It’s been three years since we broke up, and I haven’t had a boyfriend since.

I’m not even trying to find one.

These days, I genuinely enjoy spending time alone.

But recently, I suddenly found myself thinking about my ex — and I couldn’t stop crying.

It wasn’t because I missed him.

I have no lingering feelings for him at all.

Last year, I was overwhelmed by stress at work and ended up getting sick.

When I thought about how I had managed work stress in the past, I remembered him.

My ex was a tough person.

Whenever I was feeling down, he would immediately take me out to eat beef.

Yakiniku, shabu-shabu — he didn’t mind the cost.

He would just say, “You need strength.”

I’m a pretty simple person, so somehow, eating meat actually made me feel better.

Or maybe it was just the absurdity of it — that almost childish belief that “meat gives you strength” — like something out of a manga.

It made me laugh, and suddenly my worries felt less serious.

Last year, I asked my boss to reduce my workload.

I don’t think that was the wrong decision.

But I sometimes wonder — if I had still been with him, maybe we could have gotten through it together, just by eating meat and laughing.

And that thought made me cry.

I realized that what hurt wasn’t the breakup itself.

It was the loss of someone who could give me that kind of strength.

Ideally, I wanted to get promoted.

I wanted to work harder, push myself more.

I’m the kind of person who actually enjoys working.

So I don’t think I dislike work.

But last year was full of challenges, and I became exhausted.

I ran out of energy halfway through.

When I see people who are naturally tough, I feel a little envious.

I wish I had been stronger, more persistent.

But at the same time, there was a quiet voice inside me saying that I needed to step back and take things more gently.

And I couldn’t ignore it.

Somewhere deep down, I felt that I shouldn’t push myself any further.

I think these kinds of things are something you have to face on your own.

Whether you fight through it or step away, the important thing is to decide for yourself.

So I didn’t rely on anyone. I made the decision on my own.

But I realized then that, somewhere, I just wanted a place where I could admit that I was struggling.

That doesn’t mean I want a new relationship just to have someone absorb my stress.

To me, a relationship should be about sharing joy.

I don’t want to place my weakness onto someone else.

There’s no real conclusion to this.

I just wanted to leave these thoughts somewhere, like a quiet note to myself.