A love wonder
Through the Bible we know Jesus taught, we are to love others as we love ourselves, however, that begs the question; what if we don't love ourselves? How can you extend to others what you don't extend to yourself, what you don't know of or understand yourself?
For a long time, most of my adult life, as I consider it; from when I left my parents house to join the Army, I didn't have genuine healthy love for myself. I was doubtful of what my value was and even now struggle with the stranglehold of doubting, a consistent "why would God choose me?" In the background. I value and love myself so much more now because I realized how much God loves me, just because, though I have been extended immense amounts of grace and my life could be a Lemony Snickets movie/book, I rarely despair for long, if at all. What is it you may as, what is this that God has done for you to see what love is and begin to change everything about your perception of the world and people and yourself? It is my son. Out of my misdeeds God still created a blessing, it is not always easy and I've been doing it alone for the most part, not entirely alone, I am blessed with wonderful family who help as they are able. The moment I looked at my son, way too big to have just been born and, frowning at me like I'd done something wrong (when he's the one who decided to keep me in labor for 33hrs) I felt like the grinch when his heart grew ten sizes too big, the amount of love I instantly felt for that little person gave me physical pain, it was almost more than I could hold in my body. At that moment I realized that if God loves me and each one of us, MORE than I loved and love that little person, he can ONLY want what's best for me and, he CAN still love me when I'm a hot mess and HE TRULY forgives me when I get life wrong. Genuine love doesn't have a rhyme or reason in the mundane sort of way, it IS loving, it IS kind, it IS patient, it IS forgiving IT IS UNLIMITED. God will make a way for you to know and feel how much he loves you if you just give him the chance to show you.
