( * soft family things | @lightmimic​​ ) 

     ❝ it’s just me. ❞

     JUST HIM. as if it didn’t matter that the ache in his heart had become so strong that it had forced him to shed tears. that he’d tucked himself away hoping not to be found as he finally let himself cry without hesitation, tears rushing down his cheeks like rivers freed from a dam changing their patterns. he’d held it in for TOO LONG.

     his hands rushed to wipe away the tears from his face, stopping them before they could drip from his chin onto the floor, as if he could erase the fact that he’d been FOUND. he reused to stand, to event turn his head to properly acknowledge her presence. he wasn’t sure he wanted anyone to see him like this.

     what did he even have to CRY ABOUT?

      ❝ i–––– i tried to keep it down. ❞

     but, he’d spent so long stifling himself, only letting a few stray tears escape in attempt not to worry the other occupants of his HOME. the moment that he had been sure that he was alone, he hadn’t been able to STOP HIMSELF.

     ❝ sorry if i bothered you. there’s nothing to worry about. ❞

     it wasn’t his most CONVINCING tone, but he couldn’t help but wonder if that was because he could still feel the ACHE. he couldn’t help but hope that he could still fool xion, send her back to her friends where she deserved to be happy, not working to deal with the gloom that had settled like a stone in his heart.

❝ you don’t, ❞ there is a ——— clarity to her voice : an abnormality. something different something changed something / innately altered and she is / herself and / not. who’s to say who she is, besides? who’s to say ——— no. that’s not important. that’s not important ( and when is it ever important, besides? ) and she remembers, distant as though it had not been her as though it had been another memory as though it had been another place where she had intruded, an absolute abomination to the structure called the heart ———

cruelty. such cruelty. something like nobodies were never meant to exist something like you’re nothing something like there’s nothing about you to love something like you’re a pawn something like witch witch witch witch / but what does that matter, in the end? she had learned truth and therefore cruelty at the knee of ———

memory shifts. and she looks at her. looks at her. looks at her.

a puppet a weapon something not quite human but what’s human and neither of them are quite but xion is far more HUMAN AND REAL than she ever was and ever could be and there is darkness in her and light in her ( and there is just darkness in naminé this is where darkness lives this is where shadows lie and light is not good but dark is not good either and she is not good but xion had been good and / is good and thoughts … scatter ) and she is a girl. she is a person. there is a heart / lying in that chest.

this is someone she had brought to ruin.

one of the may one of the few and there is no REGRET IN HER but there is something like remorse if it can be called such a thing and she looks at her. passive / impassive / something in between. what is hurting? what is the act of being hurt? what is ——— anything at all?

she remembers, distant as though it had not been her ———

there is more clarity in looking at xion’s memories. cruelty. such cruelty. this again? yes, again. again and again and again and again.

something like worthless something like weapon something like nothing at all something like an object. an object. nothing more. nothing less. never a person. never a person, at all.

❝ you never did, ❞ her head tilts and her hair spills and there is a / solidity to her. transient. the ghost girl looks at the puppet girl and sees her. sees her. she remembers her : the sadness in her eyes and the acceptance in her shoulders and she doesn’t regret but there is something bleak that dwells in the endless shadows of her chest and that is something eternal. that is something absolute. that is something without name or shape or form and she blinks : slow.

is this anger? no. not quite. several shades away. ( or maybe it is anger and this is just one of infinite things that she turns from and looks away from that exists wholly in her periphery and is denied again and again and again and IT’S EASIER TO DEAL WITH THE WEIGHT OF EXISTENCE WHEN YOU ——— don’t exist. when you pretend / you don’t exist. )

this is : looking at a girl who is far more real than you would ever be and telling her to die, gently. quietly. in a white room in a white dress in a white chair swathed in white eternally white and white isn’t purity it’s a stain it’s a lie it’s a mask it’s a mask that she wears well ( a mask that was given to her and fitted to her and sewn to her and sewn to her as they ripped / her wings and / taught her ——— cruelty.

these are things you ignore to / exist. instead : you are not a good person and you are not a bad person you are not a person at all and were created this way and will always be this way and. what does it matter, besides? that doesn’t matter. you don’t matter. but … she matters. xion matters. )

❝ they taught you to think you do, ❞ they are ——— far off figures and far too close and she … hates them? no. distrusts them. or, hates them. irrelevant.

she looks at xion and looks at xion and looks at xion and looking at her doesn’t hurt. she’s a girl. she’s simply a girl, wounded and pieced back together and holding herself together / at the seams. at the edges. scrabbling and bleeding and real. she’s real. this pain is real. she’s always been so ——— real.

( it’s only natural that naminé killed her, once. really. this is something you acknowledge. this and not the other and not the others and not the / cruelty that marred those white walls and white halls and instead the cruelty that : scarred xion. and the rest. and the others. and … everyone. everyone, else.

nothing at all happened to you, after all. )

her chest is hollow and she wonders / if she were to reach in and scoop something out / what she would place into xion’s hands. ❝ you deserve… to exist, ❞ her eyes are steady and her head aches and it feels as though something / something is ——— caving in. she breathes and. and.

❝ and to be… happy. ❞

the nothing girl disappears, doesn’t she always? ghost are always meant to disappear. but she’s looking at her. at her.

    Shadow stares solemnly back at the girl; her black bob suits her face. She seems to have grown into her features, somehow, they have become more her own and less of someone else’s. He can tell she had been uncomfortable inhabiting this form. Or perhaps she still is; she’s just better at hiding it. He knows what it’s like to feel like a stranger in a vessel someone else ascribed to you. Words of ULTIMATE, words of SAVIOR, words of PROTECTOR – all for a Shadow the Hedgehog he couldn’t remember, only the word MARIA floating in his head. He’s since regained most of his memories, but still – something continuously is lacking, and he’ll never regain them. Shadow did die that day on the ARK. In a way.

    She says she understands and that she was also a weapon. That she has friends and has grown out of her weaponhood into a person. She’s capable of her own autonomy. Shadow’s gaze softens for a moment; again he understands her feelings. And freedom. He’s glad to feel it beneath his palms, even if it came with the price of haunting dreams, bursting through his corneas.

    Shadow is saddened by the thought that there are others like him across universes. “There’s a high price to pay for freedom,” he comments, but avoids going into it – XION KNOWS. The words float unsaid between them ( how do you avoid feeling like a monster ? ).

@lightmimic   /   unprompted. "Sora!"  Her voice is panicked and surprised -- she scrambles off the ground and towards him as he finished off the Heartless that had been seconds from -- best not finish the thought.  She'd been wounded and he'd PROTECTED HER.  Gotten hurt doing it.  She's confused and afraid and almost ANGRY, somehow. Why would he protect her?  She's just a broken mirror!  He shouldn't be getting hurt for her sake!  "Sora, what were you -- are you okay?!"

a   grimace   on   his   face   as   hero   is   stuck   on   one   knee ,   the   end   of   king’   shoved   into   the   dirt   to   keep   him   grounded   and   upright   ───   that   was   close ,   any   later   and   xion   might’ve ...

head   lifts   as   he   hears   his   name ,   a   smile   pulling   at   previously   downturned   lips .          ❛   it’s   okay   ───   i’m   alright .   ❜          sora   insists ,   and   he’s   touched   that   his   safety   is   the   first   thing   on   her   mind ;     despite   the   blood   pooling   from   a   wound   he’d   sustained   or   the   way   he   couldn’t   lift   himself   any   higher   than   a   kneel   he’s   slowly   raising   kingdom   key   to   the   sky ,   swishing   it   ‘round   a   bit .

❛   heal .   ❜

a   calming ,   soothing   pale   green   begins   to   shimmer ,   but   instead   of   reaching   his   own   weakened   state   ───   the   spell   washes   over   xion   instead .

     HE VAGUELY REMEMBERS the sounds of keyblades crashing , of the taunting of his teammates ( his friends ) , of someone yelling his name before--

                                                                                                                     nothing .

     no sound , no voices or anything in sight other than pitch black-- he hates it . the loneliness doesn’t take long to seep in quickly followed by panic before finally he hears his name again . several voices , too many to count , it’s roxas , roxas , roxas , on repeat but some are loud &&. staggered while others are soft &&. shaking .

     roxas is no expert on emotions , after having been convinced for so long that he didn’t have a heart , but he knew fear well .

     the first thing he notices upon opening his eyes is that it’s difficult for some reason . as if he’d been asleep for a year &&. his eyes had grown tired from not being used . the second is that he’s in someone’s arms ( axel’s , probably ) &&. the third is xion’s face still just a bit out of focus above him .

     he couldn’t be certain but for a brief moment he could’ve sworn he saw a tear roll down her cheek . ( he made her cry . )

     ❝ you stopped breathing . ❞

     it takes him a moment to register what she was implying . he... died ? well , not quite if he was here then he couldn’t be dead . unless , of course , she was dead too -- but that thought is gone as fast as it came . no , he’s fine &&. she’s fine . he’s sure of it .

     ❝ i... ❞ his voice doesn’t sound like his own . it sounds distant , like someone had whispered from the top of the clocktower &&. he was at the bottom . it scared him . ❝ i’m okay . ❞ saying it out loud seemed to help , but he’s not sure if it did xion any favors . if he was in her shoes , well , he didn’t want to think about that either .

soft sentences // @lightmimic  //  selectively accepting 

      IT’S  LATE  AFTERNOON  when  kairi  finds  herself  waking ,  the  sun  just  beginning  to  set  as  she  opens  her  eyes .  seems  like  she  napped  a  little  (  or  a  lot  )  more  than  she’d  originally  intended . what  a  waste  —  she’d  been  planning  to  get  more  training  done  today .  but  she’d  been  so  tired  earlier  she  couldn’t  realistically  do  anything  except  rest .  perhaps  she’d  been  sleepier  than  she’d  originally  thought  it  was  hardly  11am  when  she’d  settled  in  on  the  couch .

      IT  TAKES  A  MINUTE  OR  SO  to  properly  come  to  her  senses ,  yawning  loudly  as  she  rubs  her  eyes  &  move  herself  off  the  couch .  it’s  only  when  she  gets  to  her  feet  when  she  completely  remembers  what  she’d  been  planning  to  do .  xion  —  they’d  been  planning  to  spar  &  then  have  a  late  lunch  together  at  the  bistro .  oh  she’s  so  stupid .  she  hopes  she  hadn’t  made  her  wait  too  long  for  her .  kairi  hates  to  think  she’d  upset  or  hurt  her  girlfriend  unintentionally .

      SHE  FROWNS ,  JUST  BARELY  throwing  a  jacket  &  a  pair  of  sandals  before  hurrying  out  of  her  apartment .  xion’s  place  is  a  little  farther  out  then  she  should  realistically  be  running  on  foot  but  kairi’s  feeling  a  little  too  frantic  to  think  about  stopping  to  wait  for  the  train .  nevertheless  she  makes  it  there  on  an  okay  time  despite  her  lack  of  running  speed  (  perhaps  slow  &  steady  does  win  the  race  after  all  ) .  in  a  few  minutes  more  she’s  at  xion’s  door  &  not  even  hesitating  a  moment  as  she  turns  the  key  &  opens  the  door .

      KAIRI’S  EYES  FIND  XION  almost  immediately ,  finding  xion  sitting  in  one  of  her  kitchen  chairs ,  appearing  to  be  playing  some  kind  of  game  on  her  gummiphone .  kairi’s  expression  instantly  softens ,  not  even  sparing  to  close  the  door  behind  her  as  she  rushes  to  wrap  her  arms  around  the  other  girl .  as  she  pulls  away  she  meets  xion’s  eyes  &  says  ❛    xion  i’m  so  sorry  for  missing  our  date  i  —    ❜  

    “    YOU  FELL  ASLEEP .  I  KNOW .    ”  her  girlfriend  finishes  for  her ,  a  sort  of  amused  smile  on  her  lips .  kairi’s  brow  quirks  upward  in  confusion  at  the  statement ,  about  to  ask  how  on  earth  did  she  know  this  when  xion  speaks  again .  “    when  you  didn’t  show  up  i  got  worried  so  i  stopped  by  your  place  for  a  little .    ”  there’s  a  pause  &  xion’s  amused  grin  widens .  “    you  snore  in  your  sleep .    ”

      INSTANTLY  KAIRI  FEELS  HER  FACE  grow  hot  as  a  blush  rises  to  her  cheeks .  well ,  this  is  embarrassing .  xion’s  never  been  around  to  see  her  sleep  before  &  kairi  knows  for  a  fact  she  does  more  than  snore .  in  fact  she’s  a  disastrous  sleeper  really .  drooling , snoring  &  waking  up  with  her  hair  a  complete  mess  —  the  works .  she  wouldn’t  be  surprised  if  she’d  come  here  looking  absolutely  ridiculous .  she  spares  a  moment  to  look  herself  in  a  mirror  hanging  on  the  wall  &  sure  enough  she  does .  there’s  dried  drool  hanging  from  her  chin  &  her  hair  is  standing  on  end  in  places .  maybe  that’s  why  xion  had  been  smiling  like  that  when  she  came  in .

      XION  SEEMS  TO  NOTICE  her  embarrassment  as  she  adds ,  her  voice  a  little  softer  &  sweeter  now .  “    —  but  it’s  adorable ,  okay ?    ”  the  reassurance  only  makes  kairi’s  blush  deepen  though  less  out  of  embarrassment  &  more  of  being  flustered .  she  buries  her  face  in  her  hands  &  lets  out  a  laugh .  so  much  for  trying  to  look  nice  &  presentable  for  her  girlfriend  she  guesses .

      SHE  HEARS  MOVEMENT  &  the  sound  of  a  chair  scraping  against  the  floor  &  suddenly  she  feels  the  smaller  girl  wrapping  her  in  a  hug .  she  feels  xion  running  her  fingers  in  kairi’s  tousled  up  hair ,  smoothing  it  as  she  kisses  her  hands  shielding  her  face .  kairi  smiles  &  lifts  her  face  to  look  at  the  other .  she  returns  xion’s  affection  by  pressing  a  kiss  to  her  cheek ,  her  smile  from  ear  to  ear  as  she  pulls  away .  

      ❛    Y’KNOW  I’M  STILL  GONNA  have  to  make  this  up  to  you  right ?    ❜  she  pauses  to  look  at  the  clock  resting  on  the  kitchen  counter  a  little  ways  away .  6:30pm ,  just  the  right  time  for  —  ❛    dinner  at  the  bistro  tonight  is  on  me  okay ?    ❜  xion  nods ,  taking  her  hand  in  hers  as  they  walk  together  out  of  the  apartment .  they  don’t  break  apart  their  hands  the  entire  way  there .