#liesproject

tonight is just one more promise you have broken the I'll always be here for you promise that is only ever made to smooth things over long enough to disappear seamlessly

and I don't think I will ever believe anyone again since you were the last person I ever expected to lie to me

but here I am

because they always used to tell her that the sun will always rise that there is always tomorrow

Stretched across the front seat of the car, he fought with my belt - trying to re-fasten it.  Whenever I tried to help he playfully slapped my hand away.  Ever the independent, he finally got it and cupped his hand against my hip.

The lights had gone off in the house we were parked in front of and my friends had long ago quit asking where I had disappeared to.  The last shot of tequila was buzzing between my eardrums, giving everything a fuzzy quality.  But when he tipped my chin up so he was looking me in the eyes, I heard him perfectly.

I love you.  You know that?

Maybe it should have been a statement, but he was definitely asking.  So I nodded.  And when he bent over me I tasted the rum and final cigarette before our mouths even met.  It wasn't until his tongue collided with mine that I found the other flavors.

At first I thought it was just fear.  But then there was desire.  And passion.  And wonder.  And caution.  And as the space between us closed and opened, closed and opened, closed and opened, I figured it out.

It was honesty.  He tasted just like truth.

When he dropped me off later, our clothes finally put back in the proper order and position, he let me get out of the car without a word.  Just as I was about to shut the door he said my name.

I love you. 

I slid back across the seat and kissed him hard and deep, my hand on the side of his face, willing him to stay.  The need for breath broke us though.  

I told him that I loved him, too - whispered it right into his mouth.

you said you would always be here for me if i needed you but i know that if i picked up my phone right now and dialed your number you wouldn't pick up but i have never needed anyone as badly as i need you tonight

you lied and i still don't hate you

i was never in love with you

and i've packed my suitcases they're waiting by the door filled with sweaters and books my toothbrush and more than enough faith to get me somewhere worth going

i was never in love with you

and i find the silence soothing the way it presses from all sides until i am small and compact easy enough to slide right into someone's pocket like a special trinket

i was never in love with you

and i can't even remember the exact shade of your slate blue eyes and how they looked at me as we crossed state boundaries along with some personal ones with smiles

i was never in love with you

and i'm an excellent liar making it so that you will never know just how perfect i am without you and the forever you promised when all i ever asked for was you

but he lied

and now there are so many songs that i can't listen to anymore

and i've never been a liar