm in trying, right? I've been single for a long time, and I don't think there's any pressure in actually meeting the person you'd want to spend the rest of your life with inside the villa. It will just be a vacation with strangers, and I'll just go with the flow.

And besides, it's just the initial application. I'm not even sure if I'll pass the next screenings.. right?

Little did I know, after a few months of endless screenings, interviews and tests, I actually did. Funny, since I never imagined myself actually going through the process and managed to not back out in the middle of it. It still felt too ridiculous.

But here I am now, waiting for my turn to go inside the villa.

This is it. I'm actually here.

It felt so surreal, and the place was grand. I'm the 3rd girl to enter and I was welcomed by another girl with blonde curls and blue eyes.

"Heya! I'm Dana. You look so gorgeous!" she hugged me and I smelled a faint scent of cocoa butter. "I love your pink hair!"

Dana was really bubbly and full of energy. We entered the villa and went straight to the bedroom. Dana introduced me to another girl with dark hair and a cute half bun. Her name is Kat. She looked really intimidating and was quite intense, but she was gorgeous too. I can't deny that a lot of the boys would be all around her, but it didn't really bother me. After all, my original goal was just to have fun, finding the "love of my life" was just a bonus.

I was first called to go outside and choose a guy I wanted to couple up with.

Okay, no pressure.

Initially, I was welcomed by two guys. The first one was Alfie. He was quite funny and full of banter, but he wasn't really my type on paper. The second one was Eddie, but I wasn't really a fan of the boy next door vibe he was giving.

"Just the two of you?" I asked while pointing at the both of them.

"No, here comes the third one." Alfie chuckled.

He pointed at the door, and I saw a very familiar face I didn't expect. He gave me a devilish smile, and my heart just dropped to the floor.

Are you fucking kidding me??