#ler deadpool

"Aaahhh- nothing like coming back home to this little superstar and slipping your aching feet into your big rubber masturbatin' shoes, 'amiright?" Wade entered the living room of his apartment with Dogpool under one arm, a beer from the fridge in the other, and sat beside an unamused Logan on the couch.

Deadpool had an assignment today from Hunter B-15, so he was out while Logan moved into Wade's apartment with Althea, or Blind Al as she's affectionately referred to. Logan didn't have much to move in, considering he wasn't even from this timeline, so he went to the grocery store for the first time in who knows how long to get some essential things. A toothbrush. And a six-pack.

Logan was on his fourth from the six-pack as Wade sunk into the worn couch next to him, kicking his feet up on the coffee table, and sighed, content. Dogpool pushed up on Wade's chest to give his face some slobbery kisses. Wolverine groaned in disgust at the display.

"Do you have to make out in here? Why don't you two get a room?" Logan asked gruffly. His personality had brightened since Wade found him in that bar on that fateful day, but that didn't mean he was still a grouch most days. Wade set his beer down on the coffee table and scooted closer to Logan on the couch, causing Logan to lean to the right to escape him.

"It wouldn't make a difference, daddy dearest. It'd still be like we're in the same room with the noises we make. Since we're in this room though, we can make room for one more~" Wade laid his head on Logan's shoulder, which Logan generously tolerated for all of two seconds before he shoved him off.

"Alright, get off. Just because I agreed to live here doesn't mean I'm gonna do the whole... your thing." Wolverine said while swirling a hand in Wade's direction. "I'm not gonna be a prop in the clown show you wanna call an apartment." Wade huffed a short laugh while he petted Dogpool's head.

"Oh! You're the cutest. My clown show has ball gags, whipped cream, and red hot pokers. But if you want to be a part of THAT clown show, I can make the trip to Spencer's, you say the word." Wade pushed his luck with Logan's tolerance as he ran a finger along one of Logan's 'kitten' peaks in his hair. Logan jerked to the side and slapped Wade's hand away.

"Fuck off, I said," Logan growled. Wade nearly squealed in fangirlish delight when he touched the kitten's peak in his hair, scaring Dogpool and having the pup move to the other side of the couch. His hair was softer than he thought.

"I've been wanting to do that since the first X-Men movie!" Deadpool sighed dreamily and melted. "You know how to make my dreams come true, Wolvie." Deadpool put his cheek in his hand while he lovingly looked up to Wolverine, who was trying to watch the television and tune Deadpool out. Wade brought his hand up to fluff the kitten peak some more, to which Wolverine shot his claws out and threatened Deadpool with them.

"You keep it up, and these will go in a place that will have you screaming your national anthem." Logan threatened. Wade fanned his cheeks at the suggestive words before correcting Logan's words.

"OUR national anthem, Hoser. Don't forget canonically we're both from Canada. And I'm talking to Wolverine, not Hugh Jackman. And also- don't make a promise you can't keep." Deadpool winked as Wolverine rolled his eyes.

"Besides, a little roughing up is in order as it's your first night living in the apartment! Think of it as initiation on your first night in Boy Scouts. Don't worry, I'll be more gentle than Scout Master Kevin was with me." Deadpool promised. Logan huffed an irritated noise as he sheathed his claws back into place. He was also 4 beers deep, so he had a small buzz going. His tolerance towards Wade was slightly larger than usual.

"Just keep away from me, huh? It's not that hard. You ever heard of personal space? They ever teach you that on the planet you're from?" Logan asked, exasperated. Wade shook his head with a gleeful smile and reached his finger forward to feather it in Logan's kitty peak again. Before his finger reached its destination, Logan swatted Wade's hand away. Wade's finger landed near Logan's ear, so he just reached forward and wiggled his finger in his ear to annoy him. His finger wiggled in his ear and scritched down the side of his neck.

"Nope. Just how to slash people in half while also being the funniest and sexiest person in the room. Although you could say that's a God-given talent. Not everyone can accomplish that. Take Ryan Reynolds for example." Deadpool turned to look at the camera.

While Deadpool was yapping, Wolverine twitched to the side from Wade's fingers in his ear and let out a small huff before he could stop himself. He swatted Wade's hand away from his neck before adjusting himself on the couch. Wade's eyes widened with wonder as he rose from his position on the couch and got very close to Logan's face. Logan raised an eyebrow at Wade.

"Either I'm still hallucinating from that Drain-O I drank earlier or you've just given me the greatest gift possible, Logan Howlett. You couldn't possibly be ticklish, could you? That'd be downright diabetic." Wolverine side-eyed Deadpool and tried to turn his attention to the TV again.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Leave me alone and tend to the muppet you wanna call a dog over there." Wolverine gestured to Dogpool sitting on a dog bed that was 10 times his size cleaning himself. Deadpool looked back to Dogpool, confirmed that he was just fine, and turned his attention back to Wolverine.

"Oh trust me I will. But first- more pressing matters. And I mean that literally." Wade wasted no time taking his fingers and pressing them into Logan's stomach, zipping his fingers up and down the expanse of his tummy quickly. He scritched and feathered his fingers up and down Logan's tummy as quickly as he could while he had this golden opportunity.

Logan snorted through his mouth and dropped his beer in his struggle to curl up and protect himself. He brought his knees up to try and shield his stomach, but Wade's body was in the way to properly do so. Wolverine growled out his chuckles through his teeth while he tried to push Deadpool off of him.

"Pffmt! Urrghh- Gehet thehe fuhuck offa me!" Logan narrowed his eyes as he tried to rip Wade off of him, his stomach bouncing underneath Wade's fingertips. Deadpool smiled at his accomplishment to get the grumpy bastard to laugh for once.

"Wow, those tight, buttery Hawaiian rolls do NOT disappoint. They're hard as a brick house, just like me. I bet everyone reading is jealous AF right now." Deadpool ran his fingertips over Wolverine's abs while shielding himself from Wolverine's attacks. Logan snarled and huffed as he tried punching and gripping Wade's suit to get him off.

"Uhuhurgh! Wahade! You're deahead, yohou hehear mehe?!" Wolverine attempted to threaten him and punch his back, but no one took him seriously when he was so giggly. Wade's back was to him, and his whole torso was damn near on his lap with his hands scribbling in his sides.

"Well, yes. It's in the name, sweetheart. DEAD-pool. Are you delirious already? Geez. I knew your tummy was ticklish from the first X-Men movie, which is what I've ALSO been wanting to do since then, but I didn't know it was this bad. I might need to rework my fanfictions now that I have real source material." Deadpool was thinking up the title of his new fic as his fingers traveled down to Wolverine's hips and started squeezing.

Logan let out a hearty snort as he bucked his hips instinctively. He unsheathed his claws, to which Deadpool flipped around on Wolverine's lap to make them face-to-face.

"Nah ah ah! Claws are off-limits, Baraka! Blind Al doesn't want any blood on this couch, it's brand new from Goodwill. You know how expensive Goodwill is." Deadpool pointed a finger at Wolverine, to which Wolverine snapped his teeth. Wolverine raised his arm to make his claws level with Deadpool's face.

"Then get the fuck off of me and quit fucking messing with me, dick for brains! Why do you always have to be such a moron?" Wolverine questioned. Deadpool took a chance and twiddled his finger in Wolverine's kitten peak again to be annoying before launching his hand into Wolverine's open armpit. Deadpool started scribbling his fingers in the hollow, where Wolverine choked and slammed his arm down.

"Because morons are funny, and I'd rather be the most hilarious person in the room rather than the smartest. Besides, look at how much joy I'm imparting to you! Your face is a dream of laughter and whimsy." Logan's eyes had a very much murderous gleam in them, but he had a forced smile on his face from the armpit scribbles. Dealing with Wade was proving to be impossible.

Logan grabbed Wade's front on his suit and curled his fingers into the material. "Yohou lihisten hehere yohou- ahahaha! Ahahahasshole! *snort* Guurgh! Gehehet thehehe fuhuhuck off of mehehe!" Wolverine growled and snarled his annoyance, but his giggles mixed into the sound. Wade had found a sweet spot in between the bottom of his armpit and a rib-bone.

"Daaww, is little Wolvie tickly wickly? Does Wolvie-reen have a case of the giggly-wigglies? He's so tickle-tickle-ticklish, yes he is! Just the cutest widdle ticklish honey badger! Such a cutie patootie Wolvie-volvie." Wolverine had his eyes squeezed shut as genuine laughter started to come through, the ridiculousness of Deadpool's baby talk and Deadpool's fingers back in his tummy was too much.

"I-hehehe- I swehehear to fuhuhuckin' Gohohohod-" Logan's cheeks started to heat from the exertion. The tips of his ears burned with the stupidity of it all. Logan tried grabbing Wade's wrists to control him, but Wade evaded his attempts rather easily.

"I should put this on TikTok and see how the kids like it! I wonder if that would fit within TikTok's community guidelines, seeing how this is just straight-up pornography. I mean, it feels like I have to pay before seeing something like this. Wait, have I made that joke already? Oh yeah, in the last fic."

Wade gave Logan a few more side pinches before getting up off of his lap and sitting by his side again, and resuming his earlier treatment of messing with his kitten peaks. Wolverine breathed in a breath of patience and prayed to whoever was listening that he actually stuck to that patience.

"If I let you continue... whatever it is that you're doing, you're not to do... what you did before. Got it?" Wolverine asked. Deadpool gave him a sympathetic look as he patted him on the shoulder.

"Poor big bad Wolvie can't say the eensy T-word? This is like when I heard Colossus say 'fuck' for the first time. Come on, I'll pop your cherry. We'll say it together-" Wolverine batted Deadpool's hand off of his shoulder and growled at him.

"Uurgh! No more fucking tickling moron. Just leave me be." Wolverine reached over the side of the couch for his dropped beer, which he saw only had dregs in the can. Dogpool was being dutiful lapping up the spilled drink.

"Okay, okay, fine. And I was about to say you were being a good sport about your initiation. I don't remember you being this dramatic on set. Are you on your cycle? Do you want some cranberry juice?" Deadpool offered. Wolverine rubbed his throbbing temples as he grabbed another beer from his six-pack, and picked up Dogpool to give to Deadpool.

"Here. Play with your sock puppet-lookin' dog and give me peace." Wade squealed as he was given his baby and gave him a hug.

"Oh my babies! How are you my gorgeous nugget?" Deadpool smelled Dogpool's booze breath and winced.

"Woah- boy. You smell like me on the set of Green Lantern. Don't tell Feige I said that, he'll raise Stan Lee from the dead just to bitchslap me." Deadpool ruffled Dogpool's ears as Wolverine snorted.

"Hmmph, sounds like you deserve it." Deadpool smiled as he laid on Wolverine's shoulder again, Wolverine tolerating it now more than he did before. He'd tolerate this any day rather than their previous activities.

"Hah... home sweet home, with my puppy, and my kitty."

"I'm not your fucking-"