#les mis 2019

Enjolras:

Saved the most iconic one for last: Drew Sarich everybody

Like, oh, the musical is *bad* and we need to "free the legacy of the book from it" and "finally make a faithful adaptation"? Tom Shankland, you pretentious, arrogant, self-deluded wanker. Kiss my French copy of the book as it flies into your stupid head, because a Japanese man understood it a million times better than you who's from one our closest neighbor countries.

Seriously, what were you thinking making Javert black? - that it checked out because he was kind of a social outcast? You wanker. The whole point of his character was that his 'otherness' couldn't be seen. His origins - being in born in prison to vagrants - disgusted him because they tainted him, because he hated to be associated with filth and crime - not because he was visibly 'different'. If you make him black in 19th century France you make it impossible for him to become that anonymous cog in the machine of justice he prides himself in being, AND you superficially equate the alienation he would have suffered as a black man with his book-canon SELF-alienation, where he essentially considers himself a dog and has no ambition of rising in status, but finds his self-worth in being a well trained, efficient hound instead of the rabble. How could the two experiences POSSIBLY be similar? What even was your thought process? ‘Oh, this character has no friends and we need more diversity, let’s slap some melanin onto him?’ If anything Javert can be read as Romani, so congrats on erasing that because being Romani and being black still wouldn’t be remotely the same experience, and it’s still important thematically that he passes as white. 

And also, making Javert attracted to that hot, sexy, sexy Jean Valjean body? You imbecile. Javert takes pride in the fact that he has no moral flaws or 'twisted desires' to speak of - which is how he would have perceived any unlawful attraction towards anyone, be it a married woman, a man, or, and especially, a convict - and the whole thing is that he is right about that: he doesn't desire. (In fact, he and Jean can both easily be read as asexual.) Javert is not some repressed Catholic-guilt-ridden hypocrite à la Claude Frollo, he is utterly passionless except for the pursuit of justice, and he doesn't have *anything* other than his hatred of crime and criminals lurking beneath his stone cold exterior. That's his whole problem! He can't conceive of living for anything other than the law (so again in relation to my previous point: he hated his origins because his parents were criminals - rooting his identity issues in race first and foremost is huh maybe not the best choice) to the point than when his worldview is turned upside down and he can’t rely on the law as his absolute moral guide, he kills himself. 

The POINT of Javert's dynamic with Jean Valjean is that it's not personal to him - even though countless adaptations have gotten that one wrong - it's about The Law. He's not obsessed with Jean Valjean, they just happen to cross paths serendipitously over and over - he's obsessed with The Law. Why would you make him attracted to Jean?! 

ALSO, yeah, faithfulness to the book, that’s why you made Fantine a brunette and Cosette a blonde - exactly like in the 2012 musical movie you hate so much - WHEN IT’S THE OPPOSITE IN THE BOOK. You gigantic, self-sufficient prick. 

AND FINALLY because I can't bear to think about this travesty any longer: making Jean Valjean angry 24/7. Why. What. Have you read the book at all. You butchered the Petit Gervais scene and that alone would take too long to explain, but how could you DARE make Jean a violent man and borderline abusive father when he hasn’t been angry since THE VERY BEGINNING OF THE STORY. Seriously, Jean doesn’t act out of anger at all after his encounter with Bishop Myriel, not even with the Thénardiers, that’s his whole character!!! How could you Dumbledore-“he said calmly” his scene where he endures torture for Cosette’s sake - when he is *supremely calm* the book and you make him act like an animal. 

I hate that this thing exists. I hate it so bad. Jean felt SO GUILTY for entertaining for half a minute the hope that Marius would die, and you made it look like he regretted dragging him through the sewers. Wtf. Oh yeah, and possessiveness? From the guy who IMMEDIATELY lets the most precious person in his life go the second he knows she’ll be fine without him, because he feels like he doesn’t deserve her and should under no circumstances tarnish her happiness with his dark past?? WHAT?! 

Jean Valjean is the kindest, most loving, most gentle, most compassionate shining beacon of goodness of a character ever written, who was able to completely turn away from his rage and bitterness and love his fellow man so much that he gives money to people trying to rob him, and spares the lives of his worst enemies, and throws his life away to save one innocent, and dedicates his whole being to a girl he owes nothing to, and you wrote him as an angry, possessive monster. F*ck. 

Congrats on making the Thénardiers mixed race, btw, love how going for race-blind casting because you wanted forced diversity resulted in you perpetuating awful racial stereotypes. That’s the kind of representation we needed, the money-hungry, thieving, child-abusing f*cking Thénardiers. Like it makes any sense whatsoever. (HEY, REMEMBER THAT THENARDIER - THE GUY YOU CAST AS A PAKISTANI-KENYAN MAN - BECAME A SLAVE-TRADER IN THE BOOKS, YOU IDIOT?)

Who even authorized any of this 😭😭