#lfswc

But as I fired up the nerves in my hand I trembled and shook far enough that my plan to escape your memory only managed to impress a permanent reminder into my skin..

TWO, 
Im not sure if you caught it, but that first part is a metaphor for the fact that my hands could never really hold your love steady.

And when it finally shook out of the basket of my hands it traveled like a warning shot never to be seen again, but still echoing in all the memories I’m still trying to drown out.

THREE, 
Do you want to know what the craziest thing about all this is? Its that I dont remember goodbye nearly as well as slipping through your fingers and watching you adjust like plastic, fastening yourself to the next best thing supple lips and delicate hips could buy.

And I dont mean that hes a runner up. I mean that your use of the word love is as overused as another cliche’d story about the girl I lost months ago 


But left enough paraphernalia around my apartment that some nights I forget that she isnt here.

FOUR
, As for the man thats holding you tonight I really fucking hope that he tastes just like me, and that when he touches your body he follows the exact same road map I left heavily traveled so that every time you think of me its seconds before a climax, and you have to catch yourself before you call my name.

FIVE, 
I know you don’t. 
And I know that this sounds crazy but if I pretend that you walked out that door to find a more evolved version of me then I can at least pretend that maybe tomorrow Ill be good enough to hold your hands again.

SIX, 
I wrote a poem called window pains for you, and people loved it. But I dont think they know that I wrote it in the 37 steps it took you to walk out of my life.

And I know that this is pointless information but I need someone to understand that our version of forever was nothing like the eternity my mind raced before you had even reached your car.

And I know that you don’t care about this, but SEVEN, I remember how your every step exuded a confidence that shattered every aspect of mine.

And SEVEN
, My relaxation has never felt more stressful than it does when  ""I love you""  slides drowsily from my lips as i stutter into sleep.

And SEVEN Iv been so busy loving you for so long that my reflection looks like and amputee that just received their prosthetic leg…

I mean I look normal enough to walk outside and not receive awkward stares but in my mind I am ALWAYS self-conscious of what is no longer there.

But EIGHT… get this, 
I actually went out on a date tonight.

And shes a nice girl, but half way through dinner I noticed that her eyes begged to know how I got these scars.

And while Iv never been ashamed of the truth, the answer to that is a hell of alot easier than any number of the reasons that I still love you.

So NINE, 
I explained that one night, I smashed my fist into our memories and plucked a shard out. 
Held it with precision above my chin, and fashioned a smile onto the sagging lines intersecting with my cheeks.

And I know that sounds morbid, but they say lightning never strikes twice in the same place.

So TEN, 
If I never find love again I at least want to know what its like to wake up with a smile on my face.

                                                 K.W.