KANKRI: *He has since had some time to clear his head by walking around on that beach, think about what he wants to say, what he /should/ say. But quite honestly Kankri still doesn't feel all that prepared even now that he is standing here outside the door to Lifera's asigned room. The last time they had spoken he had been so terrible. The last time they saw each other was the day before he shipped off world (A world which no longer exists) in secret without a word as to where he was going. Kankri had even presumed her dead for a time until Davenforth had told him otherwise. There were just a lot of feelings bubbling up, and Kankri had no desire to let them spill over, he needed to be the stronger of them both now more then ever.*
KANKRI: *After taking in a deep breath, he knocks on her door.*
LIFERA: *She hadn't been sure what to do once she reached her room. Mostly, she laid down, not bothering to try to decaptcha any of the clothes Dave had given her just yet. The quiet loneliness reminded her of before, but only in a distant sort of way. This was different, but regardless of where she went, the facts remained the same. She couldn't escape that. She wasn't sure how much time had passed before she heard a knock on her door, but she forced herself up slowly, moving for the door and opening it with a certain hesitation. That hesitation evaporated once she saw him, her eyes widening.*
LIFERA: Kankri...
KANKRI: *He still got to catch a glimpse of whatever feeling she had before, and it just twists him up inside, reminding him of what shes been through. He does his best to keep his expression completely neutral.*
KANKRI: Hell9. I h9pe I am n9t distur6ing y9u. I wanted t9 c9me 6y and ap9l9gize f9r my 6ehavi9r 9n the 6each earlier.
LIFERA: Ap... Behavior? No-- Kankri, no... *She still sounds tired, but there's genuine concern in her voice.* You don't have to apologize for anything.
LIFERA: It's okay.
KANKRI: Alright... well... *He shifts a little awkwardly on his feet.* I supp9se y9u d9 n9t have t9 accept my reas9ings f9r ap9l9zing if y9u d9 n9t want t9.
KANKRI: 6ut it still stands that I have said it.
LIFERA: Yes... Yes, of course. Thank you.
KANKRI: Y9u are welc9me.
KANKRI: Is... is it alright if I c9me in? I understand if y9u are tired 9f c9urse and wish t9 rest.
LIFERA: Ah-- Yes. You can come in anytide you want. *She's moving out of the doorway for him.*
KANKRI: *Okay well, at leas she was feeling well enough to make sea themed puns right? Kankri steps through the doorway and looks around the room a little.* I d9 n9t have a great am9unt 9f furniture myself, 6ut if y9u w9uld like s9me t9 help fernish y9ur 6l9ck I can certainly all9w y9u a piece 9r tw9.
LIFERA: Oh, no, you don't need to do that. This is just fine. *she's smiling a little bit.* It's something... N-EW.
KANKRI: I d9 n9t feel 96ligated, it is indeed s9mething I wish t9 9ffer t9 y9u.
LIFERA: I appreseate that... but you need them, don't you? I'll be fine. I don't have much.
KANKRI: Truthfully I very rarely have any9ne 9ver t9 my 6l9ck, s9 I really d9 n9t require that much. *Here they were, acting some form of normal with each other. But every time she denied his offer, Kankri felt a little more hesitent to keep suggesting that she just take it. Somehow, he could feel that she wasn't as okay as she was presenting herself to be (Why would she be okay?) she wasn't the same amount of bubbly she used to be, there was a difference and Kankri could sense it.*
LIFERA: Well, I-- *She stops herself rather abruptly, brows knitting as she watches his face.* Do you really want me to have them...? Is that what you are trying to say?
KANKRI: Yes?? *He replies more sudden then he meant to.* I mean, I w9uld n9t 9ffer if I did n9t intend f9r y9u t9 at least take a chair 9r s9mething! *The smallest huff as he crosses his arms. He cares so much, but he can't just flat out ask "Are you okay?" That would be too easy.*
LIFERA: *Her brows knit a little more, and she looks away, at the bed.* Okay. Okay... I'm sorry.
LIFERA: I'll take whatever you want me to have, seaweedie.
KANKRI: Y9u... y9u d9n't have t9 ap9l9gize f9r it.
LIFERA: I just want to listen to you.
KANKRI: *He frowns at her a little, folding his arm tighter as he does so.* 9kay... well.
KANKRI: S9 Mituna is here. I 6elieve I have t9ld y9u that. I'm sure y9u tw9 will want t9 see each 9ther at s9me p9int. 6ut if y9u need time t9 adjust t9 y9ur new settings I can f9ward that message al9ng t9 him f9r y9u.
KANKRI: Same with any9ne. Sh9uld y9u require it.
LIFERA: Oh... Yes. That's good...! That he is here. *He would have lost his mothers, too.* I... don't suppose many people know I'm here. Or should know.
KANKRI: That w9uld als9 6e my guess. There is a chance that it may remain that way f9r a time. 6ut we can plan in advance can we n9t?
LIFERA: Shore. *She smiles a little again, watching him.* Well...
LIFERA: I am not certain if I... should stay for long.
KANKRI: *He considers smiling back, but his frown increases instead when she says that.* What?
KANKRI: Why?
KANKRI: Where else w9uld y9u even g9 if n9t here?
LIFERA: I don't know. But I am sure I've caused enough trouble for everyone here... and I can't imagine if my being here needs to be seacret, that many would be happy with my presence here.
KANKRI: *Well he cant argue with that.* 6ut that is hardly any reas9n f9r y9u t9 leave. Th9se wh9 take issue with y9u staying here can 6e the adults they are and quite frankly deal with it.
LIFERA: No... It isn't fair to expect them to. They don't owe anything to me.
KANKRI: It is n9t if y9u 9we them anything either! *He snaps a bit harsher. Hes not mad at her, not fully anyways. But the very idea of anyone actually giving her a hard time about just exisiting on the ship after just having been rescued from prision cells and torture? It makes his blood boil.* After everything y9u have 6een thr9ugh they can certainly sh9w s9me c9mpasi9n!
LIFERA: *She quiets at that, uncertain what to say, and, frankly, surprised and touched by the passion of his concern. She still knows she doesn't belong here, but neither does she want to argue with him, to fight him. He's almost all she has left, and that's more important than anything else.*
KANKRI: *He waits for Lifera to continue to argue, but when she doesnt Kankri starts to simmer down again.* .... All I am saying is that if they take issue with y9u 6eing here. Well... Then they can very well 6ring it up with me and I will s9undly let them kn9w that their issues are childish and sh9uld highly 6e rec9nsidered.
KANKRI: And...
KANKRI: *He swallows and adverts his eyes from her.* That I am s9rry f9r what has happened t9 y9u...
KANKRI: And f9r n9t pr9perly saying g99d6ye t9 y9u 6ef9re. *Oh no, is that a bit of pink in his eyes? Maybe his eyes are just watering.*
LIFREA: *He's apologizing again, and there's a sharp ache in her chest seeing him this way, her own eyes stinging with pink. She wants to comfort him, to make this better. To make anything better at all for him, despite everything else she's given up on. Her hands rise lingering in the air around him; she wants so badly to hold him.* Oh, no-- No, Krilly, it's okay... You're okay. I'm not mad at you... I couldn't be mad at you.
KANKRI: I w9uld n9t assume that y9u w9uld 6e mad. It w9uld 6e selfish t9 think that y9ur mind w9uld even 6e giving any shread 9f th9ught 9ccupati9n a69ut s9mething s9 distant and mundane in c9mpari9n t9 what has taken place. I-I am well aware there are m9re imp9rtant things t9 6e upset a69ut f9r y9u s9.. just kn9w that really I guess saying it is 9nly t9 make myself feel 6etter a69ut a truly reckless acti9n that was made with9ut real f9rth9ught. *Even if running away from home without a doubt saved his own life, Kankri still couldnt help but look back on how stupid he had been in the first place to try it. He glances back at her and sees her tears and her raised hands, its true, he doesn't like being hugged by her. But this moment right here, this moment of all moments, should count as an exception. And without another word Kankri stops crossing his arms and instead spreads them out and open to her, should she still want to.*
LIFERA: *Again, she's speechless. Again, she's lost, unable to quite piece together how she could be here, having lost everything, and yet, here he was, spreading his arms for her when she deserved it least and needed it most. And maybe she was selfish to take the chance, but she wouldn't question it this time. Not now. Right now, she just wanted to be with her son, and the mere thought that he was giving her a chance after all this time was a kindness she only wished she had earned before. She doesn't mean to cry once she has her arms around him, but after everything, she couldn't stop herself.*
LIFERA: I-- missed you.
LIFERA: I'm s-- sorry...
LIFERA: For-- being a bad mom. For all of this.
KANKRI: *Before were Lifera to hug him like this Kankri would have tensed up instantly and tried to navigate out of her arms. This time he holds her back as tight as he dares, not taking a chance with the posibilty of hurting her after all that has happened to her, and rests his chin on her shoulder. As his mom talks in between sobs Kankri's own tears silently slip down his face, now that he knows she cant see them.* I--
KANKRI: Y9u aren't a 6ad m9ther.
KANKRI: Y9u didn't--- *She can probably hear a small sniffle.* Its n9t y9-y9ur f-fault.
LIFERA: *She doesn't need to see him crying to know he is, too. It's apparent enough in how he sounds, the hitch of his breath, the shaky, shuddery way he breathes against her. She holds him just that much tighter, too, hand stroking over his back.* I love you. I want to do better for you. Whatever you need me to do.
KANKRI: *He takes a breath to try and steady himself again, to stop crying and choking up.* I d9n't /need/ y9u t9 d9 anything.
KANKRI: Just.
KANKRI: Just think a69ut staying here... f9r n9w...please.
LIFERA: Okay. *She nods against the side of his head, the little ruffly tickle of his hair against her cheek, and she's missed this so much.* Okay. I will.
KANKRI: 9kay... *He doesn't say anything more, but he doesnt want to let go of her yet either. Kankri would have never imagined, or admit, that he would have missed her as much as he did.*
LIFERA: *She is definitely not letting go until he does. This is too rare, too important for her to. For as long as she can, she will just stand here holding him, hand moving over his back, reminding herself what happiness feels like.*
