#leejonghyunia

Valentines day, not valentines day, regardless of the occasion, it’s good that you like it. Unfortunately there weren’t enough left to make a bouquet. (`shrugs a little before presenting a small, almost non-existent smile) Tell me yours first.

2013年 10月 22日

I think it's really useless. Today again, I tried to contact a spirit. Any spirit. Just whatever bodiless thing that could be floating around with the need to speak to a medium, but it didn't work. Again. I only got those same old indistinguishable whispers that won't actually talk to me, just let me know they are there. It's frustrating to know I have abilities, but can't use them at all to their fullest. 

Mom will be dissapointed again when she calls. Maybe this time I just won't answer. I don't even feel like going to class today. I think maybe I'll just go and treat myself to some ice cream in the city. Distractions are always welcome. 

Stupid half-developed abilities. 

2013年 10月 14日

I honestly don't know why I'm still trying. No matter how much effort I put out there to better my abilities, it never seems to have any effect. I'm just as powerless as I was when I arrived at this place, and it has been several months already. Mom calls every couple of weeks to check on me. I know it's not me she's worried about. It's my abilities. All she cares about is if I've had any progress in developing them to a finer point. It's kind of sad, but it's the truth and I can't deny it. I also can never lie to mom and tell her that I improved any because I really haven't. When I tell her this, she'll only heave a sigh over the phone and tell me that I must work harder if I want to be the future of the shrine and the family. 

I originally wanted that; to be the future of the shrine and the family's pride in generational mediums, but now I'm not so sure. There is just too much pressure riding on my shoulders and I don't think I can rise above my inability. At least, it doesn't seem like I can. I have been in training for most of my life, and I can only hear whispers from the other side of the white noise. Indistinguishable whispers at that. It's like all those spirits and beings that are speaking are trying to taunt me. They let me know they are there, but won't let me hear any more than a faint trail of their voices.

It's frustrating. I know I have the power hiding somewhere in me, but it won't come out fully. No matter how much I meditate and train, nothing ever improves. What if I never improve? If I never channel the spirits that I'm expected to, what then? Will I have to just return home and tell the family that? Surely dad and brother will be delighted since it'll mean I can't be head of the family. Mom will be devastated though. And sister will just feel bad that the gift was wasted on someone who couldn't channel into it properly. She won't hate me though, at least I don't think she will. And if I can't be the head of the family, what point will I have at the shrine? Maybe I'll leave and live a normal life in Tokyo. That would be kind of nice, I suppose.

Well, I'm expecting another call from mom soon about the nearing Ancestral Ceremonies back at home in the shrine. I should leave this here for today.

Roses, she has always loved them. How beautiful, yet harmful they were for  those who came too close. Just as herself. Melyria spent the afternoon sitting on a bench, admiring the roses near the greenhouse while waiting for the sunset to come. It was a perfect place to enjoy such wonderful phenomenon. It was delightful how the bright orange light faded away behind the garden trees. Laying on her back over the bench, she glanced at the small rays of light through the leaves of an enormous Oak tree that was shading her.

The night elf, no matter how stealthy as she was, for some strange reason never noticed she had some company, or at least that someone was casually roaming around. So, taking a deep breath she closed her eyes for a moment. At the twilight hour, Melyria was far away inside her dreams. Unaware of it, she fell for a noon nap. What could be wrong with that? Anyone could peacefully fall for a nap at any corner of the academy, it was normal. Well, in most of the cases. For the past months, whenever Melyria closes her eyes, it only takes a few minutes for her to start to reliving those bad experiences over and over again until she wakes up. Memories that should be forbidden, had become nightmares for her. To fall asleep in public with so many Cheshire's around school it was a bit dangerous for in her case, but how could she realize that when she was already asleep?

Someone was carrying her, the only thing she could see was her back, and the trees, and dirt path they were leaving behind. Was that her mother? Yes it was. A long and soft black mane, swinging from side to side as she rushed through the forest. Suddenly the woman stopped, putting the young elf down behind some bushes while giving her a warm gaze. A tear about to fall down her cheeks, but being held back by the lovely elder. She told Melyria to stay behind the bushes, without making any sound, and the little girl just nodded at her mother. She stood still until she heard a loud groan coming from her mother's bowels. Next, she could hear like a heavy lump fell to the ground. 

It was happening again, the poor night elf was dreaming with her mother's death. Her mind was constantly torturing her with those horrible images of her past. Shaking her head, but as always, unable to wake herself up. Melyria, all sweaty, was fighting back against her own subconscious, but it was useless.

There she was, laying down on the ground, like no one has expired before, so gracefully. Even when her life was about to become inexistant, she looked beautiful.Her jet black locks embracing her face as she stared at her daughter through them. The female eyes were glowing for the last time, the most beautiful glow Melyria has ever seen staring at her as thousand of rain drops kissed her lovely skin. It was like heavens were crying along with the young elven heart, expressing all she was holding back due her mother’s last command “Stay here, quietly, no matter what”. Her mother knew there was no chance for here to survive that night, but at least she had to protect her child. 

She was having one of the worse nightmares she fight with every time she falls asleep, but this time there was something weird about it. Even though when she was seeing the same images inside her head, she felt the presence of a dark being that was not her mother's murderer. An even darker aura was embracing her soul and was not letting go; she was more afraid than usual. Even when she was asleep she could feel her heart pounding faster every time, not sure if it was inside the dream or if was actually happening though. What was going on? She didn't had a clue, but an immense fear was taking over her. 

Was he truly a wanderer at this point? The last time the Musica had ventured outside, was when Tao found him. How long ago was that? It must been some time ago, since the reaper was now blonde and was now running around with an iPod. How times change, right? His life included, in that random formula that was woven around only a few little things that shouldn't have happened. He shouldn't have made himself first puke after those nightmares, but now he was in too deep. The sleep had finally left his already exhausted face, he was more awake than he should have been.