#leefall

dear gaeul,

you’re all the best things anyone could ever hope for in a sibling. as you know (and have experienced - in the worst ways possible), i’ve always found it difficult to evoke my emotions, and how grateful i am for being blessed to have you as my brother and my best friend. the words ‘thank you’ will never be enough to express my gratitude, but with my limited, monolingual vocabulary that i have, all i can say is thank you. thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me in the past 18 years, thank you for being my beacon of light and helping me in all the ways imaginable, thank you for dealing with me, thank you for loving me. your unconditional love means more to me than anything i’ll ever be able to write down.

i wish you the merriest of christmases.

with love,

lee yeoreum. ♡

fuck starter sentences

“why? is it unladylike? m’not in an interview or anythin’. what bothers you more, my speech or my curse words? ‘cos y’haven’t commented on my speech.. not that i could recall, at least.” she grabs a peppermint candy at the counter before they leave the cafe, popping it into her mouth and throwing the wrapper into a nearby trash can. “why can guys cuss how much they want? i mean, y’don’t cuss that much. actually, m’not really sure about that. m’not around ya 24/7, so maybe y’act different around other people.” she then shrugs her shoulders. “plus, you’ve known me for a while. why does it bother you now that i’m cussin’, eh? ‘cos i’m growin’ up an’ i should mature or somethin’?” 

text memes: open !

send “✆” for a morning text.

( kkt // 이가을 ) oppa( kkt // 이가을 ) i have an errand to run this morning so i won’t be able to eat with you( kkt // 이가을 ) i hope you had sweet dreams( kkt // 이가을 ) breakfast is waiting for you when you wake up

3, 2, 1—

wait! daddy, where’s oppa?

her father’s expression hardens, and she finds his response in the lapse of silence that passes.  

( he doesn’t belong here, he doesn’t belong with us. )

where is oppa? we need him here. ( i need him here. )

we’ll take a family portrait with him next time, sweetheart. yeoreum’s merely seven and far too young to know what adults lying sounds like, but she can see it. she sees it all: the way her father speaks through gritted teeth and tight lips, the shame colouring her mother’s cheeks. yeoreum knows, she always does. there’s not going to be a next time.

she wants to cry, but it’s never safe to cry where her brother isn’t, where her brother can’t hold all her little pieces together.

the next fifteen minutes blur into an endless cycle of shutters snapping, being told by photographers to spell out happiness with forced smiles while sitting, standing up, sitting down again, standing up again, and countless memories of what her father calls their home are frozen forever in time.

( but this isn’t her home; her home doesn’t exist without lee gaeul. )

on the car ride home, she counts down the seconds it’ll take for her to get home with her fingers until she’s streaming down the hallway to their shared bedroom, until she sees him, until she hears his laugh, until she is. for the first time today, she hears what the truth sounds like:

home is gaeul, gaeul, gaeul.

[ 봄: ]  petals, of a sudden in disarray, florets, windswept — perhaps there hasn’t been any other instance when she has been utterly baffled on what to feel, whether the urge to laugh at how childishly silly he seems, or to burst from fondness for bearing witness to a remark so evergreen it is overwhelmingly endearing to withstand. the film — which she hasn’t been paying much mind, regardless — moves further out of her focus, in its stead gaeul’s soft, comforting features; his eyes gleam amidst the dim light of the television screen, and she hopes this sliver doesn’t expose her own crimson cheeks.

— send “ø” for a late night text.

(프로도, kkt) you have to leave for work already, huh?(프로도, kkt) i wanted to keep talking to you(프로도, kkt) emoticon(프로도, kkt) but i understand(프로도, kkt) have a nice day at work!! don’t you dare replace me with any cute girls, ok(프로도, kkt) emoticon(프로도, kkt) i love you. good morning/good night

— send “%” for a curious text.

(프로도, kkt) i’m embarrassed to ask(프로도, kkt) but when you left years back, did you ever think of me(프로도, kkt) because right now i keep thinking of you(프로도, kkt) like if you’ve already eaten, if you slept well, what the last existential or philosophical question you asked yourself was, if work is treating you right or if you’re cheating on me … just kidding ㅋㅋㅋ(프로도, kkt) but i suppose circumstances have changed. we are together now after all(프로도, kkt) which i’m still trying to wrap my head around … thank you for confessing to me that day(프로도, kkt) emoticon

— send “@” for a scared text.

(프로도, kkt) i feel so alone(프로도, kkt) there is no one here whom i can trust(프로도, kkt) my mom, the one person who’s supposed to be on my side is making the same mistake again. she believes all the bullshit my father spews out of his mouth but i don’t trust him one bit(프로도, kkt) i don’t know what to do, my mom won’t listen to anything i say(프로도, kkt) who will i run to for help? who will listen to me?(프로도, kkt) you’ll listen, i know. you’re the only one who will(프로도, kkt) but right now you’re too busy to talk and i understand(프로도, kkt) just forget everything i said, i’m being paranoid … i hope your day is going better than mine(프로도, kkt) text me when you can, ok? i love you

— send “♀” for a heartbreaking text.

(프로도, kkt) i’m not doing a great job as a girlfriend, am i?(프로도, kkt) i don’t know what’s happening with you anymore(프로도, kkt) are you eating well? sleeping well? i don’t know what’s going on with you at work or at home(프로도, kkt) i’m not there anymore to hold you while you sleep or wake you when you have nightmares, or laugh with you during the good times and help you through the bad(프로도, kkt) as much as i’m unaware of what’s happening with you i haven’t been able to tell you much about what’s going on with me either(프로도, kkt) we barely have time for each other. but i can’t blame you(프로도, kkt) you’ve been so good to me. the best. i can’t possibly ask for someone more patient, loyal, and understanding as you are, and you deserve someone who’s equally good to you and more(프로도, kkt) point is, i think we need space (despite the large amount of it that we already have, ironically) … maybe our dependence on one another only hurts us more(프로도, kkt) and i’m painfully aware that i’m hurting you even more right now and i’m really sorry. but in the long run, wouldn’t this be better, for your sake and mine?(프로도, kkt) i hope for brighter days in the future for you. please be happy, gaeul

— send “✉” for a text that wasn’t sent.

(가을, kkt) i proclaim that i am officially the most selfish, most foolish person on earth. i want to take back everything i said … all i’m saying right now just sound like excuses, but it’s been a really tough time for me and i couldn’t get my head on straight and the past few weeks proved even tougher because you weren’t by my side even through the consolation of a mere label. but i’m sure that it’s been tough for you too, and i wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most. i don’t deserve you, i don’t deserve to say this, this probably isn’t the right thing to do (nothing feels right anymore), but as selfish as it is i want to let you know that despite everything that’s happened my sentiments remain the same, and i don’t believe they’ll ever change. do you feel the same way? do you think we can make this work again?

@leefall; tumblr text posts starters

         “Space, huh?” His head topples back to study the night sky, his black fringe parting from his forehead and piling up in the space before his ears. Fingers flick the strands forward again, to cover up the bare spaces above his brows. Can’t have his hair parted, right? That’s a feminine thing. Yes, this is something he’s consciously concerned about. He’d rather be dead than have a stroke of femininity. What can I say? He’s insecure! 

         But life continues. And he’s crinkling a chip bag in his fist, his gaze flickering from star to star. Studying them with knowing eyes, despite not knowing jack shit about astronomy. But he looks like he does.

         Calloused fingers dive into the bag, and a moment later all you can hear is crunching. Way to ruin the moment. But Minjae thinks, he deserves a few chips. After all, he paid full price for them (imagine that) as a reward system for knocking a statue over and successfully stealing the head that’d broken off. 

         Now, here he sits with Gaeul. On a park bench. Dressed in all black. With a limestone head in his lap. He smiles acquiescently, and the head does too. “Fucks me up real bad too, man.” A short nod, and he’s shifting his attention toward his apparent doppelgänger. “I mean, it goes on forever.” Right? He thinks this sounds true. “And y’know... Aliens!”