Think of this as a progression that starts with internal reflection and a determination of what kind of world you want to live in; who or what do you want to surround yourself with? We can share our stories and values within our families, then outward with our friends, then our social circles and eventually these different social circles can start to overlap. These concentric circles ripple outward from ourselves, like drops of rain in a puddle. As the rain increases, these individual concentric rings radiate outward, like our social circles, and overlap with each other. A sense of what it is to be human, to share the same values and desires, to curb our judgement and labeling of others as different from ourselves and to lead by example. Radiating our humanness outward to all we come in contact with is contagious and can make a real and lasting difference. This has the potential to create broader cultural change that starts with each of us, from the ground up. We make a choice to live in a more positive, cooperative and collaborative way of life.

On most days, as I try to put this concept into practice, my behavior has changed in a few ways. I try to show my love for my wife and kids more often. I try to be more patient with myself and others. When I ask people how they are, I am genuinely interested. I try to be a better listener. I try to understand another’s point of view, especially if it’s different than mine and even though I may not agree with them in the end. I try to smile more. I’m more outgoing and friendly, not only to people I know but also to strangers. I offer more handshakes, hugs and warm greetings. I try to get to know people I don’t already know and to know the people I do know, better. I offer help more often. When I disagree or question someone’s actions, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and remind myself that they are doing their best to survive and get through this journey as best they can, just like me.

Let’s pick our heads up from our mobile devices and our social media pages and start actual conversations. Let’s listen, really listen, to other’s stories and try to better understand each other. If we do this, we may realize that we are much more alike than we are different. We can focus on the 80% we have in common and then discuss where our views differ, leaving more chance for open dialogue and questions. We can choose not to engage the people who make up the fringes or extremes of various debates, where walls barring communication are quick to rise. Instead, we can engage the vast majority of people who are open to other perspectives and actively seek to understand each other.

SODINA’s aim is to bring awareness to the scope, scale and proximity of violence in this country through telling stories as a way of building empathy, compassion and connectedness. If nothing else, if you come away with a more open mindset, feel less judgement toward others, and have more empathy, compassion or a better appreciation for what someone else has endured or is enduring you will have succeeded. If you’re left wondering what I can do, please consider the various organizations highlighted on SODINA’s website and get involved.

To use The Avielle Foundation’s tagline: You Can Imagine™ a sense of greater connectedness and less violence, can’t you?

Tell us what you think: Can you see this mindset making a positive difference in your circles? What can we do to foster this cultural change? Can you share examples of this communication shift in action?

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story here.

Join us:

Lend Your Voice, Share Your Story, and Create The Change

A Journey

SODINA.org has been a journey that has taken on different forms but it effectively began on 12/14/2012 in the aftermath of the murder of 20 first graders, 6 educators and the shooter’s mother.  My family and I were fortunate in that we didn’t have a child, mother, aunt, or sister taken from us that morning. We did have friends who were inside the school, our friends’ children were there, and my kids spent 5 years there.  The shooting started in our neighborhood, with the shooter’s mother as the first victim, in a house I walk or run by most days.  Newtown, CT is where I call home .

Since December 14, 2012, I have collaborated with many people in trying to understand how to raise awareness about the scale, scope and proximity of violence. Some things have become clearer: there is incredible complexity around how or why such a horrific act could happen. I’ve learned more than I ever thought I would about firearms, lobbying, our political system, violence, brain health, and suicide. I’m no expert on any of them; I only know more than I used to.

My perception is that at the root of violence there is a lack of empathy, compassion and connectedness to others, to our families, to our communities, even to ourselves.

SODINA started with a realization that our safety is an illusion because if this horror can happen in Newtown, it can happen anywhere. SODINA is a project sponsored by The Avielle Foundation, whose mission is to prevent violence and build compassion in communities by fostering brain science research, community engagement, and education. Jennifer Hensel and Jeremy Richman founded The Avielle Foundation to honor their daughter who was murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary on December 14, 2012.

The hope is that SODINA will become part of a movement from a “me” society to a “we” society. It is the next step in trying to raise awareness in a way that fosters empathy, compassion and connectedness as a way to reduce violence in our country.

Human Connection vs. Statistics

The statistics on violence are sobering, especially considering the number of suicides with a gun is more than 20,000 a year--two-thirds of the total deaths by gun. After a while though, the statistics start to blur and lose their meaning, and the human connection is lost. What affects us the most are people’s stories and being able to put a face to not only the victims of violence, but to also their surviving family and friends. Many people are affected by each life that is taken; it’s not just the immediate family and friends, there’s a larger ripple effect that often goes unseen. Violence knows no boundaries, it occurs in Newtown and Hartford, CT, Baltimore, Chicago, Oakland, and many points in between.

The Elephant in the Room

Suicide is self-directed violence and is much more prevalent than most of us may think. In discussing this project with many people over the past two years, I've been shocked to learn how many people know someone who’s committed suicide. This is the area with the biggest opportunity to save lives.

Part of the SODINA project is to get people to put aside any shame or embarrassment they may feel when a loved one takes their own life. It’s a taboo topic that is too often swept under the rug and covered up in explanations of an unexpected death. Not discussing suicide in a responsible way only serves to keep it in the shadows and prevents us from becoming more aware of its prevalence. Not discussing it hinders our ability to help people with suicidal thoughts, to help them put distance between the idea and the action, and to provide the support needed to manage those emotions and improve brain health.

Through the SODINA website/blog and social media channels, we’re asking for your help to engage and inspire people to collaborate, share, listen, and to intentionally connect more freely with each other. We’ll do this through stories, ideas and by challenging the status quo. We’re encouraging people get their family and friends to share their stories of a loved one lost to violence in the hopes of building empathy and compassion (action stemming from empathy) towards others. We have a vision for how we're going to share these stories. We are seeking funding to realize this vision, but in the meantime will share selected stories via our blog and social media. When we secure funding and accumulate enough stories, we'll share them in a unique way. Our hope is that people realize the stories they are reading could be their own or someone close to them and that this may move them to some kind of action.

By listening to people’s stories and telling our own, we’re in a better position to understand and connect with our mutual humanity. By listening to each other’s stories, we can imagine walking in another’s shoes. By listening to people’s stories, we learn how the death of a loved one affects numerous people, deeply and permanently. By listening to people’s stories, we have the opportunity to build more empathy, compassion and connectedness, which has the potential to prevent more tragedies from happening.

We hope you’ll join us:

Please visit SODINA.org and The Avielle Foundation sites to learn more about this mission. If any of it resonates with you and you’d like to donate to the effort, please do so here.

If you have a story to share about the death of a loved one as a result of violence, please submit your story here.

Lend Your Voice, Share Your Story, and Create The Change