#lethalmonkeys

I miss you everyday but today.. idk it’s like I can’t stop to think about other things. I miss everything and I miss the future where you’re still here. I miss being around while you ran errands. I miss talking to you. I miss learning from you. Mostly, I’ll always think about how you’re missing. How you always will be. How so much has and will happen within me, to me, to us, to this entire world, except it will never have you. This is senseless but a scream into nothingness is always a good idea. This is nothingness. I miss you very much and very deeply all the time and constantly, right now, it’s just a little overwhelming and I think the void can take it. Just for me.

I wish people were the reason I was not okay. I wish it was a person I could blame. Something I could cut off. It’s not. The grass is always greener on the other side though.

Can’t stop thinking about you. It’s a disease. C :)))))) This is bullshittt, feelings are bullshit.

مليت من عشرة نفسي 

I’ve decided to move on. Move on from the part of me that focuses on those types of feelings and thoughts. I don't need that kind of energy in my life. This is a declaration for myself, I'm not going to let those feelings control me or how i act. Just so i don't forget when i reread, I'm talking about both feelings. I’m walking away from the shit, and I'm just going to focus on me, what i like, and what makes me a better version of myself. 

This doesn't mean anything and you’ll never see it, but I'm sorry. I came off as nasty to you, and that is truly not who i am or maybe I'm a bad person. Anyways this is a selfish scream into the void; an attempt to make myself feel better for possibly hurting your feelings, and being rude. Sorry.