#lifelost

Lifelost | Punitive Damnation | 10th December, 2021

Spanish Black Metal

Artwork by Phlegeton

Forget.

Forget.

Forget.

Block it all out.

Memories can’t hurt you.

The powdery taste of melatonin

lingers on my tongue

long after I wake up.

Forget.

The past is no more.

I am inhaling the future before me. 

LIFELOST

(all photos are from unsplash)

TW: please pass this by if you may be triggered by the following: strong themes of depression, death, and trauma from a car crash.

Genre: contemporary fiction written in free verse

Themes: healing, depression, nostalgia, grief, friendship, young adult

POV: first person

Characters:

Jessie - A college freshman just trying to survive in the outside world. Suffers from depression and is incredibly private. Knots friendship bracelets as a coping method, loves to take walks and explore(trespass, shhhh). Despite her quiet demeanor, there’s a magnetic streak of rebelliousness in her.

Reya - Roommate to our MC, cheerful, loves people. Works a thousand odd jobs in order to cure her shopping addiction, and alternately loves or despises them. An overwhelming welcomed addition to every gathering.

Crow - A cynic who loves to philosophize. Tends towards the nihilistic. Much more observant than Jessie is comfortable with, and kind to the last degree. 

Danika - Studying design in her ideal school, she deals with anxiety that often blockades her from pursuing her dream. Jessie’s best girlfriend from home, they  video chat often to rant to each other and properly unload 

Alex - A sophomore in the same college, a boy who puzzles on the mysteries of the world. He’s known Jessie since she was thirteen, and between his study breaks(which are constant really), interrupts her during her solo coffee dates. 

Summary: Reclusive, quiet, the weight of reality sinking on her soul, Jessica Liao enters her freshman year of college with suitcases of sweatshirts and clouds in her head. Donning a mask of lies, she somehow survives through her first semester of school of life, without him. 

Depression has been eating into her soul for the last few years, and it’s only gotten worse. Because of it. Because of her. It’s a weary cycle of lonely nights, intrusive thoughts, and knots. Lots and lots of knots. Her only way of coping. Jessie has always found it hard to believe that she has a future. But despite the horrible burden set upon her shoulders, she’s still surviving, trudging through life, tugged along by a hidden thread of hope.

Cruel hope? Perhaps. As impossible as it is to believe, time can heal. There is no miracle all-cure for her grief, but day by day, she wakes to a new morning. A hole where he is that will never be filled, but she never wants it to be. 

Lady Luck is on her side, as her bubbly roommate and a cynical boy philosopher tap through the walls she throws up so easily, and between their kindness and her own determination.

Through the blood and the misery, she breaks through the dull haze, and finally finds out that the lie that she has believed so long about herself, that she is worth nothing, is false, false, false. 

She can take back the life she has lost. 

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