#lemon pepper!reader

You had been the one to suggest going out to stargaze after not having seen each other for a week. You knew there were blankets in the bed of his truck. You knew the two pillows he kept safe under a tarp with said blankets were always so soft beneath your head. But you would argue your intentions were plenty innocent. It had been your boyfriend’s fault you were currently splayed beneath him, clothes long forgotten and mind drifting peacefully toward bliss by the second with the rock of his hips. 

“So beautiful… missed you so much… never let me be that busy ever again,” he groaned, looking down to where your bodies connected before his hips jolted harder in response to the sight, pushing a whine out of you, “Wasn’t taking care of my girl right. Look how desperate she is for me.” His words shot straight to your core, clenching down on him with a whimper as you tried to thrust your hips back against him. His thumb came up to rest on your chin, tilting your head down to look where his own gaze had landed and you swore that you could have cum right then and there if he hadn’t slowed down. He was being a tease and you knew it. 

“Watch, baby. Look how beautiful you are. Takin’ me so well,” his voice was low, lips pressed against your cheek as he rolled his hips steadily, letting you feel every inch of him before taking it away. 

“Billy-“ you gasped as he pressed his hips flush against you, deeper than he had been before he pushed back up to look at your face. Even as your head dropped back with the arch of your back, his chain hit you again and you grumbled out a curse before moving to grab it between your teeth. You were right about the taste of his sweat, salt lighting up your taste buds as your tongue pulled the gold further into your mouth. Billy couldn’t help his breathless laugh having been so focused on everything else to not notice your annoyance until that moment. 

“Have I been hitting you, darlin’? Here I am not taking care of my girl the right way again. Gonna have to do something about that,” he smiled, staying seated deep inside you as he brought one hand back to unclasp the chain as easily as he had unhooked your bra not long ago. 

“Look at you. Wish you could see the angel I’ve got beneath me,” he smirked at the way you willingly opened up for him, letting him slowly pull the chain from your mouth, “Fuckin’ gorgeous.” You had learned early on in your relationship that the needier he got in bed, the more talkative he became. A week without seeing you had made him desperate but you couldn’t complain at the way his praise sent goosebumps across your skin. 

“Lift your head, baby,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your forehead when you listened before he brought the gold to rest along your neck, both ends of the clasp resting along your collarbones. It was cold against your skin, making you shiver as he watched you with an overwhelming look of adoration. 

“You wanna help me out here?” he laughed as you moved your hands from his shoulders to hook the cold metal properly. It was nothing more than a simple gold chain, no pendant, nothing fancy, and yet he swore you had never looked more beautiful. There was a deeper instinct in him, loving the claim the necklace placed on you. Part of him thought he should be ashamed about the effect. He loved your independence from him just as much as he loved you being his. But you read his mind as you whispered, “I’m all yours, Billy Bonney. You’ve got my heart tucked right in here safe,” your hand brushing against his chest. 

“And you’ve got mine, sweetheart,” he smiled, leaning down to press his lips against your chest just the same. Your fingers laced through his hair, loving the soft curls that had come out in the late hours of the day. 

“But Billy?” his gaze snapped back up to look at you, “If you don’t fuck me properly right now, I’m gonna make sure you don’t touch me for two weeks.” 

“There she is,” he smirked, bringing his lips to yours, kissing you with a fervor like he was trying to steal the air from your very lungs. Tugging on his hair, he took the signal to move with a groan, hips pulling back almost painfully slow before snapping back to you. The cicadas sounded around you were slowly muted out from your mind as his pelvis slapped against your thighs, pulling them up to rest along your chest. His fingers dug in, the pads of his fingers calloused and rough against the soft skin beneath them, and he relished the moans he pull out of you with the touch. 

“O-oh- Billy,” you stuttered through the pleasure. 

“Yeah? Feel good, baby? This what you wanted, huh?” he moved faster, deeper, “All mine. Heart and body, yeah?” You could only whine in reply, giving yourself over to his control. 

“Pretty little head of yours is mine too. Just love turning it off for me, don’t you?” Now he was getting cocky. If he hadn’t been already teetering you so close to your orgasm, you would have told him off. He wasn’t wrong but you would have fought him on it regardless of the truth and he would have laughed as he let you. But when he moved one of your legs out to the side enough to be able to hit a new whole angle inside you, any fight you had disappeared with a loud moan. 

“R-right there- Bil-“ his name cut off by another moan as he listened to your pleas. 

“Yeah? Right there? Gonna cum for me like this?” You frantically nodded, unable to form a proper reply as he started to hit the spot repeatedly, seeing stars as you closed your eyes. The coil in your stomach grew tighter with each thrust of his hips until his head dropped down to your shoulder, nose nestling into the crook of your neck. The second his teeth grabbed the chain from your neck and pulled, you saw white, back arching and broken moans pouring out that your ears were deaf to. But Billy heard them all—could feel the tightening of your core seconds before you started to flutter around him—and his own orgasm hit him just as hard. 

“Fuckin’- shit, baby,” he groaned, chain falling from his mouth back onto your skin while his forehead pressed deeper into your shoulder as if the touch of your skin could ground him. You could feel him pulse inside you in the back of your mind as he slot his hips flush to your own, needing to be as close—as deep—as possible. It was small moments like this that he let himself imagine the future that he could spill inside you instead of into the latex around him, a deep fantasy he was still too scared to admit to you. But he had a feeling you knew as you whispered, “S-so full.”

It felt like a century, squished under Billy’s weight in the most comforting way imaginable, before he started to pull out. 

“I got you. Did so good for me, baby,” he cooed in response to your whimpers of discomfort, having hoped he would never pull away with how good you felt. But he was quick to remedy your unease, discarding the used condom and getting you tucked into a blanket against his chest. The stars shined bright above you two, illuminating Billy’s profile as you looked up at him. 

“You’re gonna need to get a mattress back here, you know?” you whispered, tracing the outline of his jaw as his soft laughter filled the air. 

“You know I use this truck for things other than this, right?” He turned his head to look at you, that same look of adoration from before shining as bright as the stars above. You simply shrugged, nestling into his shoulder. 

“I’ve never seen this truck used for anything other than your nefarious plans to seduce me.” He fully laughed at that comment, his cheeks hurting from the strength of his smile. 

“Nefarious? I didn’t hear any complaints there, darling,” he spoke softly as he pressed a kiss to your temple, “‘sides, you’re the one who said we should come here.” You gasped as you turned to smack his chest. 

“Billy Bonney, I only planned on coming here to see the stars.” 

From the moment you stepped into Lincoln, you could recognize the mass number of vampires roaming the street. It was a problem the sheriff worked hard to deal with his army of hunters, a band of outlaws who turned in the bodies of vampires for another day of freedom from a jail cell. Billy was a hunter. You knew that years ago, but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave Lincoln and, consequently, him. There wasn’t a night that went by without you seeing him, standing by in the shadows and making sure he never got in enough trouble to meet a fate as terrible as yours. Tonight was no different. Having watched him leave the bar to retire to his room, you chose to roam the streets aimlessly, eyes on each hunter you managed to pass by secretly.

 Vampires knew they were hunted. They’d watched the bodies burn in the streets as people cowered in fear, never certain that the silver of their bullets would finish the job until the bodies were no more than ash. You’d known the signs of a silver bullet all too well now. Friends were a hard thing to keep in a town like Lincoln; the renowned hunters were known to kill their prey and go back for their bodies when it was convenient for them. That left you to find one too many friends dead in the street, purple veins creeping out from the wound and eyes a cloudy white. To help with the vampire’s dilemma, it had become common knowledge to signal to one another when a hunter was close. It was this signal that had you rushing through alleys to get away from a hunter who had caught sight of it. 

If you still had a beating heart, you’re sure there would be a pain in your chest only matched by when you had been turned. You could die right here if you weren’t fast enough. Every new step you took felt heavier than the last as if each was destined to land you right in the hunter’s grasp. The alleys between the buildings got narrower as you reached the heart of the town, giving you less room for a swift escape. Your shoe stuck against a rock was the last thing to sign what you assumed was your ticket to the burning pile for the night as a calloused hand grabbed your own and pulled you flush to the stone wall. Suddenly, his weight was against you, holding you in place with his forearm beneath your jaw to keep it closed and stop you from biting him. But, as quickly as you had been caught, your world came crashing down as your eyes met two blue ones.

It was Billy. Your Billy. The Billy you thought was sound asleep in the boarding house. Your chest heaved against his while you both were frozen in place, and his eyes darted across your face. It was like he was checking each feature of your face to ensure he hadn’t imagined you, that it wasn’t some spell he was under that made him see you against him instead of the vampire he had thought was in his hold. 

“A-angel?” his voice was quiet, hesitant even, as his grip loosened just enough. You knew that if he had seen the newest feature hidden beneath your lips, he wouldn’t be so careless as to let you free even a bit. But you took his ignorance to your advantage when you ducked your head down and ran as fast as you could, pushing your body to take you toward the woods. He wasn’t supposed to see you. You had managed to make it plenty of years without him catching even a glimpse of you, and yet he had just stared you directly in the eyes and spoken the nickname you’d dreamed he’d call you again ever since the day he left. Tears stung your eyes as you ran, desperately trying to put distance between the two of you when you heard him curse and run after you. 

“Fuck- stop, darling! Hold on!” You didn’t want to die by his hands; that had been your greatest fear. There was a cruel reality you were faced with the first night you saw him again after you had been turned. His whole life, every ounce of freedom he had, became centered around the death of what was now your own kind. That was one of many reasons you had to choose to stay away. You wished you could be farther away now as leaves crunched beneath your rapid feet. You could hear him getting closer, and no matter how hard you willed yourself to speed up, it was a fruitless battle. When you felt his fingers graze your wrist, you had accepted the fate you were about to face. 

The force on your body from his hand gripping your wrist brought you both tumbling to the forest floor, him landing firmly on top of you, chest to chest again. He could feel every gasp of breath you had to take, but he noticed one thing was clearly missing. His heart was the only one beating between you, and it startled him more than he cared to admit. He could see the pure fear in your eyes, breaking his heart. The girl he had left five years ago was scared of him now, and he didn’t know what he’d done to scare you so severely until his eyes fell to your parted lips and what lay behind them. Fangs. Pointed and threatening, but not to him. You know you wouldn’t be able to bite him to get away; you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you did that. 

“Billy… get off me,” your voice shook as you fought to keep the tears pricking the corners of your eyes in. You wouldn’t die crying. 

“You’re… Angel, you… When?” he sounded as heartbroken as you were sure you looked.

“Billy, just let me go. You don’t have to kill me. I’ll go. You’ll never see me again. I promise,” you tried to reason with him, trembling beneath him. 

“What? No. I wouldn’t… I would never. You’re a-”

“I know. You don’t have to say it. I know.” There was a moment of silence between the two of you, the tension causing you to swallow roughly while you closed your mouth to hide the fangs you knew he was still looking at. He had realized his hand by your hip was rubbing against the small bit of exposed skin with his thumb soothingly. While his heart slowed down against your chest, your breaths started to even out. Even after all the time apart, something as simple as his skin against yours could settle your strongest nerves. 

He sat up slowly, hesitating because he didn’t want you to feel trapped beneath him, but he didn’t want you to run. His hand trembled at his side as it itched to reach out and hold you close still, but he refused to scare you away, unable to erase the memory of your fear that was a consequence of him. You pushed yourself up even slower as you watched him closely, unsure if all of this was an act. While you had always been close by, you were never near enough to know how much he had changed from the boy you knew five years ago. 

“How long have you been a…” his voice trailed off, confident that he didn’t yet have the strength to say the word hanging over both of your heads, “When were you turned?” He settled on that question instead.

“It doesn’t matter. You don’t need to know.” He frowned at that, unable to decide if your refusal was because of your fear for your own life or not. Another long moment of silence stretched between you two, and he desperately wished he could go back five years and make the two of you the same people you used to be. He knew he had changed. So many years of hunting vampires did that to a person regardless of who they started as, and now, to his greatest horror, you were the very thing he had to hunt for his own freedom. 

“How long have you been hunting?” you were nearly silent with your question. In reality, you knew the answer. It hadn’t been long after he had to go on the run that you’d found him in Lincoln. He didn’t need to know that, however.

“Five years.”

“That’s a lot of vampires, Billy.”

“And I’d still never kill you,” he reassured you firmly, more confident in those words than anything else in the world. He couldn’t help the image that flashed in his mind now. Your body limp in his arms, silver turning your veins a sickening dark purple and eyes clouding over as he begged you not to go. He’d lost you once before; he was determined to make you feel safe with him to stay again. 

“I have a cabin not too far from here. Maybe you could… Would you stay with me for a day or two? I haven’t seen you in so long. It’s a safe place. No other hunters know where it is,” he pleaded, needing you not to run away like he had all that time ago. 

“You don’t stay in town?” it was a question more to cover your own story you knew he may ask about. You’d have to come up with a story, something plausible, about why you were in Lincoln and how you two never crossed paths before then. Knowing Billy as well as you hoped you still did, he wouldn’t be able to handle the fact you’d be so close to him for five years. 

“Most nights, but the bed at the cabin’s more comfortable than the boarding house anyways.”

“Billy, I don’t know if-”

“Please… Angel, please.” Your lungs constricted at the nickname slipping past his lips yet again.

“Pretty sure that name doesn’t work on damned souls.” You had grown up surrounded by the warnings of the souls that no grace or cleansing would be able to save. You never imagined you’d be one of them, however. 

“You’ll always be my angel.”

~

You had begrudgingly taken him up on his offer to stay in the cabin. Every part of you screamed that it was a bad idea; you had managed to stay out of trouble by keeping your distance, but sleeping in the same room every night may be the final nail in your last coffin. He had promised you safety while utterly unaware that you were the one ensuring his own for years. However, the cabin felt safe in a way you don’t think you could remember in your distant past. It was small but by no means cramped. A full-size bed had been squeezed into the corner where you lay every night despite your insistence that Billy takes it instead. He resigned himself to the small couch across the room in front of the fireplace, and you swore that every moment apart tugged on your chest like a string trying to bring you back to him. You knew you’d have to cut that string one day to save you both.

Whenever he left to hunt, he asked you if you’d be there when he returned, and while you tried to tell yourself to go, you always reassured him you would be right there. You waited a few minutes every time before following after him; only once you knew he had no intentions of turning back. It became a routine unknown to your hunter, always straying just far enough behind not to be caught in action but close enough to know he was okay. You returned to the cabin before he could every afternoon and waited for him to come through the door with a small smile. 

“Everything okay while I was gone?” He always asked when he came in as he set down his things and prepared for your favorite part of the new routine. Sunset was the one time you could truly enjoy the last moments of the sun before it disappeared beneath the ground. Setting just fast enough not to worry about burning as you walked with him. It was a comfort you knew many years ago but felt almost foreign now. You still welcomed it back with open arms as your hands brushed with each bump of his shoulder against yours. As it happened, a blush brightened both his cheeks, and your chest tightened. He’d tell you about the places he’d been to over the years, ones he unknowingly had taken you to as you followed him through the state, always ending up back in Lincoln.  

He always left out specific details; you noticed that immediately. He spoke of each trip as a vacation, not one mention of vampires or the true meaning of the excursions. You were certain he did this on purpose; it was more comforting to imagine the both of you as any two “normal” people. His eyes no longer stuck on the sight of your fangs, and you did your best to ignore the silver bullets that peaked out of the barrel of his gun before he left in the mornings. 

“You comin’?” Your head snapped up to the sound of his voice. Seeing him standing with his feet in the river in front of you made you feel uneasy as you realized your predicament. He hadn’t tried to cross the river with you before on your walks; he would have been as unsuccessful then as he was now. 

“I can’t… Running water.” His eyebrows furrowed at your explanation as you pointed to the water moving around his feet, clearly unaware of the dilemma you faced at that moment. Vampires were damned souls, unable to be cleansed – unable to be saved. Running water was a way to cleanse the soul your mother had taught you. Walking through that water would only cause you pain for your disgraceful existence. Billy walked back over to you, stepping out of the river as he brushed your hair back, worried by the frown you couldn’t quite force away.

“What’s going on?” he spoke so softly you were sure it would have been carried out into the breeze before you could hear it if you hadn’t listened so closely. 

“I can’t cross or step into the river. The running water can’t cleanse my soul. Nothing can,” you whispered, scared to remind him of the differences now starkly present between you two. 

“Oh.” It was one small sound but it tore through your chest all the same. Was it embarrassment coursing through your system? You couldn’t be sure because as quickly as he had stuck a knife in your heart, he removed it by placing your hand in yours and taking you away from the river. 

“Then let’s walk over to the north. The trees get way taller over there.” There he was. The Billy that always knew the right thing to say. 

~

“Do you need to feed?” Billy asked one night after your sunset walk, “I can… Well… I don’t know how to help other than offer myself honestly. But I would if you need to. I haven’t seen you feed since you’ve been here.” You had been feeding here and there, whatever person was willing, while you followed Billy along during the day. Few people in Lincoln would let a vampire feed from them without putting up a fight, but those who did were highly trusted amongst the vampires in town. The sheriff may have wanted your kind eradicated, but when someone had a vampire’s trust, they were protected until a silver bullet stopped it. Billy had your trust, even if you wanted to say it was foolish to give him, considering his current occupation.

“I won’t feed from you.” 

“Why not?” Because you’re my favorite person in this world. Because you’re my best friend. Because I love you. Because the thought of tainting your skin with the scars of who I’ve become makes me sick. All reasons you couldn’t bring yourself to voice. You open your mouth to speak, but nothing comes out as he moves closer, your chests nearly touching when you swallow roughly. If your heart still beat, it’d be racing in your chest. 

“Do you know how much I missed you those five years apart? Do you know how much I thought about you?” his voice was barely above a whisper, and you willed yourself to feel trapped, but you had no reason to either. He wasn’t holding you in place. He wasn’t blocking your exits. He gave you every chance to run, but your feet kept you planted in front of him. You shook your head in response to his questions. 

“I should have gone back for you.” 

“Don’t say that.” It hurt too much to hear. He wouldn’t been fast enough. He wouldn’t have gotten back fast enough to stop what you knew was inevitable now. 

“I should have, angel.” There was that damn nickname again. The same nickname that made you fall in love with him as kids. The same nickname he called you moments before he kissed you the night before he left to run from the law. The same nickname that you wished you would hear as you lay in the dirt dying after a vampire attacked you in the street. 

“I’m here now, aren’t I?” your voice shook as you spoke, unsure when the distance between the two of you closed so much. You could feel his breath against your cheek as his hand came up to brush your hair back and cup your jaw.

“For how long? If I feed you, how long will you stay?”

“Billy.”

“Tell me. How long do I have you?” Forever. You could stay forever. You could live a hundred lives with the man before you and it would never be enough. You shudder at the feeling of his thumb rubbing up to your cheekbone. It still felt foreign after a week of late nights talking and subtle touches, touches that left you yearning for a life that was no longer yours. His other hand slipped down your side to rest on your hip, thumb rubbing the small skin he revealed beneath the hem of your shirt again before pulling you flush to his chest.

“If you feed from me, will you stay another night?” he sounded hesitant, maybe even desperate in a way. He prayed that you still felt the same way you had before he left, remembering the devastation in your eyes when he walked away from you before. He wasn’t making that mistake again.

“You don’t have to feed me.”

“But if I do…”

“I shouldn’t stay.” It hurt you to say as much as you were sure it hurt him to hear.

“But you could. I’ll keep you safe. Make sure no hunters find you. I’ll protect you ‘til the day I die.” You thought about the day he’d inevitably die far too often. Even if you managed to protect him until he was grey, you’d still outlive him. You’d still have to watch the man you loved turn to food for the soil. 

“I’m not worried about myself, Billy.” You knew the dangers that being a hunter had to begin with. But a hunter who was protecting a vampire was a death sentence to him. You couldn’t imagine what the sheriff would do if he found out. You’d be killed, likely hunted, with the reward of a truly free life. Billy would be sent to a jail cell to rot or the noose. There was no happy ending for the two of you; you knew that more than anyone else. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of his thumb running across your lips, causing you to part them on instinct. Your lips were paler than they used to be, he thought. He had a brief wondering of what they looked like when you fed. He knew vampires were often more messy with eating, if you could call it that at all instead of feeding, than humans. The image flashed in his mind of your lips covered in blood, not your own, but the blood of whatever your prey ended up being. That’s the image that had him slipping his thumb into your mouth to trace over one of your fangs.

Your eyes fluttered shut at the taste of him against your tongue. Then, for reasons you’re unsure you could wrap your head around, he pushed his thumb down on your fang. You heard him hiss so quietly at the puncture of his own skin first, then, a moment later, the taste of his blood hit your tongue, and your eyes rolled back. You knew it was supposed to taste no better than metal, but it was the sweetest flavor you’ve ever had. Trying to stay still and stop yourself from taking something you couldn’t give back, you stood in his hold. 

“You don’t need to worry about me, angel. Let me care for you.” He moved his thumb past your fangs to let you suck on it gently. Your body melted into him. You weren’t just connected by a string on your chest; you were his. Leaning into you, he brushed your hair off your neck with his free hand before his fingers danced along the two small scars in the crook of your neck.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, startling you as your eyes opened to look up at him, thumb still resting between your lips as the blood leaking into your mouth slowed to a stop. Your eyes never once left his face while he pushed your bottom lip down, blood trailing behind his thumb as he drew it from your mouth. He couldn’t think straight at the sight of your lips red with his blood. He would gladly make himself your prey, but now he moved before his mind could voice that, cupping your face as he leaned down to press his lips to yours. 

It was familiar. It was home. You were five years younger at that moment, a girl kissing the love of her life in the dark of the night. You’d love him until a silver bullet took you to the flame; you’d love him still as you became nothing but ash. He kissed you with a fervor that took the air, the only life source you had left, right from you as he took small steps toward the wall. 

“Should have gone back for you,” he mumbled against your lips as he pressed you into the wall, “I regretted not turning back every day. Still regret it now that I’ve got you back.” Every word echoed in your mind. He thought of you, and even if it wasn’t as much as you thought of him, that was more than enough. 

“This won’t work, Billy. We both know that,” you murmured, but you were sure the meaning behind your words was lost with every new movement of your lips against his. You were drowning in him, pressed impossibly close as you kissed him like it could bring you back to life. 

“I’ll make it work. I should have made it work years ago,” his voice was low by your ear as he pressed kisses along your jaw, “I won’t make that same mistake again.” You knew you should run. You were playing with fire, but he was still the boy who kissed you all those years ago. You could tell he’s had practice by the way he kissed you. His looks weren’t ignored by the girls of Lincoln, having watched the few times he took one of them back to the boarding house before. You found yourself grateful for that as he ran his tongue along the tips of your fangs, not cutting his tongue but taunting you silently while your knees threatened to buckle.

Your hands tangled into the hair at the back of his neck as you tried to bring him even closer, albeit unsuccessfully. You’d remember this feeling for centuries to come. Billy- Your Billy pressed against you and kissing you like it would kill him not to. This was what you wanted to remember whenever you’d meet your demise. 

~

Life became surprisingly domestic over the following weeks for you and your hunter, despite the voice in your head that told you to run more and more with every day. Sunset walks turned into regularly making out by the river, and Billy never once tried to make you cross it again. You sat at the river bank as he told you how much he missed you and held you closer than you think he ever had before. His hands felt so big against the small of your back as you straddled him, making sure not to touch the water, and it wasn’t until a small chill set in the air that you forced him to turn back to the cabin to light a fire for the night. 

You didn’t eat like he did, needing blood more than anything else, but that didn’t stop him from throwing a few quick, flirty glances toward the baker’s daughter for a free pastry or two. You rolled your eyes fondly when he’d set the small bag down on the kitchen table and tell you he brought you home something to eat.

“Unless there’s blood in that bag, you really didn’t have to go out of your way.”

“You may not need to eat like I do, but that doesn’t change the fact that you still deserve a sweet bite occasionally.” You knew what he did to get the pastry that tasted like pure sugar on your tongue, but rather than being upset, it was endearing to you. You knew by every single one of his actions that he had no intention of entertaining anyone else with his love, but he was still willing to play the handsome hunter and provide you with any kind of luxury. He shocked you more when he brought home a small pillar candle.

“It’s bayberry,” he explained as you watched him light it once you two prepared to call it a night. You knew that bayberry candles were a hard commodity, one of the finest simple luxuries in the country with a sweet smell that reminded you of home. But you weren’t sure why it mattered enough to spend what little money he had to spare.

“It reminds me of that perfume you stole from your mother when we were kids. I try to keep one around all the time but haven’t been back to the cabin recently before you.” Oh. The little things he did made you understand that perhaps he had really thought of you when you two were apart. 

“First time I smelled one… It was like you were with me again. I wasn’t so lonely when it was all I could smell.” Oh. It was these moments that made him leaving every morning harder. Watching him put on his belt and hat, silver bullets tucked safely into his gun on his hip, before he pressed a kiss to your forehead and told you he’d be back. It was always the same heart-wrenching feeling that you followed him into town with. You knew there was a price on his head that could only be lessened with each body he turned in, and yet, you wanted him to stop. You wanted him to put down his gun and live a life with you. It wasn’t logical and far from realistic, but you swore you’d kill the sheriff if that’s what needed to happen to fix his fate. 

The argument was coming, as sure as the sun rising in the morning. You had known the dam would break open, no longer able to hold back your feelings about the situation, and you’d both be left to pick up the pieces. 

“What happens when someone follows you home? When a hunter comes here and kills me, Billy?” you tried desperately to get him to stay at the cabin, eyes pleading as you held on tight to his wrist. He knew you meant well, that you just wanted him there with you and out of potential trouble, but the fact you had questioned the safety he offered you at the cabin had hurt. 

“What happens when I don’t meet the sheriff’s quota, and he locks me up?” he tried to reason with you. He didn’t have a choice. This was the life he had to live to get any chance at being with you. He would kill every other vampire on this Earth for one more day with you, and turning them into the sheriff was his payment. He never considered what would happen when he’d eradicated all the vampires except for you, but he was confident he’d still do whatever it took to keep you by his side. 

“I wouldn’t be able to protect you from a jail cell, angel.”

“But I’ve protected you this whole time! For five years, I’ve protected you! Not the other way around. I’m still protecting you now!” It came pouring past your lips before you could stop it. All your cards laid out as he took a step back, hurt flashing in his eyes as he absorbed the meaning behind your words. 

“...what?” his voice was nearly silent, tearing you in two. 

“I meant-”

“Five years? You’ve… this whole time? …five years.” You could hear him processing the information as his voice wavered. You had hurt him more in this moment than ever before, and you couldn’t take it back. 

“Billy-”

“When were you turned?” That piece of information was one you were far less willing to give over. It was the final nail in his coffin, and you knew it. It would kill him to know. 

“Billy, I told you-” you tried to shake your head. 

“No. Tell me the truth.” He stood taller, trying to pry the information out of you. While he would have looked menacing to anyone else, you could see the pain in every limb and crevice of his being. You wanted to beg him not to ask, not to open up the wounds that still lay deep under your skin. Your wounds would only cause him to bleed as well. 

“Billy… you- I can’t…” He stared you down, desperate for answers that you knew he wouldn’t want once he knew them. This wasn’t something he would forget, just like you couldn’t forget. 

“You used to walk me home every night… then you left.” It wasn’t clicking in his head; you could see the confusion in his eyes. 

“How… when?”

“Billy-”

“Tell. Me.” He got more stern, his walls coming up as he felt more and more uneasy. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes as you finally gave in.

“You’d left that morning, and I… I walked home alone that night. A vampire saw me and… I couldn’t fight them off. I wish I had just died, Billy. I didn’t want to become this. I’m so sorry,” you admitted, watching his face fall even more as his knees started to give out. He clutched the chair next to him before sinking into it unsteadily, trembling with a quiet “oh my god” and resting his head in his hands to fight back tears. He hadn’t even been gone 24 hours before you were turned. He had abandoned you, left you behind the morning after finally kissing you, and you had been turned before the dust even settled that he had kicked up with his departure. 

“When did you come to Lincoln?” Another question you desperately didn’t want to answer, but you figured the worst was already out there. 

“My parents kicked me out a month after I turned.” His eyes snapped up to you as he put everything together, his tone turning from devastated to angry in just a moment. 

“So you’ve known where I was for five years? You saw me for five years and never once approached me?” Each word was laced with venom, an anger you never had directed at you before but one you knew you had earned.

“I protected you for five years, Billy. The vampires you hunt could kill you if you aren’t safe.” That made him stand.

“And the hunters who go out with me could kill you! The same hunters that you’re worried about following me home! Why the hell would you stay if you didn’t want me?” 

“Didn’t want you? Billy, I stayed because I wanted you! Because I’d rather be forced to watch you grow old than have you die in my arms now! Or worse, be turned! You don’t want this life I have now!” you shouted, needing him to understand that it wasn’t a choice you made easily. You had suffered through five years of wanting him more than anything in the world, and it was that reason alone that you couldn’t abandon him even after he had done that to you. You watched with a broken heart as he kissed girls who weren’t you, fingers ghosting your own lips and remembering the feeling of his kiss before he left. Staying was the hardest decision you’d ever made, and Billy didn’t seem to understand it. 

“You should have told me. You should have gone up to me.”

“Don’t you think I thought about that? I tried, Billy. I tried to and it was a mistake to run into that night when you caught me. I was careless.” You swear his eye may have twitched at that admission. He had spent weeks thinking that life had finally given him a bone after so long by bringing you back into his life, undead or not. Yet, you had thought it was a mistake. 

“You should have tried harder. You were selfish to put us through this,” he hissed, hands balled up at his side as he tried not to raise his voice anymore.

“I was protecting myself. I was protecting myself from the fact that you spend every day trying to kill my kind, whether it's the kind I want to be or not. I was protecting myself from my feelings for you and failed. Because the second you held me in that alley, I was fucked. I didn’t want to remember your touch because it makes knowing what will happen eventually so much worse,” your voice was breaking, and Billy’s heart was already shattered with each new word you spoke, “Do you know how badly I wanted to see you after everything? I had been turned the same day you left, and a month later, my family kicked me out. All I wanted was you. All I wanted was my best friend. I didn’t even care that I loved you more than I’ll ever know what to do with. But the first thing I saw was how you’d moved on, laughing and playing poker while girls flirted with you.” 

“And I’d have rather been with you!” he shouted, desperate to get you to understand that you had seen it all wrong. He hadn’t moved on. He drank and distracted himself, but he never moved on. 

“Oh please, Billy, don’t lie to me! I wasn’t enough to stay for back then, and I’m even less now.” He flinched back as if you had hit him. Perhaps you had, in a way. He had wanted to stay with you, but he couldn’t find a way for it to work. From the moment he left that day, he knew it was the wrong choice, but the alternative would only drag you down with him. However, his attempts to save you had only made everything worse. He moved to grab his hat from the table before you could stop him.

“Are you kidding me? You’re still leaving?” you were exasperated, emotionally spent, and heartbroken all in one. Billy turned back to you from the door and looked just as hurt. 

“I need to think, and I- I know you don’t want me hunting, but if I don’t bring a body to the sheriff, I get thrown in jail. It’s not a perfect life, but it’s as close to a free one as I get right now without being on the run.” You didn’t get a chance to respond before he closed the door behind him. You stood frozen for what felt like years before your knees buckled, and you fell to the floor in silent sobs. He had left again; you couldn’t blame him this time. You didn’t follow him to town. You couldn’t move from your spot on the floor as each sob racked your body in a nearly painful way. The cabin grew deathly silent, and you sat there long after you had run out of tears. You only looked up from the floor when you heard a horse approaching, and a glimmer of hope swelled in your chest that Billy would forgive you. 

~

It was quiet when Billy came back. A part of him feared he would return to the cabin empty, you having run into the night after everything came crashing down around you both. You had always been close by, but he never knew. He was so alone all that time, and you were… you were alone too. The thought crossed his mind. Staying away couldn’t have felt great; he knows he wouldn’t have been able to do it. He would have caved within the first week- the first day- hell, the first hour. Regardless of whether he agreed with your decision, he could acknowledge it wasn’t one you made easily. 

He was taken out of his thoughts at the sight of hoof prints in the dirt below him, ones that he knew didn’t belong to him. No one ever rode out here; it was too deep in the woods. The only thing around for miles outside the town was the cabin.

The cabin. 

The cabin he’d left you in… without a horse. 

His heart clenched in his chest as he urged his horse to move faster, pleading to the same gods that damned you to have mercy on you this one time. He’d run. He’d rather be on the run for the rest of his life than lose you again. Suddenly, the quiet was far from comforting. It was suffocating and as lonely as he remembered it was months ago. He called out your name when he could see the cabin in the distance, but there was no response, his voice echoing back at him as his chest hurt in a way it hadn’t since his mother passed. Please let her be safe. Please let her have protected herself. Please don’t take her away from me again. 

He skirted his horse to a stop when he got close enough to take in the sight awaiting him on the porch. Your body limp across the steps and unmoving, any life, damned or not, draining out of you as he jumped down. No. No, no, no. Your eyes were open; he could tell that much as he knelt next to you, only a small breath of relief in his lungs when you blinked up at him with a quiet whimper.

“Billy…” your voice broke off as you choked on the pain radiating through your chest. 

“‘m here. ‘s okay, angel. C’mere, I’ve got you.” You cried out when he moved you from the steps to his lap, and his heart shattered for the second to last time as he noticed the dark purple dancing up your skin from under your shirt. Silver… let it be a mistake. Let me wake up and try again. I’ll do better next time, I promise. He felt helpless as you tried to cling to him weakly, trembling with each tear that stained your cheeks. He couldn’t stop himself from staring for a minute as he memorized your face one more time. Your eyes, your cheekbones, your eyelashes, your lips… He never wanted to forget a single detail. 

“What happened?” his voice broke the same as his heart, and even your trembling started to die with the rest of you.

“A- a hunter… He said- said he followed y-you.” There was nothing you could have said that would hurt him more, but he knew it wasn’t your intention. You were right. You had been right. Someone had followed him and killed you. He couldn’t yet decide if getting to hold you for your last moments was a blessing or a curse. He leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead, tears falling against his will as you melted further into him, the pain finally leaving. You’d get to pass in peace. 

He remembered his mother’s death. The dead of the night took her as he held onto her. This was entirely different, but her voice still echoed in his mind. 

Water will cleanse your soul and provide you safe passage, my boy. We’ll all meet again in the next life. 

The river. You couldn’t cross before, but surely, as you got closer to the end, whatever gods could see you two now would forgive you. He may not have believed in them before, but he’d pray to whatever god would listen to give you more time in this life or the next.

“Angel, I’ve gotta pick you up, okay?” he spoke softly, hoping he wouldn’t cause you more pain after it finally subsided. He felt sick as you didn’t fight him on it. You weren’t gone; he could see the silver making its way further down your arms and up your neck, however. Every step felt daunting, one step closer to death. 

“I know, sweet girl. My angel baby. ‘m here. You’re gonna be safe,” his voice wavered more with each word, trying to soothe both of you as he felt you grow weaker in his arms, “I’ll make sure you get to see my ma. She’ll take care of you.” You could only let out small whimpers in response, wanting to tell him it was useless. You were never going to see a peaceful afterlife. The end would be nothing but an endless void. 

You heard the river as you two got closer. You knew what he wanted to do, and you were too weak to fight the hope he had deep in his bones. He couldn’t save you from this; he couldn’t save you five years ago. But as you slipped further from him, you wanted to hope too. You bristled at the feeling of water against your back as he kneeled in the river. It didn’t hurt, but it surely wasn’t comfortable. Yet, as he squeezed his arms around you tighter, like he could save you if he just held you close enough, all you felt was him. All you felt was the boy you’d loved for longer than you could remember. It was just your Billy one last time. 

“I’ll stay right here, angel. I’ll stay here with you as long as it takes to know that when I die, you’ll be waiting for me.” He brushed your hair from your face, hands wet from the water around you two as you hiccuped on the air you still tried to draw into your chest. 

“I- Billy-” you tried harder than ever to get words out as your body started to go. Your heart, beating or not, didn’t want to leave him. You didn’t want to leave him. 

“You… you made me feel a-alive again.” He couldn’t hold his tears back any longer, however fruitless his previous attempts had been. Letting out a gut-wrenching sob as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

“You made me feel like I wasn’t alone anymore,” he admitted brokenly. His heart shattered as your body started to still; you were leaving him. He couldn’t stop it, and every fiber of his being begged whoever could listen to take him too. Let me go with her. Let me keep her safe in this next part. Please. I’ll do anything. 

Then it all stopped. 

You were a dead weight in his arms. Your eyes glassed over. You weren’t breathing. 

No. No, no, no, no. Please. Anything. I’ll do anything for her. Just let me have her back. 

His heart screamed with each sob, holding you so close he was worried for a brief moment he was hurting you. Kissing your forehead, he rocked you gently, begging you to come back, to breathe again. He wouldn’t survive a life knowing he’d never see you again. Everything flashed in his tear-filled eyes. The girl who flirted with him shamelessly while he helped his mother work. The girl who sat out under the stars and taught him every constellation she could remember. The girl who held him when his brother died, who held him even tighter when his ma followed shortly behind. The girl he vowed to protect. The girl who kissed him like it would kill her not to. 

The girl he left in tears when he ran from the law—the greatest regret of his life. 

“I love you. I love you, angel. I love you,” he chanted, each syllable cracking him open more and more. It felt like years passed as he sat there in the water, not once loosening his grip, terrified that even your body would float away and never be seen again. He would bury you. He wouldn’t let them burn you. You deserved so much more than that. He’d dig you a grave under a big tree by the cabin. He’d spend every cent he could scrounge up for a headstone worthy of the girl it would sit atop. 

Then something moved. 

You moved. He couldn’t be sure if it was the river or you, but he wiped his tears quickly before smoothing out your hair. His hand rested against your neck as he spoke.

“Angel?” It was a shot in the dark, a plea for you actually to have survived. It was met with dead ears, however. You didn’t move again. You were just as still as before. Then he felt something against his hand. 

Thump, thump, thump. It was faint, but it was there. A feeling he hadn’t felt for five years. A feeling you hadn’t felt for five years—a heartbeat. He could only stare for a moment, pressing two fingers firmly against your pulse point and letting out a small gasp when there was something to feel. Your lungs filled your chest with a breath, and he swore that you took the air from his lungs straight to your own, his lungs constricting with anticipation.

“Open your eyes, baby. If you’re here, I need you to open your eyes.” He needed it to be real. Not something he was making up in his grief. Your fingers twitched in the water as he watched the gloss fade from your eyes before you blinked up at him. Neither of you moved momentarily, overwhelmed by the reality you both faced. Your body didn’t hurt; the pain in your chest from the bullet was gone, replaced by the steady thumping of your heart. He just stared, taking in every color in your eyes that had been stripped away only minutes ago. 

“Angel?”

“Billy?” you croaked, the best sound he’d ever heard. 

“Hi, baby,” he breathed. Thank you. Oh, thank you. He wasn’t sure if he was thanking a god or his ma, likely the latter. It was her voice in his head that told him to take you to the water. You moved as quickly as you could to sit up and hold him, burying your face in his neck as you felt your own heartbeat against his again. It was everything you had begged for as you died moments ago. Another chance. One more chance at a life with him. His arms wrapped tight around you, letting you move your legs to wrap around his waist as he smiled harder than he thought he may have ever before. You moved back to pull one of his hands to rest on your chest over your heart.

“I’m… Billy.” He nodded in response.

“I know. I feel it. I feel it, angel.” You couldn’t wait a moment longer before you cupped his face and pressed your lips to his, desperate to feel him. Desperate to feel like the human you were again. His hand wrapped back around your back as he pressed you flush to him. You moaned softly into his mouth, giving him the perfect excuse to dip his tongue past your lips. You felt it drag across your teeth, but this time, it didn’t catch on anything—no more fangs. 

“Those are gone, sweet girl. You won’t hurt me,” he mumbled against your lips, reassuring you as you melted into him, letting him move beneath you to get you two out of the river with a quiet, “Don’t want you to get sick by staying in the water.” You two didn’t make it past the river bed before he laid you down in the grass, pressing himself close atop you. He needed this all to be real. He needed you to be real, and when you tugged on his hair to keep kissing him, it was one more reminder that it all was.

“Billy,” you moaned softly as he moved down to your neck, kissing every inch of your skin like it would make you any more alive than you already were. He couldn’t stop; neither could you. You didn’t want him to either. It all felt right. Every slight roll of his hips down against you as he cherished you beneath him made you feel more than you had in years. Your hands slipped under the hem of his shirt, pulling with a desperate plea that he quickly listened to. One of his hands moved back to the neck of his shirt to pull it off after you undid the first button for him. 

Your hands shakily moved down to your own shirt, still wet from the river, before he sat up to help you. He pressed soft kisses along your bare shoulders before laying you back down, tucking his discarded shirt underneath you, and peppering kisses down your chest. You shivered at the feeling, heart pounding out of your chest in the most unfamiliar way as you placed your hands on his shoulders to slow him down.

“Billy, my heart- it- oh, it hurts,” you cry softly, no real pain behind your voice. His mouth moved down to your chest, kissing along your collarbone to reach your heart, pressing open-mouth kisses over the organ now working again under your skin.

“Poor thing hasn’t beat for me in a while, huh?” You smiled at the tenderness in his voice as he licked at your skin with each new kiss.

“It’s always beat for you. Even when it was just in my head,” you stated firmly. It was true. There was never a moment, beating or not, that your heart wasn’t his. Your hands carded through his hair before tugging his head back up to yours, wanting to kiss him still. You didn’t think you’d ever grow tired of kissing him, of his lips on yours. He was yours as much as you were his, and now he had been the one to bring you back to life. 

“Billy, I’ve never… I h-haven’t… I always thought it would be you, so when we s-separated, I didn’t…” you stuttered out when his hand brushed past the hem of your pants. His eyes widened as he realized the meaning of your words.

“You’re still…” You nodded in reply. 

“I am. There aren’t a lot of people who want to have sex with a vampire anyway. Not normal people, at least. Some people are weird about it in a-” He cut you off with a kiss, not wanting to hear the details of those who sought out vampires specifically for that reason. He had heard of them, and the thought of you with one made him sick. Suddenly, a pang of guilt hit his chest.

“I’ve had sex before,” his voice was quiet, almost ashamed.

“I know.” 

“I wish I had waited for you.” He meant that, and you can hear it, the regret dripping off each word.

“I’m glad you didn’t.” You really did mean that. As much as you hated watching him bring girls back to the boarding house, you knew it was an escape for him for some time. “Now you’ll know what to do with me.” You tried to reassure him, and you watched a slight smile tug at the corners of his lips. 

“I have learned a few things… should I show you, angel?” You nodded desperately, the heat pooling between your legs becoming nearly unbearable as he moved down your body, leaving sloppy kisses across your skin. You trembled as his hands gripped the hem of your pants, and he looked up at you in question, waiting for your okay. He never stopped kissing each inch of skin that he could. Kisses on your ankle as he pulled your pants off. Kisses down your shin as he adjusted himself in his pants. Kisses along your inner thigh as he looked up at you. 

“I love you,” he declared, voice low and just for you. You thought your heart couldn’t beat faster, but with each heavy breath, you were proven wrong. 

“I love you too,” you breathed out before he ducked his head lower, reaching a hand up to your stomach to offer you to hold.

“Tell me if it’s too much or uncomfortable, okay? I’ll stop immediately.”

“I will,” your voice was nearly a moan in itself at the feeling of his breath against you. You thought you knew pleasure before, but the second his mouth connected to your body, you knew only he was capable of giving you it. This was Billy. Your Billy. He’d be the only man ever to make you feel like this.

~

“I’ll miss the fangs,” Billy whispered as you tucked yourself closer to him, bare skin glistening with sweat the same as his. He draped his jacket over you, having grabbed it from the side of the river where he discarded it earlier, holding you close as his feet brushed the water. Your legs were exposed and soaking up each ray of sunshine through the trees, something you’d wished to feel again for so long.

“Oh, shut up,” you laughed softly as you smacked his chest playfully. 

“What? I can’t think you looked hot, angel?” he teased, looking down at you with an adoration that wasn’t foreign; it was comforting that you knew it, that you knew only Billy looked at you like that.

“Shut up, Billy Bonney… before I have to bite you,” your voice was nothing more than a seductive whisper, and had he not just spent an hour cherishing every inch of your body, he’d be flipping you back over to prove his love even more. He could wait until you two were back in the cabin, until he could make love to you in a bed. 

“Ooh, please do. It’ll feel really good now.” He laughed with his whole chest as you smacked him harder, looking up at him with a smile that he swore made the world stop turning even if just for a moment. You were his girl. No longer undead. Just his. He would protect you until you both were old and grey. He’d hold you in your shared bed as you both drifted off to sleep on your final night. He wouldn’t let you go this time. 

“It wasn’t a mistake, Billy. I may not have meant for it to happen, but I don’t regret you seeing me that night,” you spoke softly as you rested your chin on his chest. A small smile tugged up on his cheeks as he smoothed your hair out and took in the sight of you.

“I know, angel. You thought you were protecting me. I thought I was protecting you by leaving all those years ago. We were both wrong. That’s okay.” You wanted to hate how understanding he was after your harsh words that morning, but it just made you melt into him more. You were safe. Your heart was beating. You didn’t have to hide anymore. 

“I’m done hunting,” he proclaimed, “We can run. We’ll go to Mexico or- or past that if we have to. I’m running again, but I’m not letting you go this time. I’m not leaving you behind. I don’t know where we’ll end up, but if I have you, that’s more than enough.” You moved to press a kiss to his skin as you moved one of your hands up to brush his hair from his eyes. 

“Take me someplace warm. I missed the feeling of the sun on my skin.”

It was more common than not that he came to your apartment for dinner an hour later than expected or that you made good friends with the waiters at your favorite restaurants while waiting that extra time for him to arrive. You knew he never did it maliciously; he proved it in his many efforts to make it up to you in all areas of your life.

Flowers were a must, followed by your favorite foods, fixing things you hadn’t gotten around to in your apartment, and, of course, he never failed to make it up to you in the bedroom. But tonight, he hadn’t shown up an hour into your dinner reservation, and you didn’t want to wait any longer. 

Billy’s back ached from spending hours on the roller under an old Mustang when your ringtone sounded from his pocket. He had changed it to be the song that played in his truck the night you two went on your first date to try and ensure he never missed a call from you. It brought a smile to his face as he answered, placing the phone against his shoulder as his greased hands took a wrench to another bolt. 

“Hey baby,” he spoke softly; you could hear his smile, and you wanted to hate that you could no longer be as annoyed with him when he sounded like that. You smiled at the sight of him as you could see the oil stains on his pants where his legs stuck out from underneath the car. You swore that the only place he loved being more than under a car was under y-

“Baby?” He stopped working on the car when you didn’t reply, putting the wrench down before going to check if the call had disconnected, but he was cut off when your foot was placed between his legs on the plastic he laid on, pulling him out from under the old car and smiling down at him. 

“Hey, Billy. Forgetting something?” You could pinpoint the moment he realized what was wrong as the color drained from his face, deflating into the creeper as he quietly “Shit… what time is it?” He looked positively ashamed of himself for standing you up yet again, the second time this month. You knew he was trying to stay on top of the workload he used to take on when he and Tunstall were a two-person team, but working alone made it nearly impossible. 

“Time for you to wrap up and take me home to make it up to me.” Your voice was gentle, and he worried it was just the calm before the storm, that you’d lash out at him the second you two got home, yelling at him for disappointing you again. But the storm never came; you had always been so understanding, and his worry that you would stop was squashed every time. 

“I swear I thought I set an alarm- several actually… I don't know why I didn’t hear it. I stopped playing music after hours so I wouldn’t miss it-” he sounded so apologetic that it only tugged at your heart more before you moved down to straddle his hips on the roller, instantly cutting off his words. 

“You have 10 minutes to wrap up safely, no injuries like before,” you still couldn’t forget a similar night to this that only ended with you taking him to the emergency room for a nasty burn on his hand when he had been trying to clean up too fast, “and then I’m not letting you out of my bed all night, you hear me?” Before he even spoke, you knew he liked your plan by the sparkle in his eyes he could never manage to hide from you successfully. 

His hands brushed along your sides as you stretched out between his legs, your back flush to his chest while he nudged his nose against your neck. 

“Are you going to leave a hickey?” you spoke quietly, the tension between you two palpable before he broke it with a soft chuckle. 

“How exactly do you think I feed, sweet girl?” Your face flushed both from the nickname and your own embarrassment at the consideration that what you had heard before could just be gossip or a story told to scare people off. You squirmed almost uncomfortably before trying to explain yourself, “I’ve just heard that vampires bite, and then they kind of… stay there? With their teeth inside and suck? I don’t know what I-” He cut you off with a soft kiss to your neck and another small laugh, though you knew it wasn’t at your expense as he moved his hand to interlace your fingers with his. 

“I could do that. But… that’s if I was in a rush. Vampires who want to enjoy it- who want humans to enjoy it- don’t keep their teeth inside. We don’t need to. Something in my saliva keeps your wounds from closing up. You’ll just bleed until I stop. But I won’t let you hurt, baby. It should feel nice,” he explained, pressing open-mouth kisses against your jugular, letting you feel the tips of his fangs slide so carefully against your skin. It should have felt like a threat, the fact that he could press any harder and draw blood, but you already felt a heat traveling down your body in response. 

“Just one bite and then… then it won’t hurt?”

“One bite.” He waited patiently for you to nod your head, giving him your approval to go ahead and take what he needed from you, and before you felt the sharp end of his fangs, he pressed one light kiss against your skin, a promise to take care of you. You nearly went to put your hand over your mouth when you felt the puncture, but his fingers tightened around yours before he let go of your neck. 

“Shush, sweet girl. Hard part’s over now. Just relax,” he rasped by your ear, his breath hot against your skin that you swore must have been throbbing, pushing blood out for him to taste. There was a comfortable moment of silence that followed his words before you felt his tongue against the wound, lapping at the blood that trickled out and down your neck, never once letting it reach the fabric of his shirt that clung to your chest. Pure want made you tilt your head further to the side, giving him better access to the vein he knew he’d tapped into. Each swipe of his tongue was skillful and planned; wet kisses left between that had you squirming all over again. 

“Billy,” you moaned, finally understanding why he assured you it would feel good. There may have been something in his saliva that kept you bleeding, but you wouldn’t have been shocked to learn there was also an aphrodisiac laced in there, finding purchase under your skin and in your bones. His hands clamped down on your hips, keeping you pressed to him and letting you feel the blood that surged through him against your back. Your toes curled as his lips connected to your neck, sucking on the skin to pull more blood out. Your hand found purchase in Billy’s hair, shaggy from the growth you hadn’t found time to trim for him, letting you tug and pull his mouth even closer than it already was. 

“Billy, don’t stop,” you tried to beg, but you felt the way his actions slowed, an annoyance building in your chest that he hadn’t let you get all the pleasure you wanted from it. 

“Have to stop so you don’t lose too much, baby,” he mumbled, pressing feather-light kisses along your skin before bringing one hand up to wipe away his saliva, allowing the blood to clot and the wound to begin healing. You shifted with the heat between your legs, thighs rubbing together as his head fell to your shoulder, a quiet moan breaking through his voice at the pressure as you pushed back on him. 

The Bahrain Grand Prix wasn’t set to start until six, and with Billy not needing to be at the track until noon, he was determined to get in the all-too-beautiful waters along the city's edge. If it wasn’t for Billy’s love for fast cars, you think he may have gotten his fill of adrenaline in life from surfing. You never complained about the many early mornings you had accompanied him to the beach in Miami, Singapore, and Mexico last season, as he’d always wrapped you up in his jacket and a blanket on the sand. Leaving you with a soft kiss before you’d watch him ride the waves with a smile that could only be beaten by the one he sported inside his car.

You knew his desire to go out now was fueled by just how antsy he was to race; he needed to be in the water more than he needed to pace the paddock. After months off, the season's first race was a thrilling experience, and he’d snagged a starting position in the top 5 after a great qualifying session. In his excitement, he’d barely been able to sleep the whole night despite your attempts at tiring him out. Even with the tired look in your eyes from your many exhausting attempts at getting him to relax enough to sleep, he knew that his offer for you to stay in bed would only be met with more protest as he wrapped his team jacket around your shoulders and tucked a blanket into his bag. 

“Are you looking forward to the race?” you asked as you walked hand-in-hand down the steps to the beach from your hotel. You already knew the answer –of course, he was– but you also knew him well enough to know that he needed to get it off his chest as he nearly vibrated next to you, able to tell that he wasn’t shivering from the cold.

“I think this is my year, baby. Maybe it’s foolish to think that, but… I feel good about it. Yesterday went well, and maybe my hopes are too high, but I think I can at least get my first win this year.” He sounded hesitant, in all honesty, but you knew that with him freshly out of “rookie” status, hoping for much more than a win was what took too many drivers down later in the season. He had yet to win a grand prix in his F1 career, and you knew he was anxious to get that moment on the top of the podium like he had in F2. 

“Well, I will scream the loudest out of everyone when you stand up there this year. Maybe even flash you a little,” you teased before he laughed with his head thrown back, arm moving around your shoulder and holding you tight to his side as your feet sunk into the first step of sand.

“You better not do that until we are in the privacy of my room. That view is exclusively mine,” he insisted as he led you to a small flat of sand, “This okay for you, baby?” When you nodded in response, he quickly pulled out the blanket from his bag and wrapped you in it where you had sat down in the sand, still a bit cold as the sun rose over the horizon. You couldn’t help how you stared as he took off his hoodie; he had trained harder than ever over the winter break, and now your eyes got to reap the rewards. His toned chest and strong arms warmed you right up even as the sand tried to steal every bit of it beneath you.

“Feeling a little objectified over here,” he smirked at you as he rested the hoodie over your bare feet. 

“You can objectify me later in return. Right now I’m enjoying the view too much to care.” He laughed as he flexed his arms, only to receive a handful of sand to the chest with your own laugh.

“Show off. Go get in the water before I drag you back to the hotel, and find a better way to spend this time before we go to the paddock.” He hummed in response, feigning having to think it over before leaning down to kiss the top of your head.

“I’ll be back. Stay warm, and come get me if you want to go back earlier… Then I’ll find a few different ways to heat you up,” he spoke softly, a slight tease in his last words as he ensured your blanket was still wrapped snuggly around your shoulders. You watched as he made his way down to the water, the muscles in his back catching your attention as he lowered himself beyond where you could see. This was everything you wanted, everything he had worked for, and you had done your best to support him through it all. You’d wake up well before sunrise any day to see the smile that racing brought to his face and stay up far past midnight to listen to his antsy rants about wanting to win a race.

It wasn’t too often that you could come to the races. A demanding job kept you tied down at home, making it hard to jet off halfway across the world for a long weekend. Every weekend you weren’t there, you made him a promise that you would wake up early to watch it live. There wasn’t a moment you wanted to miss. 

The first half of the season was drawing to a close with one last stint for the triple-header and Billy had managed to squeeze himself into third at the last lap of the race. 44 long laps around the famous Spa-Francorchamps grid had worn him down and you could see it through the screen as he stood up on the podium. He hadn’t had a second with his phone yet but you knew that the second he did, he’d be calling you like he always did after a race, asking you what you thought and either being overwhelmed with your congratulations or your reassurances that his next race would be better.

Every second he stood on the podium was near perfect. The cheers from the fans as he was handed his trophy brought the same elated smile to his face that it always did. But not having you there was starting to tear him apart. The driver’s championship was becoming a real battle and if he wanted to be a contender, he needed to drive far better than he had today. He could already hear the debriefs in his head, the dissatisfaction that would sound as they told him that he had all the upgrades to make it to first if he just pushed a little harder. He didn’t need to push harder; he just needed time with his girl. 

It had been three very long weeks since he last saw you in person, counting down every second of the race until he could go back home and hold you in his arms. Every second that he wasn’t on the track he was stuck in strategy meetings or sim races or training. Calls grew to be less and less frequent the more you had to work too and he yearned to be back in your shared bed with you. The summer break was the light at the end of the tunnel. 

“There’s my podium winner!” you exclaimed when you answered his FaceTime, still lying in bed where you had watched the race far too early that morning. He could see you wearing one of his old team shirts that you always wore when there was an early race to watch, telling him adamantly that you needed to wear it in support. He swore that red was his new favorite color on you when he had made the team switch. You could see him still in his classic red suit as well, not bothering to change out of it before calling you from his driver room. 

“Hey there, baby. What’d you think?” He only cared about your opinion right after the race; he could care less about what the media had to say after when his girl was on the phone telling him how he did. 

“That was an amazing last lap. That overtake on the McLaren was honestly really hot… but also impressive! Not just hot!” He laughed listening to your panic as he propped his phone up on the cabinet to start shedding his suit to prepare for the press conference. However, your rambling trailed off the second you caught sight of his black fireproofs hugging his torso. While you had known he was passionate from the moment you met him, you were also painfully aware of how handsome he was. The fireproofs only accentuated that fact as you could see every curve of his figure with the tight shirt around him.

“You trying to catch some flies over there, sweetheart?” he snickered when he noticed you staring at him through the camera. You hadn’t even noticed your jaw go slack at the sight of him, too focused on the sight of his waist as he let his suit hang around his hips while he grabbed some clothes, but you quickly closed it when you realized, getting a breathy chuckle out of him.

“You didn’t have to stop staring. I appreciate the compliment, verbal or not.” If you were there in person, you would have smacked his chest and you both knew that, seeing the longing in his eyes even if he tried his best not to show it. He knew the distance had been hard on you too but he swore he would get the day done with as fast as possible to get home to you.

“If I’m not on the next flight home, my heart might give out,” he commented, pulling you out of your own thoughts as you tried to reason with him.

“You should go out and celebrate with the team tonight. It was a good race.” He only scrunched his face in response. As much as he did enjoy going out after a long race weekend, you weren’t there. His favorite nights were the ones just after you two got back from the clubs of whatever city he managed to get a podium in. You would both be drunk and giggling, making your way up to his hotel room before lazy kisses guided you both to sleep. 

“Celebrating with the team is for when I win the championship, or when you’re here. Right now, all I want is to come home to you and not let you go for the next four weeks of the break.” You lovingly rolled your eyes in response to that but he stayed true to his word. The second post-race interviews were over, he was nearly in a sprint to the airport, knowing that every step he took was one more closer to you. When he finally reached the apartment door, he swore his heart was going to explode right out of his chest. On the other side of that door was you and that was enough to make him never race again one day. 

He didn’t get the chance to knock before the door swung open and you jumped into his arms, barely giving him a chance to set his bags on the ground before his arms wrapped around you. 

“There’s my girl,” he beamed, letting your legs slot into place around his hips while he kicked his bags over the threshold. Your head nuzzled into the signature red hood pooling around his neck. He smelled so intoxicatingly like himself, a smell that had left your pillows over a week ago and nearly made you beg him to come home. You had put on a brave face when you two called that night because you knew that if you had asked him to come home, he would and you’d never ask him to jeopardize his career for you.

“Missed you,” you mumbled into his neck, pressing yourself as flush to him as you could while he kicked the door closed. He hummed in response, already heading toward your bed, desperate to just be with you. If you decided you wanted to do nothing over the next four weeks, he would gladly lay in bed with you all day and do just that. Nothing with you felt like everything to him. 

“Never letting you go again. Tell me you managed to get the time off for the next race,” he spoke so softly, like he was afraid any louder would rip you right from his arms. 

“I did. But even then, we’ve got four weeks before that.”

“That’s not long enough.” He laid you down first, chuckling at the sight of you try to cling back onto him as he kicked his shoes off. He’d clean up the mess he made later but all he could focus on was the need to have you bundled up in his arms. His head ended up tucked into the crook of your neck as he nearly laid on top of you, your hand mindlessly running through his hair. It had gotten longer since you last saw him and his stubble scratched against your shoulder. You’d cut his hair for him in the morning but he knew you’d refuse to shave his face, telling him that you enjoyed the stubble even more than a clean face.

“I’m home now. Not going anywhere,” he reassured you and he meant every word. He wasn’t going to let anything separate you for as long as he could manage. 

He stunk of champagne. He was positively soaked after Jesse had targeted his attack while Billy tried fruitlessly to fight back. His hair dripped down his face under his red cap as he ran through the halls, asking anyone he passed to answer his question about where his beautiful girlfriend could be. He had seen you from the podium, looking down at you with a bright smile that would make anyone else faint. It still made you dizzy, but not simply because of his good looks; you were dizzy because that smile was solely for you. His heart pounded as he stuck his head into Jesse’s driver's room and asked if he had seen you.

“Have you checked your own room?” Jesse pointed out, only to be met with a bashful smile from Billy as he turned to check. But Jesse spoke up quickly as he went to the door and held it open before Billy could walk away.

“Hey! Great job today. You kicked Charlie’s ass on those last few laps especially. Your first win is coming,” his words were gentle, a sense of pride in his best friend sneaking through in a way that had rarely been soberly shared between the two, “But you need to shower. Maybe that’s where your girlfriend is, huh? Waiting for you in the shower?” Billy smacked Jesse’s chest in response, getting a laugh out of him as he raised his hands, “I’m kidding! I’m kidding. Haven’t seen her since the podium.” Billy huffed as he closed the door to Jesse’s room and turned down the hall toward his room before he heard your voice as you raced down the hall.

“I got turned around! I was going to be there when you stepped off, but I got lost and-” your voice was breathless as you slowed down to stand in front of him, too distracted by your restless heart to notice the smile that nearly made his cheek hurt, “I couldn’t find my way through this maze for the life of me, and I only know so much Italian to ask for help –I should learn more before next year– so I just-” You didn’t get to finish your words before he was cupping your face and kissing you senseless, letting you melt into him and feel his smile against your own lips.

“You looked beautiful from the podium, baby,” he murmured, pulling you down the hall toward his driver's room. You could only hum in response as you kept kissing him, noting the way his hair dripped down your nose, a taste of champagne hitting your tongue as you two shared the air around you. He fumbled with the door knob for just a moment before the two of you stumbled into his room, closing the door promptly behind you. 

“I’m so proud of you. You did so good today. I was on the edge of my seat with those overtakes. Charlie may have taught you a lot but it’s clear the student has become the master,” you spoke softly as your fingers desperately pried at the top of his race suit, wanting it off his chest so you could see him better. You didn’t have to lie and tell him that the fireproofs he wore under his suit did things to you that you were nearly ashamed to admit. He already knew their effect on you and called you many times to show you just to smile at the fierce blush you sported in response. 

“I’m not just good at racing, darlin’,” the slightest country twang peaking through that you knew was a rare but welcome occurrence, “Want to see what else I’m good at while you’re trying to tear this suit off?” 

“What are you insinuating, Mr. Bonney? You have press conferences in 30 minutes and are still soaked in champagne. I’ll need a shower now as well after holding you so close,” your hands moved to bring his suit down around his hips, letting his arms slip out of the sleeves before his hands returned to your hips. 

“I’m not insinuating anything, baby… But maybe we could shower together?” He always got riled up after a podium, and you had spent far too much time helping him calm down before he’d have to be professional in front of the cameras. He melted like putty between your fingers as you took off his hat and ran your hands through his champagne-soaked hair, still messy from pulling off his balaclava and running through the paddock to find you. 

⟢ smiles as bright as the sun

⟢ supportive of her boy beyond belief

⟢ love language is physical touch (and is the kind of girl to punch her boy affectionately)

⟢ curses with a sweet smile on her face

⟢ loves the chance to one-up a man

⟢ will start a fight if someone talks badly about someone she loves

⟢ her boy thinks she's reckless at times, but she calls it "spontaneous"

⟢ loves so deeply and unconditionally

⟢ cuddling is a must with her (if her boy doesn't want to cuddle, she's grabbing him and making him or asking him what's wrong with sad eyes)

⟢ loves being outside in the sun and will dance in the rain

⟢ talks to all animals in a squeaky lovey voice that her boy adores

⟢ collects rocks

⟢ everyone thinks she's a party animal but she will find a quiet spot in a party to relax more often than not, unless she's had enough to drink

⟢ rarely gets hungover (makes her boy very jealous of that fact)

⟢ believes that the family she chooses is far more important than blood