#lex-stuff

With a tired sigh, the teen opened the door, the darkness and silence of the house welcoming her. There was no one at home, something that became common in River's house since she was fifteen, when she insisted to her mother that she didn’t a nanny. I’m old enough to take care of  myself. She turned the lights on, took her boots off and went straight to the couch, throwing herself there. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply. She was failing school, a teacher caught her smoking weed and she got a black eye for getting into a fight. All of this in just one week.

A hell of a week.

And what she heard from her mother before she left again was: “don’t be a disappointment.”

She rolled her eyes, getting up from the couch to cook something in the kitchen. Was I ever not? She thought quietly, trying to ignore all the mix of feelings with the replay of this “conversation” in her mind. Rebecca never showed she felt pride of her being her child, so what difference would it make? She wasn’t even there. Never was.

I don’t need her. 

She ate her food quietly on the dinner’s table. Ignoring the way her chest stings. But why does it hurt? 

Sam often asked herself how things would be if her dad was alive. Would he be disappointed in her? Would Rebecca stay at home? Would they be a happy family?

A tear threatened to fall, and she wiped it quickly when it rolls down her cheek.

I’m sorry for everything, dad. I’m sorry for not being a good daughter to you two. 

I’m sorry that I can’t make her love me.

And all her tentatives of holding back the tears failed as she thought about all these possibilities, about how she would never experience having a family because of that day. She wanted to be angry at her father for going, for leaving them, but the only thing she could think at the moment was how much she wanted him to be alive.