#left write hook

TRIGGERED - Page 381

The boxing part of this session put me in touch with feelings that were so deep I had never met them before. Donna kept telling me 'you're allowed to be angry' - but that was counter to everything I'd ever been taught. I had a lot of relearning to do.

I'm sorry this is so late this week. I have not been well, mentally and physically. More tests ahead. Thanks for understanding.

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TRIGGERED - Page 389

It was so amazing to me how a burst of anger - often accompanied by words I could never have expected, feelings I didn't even know were inside me - would be followed by an absolute outpouring of tears. It was like the lid being popped off a pressure cooker, and there was just so much raw emotion inside that was desperate to come spilling out. I felt so lucky to have a space where all of these feelings were not just allowed, but welcomed. I wish every survivor could have that.

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TRIGGERED - Page 388

The bond that we were building with each other as we let ourselves be seen and held, even as we spoke truth to our darkest secrets, was something so incredible. Something I didn't realise I had needed for a very long time.

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TRIGGERED - Page 386

It didn't take much exposure to Left Write Hook before I wanted a bag for home - so soon I was supplementing these weekly sessions with my own rage-releases in my shed (turn up some angsty screamo from my youth and just go at the bag until I collapse in tears - very therapeutic). Meanwhile this rage was contrasted with the incredible gentleness and and love pouring out from the other people in the program. Even though it was so hard, and I was always left exhausted, every part of this was so good for me.

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TRIGGERED - Page 387

We were all naming feelings we had never said aloud before. It was so complicated - the abuse, the relationships, the things we had done for love. We'd navigated our lives feeling so deeply messed up and broken, but in this space, we shared those feelings. It was so different to not be alone.

I'm sorry it's taken me until now to post this week's page. I've been travelling a lot for work and am only just catching up now. Next week we should be back to normal.

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TRIGGERED - Page 385

Keep in mind this was happening when I was approaching 40. I had never been 'sporty' - I had been put off exercise at a young age by the structure of physical education at my school (which largely excluded girls and punished kids who weren't naturally athletic), only starting to physically move my body as part of my severe eating disorder (which was extremely problematic and often led to fainting). In eating disorder recovery, I'd been on exercise restrictions (not allowed to get my heart rate up) well into my thirties. For all of these reasons, exercise had largely felt unsafe for me. But as I worked my way up, slowly improving both my physical strength and my cardiovascular fitness, I started noticing changes in my body that had never occurred before. I had never experience my body as anything other than weak and largely incapable. This new experience was blowing my mind.

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TRIGGERED - Page 383

This weekly ritual with these fellow survivors, whom I was beginning to deeply love, became a lifeline to me. I have had to use some creative license in capturing these workshops in order to maintain the flow of the story, but the central thread I have not changed is the emotional journey and how it felt to be in this space with these people.

I am so sorry that this is SO late. A lot has been going on. My health scare is mostly resolved and I am feeling a lot better, just very fatigued. I hope to be back on a regular posting schedule next week.

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TRIGGERED - Page 377

These women were so unashamed, so present in their anger. It was like nothing I had ever seen before, and it broke something inside of me.

TRIGGERED is supported by my generous Patrons. To become a patron and gain access to hundreds of additional comic pages, head on over here.

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