#lit:tnd

Nikolai: carer!

Zoya: don't finish that sentence.

Omg omg YES (I pulled a bit from annie's hc oops <3)

so other than the fact that when they're around each other it's like ✨no one else is in the room✨

they use each other to get out of things. nikolais being cornered by some old lady who wants her seventeen yr old daughter married off? zOYYA MY LOVVVE COME HERE 😍❤️

and she only agrees to this because it goes both ways. cuz I mean imagine these dukes coming to any sort of ball at the palace and seeing zoya in all her glory. just. everyone wants a dance and they're all old and make her uncomfortable and maybe their hands dip a little too low while dancing

one look from zoya and suddenly nikolais at her side, pulling her away- and pulling her *close*- it's a pretty obvious message. most of them take it.

mind you they don't say a word about it because of course they don't want some big scandal, but they do little things. zoya will come and rest a hand on nikolais chest and his eyes will soften when he looks at her (this !! is all !! pretend !! ofc !!) or nikolai will tuck her hair away and smile at her until the annoying suitor disappears again

point is: no one says they're together but...well no one says they're not

but something big must have happened for the rumors to start, right? and what better place for rumors to begin than in the palace itself. more specifically, through the servants.

it was an accident. honestly it had just been a really long day and zoya was too tired to get back to her room and the couch was right there and nikolai happened to be already asleep. it wasn't !! her fault !!

but when the maids come to present the king with his morning tea and see the way nikolai and zoya are wrapped in each other's arms (and I mean full on tangled, they're cuddling and mostly completely unaware of it)

zoya wakes up first and jumps back, unintentionally sending a gust of wind at nikolai, causing him to fall painfully onto the floor.

he gets up and glares at her groggily. she doesn't mention how good he looks with his messy hair and rumpled clothes, and he doesn't say that her eyes are brighter in the morning, and somehow her tone seems less sharp.

but they're both thinking it.

they don't talk about that night- because it meant nothing anyway !! and they totally don't think about it for hours after !!- but the servants talk. oh, they talk.

they're too afraid of zoya to say anything particularly bad about them, and far too lost to nikolais charm to spread hateful rumors. so when word does get out, it isn't a scandal about the unmarried king and his general. it's a story about a love that could never be.

It's almost tragic, nikolai thinks when it circles back to him

he had about six oh shit moments imo so here's a few of them <3

(tgt + kos spoilers ahead)

first, was when he fell at the end of r&r and zoya caught him because the world was completely black and dark and he couldn’t see or read or even properly think, it was literally killing him. and then the darkness was gone and he was back to himself and falling at an impossible speed down to earth. but then zoya stormwitch nazyalensky cushions his fall and she’s there next to him and he’s never seen her before but oh fuck she’s so pretty and oh fuck she just saved his life

the second was when they’d been working an all nighter (which has pretty much been happening every day for at least three months) and they’re working in companionable silence until eventually nikolai cant figure out what to write back to this shu diplomat and he’s kinda panicking bc he’s half awake, dead tired, and utterly lost. then a slip of paper falls out of the letter and when he picks it up its a fully formed comprehensible letter written by zoya and he’s just. how.

when he looks over she’s asleep, her hair falling onto her eyes, her expression untroubled for once- saints, she almost looks at peace. and he just kinda smiles and goes “what would I do without you”

and then it hits him. bc. what would he do without her

he has another one when he sees her teaching the grisha, and while she’s strict ofc with them, he sees the way her face lights up when the little boy manages his first gust of wind, or the proud tilt of her chin when she updates him on their progress. she just loved them sm ok

one more when they’re at the winter solstice ball and he keeps looking for her but she’s nowhere, and really has he even seen her all day long? was she ok? maybe he should go check on her-

and then zoya walks in. and. he completely stops functioning. 

because she’s wearing a dark blue gown and her eyes are brighter, and did genya do her hair? who’s idea was it to leave it braided over one shoulder, studded with silver gems? 

she catches his eye and raises a brow. maybe there’s some diplomat trying to get his attention but the entire world just disappeared so who cares anyway

he asks her to dance and she says dancing is a dangerous game yes

anyway the entire time he's just heart eyes and his hearts beating fast and why is this happening to him??

this is #283837 and genya's watching like "for the love of GOD one of u make a move"

but just like in kos he always assumes it's best for them not to be together, be it for ravka or for zoya herself or for his reign there's always some excuse he comes up with

"Did you know that you talk in your sleep?"

Zoya's voice carried over from the adjacent room. Nikolai scowled at his reflection, pausing his efficient ministrations of toothbrushing to poke his head out and make sure he'd heard her right.

"I what?" He asked around the brush still caught between his teeth.

Zoya was massaging the back of her neck, looking like the couch hadn't been very kind to her during the night she'd spent in his quarters. He had offered to share his own bed, but Zoya had only scoffed and said she'd prefer Genya dying her hair orange to that.

He had dutifully pointed out that his company was far less humiliating, but Zoya's reaction suggested she disagreed.

"You talk in your sleep, Your Highness." She repeated, her dark eyes glaring daggers at him from across the room. He hair was frazzled and her clothes were wrinkled and mussed. Nikolai couldn't stop his traitorous mind from wondering what it would be like to be greeted with such a sight every morning. "Still, I'm glad to hear you've made some progress with Ehri- or at least with your feelings towards her."

If it wasn't for the fact that every statement issued by Zoya was naturally venomous and tinged with boredom, Nikolai might have suspected there was something more to her tone.

"Zoya, dear," he said, popping the brush out of his mouth to wave around like a conductor to the music of his words, "I'd love to pretend I understood anything you meant but even I'm not that great of an actor- and especially not before tea."

She huffed, rolling her blanket up and evading his gaze, "you needn't pretend, Your Highness, I've met the woman myself and I can sense the appeal," she looked back up at him thoughtfully, "although I do wonder about the ribbon, as I've never seen Ehri with her hair tied before."

Nikolai felt his heart drop from the security of his ribcage. How had he thought this was a good idea? Zoya, in his quarters during the time his mind chose to torture him with such thoughts? With memories, and ridiculous, improper feelings about her? Never mind the leak in her own room, this had been a bad idea from the start.

Still.

He let an easy smile grace his lips, tipping the brush her way and allowing himself a wink as he spoke. "Some things aren't for the public eye, Zoya dear."

He would have to learn to better conceal his feelings, his thoughts. Especially as the wedding grew nearer and he signed away his future as well as his heart. Nikolai let himself mourn this loss, lock it away where it could do as little damage to him as possible.

And he tried not to read too much into the way her face closed up, the way she averted her eyes and nodded solemnly. He tried not to wonder if she was thinking the same thing. If possibly, they'd both just let go of what could have been the seed that would grow to be a very different future.

But Kings and Generals didn't have that luxury.

“Tell me,” said Nikolai to the woman beside the Suli leader, attempting to keep his voice casual. “You said something to General Nazyalensky."

“Nazyalensky,” she said with a laugh.

okay so we all knew nazyalensky was a ravkan last name and it made no sense that zoya carried it (since her relationship w her ravkan mom was shit). which means she probably was assigned a name when she came to the little palace, or she herself chose a new name in order to start a fresh life away from the troubles of her past.

so current theory? this woman knew zoyas father. and she probably also knew her mother, since zoya does share the same sharp beauty her mother had. so this is someone from her past. or from liliyanas past. and zoya ran away from her.

“They do love a mob in Yaryenosh. What did that woman say to you?"

“No idea,” said Zoya. “I don’t speak Suli.”

Tamar peered at her. “You looked like you understood her. You looked like you couldn’t wait to be out of her sight.”

So Nikolai hadn’t been the only one to notice.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Zoya said. “There was work to be done.”

okay here's the little we know about the suli: they aren't welcome by the ravkans, they're pretty much outcasts everywhere which strengthens their bond with each other as well as their faith- in this case faith in the saints.

we have to assume zoya hasn't actually interacted with them since she went to live with liliyana, a ravkan woman. and it's clear she wants no ties with them since she hasn't ever bothered to learn suli. which can only mean this is a statement she's heard many times, knowing the suli, probably a prayer. knowing her history, probably from her father.

so why does it scare her so much? my guess is it's probably something binding maybe something to do with them being a family, that together they're stronger or something.

He’d seen a man long dead resurrected, and he was fairly sure the spirit of an ancient dragon was lurking inside the woman next to him.

There's also this, and the fact that zoya has been noticeably different since the fold- aside from the change in her powers which wasn't mentioned. but here's the thing: if nikolai and the others have already caught onto juris, that means he's going to be a more prominent part of the plot, as well as zoya's life. and it's hinted more than once that a person can't live with another being trapped in their minds (usually a reference to nikolais demon) but...what if it's about zoya? and what if against all other theories she's the one that does at the end of the book. and, probably, take she darkling down with her.

I keep coming back to this and honestly I just think she owes people money now. A lot of it.

nikolai finally gets zoya to marry him and he’s so over the moon, he decides everyone needs to hear it from HIM

“I don’t want people thinking it’s just rumors, dear” “You don’t think the signs outside the palace are a big enough hint?” “ANYONE could have done that ANYONE !!”

so they have to visit pretty much everyone they ever met just so nikolai can go “and this is my wife, zoya” “fiancé” “they might not understand what that means zoya tHEY NEED TO KNOW”

he told tolya and tamar at least thirty times even tho they were there when zoya agreed

anyw so they get to the orphanage and finally tell mal and alina (at the door bc nikolai was too excited to wait) mal just grins and alina scowls. then she hands him twenty and goes “dammit I was only one week off”

it occurs to nikolai that maybe, just maybe, their friends knew.

just maybe

mal totally guessed that they were both hard headed and wld take ages and alina was like “if he doesn’t propose by the end of the year, zoya’s moving to the Shu Han”

omg ok so

ms zoya nazyalensky, storm witch, commander of the second army, queen of storms, is very very short

this is not self projection she’s smol and scary ok

now with zoya being short. shorter than genya. shorter than p much everyone. she is tiiiny compared to nikolai. 

she makes up for it with three feet of pure spite but still he’s a tree

now to counter this she wears like six inch heels everywhere (now she just reaches up to his chin and he loves coming from behind and wrapping his arms around her, resting his chin on her head, brushing her hair, and shes just so content) 

anyway zoyas so determined to be That Much taller compared to nikolai that sometimes he’ll wear boots with heels on em just to piss her off

he trips an falls on his face five minutes in but the look on her face was worth it

also zoya being short means nikolai carries her (which !! she totally !! doesn’t want him to do !! omg !!) but secretly she rly likes it and he’ll do it at such random times, if she seems a bit tired he’s like uP YA GO and zoya is absolutely terrified of heights so she’s holding on for dear life which nikolai finds very amusing

he gets punched tho on more than one occasion. just cuz.

also if they’re working late and zoya falls asleep on the couch, he’ll pick her up bridal style, and if she’d half conscious, she’ll just cuddle into his chest and he finds it so adorable

he does this a lot, and sets her in bed, tucks her in and adds like four blankets so she’ll wake up cocooned with a ton of them and she’s just?? wtf nikolai?? but then he’s just got his arms around the giant ball of blankets that contains zoya so she rolls her eyes and smiles

also if they’re out somewhere nikolai will come up and rest an elbow on her head just to tease her and she will absolutely smile sweetly at him before zapping him with electricity (which yes i believe she has developed the ability to create small electrical shocks through her fingers and. boy does she use em.)

zoya has to get up on her tip toes to kiss him and nikolai still finds it adorable usually he just carries her mid-kiss which she totally !! doesnt like !! 

on that note zoya sits on counters a loT, ok? counters, tables, anything- and she can meet his eyes properly which shes ridiculously proud of

also forehead and nose kisses ✨✨

anytime zoyas upset she’ll kinda scrunch up her face an nikolai will just kiss her nose

they literally cannot function without each other

if one of them has been away for too long nikolai will always end up running up to zoya and spinning her around before pressing a kiss to the top of her head