#letter7

I'm sort of in a daze these past few days. In utter confusion, honestly. We're talking again. But I'm not sure where this is going. I have the highest hopes, mainly because FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, I'm not the one who looked for him. He did. He send me a text Thursday night, granted it wasn't exactly a NICE text, nor was it a mean one, but a different conversation would have been accepted. Yet I have spoken to him almost daily since then, and our conversations seem to get less passive aggressive as time goes by. We're going on almost a week, and I've seen him once in that time. And if all goes well, I'll be seeing him again Friday night. Which I'm super excited for, if it all goes through as planned. I don't want to jinx it...I fall apart every time I see him, see his face. Even though the night I saw him we weren't exactly on good terms, he still made jokes, his humor amazes me. He amazes me, I was so happy to be sitting in front of him, even though I was shedding a tear most of the time. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings, which was strange to me at first, cause initially he asked me out to talk. I humored him anyway, so we went. We sat basically in the middle of the whole place, he ordered a beer, I got water. (There was no way I'd think about even SLIGHTLY impairing my judgment with alcohol, given the state of things). He questioned my beverage choice, but let it go eventually.

Hm, that night seems like sort of a blur. I'm not sure how to explain that he made it seem like he WANTS me to fight for him. I'm not sure. He admitted he still loves me, that he misses me, and that yes, he still wants the same things from me as before, only that he feels that its been tarnished. And I agree, it has been. But I want nothing more than to earn all of it back. I want HIM back. All of him, all of his issues, all of his insecurities, I even want his family back! Hahah, I wouldn't want any other dudes passive aggressive family. Just his. He even let me get close to him. He let me touch him. I got to rest my forehead briefly on his shoulder. And even snuck my hand over to his, unbuttoned his sleeve, and was able to lightly touch his wrist. Small and stupid, but goodness I was crumbling into pieces on the inside. I felt like a sandcastle, and he was a massive wave hitting me, breaking me apart and taking me with him. I yearn for him. Not even in a gross sexual way. I yearn for the intimacy we have as two people. I want to laugh with him, really laugh. I want to tell him how my life has been. And I want to hear all about his...I'm not really concerned for his girlfriend, I do feel bad at times, cause it sort of seems like our actions are going in a circle, and she just so happens to be stuck in the middle of it. But I recently found out, from a highly reliable source, that he admitted it wasn't serious, (And he kind of admitted it to me too). So I'm not sure. I'm not sure what to make of it. I know he's met her parents. But I don't think people know Jonathan that well, hahah, that really doesn't mean much coming from him.

Anyways, Friday night is just around the corner, its already Tuesday. I made reservations for us at a nice restaurant. He's even been helping me pick outfits to wear, down to how my hair should be, (swoon <3). I know it sounds stupid, but I love being his doll, knowing I look exactly as he likes it. Which DOES NOT MEAN I'm changing for him, I look the same regardless, and its not like the hair and clothes I wear aren't my style. So besides all that, I'm excited. The place is nice and has food I KNOW he'll enjoy. So it can only be good right?

Goodbye CCM, Hello Ecuador

My last week in the CCM was a blast other than packing! haha. Oh and saying goodbye to the people that I came to love the last 6 weeks. We still had class and worked hard, but also found time to have fun. We all got a lot of treats for Valentine´s day so we had our own little party. We also celebrated one of the Elders birthday. Thank you mom and dad for sending me the treats! They were such a fun surprise! They were yummy! We all bore our testimonies and it was great to hear how the Gospel and the last 6 weeks had a huge impact on everyone. The CCM is truly a blessing to all the missionaries. I will forever have a place in my heart for the CCM and the experiences that I had there, and the people I met. I left Monday night and went to reception ot take a van to the airport. I cried a lot saying goodbye to my zone hermanas, the elders, and my teachers. I was pretty drained by the time I got to the airport plus it was past my bedtime. haha. I am an old granny now if I do not go to bed at 10:30 I am exhausted. I went solo on the van to the airport and I was so nervous for what was next. I did not say one word the whole way there. I was mainly nervous for flying solo to Ecuador. Eeeek. (It really was not that bad, I think I over reacted a little bit.)

First Contact

After I went through security, I had to wait at the gait for awhile. A lady sat next to me and I had a really strong impression to talk to her. I was a little nervous because my Spanish is not that great, BUT I remembered the Gift of Tongues and that if I just open my mouth, then the words would be given to me. A couple of weeks into the CCM I had a dream that I converted the whole plane down to Ecuador so I bought a few copies of the Book of Mormon at the CCM before I left. I did not really think I would teach the whole plane, but I thought I better be prepared. I am SOOO glad that I did. ALWAYS be prepared. That is one thing that I have learned while on my mission. There was a seat between us so I mustered up enough courage to scoot over one and then I knew I would have to start talking or it would just be awkward and kind of creepy. I asked her some questions about where she was going and why she was in Mexico. Then, I told her why I was going to Ecuador and asked her if she had heard about the church. She said she had, but did not know much about it. I asked her if she knew about the Book of Mormon and she did not know much about it either. I taught her about the Book of Mormon and gave her a copy. She said that she wanted to know more about the church when she got down to Quito and I was able to get her contact information. I did not see her again and I am not sure if the missionaries were able to visit her because I gave her contact information to the secretary who handles all the references. I know that I was supposed to talk to her for some reason and it really was a testimony builder that sometimes we only have once chance to talk to someone because I never saw her again after that. When you have a chance, take it. The Flight My flight left at 1:30am and I flew to Columbia. It was about a 4 hour and 45 minute flight. It was empty and I had my whole row to myself! Whoop, whoop! I hit the jackpot! Thank you to whoever picked my seat! I slept the entire way which I am so glad that I was able to because I did not sleep very much the next day when I got here. The flight attendants were all Latinos, but they wore the same outfits as we do in the US. Nothing fancy like the flight attendants when we went to Europe. I did get a meal, but I have no idea what it was. It kind of looked like baby food. It tasted like eggs and beans. Not a huge fan. The candy that mom and dad sent me mostly kept me going. So, thank you again for sending that to me at the CCM. I had about a 2 hour layover in Columbia before the flight left for Quito. The airport in Columbia was sooo nice! I was shocked because of the things I had heard already about Columbia! It had a mall inside. I really do not know why I was so worried about flying alone. I got to Ecuador around 9ish and ALL MY LUGGAGE made it! It is the little things that can bring happiness! The zone leader and secretary picked me up. The President was supposed to, but he was out of town so he was not able to. I walked right past them even though he had a big welcome sign. I was a zombie and so exhausted. They thought it was hilarious. We took a taxi to the mission office which took about 2 hours, but it went really fast because Ecuador is beautiful. I was in complete awe the entire ride. 

First Impressions of Ecuador It is BEAUTIFUL here and Dad would LOVE IT here! Those were my first two thoughts. Haha. It is really green with lots of trees and there are lots of mountains out in the countryside. Quito is surrounded by mountains which have colorful houses on them. It looks a lot like the CCM did, but it surrounds all of Quito. I was really surprised how nice Quito is. It is still pretty poor, but I was not expecting it to be as developed as it is. I have seen a McDonalds, a KFC, and a Pizza Hut. Everything is really cheap here compared to the US. They do use US dollars. Taxi rides are about 1.50-2.50. Bus rides are 25 cents. Cereal at the store is 2 dollars. All of the American brands are outrageous though. We have a really rich part of Quito in our area and then right next to it is dirt poor. There are a lot of kids that will ride the buses and sell candy without their parents. There are also a lot of people who sell stuff on the streets. My Companion(s) I came a week before transfers happened and I am not sure why, but because of that, I had 2 companions this last week. One of them (who will be training me) was filling in for the nurse who left last transfer. She is not a nurse so she was pretty excited to see me. Both of them are from the United States, but they are both fluent in Spanish. I asked them to speak as much as possible around me even if I do not understand that much. It has been really nice to have someone who speaks fluently but also can translate and answer my questions in English if I have them. They have been really helpful this last week and so incredibly patient. I love them! They both have been here for over a year. My companion for these next 6 weeks is Hermana Hancey. She is from Wyoming. Deer in Headlights This is exactly what I have felt like this last week...completely lost. It is a new schedule, new rules, new expectations, a new language, and new city. My companions said that it is hard because I came in a week early whereas usually you have 3 days of orientation that answers a lot of questions. I am supposed to have a meeting this week which hopefully will help me feel a little less lost. My schedule is a little different because of the nursing responsibility which I am learning too. Change is hard because we get comfortable and then when change happens we go through it again, but it is at these times we really grow and learn. When we learn things about ourselves that we would have never learned if we did not step out of our comfort zone. It is when our relationship with our Father in Heaven and his son Jesus Christ. Although, this has been a rough week with lots of change, I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow in ways that would not have been possible elsewhere. I am grateful for the opportunity to be uncomfortable for a little while. Where I Live and What We Eat

I live downtown in the middle of the city. I will stay here because it is close to the hospital and close to the office. It has two bedrooms and two bathrooms. It is really nice. There are 5 bunk beds. It is also the "hotel" for the hermanas when they have to come into Quito for meetings or they are leaving. There is a lot of closet space. IT is really nice compared to a lot of the other apartments in other areas. We do not have a ward member that cooks for us because she is having some issues in her family so we just cook for ourselves. We have not eaten out a lot because we are poor and only have so much money every week. So, I have no idea what they really eat here. We ate at one member's house this last Sunday and had chicken, salad, and french fries. Most of the food is really bland here. Wanna know something funny? They put everything in bags like yogurt. Everything. And they do not refrigerate their eggs or milk! I have not gotten sick yet though! They eat a ton of rice here too. Everyone says that I will never want to eat rice again after this. 

Random Things about Ecuador

We greet everyone by kissing them on the check. People wear see through clothes here.  They always try to rip us off because we are not from here. Pick pocketing is really bad here. Have not gotten robbed yet though. People are really nice. Lots and lots of hills here. We get around mostly by taxi, bus, and lots of walking. We are not allowed to drink water unless it is filtered because everyone gets parasites here. The nursing part of the mission is really busy. The hospital here is really nice. We take the missionaries to appointments and talk with the doctors. I am always on call for missionaries. I went in with two of the missionaries this week by myself even though I am still learning Spanish. I really love it. One missionary had an allergic reaction and had to get an epi pen. There are a lot of random stomach issues here mainly because of the food I think. I really love helping the missionaries and being there to help them feel better! The Mission President told me that my main responsibility is being a nurse so if I do not have a lot of contacts or investigators then it is okay and that I should not feel bad. I was able to contact some this week too though and I loved that. There is nothing better than testifying of Jesus Christ. Many people are really willing to listen to us when we talk to them on the bus or at the park. My Spanish is horrible, but my companions both said that the they can still get the message and the Spirit is really strong when I testify. Always, the best news ever. 

Desires of Our Hearts

     Sorry I don't have much time to respond right now. But I am glad to hear that journal writing is working out so well for you. That's something I really should start doing again. I also really liked how you say we should not  automatically judge people from where they come from. There's always great potential for good in every single person. It's just up to the individual how they use that potential. Some of the most powerful testimonies are from those who came from a not so perfect background or circumstance.      Sorry I was having issues last night. Some stuff was resurfacing that I thought was fixed. Luckily my mission meeting with the Bishop calmed me down. I was just really moody. Anyways, glad to hear your doing so well and enjoying your studies and classes. I'm really excited for you.

So this came today,

it's rainy and i was drinking my second cup of coffee while watching a Cry letsplay when this came.

I completely forgot you sent this tbh, i've been so concerned with everything else, plz forgive me.

the first thing i noticed was there was something hard in it *giggity* so ofc i was curious and opened it, (but opened it carefully cuz i never know whats in it and i don't want to rip anything. I laughed so hard when i pulled the pin out. and i showed it to angel and mom and they said it fit me really well. and then i looked at the comic, you're comics are so corny they're actually kinda cute u.u, then last but not least the letter.  I always feel like we skip around from really personal emotional things to pointless conversations about pokemon and entoan lol, but thats what makes our letters special.

I have to admit i'm so addicted to Resident Enis, i had to include it in the post.

Also i thought since you sent me the pin, and you know thats where i keep my pins (and actually wear the hat out like that) that you would like to actually see the hat on, but Raychel wanted attention so she ended up in the picture bwahaha.

Hopefully i will be able to write/send your letter soon, but soon i'm going to get getting you your christmas present and i want to make sure i have the money for that. I can't promise it will be anything as wonderful as your bday gift but i will try.