#lewdic

      it felt like the cameras had melted away, or perhaps turned to dust and were carried off by the wind. it was clear that the moment they were in was an intimate one, one that the editors would have a lovely time putting to slow and emotional music as the competing idols grew closer. it was a moment where money, success, and companies did not matter to either party. it was a perfect moment, and yet within the room, hunji felt like such an imperfect man.       “taking care of everything. . . it’s stressful.” tears came to his eyes, and he wiped one away. perhaps it was the pressure of doing the show, on top of his normal schedule, that made him crack in front of a stranger, or maybe it was the adding of stress day after day that finally got him talking. he was talking out of a need for relief, which is contrary to his typical character.       “i just want to do well. . . sometimes even if you do well, you still can’t be successful. what if i just. . . end one day, and i can never do everything. i want to do everything and do it well.” he did not dare look the elder in the eye, for there were too many tears puddled up in his own to make eye contact. his red sleeve gently wiped his tears away, and despite wearing little to no makeup, he still was gentle as if he were in full costume.

HYUNMI: please 😗

     sunchae ran through the rain. it poured over him, drenching him, his backpack, and everything inside. he was already sweaty from a long days’ work at leaf productions, but now, the rain doubled the drench underneath his own clothes.      he huffed and puffed, flinching at thunder and jerking at lightning. he ran past empty, closed, full, and open shops alike. he ran past them all, even the bright ones with dry people inside, until he found the door.      he yanked open the door to the bookstore and hurried in. he slammed the door closed behind him, huffing, puffing. he froze. he tried to relax himself. he let out a long breath, happy to be inside, but upset that he was dripping everywhere.      a crash came from outside and sunchae was barely effected by it. he looked around for mark. what an awful day, he thought, why isn’t mark here to check on me?

     hope rubbed her eyes. all night, nearly all night she was awake. she had one solid nap in bed with chulsoon, just so he would fall asleep, only to wake up less than an hour later. a simple creak in the night disturbed her so much so that she awoke with the urge to stay awake. she was fatigued, worked to the bone, but she wanted to continue to work. work seemed to be what defined her. it was the only number she had to really show off that she meant something in the world. no sleep could stop her.      she worked hard until five in the morning where upon she showered, hoping to not wake her lover, and get herself done before work. well, half way done. she picked out fresh underwear and a large white t-shirt that she did not care about so she could do her makeup without spilling anything on a decent clothing item. when finished, she wanted to do her hair and get dressed, but it was around the time she knew chulsoon might wake up.      instead, she decided to leave hair and clothes for later so that she could focus on something else, breakfast.      all night she left the windows open, hoping that something about the stars would keep her working hard, but now after her shower, the sun was coming up. she walked to the kitchen counter in their small apartment and put her hands on it. she leaned over the edge of the counter, putting her nose as close to the window as possible. when was the last time she smelt the fresh morning air? it was different than the air at night when the streets were heavy.      she began baking beans, started cooking pork, and had the bread for toast prepared. in between the dishes she moved to their bedroom so she could sneak a hair tie.      she put her hair up as she watched over the different foods. she put the toast in the toaster. she stirred the beans once, tasted them, then poured them all into a dish. she set out plates and egg cups for their meal. at first, she was unsure, but as she plated the last of the toast, she could feel it. she was more sure that someone was behind her. for the first time in her life, while someone was behind her, she smiled.      “my love, this would go a lot faster if you came over here to help.” she smiled. she glanced back quickly, her fish-bowl doe eyes looked back at him. her cheeks raised. she went back to the dishes themselves, setting it so that each plate was fit perfect to either’s pallet.

     hope could not touch her own face. she wanted to hold the bridge of her nose. she wanted to rub her eyes, but, her makeup was perfect, she could not move at all. in the concepts and ideas board meeting, being there for the pitching of a new comeback for her boys, she wanted to be excited, but she could not.      secretly, the day before, she was out all night doing work and paperwork that she missed long ago. she planned a schedule at four am for the boys to fly to los angeles for a performance and be back before a seoul show only to get ready for their next comeback. she stayed awake all night, calling los angeles to schedule flights at four am, and as soon as eight am hit in korea, she called flights from korea to los angeles. busy, busy, busy.      she scheduled everything and her lover, her dearest, asked her out to lunch. she agreed, but ate very little, something she struggled with all her life, and was now back at leaf productions. she was given ideas, the cost, and the concepts, all of which she just nodded. she tried to take notes, but she fell short. she tried to ask questions, but she forgot them before she could ask.      mercifully, the meeting ended five minutes early. hope packed her things and was the first one out of the room. she made it to her cubicle where she began filing her notes in the right places and pulling out more paperwork to do before she had to meet with her boys to discus the previous meeting. bored, bored, bored.      she sat for thirty minutes, working hurriedly, when her brain seemed to give out. she could not concentrate. she looked up from her work, curiously, and up to a picture. it was a secret, but she had a picture of her lover on her desk. a cute one of him that she took recently. only had she gotten comfortable photographing him when they had been dating for several months. she smiled. how cute, his lips, his eyes, his skin, all of it innocent and all of it hers.      BRRRZZZZ! she jumped out of her skin! she took her phone out from her pink leather skirt’s pocket and did not even bother to look at the contact name before answering.      “hello? this is hope ann lewis.”

     the world outside? hunji wanted to laugh. was he some kind of test-tube baby? what did he mean by the outside world. of course, it was clearly some sort of metaphor, but how long had it been since yubin grew up? how long had it been since he realized that the world was harsher than adults make it out to?      casually, he sipped on his americano, he sat back, and quirked an eyebrow.      “what do you mean?” he asked, polite, but confused.

     well, how ridiculous was that. everything? surely not every single thing. doesn’t he have a mother? a soul of his own? she made nothing special, she barely kept anything in line. how could he say such a thing?      “hmm. . . i’m not sure how to take that.” she lied. she knew exactly how to take it. she knew that it was supposed to be a compliment, sweet nothings, but rarely did anything feel sweet. his attempts were too sweet, and try as she might, even though she had not been with chulsoon for long, she thought back to her previous lovers. this was too much.      she shot up, on her feet, unfazed by heels, and looked down at chulsoon when was the last time she saw herself in the commanding position?      “i don’t think we can do this,” she started, a phrase chulsoon had surely heard many times before, “just-just not now, in this moment, okay? i-. . . i don’t want to feel anything like this right now. it never works out.” and no matter how many times he told her she was wrong, no matter how often he made his intentions crystal clear, the issues that separated them came from within hope’s heart and life.      “just. . . just don’t be so sweet to me. don’t give me false hope like this.”

     the ten boys all stood in a random line, facing the door and away from the mirror. they were nervous to meet the new manager, even if it was for a show, it still worried them. better yet, they did not even know who the manager was or what company she would be from. it was made clear to the group that the new manager would probably know them when she saw them, but the boy has no clue.      they were to do a cover under the new manager, and they would have the same vocal instructor and choreographer as they always did, they even were working with some of the same managers, but this was a big change. for them, their number one manager, hope, was the best part of their team.      some members were curious as to who the new manager was, some were just nervous, some did not care, and some were excited. either way, as the practice room door started to open, the cameras zoomed in their focus and the boys stood up straight.