Next was the bacon, you refused out right to fry it off in a pan with your son sitting so close to the stove, so you opted to just throw it in the oven while you worked on making Bucky's omelette. His disgusting mushroom filled omelette, you didn't really care for mushrooms before you were pregnant, but now everything about the little bastards made you feel nauseous. You would power through the sick feeling for Bucky though because you loved him and he deserved to have his favorite breakfast for his birthday.

While you set about cutting the mushrooms Dom had decided he was tired of helping you cook and went in to the living room. You weren't to worried about him wondering off, he couldn't get too far and if anything were to happen you knew Koda would alert you immediately.

So you weren’t worried at all when you heard Dom rummaging around in the living room, opening and closing drawers looking for what you had no idea, but when you heard his soft exclamation of ‘yes’ you were sure he had found it. 

For the next 10 minutes you continued to cook away at Buckys breakfast and Dom and Koda did what ever the hell they had been doing in the living. 

“We're almost done. You wanna go wake him up?” You called out to Dom as you started to plate Bucks food. You didn’t get much of reply back besides the very small grunt as you assumed Dom got up to get him.

  Bucky woke up at the drop of a dime, no matter how tired and sleep deprived he was. So of course he was up when he heard the sound of your room door opening even with as quiet as it was. In the past he would have shot up and confronted the noise, but he was more than convinced that this noise wasn't a threat to him, unless he had fruit snacks. So he laid in bed and waited for the ‘intruder’ to jump on the bed to get his attention. He continued to wait for more then a few minutes, growing slightly inpatient and nervous when the minutes kept ticking on. He shifted over to your side of the bed and cracked his eyes open just a bit to see what was happening and was immediately met with the sight of deep brown eyes staring directly at him.

“I know you're awake! Get up!” Dom said as soon as his eyes met Bucky’s and he finally climbed on the bed to get closer to him.

“I'm not. I'm sleeping see.” Bucky made a show of making his fake snoring as loud and as exaggerated as he could. “If you're asleep you can't talk! Get up!” Bucky continued to be asleep, enjoying his sons reactions maybe a little too much.

“Fine. Keep pretending,” Bucky felt the dip in the bed as his son got down, “there was only 5 pieces of bacon left so I'll eat them!” At that he heard the sound of feet rushing away from your shared room and the door closing behind them.  That's all he needed to hear before he was up and rushing after his son determined to get at least a bite of bacon. Bucky had been just steps behind Dom when he reached out and picked him up effectively cutting of his call to you.

“He’s comi- ahhh let me go!” You could hear them beginnings to make their way down the hall to you and took the opportunity to finish plating Buckys breakfast.

“Put me down!”

“Nope.” Bucky knew he didn’t really want to get down so he kept walking towards the kitchen, occasionally stopping to move his son further up his shoulder or to tickle him.

When Bucky turned the corner into the kitchen he knew he would see you, of course he would he could smell breakfast and hear you singing to yourself, but what he wasn't expecting when he turned the corner to your kitchen was the 7 barley filled, puppy slobber, covered balloons hanging Dom height on the front of the kitchen island or the crudely drawn happy birthday banner that had puppy shaped paw prints on the front, hung just a little higher than the balloons.

He was vaguely aware his birthday was coming, valentine's day had passed and McDonald's had begun the promotions for shamrock shakes, but he was more than a little shocked that it was apparently today. It hadn't been at the forefront of his mind with you just about ready to have the baby and the missions he was forced to take becoming more and more tiresome.

So he stood there looking at the banner and the balloons and the breakfast that sat on the island and just stared. Because never in a million years would he have imagined, especially here recently, that he would have a fiancee and son, a family, who cared about him so much that they would surprise him like this for his birthday. 

He must have been staring for just a bit too long because he could feel two sets of eyes staring him down.

“Do you like it daddy? I made it with Koda.” He felt the way Dom shifted on his shoulders and the gentle way he patiently kicked at his back while he waited for Buckys reply.

Bucky had more than enough birthdays in his long life. Birthdays where he had just enough money to get a small cake to feed his sisters and Steve and ones where he had a cake that could feed all of New York and some, birthdays where he was in unimaginable pain and birthdays where he couldn’t stop laughing. But this was, without a doubt, the best birthday. The only thing that would make the next birthday better was knowing that his little girl would be there next year. 

He knew then that it was probably time to call it quits after a particularly nasty screaming match between the two of you that left you both broken. But he was selfish and knew that there were more then a few people on the team that wouldn’t hesitate at ask you out and, again, he was selfish and wanted you for himself. So when you told him you wanted to take a break he had begged you to reconsider and when you did he thought about how much of an asshole he was truly being to you.

He had tried to talk to you immediately after he ended his short stint of a relationship, if you could call it that, with Natasha, but you didn't answer his calls or texts cutting him off completely.

He hadn’t thought about you never talking to him again. Hadn’t considered what months of pushing you to break up with him would actually do to either of  you. He was suffering because and it was his own fault.

It took less than a month for the novelty of having Natasha in his bed and not you to wear off. She didn't wake up with him when his nightmares got to real for him, she wasn't as considerate to his PTSD as you were, and of course he knew she suffered from her own demons, but where he needed to talk to relive his problems she preferred to keep her emotions close to her chest.

He had made a mistake and took you for granted when all you did was love him and want him to finally have the happiness he deserved. 

And I know right now that we're not talkin' I hope you know this dick is still an option 'Cause I'll beat it up I'll take my time to learn the way your body functions You were equestrian, so ride it like a champion The sex'll get you high without no other substance

He would be a liar to say that sex with Natasha was better than sex with you. You felt better you were far more open about your pleasure then she was.His favorite memory, the memory that gets him rock hard in seconds, is the memory of your first time together.

You were self conscious about a lot of things he had noticed right away, but he was more than prepared to help get you to be as open and ready as him. So he had decided that everything would go slow even though he was hard as god damn rock.

So he took his time with you. Took his time kissing you slow enough to show that everything was going at whatever pace you decided to set.

His lips were so soft, and warm against your own so it didn't take very much time for you to want to feel more parts of him on and in you. So you pressed against him just a bit more hoping that he would get the message to move just a bit more quickly.

His tongue moved with precision and dedication to only bring you immense pleasure. Then his mouth was moving lower down your face, kissing along the curve of your chin and the dip in your neck. He moved back up to your ear whispering sweet nothings and praises that he hoped echoed his desire for you. Whispers of how gorgeous you were, pretty your soft moans sounded. He moved lower down your body still whispering praises as he went.

He hadn't even got to the best part of the memory when he felt himself growing in his pajama pants. He ignored it, he was in no state to have that kind of fun especially when it was to the thoughts of you and a time long past, but once the memory was started he didn't want to stop thinking about it.

The head of his cock slowly opened your lips and you can't help but moan as you keep lowering yourself down onto him. He's big and it takes more time then normal to adjust to his size. Halfway through taking him you have to stop and take deep breaths so you can adjust completely. He leans forward to plant a kiss against your lips. It's a small sign of affirmation to let you know he's still letting you take control and you appreciate it. When your ready again you give him a quick head nod and he encircles your hips with his hands and helps you sink lower on him.

You groan as he finally bottoms out and you feel him stretching you completely. After about a solid minute and a half of him just being inside you he kisses you again soft and sweet. You whimper again as you start to move on him, finally starting to enjoy his size digging your nails into his shoulders.

His hands stay on your hips as you move up and down, moaning as you do. You feel amazing, your warm and tight and god he wants to take control and show you how amazing you're making him feel. He doesn't though instead he bites the junction between your neck and shoulder another sign of encouragement.

He lets you ease up until only the head of his cock remains inside, Bucky pulls you down and begins to move you up and down on his cock. You gasp and whimper as he fucks up into you.

The sound of your skin smacking together and the moans coming from the both of you is a symphony that he misses every day but especially right now as he lays alone in his bed thinking about this moment.

He can't take the pace that you have started anymore and starts his own, rough and bruising one, fucking into you much faster and with less abandon than before.

You whimper as you dig your nails deeper into his shoulders. You feel your legs getting tired and your body leans forward against him no longer having the strength to hold yourself up, but his hands don't leave your waist still helping you keep up the pace.

You're so close and he can hear it in the way you moan. He takes initiative and moves his cool left hand down to rub at your clit. The added stimulation starts to take you to that peak that you've been chasing.

“Bucky!” It's moaned into his neck and he groans and you bring your hips down onto him harder chasing your release. He holds on to your hips letting you speed up without the worry of him slipping out of you, occasionally squeezing to let you know he was enjoying the way you swirl your hips and bounced against his pelvis.

When your toes started to curl and your face dropped down to the crook of his neck, he knows it was over for the both of you. He could feel the way your warm walls squeezed around him as you got closer to your peak. He bucked up into you throwing your rolling hips off kilter and sending you both over the edge.

Wake up I don't wanna wake up I don't wanna wake up If you ain't layin' next to me I don't wanna wake up I don't wanna wake up I don't wanna wake up If you ain't layin' next to me-e-e On me, me, on me, oh, I On me, on me, on me.

Most days, just like today, he stayed in bed and wallowed in self pity. He hated that he couldn't smell you on his favorite pillow anymore. It was how he used to get to sleep. Even when you were fighting he could always come back to his room and smell the pillow you used and be lolled to sleep by the smell of your shampoo.

It was hell trying to sleep without you, but when he finally got to sleep he never wanted to wake up because in his dreams you were always there and always smiling and his. He dreamed of never letting you go in the first place, that the fight that lead him to leaving you stranded and cold on the streets of New York City never happened and instead you both went to the movie you had told him you were desperate to see. He dreamed of you in a pretty white dress walking down the aisle towards him.

His dreams were so far away from his current reality that they might as well be a different persons. He didn't fall asleep at night, which in itself was good that meant he didn't dream about the life he could have had if he didn't let you go.

They continued on their way forward onto the main floor of the tower through the main floor towards the elevator that would lead to the room that you guys were currently staying in for Christmas. Once they had arrived in front of the elevator doors Bucky stopped and turned to look at Sam.

“What?” Sam asked as he stared back Bucky.

“Press the fucking button.”

“You press the fucking button my hands are kinda full here asshole.” Before Bucky could reply to Sam there was the sound of rushing feet.

“Can I press the fuc-” The tiny voice that accompanied the rushing feet said.

“Whoa!” Sam yelled cutting off the end of Doms inevitable curse.

“I thought you were with uncle Steve, where is he?”

“Hiding,” Dom said as he made his way closer to Bucky, curiosity evident in his brown eyes as he looked at the boxes in both their hands, “what's in there?”

“None of your beeswax.” Bucky told his son as he stuck his tongue out and moved the box further away from Dom.

“Is that a present?” Dom asked not put off even a little by Bucky's words or actions.

“No.” Bucky was well aware that his son was a blabber mouth and that if he knew what was inside the box you would know before he even got in the elevator.

Dom didn't ask anymore questions after that. Clearly his dad was keeping a secret and he knew he wasn't gonna get anything out of him. So he shrugged his shoulders and bounced his was closer to the elevator to press the call button.

“I love you son.” Bucky says as he and Sam get into the elevator. Dom doesn't reply to busy pressing the close door button as fast and as hard as he could.

“UNCLE STEVIE!” Dominic yelled as loud as he could the second the elevator doors shut. His mission was to get his uncle to him as fast as he possibly could. It was a success because within seconds Dom heard a hard thud from Steve's supposed hiding spot.

“Dominic! What's wrong? Where are you?” Dom could hear the thundering sound of his uncle's feet as he took the steps on the stairs 3 at a time to get to him.

“What's wrong? Did you hurt yourself?” Steve asked as he rushed to pick up and check him for any scratches or bumps.

“I need to call my mommy right now.”

You were far too pregnant to be out Christmas shopping, especially in snowy ass New York City. But here you were with Pepper wobbling around like a penguin in possibly the snowiest and busiest streets in New York all because Pepper just had to find the ‘perfect’ gift for every single member of the team.

“I hate this.” You grumbled out around a mouth full of scarf. Your feet were killing you and baby girl was kicking your left side to hell. The worst part by far though was the fact that you had to forgo a beanie because your hair just would not fit inside the damn thing. So your once perfectly styled curls, that took way too long to be ruined in such a short amount of time, were covered in snow. Sure at the beginning when the snow was barely falling you took a bunch of photos because it was cute and looked nice, but now you were beyond done with the snow messing up your hair.

“Could have just order stuff on Amazon.” You mumbled mostly to yourself.

“How about we take a break and go get some food?” Pepper asked as she stopped to look at your shivering form. You could tell she was beyond worried about you at this point and you appreciated her mother hen like attitude, but you were mostly perfectly fine. Even though you were freezing and desperately in need of a break you knew the moment you stopped walking and sat down for even a second you would be done for. No more shopping, no more fun with the Pepper, nothing. The tiredness would come and hit you like a freight train and you would be utterly useless. “I'll even make Tony call us a car when we're done.”

“I’m in. Just a few more things right?”

“Yeah, just Sam and Steve left.” You could handle that. Just a few more stores and then you could go back to the warm tower and nap for the rest of the day.

You let Pepper lead you towards the cute little store where she was sure she would find Steve’s present. There weren't many people in the store so you both had all the free will in the world to shop around for the perfect gift for the captain.

“What about this?” You asked as you pointed towards a book about the Howling Commandos.

“That's nice, but what abou-”  Before Pepper could continue your phone started to ring and you immediately cringed at the loud music blaring from your person.

“You have to come home right now mommy!”

“What?” You asked as your sons frantic voice echoed through your head.

“Daddy has a secret. Hurry!” Then he hangs up and your more than a little confused.

Once Bucky was safely and securely in the comfort of your room and Sam was kicked out he set the box he was carrying down gently on the floor.

“Koda, no.” Bucky said sternly as he watched the over excited Akita puppy jump completely out of the box he was just in.

Koda, the puppy that he had found wandering around New York 3 full week's ago starving, dirty and flea infested. He did the thing he felt was right, the good thing he could do for the abandoned pup and took him to the vet.

He had planned to only drop the dog off, pay for whatever the poor thing needed and leave him in the care of the vet. But that idea was shot down instantly when the dog practically jumped in his lap and started to cry after getting his first shot. Bucky had fallen in love with the poor guy right then and there, but knew he couldn't risk bring it home to his pregnant fiance and child just yet. So he was forced to wait the agonizingly long 3 weeks until he got the all clear to bring him home.

Now that he was home, well at the tower for the moment but home still, he could not get his act together. Bucky knew that he could listen he had seen it with his own 2 eyes every time he had went to go visit him at the vets, but now was a totally different story.

“Koda, sit down.” Bucky watched as the puppy looked at him and then proceed to run around the room jumping on every single thing he could reach, the couch, the coffee table, the suitcases, everything. This was becoming more and more frustrating, adorable, but very much frustrating.

He takes a break from trying to calm Koda down to focus on the box that had all of his things in it, his toys, crate, bed and food bowl and focuses his attention more on getting that stuff ready first.

He is so focused on getting Kodas crate built he doesn't hear the click of the room door or the soft gasp that follows it. He doesn't pay too much attention to the sound of nails tapping across the hardwood floor or the soft barks. Nor does he take into consideration the soft thud that follows the barks.

What does grab Bucky's attention however, is the fit of uncontrollable giggles that erupt from behind him.

“What's his name?” Bucky turns and watches as his son is knocked backwards onto the floor as the puppy sat on his middle and proceed to cover his face in sloppy licks.

“Koda.”

“Is he mine?”

“I didn't say that.” Dom doesn't say much else to Bucky after that he's far to focused on the dog that has gotten much calmer since he had appeared. Bucky takes this opportunity with Koda being distracted to finish the crate and set out Kodas food and water bowl.

When you and Pepper got back to the tower the first thing you did was head up to your room. A part of you was a little a worried about this secret that Bucky had, but it honestly couldn’t be too bad if your son was calling and not like Steve or Tony.

You had a sneaky suspicion about what Buckys secret could be. He had on more then one occasion come home smelling like wet dog which only piqued your curiosity about what he could have possibly be up to on his trips to downtown New York. But what really sealed the deal about the possible new edition to your family was Buckys new obsession with moving to a new pet friendly apartment complex. So you really weren’t all that surprised when you heard the light barks coming from behind the door of your guest room. “Who is this little guy?” “Koda! Daddy said we can keep him.” Dom said as he ran over to you and guided you sit on the couch. He sat next to you and gently patted your lap encouraging the puppy to come to you. “I didn’t say that doll!” Bucky says as soon as he hears his son's voice. “So we can’t keep him?” Dom asks in a broken voice.

“So you just got a dog and food and a bed just to give him away?” You questioned as you let the puppy sniff at your hand and lap. “Maybe…” He didn’t, he fully intended to keep the dog. “Well that sucks because I would love to have a puppy. What about you Dom?” “I want him.” Dom whined as he climbed onto the couch and buried his face in your neck. “I bet if you asked really nicely he’d let us keep him.” You whispered into your sons curly hair. “Daddy,” Dom whined even more as he moved over from you to Bucky, “I want him please.” “Yeah, please.” You said as you picked up Koda and let him lick at your face.

Bucky looks over at the two of you, both pouty bottom lips and sparkling brown eyes and god he is so in love with the two of you he can’t help but plaster the biggest grin on his face.

So he nods his head yes and is instantly pushed back against the couch. “THANK YOU DADDY!!” Dom says as he hugs Bucky around the neck as tight as he can.

“So what's with the arm?” He knew eventually it would come up after a while. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to hide the metal appendage with summer just around the corner and long sleeve jackets and hoodies were starting to make him boil. But he hadn't planned on it happening so out of the blue. Sure it was date number five, but he hadn't thought of any kind of excuse yet.

“It's a prosthetic,” He could tell you half truths until he was blue in the face, “I was in the army,” no matter how honest he wanted to be with you he couldn't, he couldn't tell you who he was or what he had been through scared, terrified It would drive you away “and it got blown off.” So he never did.

“Steve, I'm so sorry I asked.” You looked genuinely distressed and sad about it and he felt terrible when he heard you apologizing.

Over the course of 5 years his little white lies had manifested themselves into one giant black demon that sat on his chest and every time he took a breath he would feel it press harder into his chest until one day he couldn't breathe anymore and it all exploded in his face like the worst firecracker in the world.

He hadn't expected it to go this far. For him to be married to you, to know you so completely while you had no idea who the hell he was. You didn't know his name, you didn't know how old he was, you didn't know some of the most important things about his life. Where as he knew every little thing about you, he knew your morning routine like the back of his hand, he knew your birthday and half birthday. It was beyond painful to see you smile as big and bright as you did when you found out a new fake thing about him.

When he woke up, on the morning of arguable the worst day of his life, with you wrapped around him, he hadn't expected anything to be weird about this day. When he sat on the bed and watched you get all dolled up for the wedding you would be going to, he didn't think it would be the last time he got to watch you laugh at him struggling to tie his tie. There was nothing out of the ordinary about this morning that would lead him to believe this day would be a living nightmare.

He was never really sure when the world he so meticulously crafted with his lies would come crashing down, so he treated every second he had with you like it was the last because it very well could be. He danced with you that night like he did whenever you went out as slow and as long as he pleased and he held you as close to himself as he could.

“You look like heaven you know that doll?” He whispered as he moved you across the dance floor in smooth strides.

“You say that all the time yo-.” You were cut off by the sound of a throat being cleared.

“Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes,” A man in an all black pressed suit says as he walks up to the two of you and Bucky can feel his heart stop beating. “I don't mean to interrupt your night but I had to say hello.”

His chest hurts with the ache of realization when he hears his name. There are a few seconds where he isn’t sure what he should do. If he should punch this seemingly innocent man right in the face too shut him up or if he should break down and come clean.

“Hello, we really have to be heading out now.” Bucky grabs your hand and goes to move away from the man as fast as he can, but the man isn’t having any of that as he keeps talking.

“My name is Jacob and I've dedicated the last 10 years of my life to your story.” He stretches out his hand for a handshake and he has the smile of the happiest man on the planet glued onto his face. Bucky wants to scream at him tell him to piss off somewhere, but that would be weird to just yell at a stranger for no real reason.

“Pardon?” Your voice rings in Bucky’s ears and its full of worry and he hates this man. Hates him more then he hates HYDRA and Red skull. When he hears your voice he can only picture the look of confusion on your face as you try to put what this man is saying together. He wants to grab you and lead you past him and out the door so he can start explaining before this guy opens his mouth again, but you pull away from him and he's struck with an instant feeling of dread.

“Ma’am that is one Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes born March 10, 1917 best friend to Steven Grant Rogers, Captain America, war hero who was presumably killed in action after he fell of a speeding train.”  Bucky knows his own damn story hes lived it, he has no outward reaction to what this man has said. But when he looks at you he knows that you can’t even begin to process what the hell hes saying.

“We really have to be leaving now.” Bucky grabs your hand and moves as briskly as he can out of the huge front doors.

“Is what he said true St- James?” There was a time where he dreamed of you calling him by his real name, but it didn’t sound broken and hurt like that. In his dreams it was sung with high praise and whispered at the most intimate of times.

“It's not like that.” He wanted to explain it all but where did he begin? Where would be the point where you didn't trust that he was telling the truth? Would you even believe him at this point?

”Is it true?” You're almost yelling at this point and he wants to hug you and kiss you to calm you down but he can’t move, his legs just wont bring him closer to you.

“IS IT TRUE!?” There was no were to begin in his confession. He lied to you day in and day out for years about every single thing he had ever said to you. He didn't want to lie to you again though he wanted to be honest and up front with you for once in is life, but he couldn't bring himself to say the one word that would make things sort of right. His mouth opened and shut as he tried to think of how he could explain away what he had done.

‘Yes’,it was hands down the easiest way to explain it, but he just couldn’t fucking say yes. So he didn’t. Instead he looked away from you and nodded his head,

He had always thought that finally opening up to you about the real him would be easy. He wold start by telling you about the pain he had been through, telling you about all the torture and the fighting. Then he would tell you about the people he hurt, the innocent lives he had taken, but now that he was faced with the opportunity to tell you everything he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“So was everything ...?” You can’t bring yourself to finish the sentence so you motion between the two of you and Bucky notices and he feels like the worst person in the world.

“I was scared.” He still hasn’t looked up at you just yet, finding the sleeve of his jacket much more interesting. “I just wanted to know you at first, but it just went too far.”

“So your name isn’t really Steve?” Its said with such sadness he physically flinches away from you.

“No,” If he can’t tell you the full story right now, far too in shock about the whole damn night, the least he could do was look you in the eye. So he takes a deep breath and looks up at you before he finishes his sentence, “Its not.”

“Well that makes this easier right,” There’s a bitter laugh that comes from you that has him making his way over to you. It doesn’t register completely in his brain that you're moving your hands against each other until your talking again, “We aren’t really married then so no need fo-”

“Don’t do this.” He doesn't give you the opportunity to get the ring all the way off your finger before he's grabbing your hand and trying to slide it back on. “I'll tell you everything. Just, please let's go talk somewhere in private.I’ll tell you everything, Y/N. Please.”

You had no idea where the hell you were going for your ‘honeymoon’. Was it honeymoon? You weren’t married yet. Did that count? Who cared. Definitely not you or Bucky. You had told him that you absolutely didn’t wanna go to any of those cliche honeymoon places like Bora Bora or Paris. You were far to pregnant and far to irritable to be around people who wanted to put their disgusting hands on you without asking just because you were pregnant and they felt entitled, but other then that you were left in the dark for the most part. He didn’t even let you help pack which was terrifying in its own right.

“Can I have a hint?” You’re sitting in the back of one of Tony’s jets as F.R.I.D.A.Y flies you to wherever in the world Bucky has deemed perfect for your honeymoon.

“You want me to spoil our honeymoon doll?” He replied shortly back at you as he fiddle with his phone.

“No.” you said incredulously. You didn’t want him to spoil it by any means, but you were beyond curious at this point. You really only hoped it wasn’t a hot place, it was hot back at your apartment and you couldn’t stand being hot and pregnant. Plus you missed cuddling Bucky and Dom you couldn’t cuddle if you guys all stuck together like gross pocket candy after.

“Good.” He had the shit eating grin on his face and a part of you wanted to wipe it off his face, but the other part of you, the much bigger, happier, totally in love part loved it so much you wanted to remember it forever.

“It’s just not fair that you know and I don’t.” You pouted sticking your bottom lip out in mock frustration.

“I know, life’s not fair sweetheart, ” he leans over in his chair to gently place a barely there kiss on your lip that’s sticking out ”but we’ll be there soon.”

That satisfies you enough to be content with not knowing where you’re going, but you’re curious about something else now.

“It’s a little weird that our honeymoon is before the wedding don’t you think?”

“Maybe a little bit, but we’re gonna be a little busy with our kids.” Bucky can’t think straight when he says that word like that. It’s a realization hundreds of thousands of feet in the air.

“Kids.” Bucky repeats putting emphasis on the S. There’s gonna be two of them now. Two curly haired, brown eyed beautiful kids that call him dad and ask for hugs. Two kids that will one day without a doubt come crying to him asking him to make a bad thing feel better.

“Is this brand new information for you? Did you forget we had kids!?”

“No I didn’t, how could I?” He hadn’t stopped thinking about it since he found out, “It’s just a strange feeling, I was so lucky that you let me help you raise Dominic and now.” he brings his left hand up to rub your belly in slow smooth circles. He doesn’t need to finish the sentence because you know already. This was a dream only 30’s Bucky was allowed to have. Dreams of a family that had more than just Steve in it. He hadn’t allowed himself to think about this before a few years ago when he had met you, and subsequently Dom. He would tell himself he didn’t deserve a family for all the things he’d done, the people he’d hurt. He would tell himself that there would always be people out to hurt him and that as bad as he wanted a family he could never have one. He didn’t deserve one.

“You have no idea what strange feeling means until a baby is being forced out of your pu-”

There’s a long ding that cuts off your sentence before you hear F.R.I.D.A.Y.

“We will be landing in 5 minutes.” She informs the two of you.

“Thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y.” Bucky sighs in relief as the AI unit cuts off and prepares for your descent.

“I know you wanna look out the window. You can we’re basically here now.” Bucky is more excited then he had been the entire flight. He didn’t need to look out of the window, obviously he planned the trip he knew where you were, so instead he looked at you watching the way you excitedly hobbled up and to the window.

“It’s snowing!” You had never really seen snow fall before besides in movies and the artificial crap at the mall during the holidays. So this was beyond amazing to you, it was exactly how ever movie and book you read had made it seem. It was coming down lightly from what you could tell and you wanted to jump into the soft looking bank of snow outside of the small wooden cabin that you were being lowered to.

“Yeah, doll it tends to do that here.” You didn’t even care that he was being a smart ass right now, way too excited to get out of the jet and pelt him with snowballs. By the time you look back at him he’s already holding all your bags and handing you one of his thick jackets.

“Ready?” He ask with the biggest smile on his face.

“Let’s go!”

“Is my mommy havin’ another baby?” Dom asks the night before you and Buck are supposed to be home. Steve, Tony and Clint are all  thrown off their game.

Steve almost drowns himself when he squeezes the water bottle he is drinking and if floods his mouth and lungs. The coughing fit that ensues is one that could rival the one he would have had back in 1930.

Cool calm and collected Tony shatters one of his most expensive bottles of whisky on the floor when he hears the question and all Clint can do is laugh at his idiot friends as they make fools of themselves.

“Ye-” Tony begins before Steve shoves a sharp elbow into his side.

“Why’d you ask that?” Steve’s voice is unbelievably horse and raw from the coughing, but he’s the only adult here that is qualified to answers these questions.

“ ‘cuz dad keeps rubbin’ her belly even when she doesn’t have a belly ache. I saw that happen on TV once and the lady ate so many hot dogs.”

“Does your mom eat so many hot dogs?” Tony asks.

“No,” he says as he thinks about the last 3 and a half months, “she does eat so many of my dino nuggets. With yucky mustard.” He makes a sick face at the thought of you chowing down on the horrible combination.

“So you think she’s having a baby?” Tony is the taking the lead on this and Steve has to stop it before its too late.

“Yep.” Dom says around a mouth full of ice cream that will probably lead to one or all of the guys staying up late with a bouncy child and an ear full from you and Bucky when you find out.

“Do you think if they are you would want a little brother?” Steve ask as he motions for Clint to get his cell phone from the living room. It would probably be super helpful for Steve to get this information now so you both can prepare to tell him the good news.

“No.” He says it so fast, so matter-of-factly, so calmly that Steve does a double take and almost drops his phone when Clint finally hands it to him.

“You don’t want a little brother to run around and play in the dirt with?” Steve questions.

“Nope.” Dom keeps eating his ice cream that’s pretty much soup now.

Steve debates on if he should call Bucky or not, calling him would allow Dom to have the chance to talk to you guys about the baby and that would be good, but calling Bucky would also worry the hell out of him and he would want to come home right that very instant. So he texts instead. A text wouldn’t make it feel like an emergency and would give Steve time to talk to Dom until Bucky could reply.

Steve: Hey, how are you enjoying your early honeymoon sounds great! Dom doesn’t want a sibling. So I’ll see you guys in tomorrow right? Have fun!

“You don’t? What about a little brother to ride bikes with?”

“I don’t know how to ride a bike uncle Steve.” Tony let out a laugh so loud it rivaled Thor’s . Steve turned to look at him contemplating if he should punch him or flip him the bird. By the time he decided to punch him his phone had dinged.

Bucky: What do you mean he doesn’t want a sibling? What are you talking about?

Steve: I don’t appreciate that you singled out one part of my so carefully thought out message.

Bucky: Well only one part of your ’ so carefully thought out message’ has to do with my son. So again… What are you talking about?

Steve: We were in the kitchen, not eating ice cream past bedtime, when he asked if you were expecting a baby because he saw you rubbing y/n’s stomach. I didn’t say yes or no but I asked if he wanted a sibling and he said no.

Bucky: He just said no?

Steve: He said no like you say no every time I invite you to hang out with me and Sam.

Bucky sighed heavily before continuing on his way to the kitchen in the small cabin. It wasn’t anything fancy just big enough for 2 bedrooms a bathroom a tiny kitchen that struggled to fit a refrigerator and the stove and an even smaller living room, but he found himself loving the small space and the isolation of the secluded mountain.

You were laying on the bed two fluffy blankets cuddled up to you slowly sipping away at the last bit of what must have been your fourth mug of hot chocolate completely and totally content with your honeymoon. You had spent the better part of the week in the snow with Bucky throwing snowballs and building your happy little snowman family. Bucky had insisted you didn’t build the fourth member of your family and instead make your snow woman pregnant. He had taken a ton of pictures to show Dom with the promise that the next time you guys came back he would be with you. All in all it was wonderful.

Except Bucky was on his phone texting away. A man born in the late 1910’s texting away like a teenager from the early 2000’s it was an odd turn of events truly.

“Ask your pregnant fiance if she’s having a great honeymoon for me.” Bucky made his way towards you from the kitchen with what would be your fifth mug of hot chocolate.

“I wouldn’t abandoned my pregnant fiance to have fun in the snow.” He leaned over to kiss your neck before he said, ”My girlfriend on the side maybe.” You picked up one of the many balled up napkins you had by the bed and threw it at his stupid grinning face. He only laughed harder and kissed your neck again.

“So who was it really?” He takes a huge sip from your hot chocolate before handing it to you.

“Steve. He said Dom doesn’t want a new baby.” He doesn’t like the way your face goes from joyous to almost somber as you take in what he says.

“Oh.” Your baby boy doesn’t want a new baby and it hurts alot. You had this amazing image in your head of you telling Dom about the new baby, about him being a big brother and him being over the moon excited. But apparently he isn’t excited at all and it sucks.

“Doll,” Bucky comes and sits next to you rubbing your back ever so lightly “It’s okay we’ll talk to him when we get home and we’ll figure it okay?”

“Okay.” You don’t have the same happy cheerful voice like you’ve had this entire trip and it breaks Bucky’s heart to pieces.

It’s late the night you had come home from your honeymoon. When you had landed Dom had took a running leap at Bucky it was adorable and you couldn’t help but think about that happening but with two kids it brought an instant smile to your face that was wiped away almost instantly when you remember what Steve had, even though you would still have two kids the thought that Dom wouldn’t be as close as you hoped was earth shattering.

After a sever cuddle session and tons of kisses with Dom it’s time for him to get ready for bed with Bucky and again you’re brought to thoughts of him doing this with two little heads of curly hair.  Imaging Dom helping his brother or sister onto the stool that Dom has Bucky help him onto. It’s a cute image in your head but the illusions are shattered again. You shouldn’t feel as bad about this as you do, this is normal you read up on it when you first found out, but it’s still having you constantly on the verge of tears.

Dom’s sitting at his table in the living room coloring and watching what ever animated movie he had picked to watch that night when Bucky can’t take the nagging question any more. So he moves from his position on the couch with you onto the floor next to Dom.

“Uncle Steve told me about you asking if we were getting a new baby.”

“I know,” he says not looking up from his masterpiece “Uncle Tony says he’s a rat.”

Bucky can hear your breathy uncontrollable laughter from the couch and it takes so much dedication from him not to get distracted by you.

“You don’t want a little brother to play with?” Bucky grabs a piece of paper from the short stack thats in front of his son and begins to doodle random things at first a heart, some flowers, a horrible looking dog.

“No.” Dom pushes his drawing of a bird? a tiger? away from him and rolls 3 crayons under each of his hands.

“You don’t want a little brother that you can teach how to color?” Bucky looks down at his paper and notices that the dog now has 2 more dogs next to him.

“No.” He stops rolling the crayons instead focusing in on the animals printed on his pajamas. There isn’t any change in his voice, that Bucky notices, that gives of any hint of frustration, but you notice immediately when he stops playing with his hands that he isn’t too happy.

It had been a small thing you had noticed early on that playing with his hands was a comfort for him and you had trained onto that ever since. Over time you had also figured out when he stopped tears would soon follow.

“Growing up I always wanted a little brother to have around, to wrestle with, to help me pull pranks on my ma’.” He’s reminiscing hoping it’ll help Dom want to want a little brother to get him out of whatever mind set he’s in.

“You could have done that with sisters though.” He folds his arms onto the table and lays his head against them, slowly kicking his feet under the table. He doesn’t look back up at Bucky after that.

It hits you like a ton of bricks when he says that and you feel dumb for not noticing it sooner. After struggling to get up off the couch, without the help of Bucky thank you very much, you start taking slow deliberate steps towards your little family, you move closer to where your son is, bending down to rub your fingers so gently through his hair.

“You don’t want a little brother because you want a little sister?” He shakes his head yes quickly and you can see a few tears on his cheeks.

“Why do you want a little sister bud?” Bucky had grown up with sisters who he loved dearly, but his dream was always a little brother that he could run around with, a little brother that would look up to him, someone who would be his best friend no matter what happened and sure he had Steve back then but it had been years before he had meet Steve a little brother is almost instant.

“So she can be my best girl.” You can hear him holding back the rest of his tears. The slight strain in his voice even though he’s so quiet. “She’ll be pretty like mommy and I can feed her and help her walk.”

Buckys jaw damn near drops and he feels like an idiot and he wants to punch Steve in the throat. He only asked if he wanted a god damn brother and all Bucky did was keep pushing brother, there’s also a very strong sense of pride in him because his son wants his own best girl.

“When I’m big I can help her cross the street and hold her hand while we walk to school.” He rubs at his eyes to get the tears away.

“I want the baby to be a girl too.” Bucky says as he rubs gently against his sons back. He had never told you that, never told Steve that even, it was for him to hope for and not put into the universe in case it was a boy. He wouldn’t be disappointed if it was another boy, but a girl was his dream and apparently it was his boys dream to.

“You do?” Dom asked before you could.

“I do, I know she’ll be pretty like your mom, and she’ll be smart like you. Hopefully all she gets from me is our silly last name.”

“It’s not silly!” Dominic says defensively. “Mommy says when I go to school I’ll be first in line because it starts with B, that means I get snacks first.”

When you get back from you doctor’s appointment that you had vehemently forbid Bucky from coming to, you walk in to find he and Dom are sitting on the couch, both of them are shirtless and both of them have chocolate milk mustaches and you can’t keep the grin from your lips looking at your family.

You slowly make your way towards them, pink bakery box resting carefully between your hands. Bucky is the first to notice you. Getting up from his place on the couch to meet you by the door.

“What’s that?” He asks as he notices the bright pink box immediately reaching his hand out for it.

“That’s a box.” Dom says from the couch.

“And not for you.” You say as you kiss his cheek and move past him towards the couch where Dom is.

“I like baked goods too.” Bucky mumbles as he moves to the kitchen and grabs a glass of water.

“What is it mommy?” Dom asks as he moves over to make a place for you to sit.

“It’s a special cupcake.”

“Why’s it so special?” Bucky yells from the kitchen.

“Because when Dom bites into it we’ll know if we’re getting a little girl or not.” Bucky rushes out of the kitchen nearly smashing the glass that had his water init on the tile floor in the kitchen. He hadn’t know about this. You didn’t tell him about this! Why didn’t you tell him?

“So its gonna say girl?” Dom is looking intently at the oink box now.

“No,when you take a bite, it’s gotta be a really big bite as big as you can make it all the way to the middle, you’ll see if the inside is pink or blue and then you’ll know and you’ll be the only one to know. Not even me or daddy will know until you show us.” Bucky looks at you then at the box. “That’s not fair.” Bucky looks at you with pleading eyes.

“I know, life’s not fair sweetheart, ” you try your hardest to keep from laughing directly into his face as you lean over to gently place a barely there kiss on his lips ”but we’ll know soon.” The look of betrayal on Bucks face after you used his own words against him is unbelievable and you wish you had a camera to take a picture of it.

“Can I eat it now?” before you can answer him though Buck is already speaking.

“Please eat it right now.” Bucky says as he stares at the small cupcake box like it holds his entire world in it and in a way it does.

“But I just had cookies.” The one time he can have cupcakes and cookies back to back and he questions it.

“You can eat it whenever you want.” You say as you struggle to get up from the couch.

 No! He has to eat it right now. Bucky thinks as he watches the box with an impatient eye.

Dom grabs the box from you holding it with extreme caution as he gently carries it back to his play table. He places it on the table, like the box itself held the baby and not a cupcake, in front of him and goes back to watching the movie they had been enjoying before you had arrived. Every other minute or so he looks down at the table making sure it hadn’t been moved or smashed.

Bucky stares at the box for the next 30 minutes Trying to encouraging Dom to open it. When you leave them to go change into your pajamas is when bucky strikes.

“If you eat it right now,” he looks around to make sure you had really left before he continues, “I’ll let you take a ride on uncle Sam’s wings.” Dom doesn’t budge though no matter how tempting his dad’s offer sounds.

“Doll,” Bucky says he sulks his way into the bedroom where you are “you gotta tell me I can’t take the waiting anymore.” He slides down the door to your room in a heap of himself.

You don’t look up at him too distracted with your hair and making sure all the fly-aways are tamed before you grab your headscarf. “Tell you what?”

“Don’t tease,” He whines and rests his head against the door “Can’t you see I’m dying here?”

“You’re being dramatic, and like I said I don’t know what’s inside the cupcake so I can’t help you.” You were lying. You had ordered two cupcakes one for each of them, but half way home you got hungry and by the time you had taken a bite it was far too late to put it back.

“DAD!!” The call for Bucky is muffled, a very apparent sign that Doms mouth was full of cupcake.

“Sounds like he finally took a bite.” You tell him as you finish tying up your scarf.

Bucky scrambled up from the floor tripping over the rug in your room as he made a mad dash for the living room. If the inside was blue it would be fine, he would be just as excited as if it were pink.

But god damn did he so want it to be pink.

When he makes it to the living room where Dom is, he’s jumping up and down with frosting all over cheeks and as much as Bucky wants to know what the cupcake looks like on the inside be can’t help but to stop and admire how excited his son is. His eyes are closed and he’s hopping from foot to foot.

“ITS PINK!!” Dom shouts as he runs up to Buck and lounges at his legs.

Bucky doesn’t hear a thing after the sound of the P hits his ears and he’s not so sure if he heard him right. He walks over to where his son has discarded the other half of the cupcake. It’s hard to walk with Dom clinging to his legs but somehow he makes it and in one not so swift motion he picks both the cupcake and Dom up.

“SEE, IT IS PINK!” Dom sticks his finger all the way inside of the cupcake and when he pulls it out there very much is a glob of pink frosting on his finger.

Bucky is stunned still, he had dream about having a little girl before the war that would tell him good night and demand for him to play doll house with her. A little girl that would have him as her first love and be a daddys girl. The dream had come back with a force after he found out you were pregnant again. Now the dream was still the same for the most part but now she had a face and she looked like you.

“Can I finish the cupcake?” Dom asked as he watched his dad stare off into space.

“If you can find a costume for me and baby girl we can dress her up.” His eyes instantly lit up and you could practically see his brain working in overtime to come up with ways to get baby girl in a costume. He had decided that your trip to the store for his costume was over and that the hunt for her costume was on.

The entire car ride home he was laser focused on his tiny notepad, that Tony had given him, scribbling away at it nonstop occasionally looking out the window for something then going back to scribbling, leaving you to your own devices as you drove periodically looking in the rearview mirror to see him kicking his feet and erasing furiously.

By the time you pulled up to your place you could already see Bucky closing the front door of your apartment and heading towards the car.

It took Dom all of .5 seconds for him to notice Bucky walking up. He watched with hawk like vision as Bucky moved around the front of the car to open your door and help you out. Waited impatiently with a pout as he kissed your cheek and moved to the trunk of the car.

“Daddy!” Dom struggled to look back at where Bucky had disappeared to, reaching back as far as his tiny neck would allow.

“Yeah?” Bucky replied as he opened the trunk to grab the few grocery bags you had gotten while you were out, only to find a half eaten container of blueberries. He laughed already picturing the look on his son's face as you tried to walk past them

“Get me out!” Bucky could hear the frustrated kicks that accompanied the yelling. Bucky doesn't move an inch to help yet though just watching over the open trunk as Dom struggles more to unclip the car-seat belt. It breaks heart not being able to get him yet.

You were currently in the process of trying to teach Dom to use his ‘pleases’ and ‘thank yous’ more, which proved to be rather difficult for Bucky rather than Dom. Dom wasn’t really a daddy's boy per se, but Bucky was absolutely a Dominic dad being putty in his sticky little hands a the drop of a hat. He would bring his son the moon and the stars if he could, but more likely it was cookies from the top cupboard. All it took was one teary eyed look and Bucky was at his beck and call in an instant. Which was problematic and exactly why he was in this situation. So Bucky waited impatiently for the magic words so he could run over to his son in an instant.

“Please, daddy” He had finally made some eye contact with Bucky at this point, “get me out, please.” His lips were pouty and his brown eyes were almost swimming in unshed tears. Bucky practically ran over to the side of the car where Dom was fastened in and unclips his seat belt before lifting him up into his arms. Before Bucky can even open his mouth to ask Dom about his day he's being cut off.

“Baby girl needs a costume.”

“Well isn't mommy her costume?” Bucky has a smile as bright as the sun on his face while he looks at Dom. He looks over to where you are standing with the same smile only to see you and Dom giving him identical death stares. He admires, for just a minute, the both of you. The way you both have the same glint in your deep memorizing eyes, the way the corner of your lip turns up, both of you on the verge of laughing and both of you just barley holding it in. 

Its a hell of a sight. Two pairs of strikingly chocolate browns eyes trained on him, they’re disapproving eyes, but that doesn’t matter to him, not right now. The way both of your arms are folded across your chests. You and Dom are practically twins and he loves it.

“No.” Dom says gaining Buckys attention once again.

Bucky just laughs a little before leading the way back to the house.

After you're all inside and you had put the majority of the groceries away, by yourself, you hear Doms ever enthusiastic voice babbling away to Bucky about costumes. His voice is full of excitement and his eyes are wide and beaming as he grabs his notebook.

Bucky was sitting on the couch Dom sitting directly on top of his stomach as he flipped through the drawings in his notebook, forcing Buckys attention down to look at the pages.

“Not a scary face, she can't be scary.” 

“We could, but I don't think that would work, with just a face on her belly, that would be silly. What about a pumpkin?”

“No, mommy would have to be an ugly pumpkin patch.” He flipped through his notebook for a while longer showing Bucky the few drawings he had when Bucky stopped on one.

“Is that a basketball?” He was looking down at an orange scribble on one of the pages. It stood out more than the other scribbles and Buckys brain was already coming up with how to make the costume work.

“Yeah,” He says still flipping through even more drawings, “what else would it be?” An orange, Garfield the cat, some weird orange sick. It could be so many things honestly but Bucky didn't say them instead letting Dom continue his story about why he had drawn, explaining that he saw his uncle Sam playing basketball the day before and though it would be cool.

“Wanna watch a movie uncle Sam showed me?” Bucky asks not waiting for Dom to reply, knowing that of course he would wanna watch a movie, especially this movie because uncle Sam had showed it to him, and Dom loved uncle Sam. 

He gets up easily with Dom still basically sitting on top of him and makes his way to your room stopping by the entertainment center first. He looked for all of 30 seconds before he found the movie he was seeking out. Holding it strategically out of view from Dom when he grabbed it, he continued on his way to your room.

Once they had gotten to your room Dom broke free of his grip and dashed to your bed fully prepared to climb up and bounce on it. 

Bucky absolutely loved the blu ray player. It was hands down one of his favorite piece of technology. Way better than the stupid coffee machine Tony had bought that need a password to work, It was easier to work than his smartphone that Steve insisted he get that took pictures of his face every time he put his passwords in wrong, and was leaps and bounds in comparison to the laptop that sat dusty and uncharged on his desk. It had only taking him 30 minutes at most, with a very upset and crying Dom in the back, to learn how to work it and once he had figured he felt like he could take on the world and he had deemed that one of his top accomplishments.

So he when he walked over to the TV hanging above your dresser it only took seconds for him to slip the disk into place and press play. When he turned around Dom was struggling to get a good grip on your blankets to pull himself up. His hands are gripping tightly at the fitted sheets on Bucky's side of the bed, one leg just barely reaching the edge to pull himself up. It's truly a funny sight and Bucky thinks it's the best part about having such a tall bed.

“Need some help?” Bucky voice startles Dom so much he started to loses his grip on the sheets and started slip off. Bucky wasn’t too far from the bed when his son started to fall, luckily, so in one swift motion he was there and able to grab him before he hit the hard wood floor.

Before Dom can open his mouth to say thank you he’s being tossed in the air by Bucky. There’s a loud shriek and then he’s exploding into a fit of giggles as he lands in the middle of the bed and bounces for a few seconds. 

There was only a few moments where Bucky got to appreciate times like these with his son. He didn’t go on most of the mission that the team got, especially now with you expecting baby number two, but that didn’t mean there weren’t still a ton of missions that came in where he couldn’t say no, missions where he had to be away for weeks on end with out you and Dom. Weeks were all he really wanted to do was watch all the Toy Story movies and eat blueberries until he felt like he would burst open.

So he took in the sight of his son cuddled up against your pillows and the black and white blanket before the faint sounds of the movie started to play and he was forced to lay dwon and pay attention to the screen.

Bucky honestly wasn't sure how he felt about the song playing at the beginning of the movie, it left a terribly bad taste in his mouth given recent events, but the song wasn't the point of watching the movie so he swallowed down the rising bile in his throat and focused on the scene of the kid playing basketball by himself.

“Daddy is this a real people movie?” Dominic definitely wasn't into movies that were not animated at this age. He would pick Lion King a million to one over Osmosis Jones just because there were actually people in it, but a part  of you knew it was really because he was scared of the monkeys at the beginning of Osmosis Jones. 

“Just give it a little bit I promise you’ll like it.” Bucky says arm resting on the headboard as Dom crawls over and into his lap to get even more comfortable.

It takes less than 30 minutes for Dom to fall in love with the movie and in turn decide on your family costumes.

“You have to wear the ears daddy!” Dom said as he watched every stroke that Bucky laid on you.

“Can't I just put my hair back in a bun or something?” Bucky tried to concentrate on making the orange circle as perfect as possible across your round belly, but it was becoming more and more impossible the longer he kneeled in front of you. Baby girl was getting more and more agitated the longer he messed with her sleeping spots. Ever time he moved over the side where she had decided to settle she would unleash a furry of kicks against his hand urging him to move. He didn’t. 

“No, Bugs Bunny doesn't do that in the movie!” Dom was sat on the couch besides where Bucky was kneeling between your thighs, watching and gently rubbing the side of your belly that didn't have paint on it yet, as Bucky continued on with the paint.

You can feel the sigh that comes from Bucky against your stomach and it tickles way more then the cold paint and prickly brush against your skin.

“Fine, bu-” Bucky begins before he dips the brush into the black and paints long stripes over the orange.

“You have to wear the tail.” You're laughing before you even finish the sentence. If you have to wear the ears, tail and a giant orange stomach the least he could do was the tail and ears. It was only fair.

Dom had made the executive decision that you and Bucky were to be Lola and Bugs bunny for Halloween. How he imagined your thick curly hair and deep brown complexion was similar to Lola in any way you didn't understand, but at least the bunny ear headband would stay in place between your thick curls. He had also decide that he would be young Michael Jordan, which was hilarious in it's own right seeing as he could barely hold a real basketball. His final decision was that baby girl would be the basketball because “she's already round!”

“Hurry up all the good candy is gonna’ be gone!!”

“Im tryin’ but she keeps movin’.” Bucky groaned out as you tried to stop laughing and Baby girl kicked him away some more as he tried to get the lines as perfect as your laughing and her kicking would allow.

“Mommy you have to stop laughing!” He looked up at you with the most intense eyes you had ever seen on child. You bite down on your bottom lip trying your hardest to keep the giggles at bay so you could finally go out and get the candy your son was determined to go get. It worked for all of 3 minutes which was just enough time for Bucky to finish up the last of the black lines and smooth out the orange circle edges.

When the time had finally come for you to start trick or treating Dom was more than excited to put on his Toon Squad jersey and the new pair of Jordan Space Jams that Tony insisted he buy to go with the Halloween costume, and bounce out of the door.

There weren't many people out in the area you were in, even fewer out with tiny children so Dom was basically the golden goose for the houses who had gotten too much candy expectations set way too high on having a lot of kids show up.

At every house you had stopped at though after getting his candy, a handful or two, he would run back to where you and Bucky were standing grab your hand and drag you back to the house demanding that he got candy for his little sister as well. The people occupying all of the house he did this to would melt at the sight of how determined he was to get candy for your belly and give him another two handfuls. It didn't take long for his bag to get to heavy for him to carry on his own and for Bucky to take over the responsibility.

Dominic had barley made it 45 minutes before he started to complain about his feet hurting and Bucky being the ever loving dad that he was, was more than happy to carry him to next few house. Until the temperature had dropped at least 10 more degrees and you just couldn’t take it anymore.

“My stomach and legs are freezing!” This costume was a mistake hands down an absolute disaster of a mistake. Your Toon Squad ‘jersey’ was basically a bra, it was tied off in the back so your basketball belly could be exposed, your basketball shorts weren't much at all either barely reaching mid thigh, and the string that kept the bunny tail in place was digging into your hips, but you couldn't tell your baby boy no about your first family Halloween costume so you sucked it up. Now though you needed to be anywhere but outside.

“Let's go to the Tower.” You suggested to Bucky, you were walking in the general direction and you knew it would only take another 5 minutes to get there.

“You ready to call it a night?” Bucky asked to the tiny body slumped against his shoulder. He didn't get a response only a slight head nod and deep yawn.

“Well lets go get you all warmed up doll.” The rest of the walk is mostly quiet and your shirt is fully pulled down before the words are even out of his mouth. 

The walk to the tower is Bucky’s favorite part of the night. There is a warmth on his shoulder that reaches all the way to the inside of his chest that makes him smile like a dopey idiot for the rest of the walk. There is also the occasional snore that rumbles in the chest of the warm body against him that makes him laugh every time he looks over at you.

“I do not snore.” You don’t even have to look in his direction to know hes staring at you now.

“And neither does he.” He’s still giggling away as you turn the corner heading for the giant Avengers building. The end of the night is finally sinking in and Bucky can’t help but to think about the next Halloween where there’s gonna be another body on this late night stroll for candy, another matching costume to go with the first 3. Its exciting and Bucky can’t see the future, can’t predict what it will be like with more than one kid, but he knows it can only lead to more sleepy cuddles and more dopey smiles.

“Next time you’ll have to carry 2 candy bags.” You say as jog a few feet a head of him. 

It only takes a second for you to notice that you don’t hear the sound of his feet crunching next to you. You turn around to see him standing the same few feet away as before. He still has Dominic nestled into his shoulder the pillow case candy bag is hanging off his left shoulder. 

You wanted to be dead so terribly bad. Your head ached so intensely you felt nauseated, you could barely move your arms and legs and you couldn’t see a thing. Then you were moving, being shoved forward on your knees on something hard and metallic. 

You tried to memorize where you were going and where you had been. Every turn and bump, before you got out of whatever transportation unit you had been in. Then your walking on wobbling legs listening to the sound of doors opening and hushed whispers. Still trying to keep track of where you were being lead.

“Ouch!” You groaned as whoever was leading you where ever the hell you were going pulled you up by whatever forced your hands to be bound behind you, so hard you felt your shoulder damn near dislocate.

“Shut up and move!” The deep angry voice growled from above you.

“Well, if I could see where I was goin’ there might be a little pep in my step.” You didn't know who you were talking to and you had a feeling that they wouldn't appreciate what you had to say. You were proven right when you got shoved into a wall so hard your forehead bounced off it. You felt the blood dripping from your nose on to your full lips and groaned at the pain. You fought back the urge so heavily ingrained in you by your father to fight, and make a fuss. Instead you kept talking.

“Tough guy like you i'd assume you wanted me to see that pretty face before you knocked me out. Eye to eye with the devil and all that.” The body shoving you forward stopped and pushed you back into another wall. You were prepared for the most part, you didn't let the back of your head slam against the wall. Before you could open your mouth to speak again though whatever was covering your eyes was snatched away and you were face to face with a man the size of 3 buildings. His hair was blonde cut short. His face was clean shaven and smooth albeit for the scars that were red and rose up in long jagged angry lines across his face and neck

“You’re the man of every princesses dream.” You smiled and batted your long lashes, and licked your lips tasting the dried blood that still was flowing freely from your nose. He grabbed you again continuing on down a hallway until there was a sharp turn that he made that had you tripping over yourself again.

You were now walking down a room that had a cell every other door. The majority of the ones you were pushed past were empty, besides the few beds but it still made you feel uneasy. The walk was slower down this hall then it had been getting here, it gave you more balance that you were beyond thankful for, but something was still so unsettling and you couldn't figure out what. Then the man who was dragging you whistled once and the loud sounds of several pairs of boots hitting floors filled your ears and you felt sick. The further down the hall you walked the more noise was being made until he stopped and shoved you towards the middle of 8 doors. You stood stone still as you watched the doors open slowly, so slowly it was agonizing. Then with another whistle 6 body's filled out of the doors and stood in front of you. 

You tried to take a step back away from the people standing in front of you. You were justly intimated you had no idea what was going to happen. If the man had planned for all 6 of them to kill you or what. You felt a hard hand shove you and then you were directly in the middle of all the bodies.

“Not so keen to run your mouth now?” You didn't reply only swallowed the growing lump in your throat. If you had to fight you would until you physically could not anymore. Until everything was broken and you were a puddle. He laughed thickly before he whistled a final time and they marched past you. He pushed you forward more towards the last two doors in the hall. He stepped a little in front of you too unlock it before he pulled you forward in it.

The room was plain, you didn't really expect much obviously you were a prisoner of some kind, but there was a sink and a bed, if you could even call it that. The man pulled you further into the room so you were facing the bed.

“Get down.” He growled out before you heard the sound of cutting and the feeling of your hands falling free. You didn't move though, rightfully so you were terrified and only then did you notice you were still in your pajamas from the night before, a shirt that did nothing to actually cover you or your chest and sleep shorts that came above mid thigh. A million thoughts ran through your head, what the hell was he going to do if you moved? Would he lock the door and force himself on you? Would he call those people back and make them watch while it happened? Your thoughts are cut short when he speaks again

“I said down.” He move to shove you down into the filthy mattress, but before he could get a hold of you to push you sidestepped, afraid that when he got you down it would all be over. In your head you planned to jump on his back to throw him off balance, but before your legs could even leave the ground there was an elbow hitting you hard in the face and you stumbled back into the open door.

He made his way towards you stalking ever so slowly until he was right in front of you, then he grabbed you around your throat and lifted you up, your feet immediately leaving the ground as you were brought face to face with him. You tried to speak, to beg him to stop, tell him that you would cooperate, but the second your mouth opened he squeezed hard and all you could do was gasp and struggle, your legs kicking to land on anything that would give you leverage to stand on so he wasn't crushing your windpipes any more.

All of a sudden you're dropped down to your knees with a loud groan from the man above you and for a solid few seconds your confused until he squeezes his eyes shut and grabs his middle. You landed a handful of solid kicks on him and one of them must have hit just above his bits.

“You dumb bitch!” He screams loudly directly into your face. His hand is now closed into a fist and reared back far enough that you know it's gonna be nap time as soon as it makes contact with your face. So you closed your eyes and braced yourself for the impact.

It never comes though instead there was the sound of a glass shattering and loud angry screams coming from the cell directly in front of yours and then the ear splitting sound of an alarm.

“CODE RED: SOLDIER NUMBER 1 OUT AND ACTIVE. SOLIDER NUMBER 1 OUT AND ACTIVE PROCEED WITH CAUTION AND FORCE.”

There is a tense few seconds before he decides you aren't worth his time at the moment so he dropped his hand and pushed you back into a sitting position before he slammed your door closed and locked it running off down one of the halls.

You still had nightmares almost every night. Sometimes it was about the pain. The unbelievable pain that you were put through and that you put people through.

The constant ache somewhere in the back of your head that you were broken and alone forever. Incapable of ever being you again torn to shreds and rebuilt again by people who couldn't careless about you. Ruined by people who didn't think twice about coming into your kingdom and stealing you and your sense of security away from you.

More often was it about them being inside of your home, your sanctuary. So close to the people you loved the most. Your family. Your people. How easy it was so easy for them to get in and out  with you.

The fire that you would bring to rain down on them for hurting anyone that you loved was not the same you felt to survive everyday. It took so much out of you just to get out of bed in the morning. It had taken months for you to want to sleep again scared to death that you would wake up to the terrible reality that you were still trapped.  

You weren't doing great by any means, but you were surviving. You woke up each day a little bit better then the day before. You tried to get back into your routine from before, you wanted to get back to helping Shuri with her inventions.

Then your dad was killed and the little progress you had been making came tumbling down like shattering glass. Your entire world had been destroyed.

You reverted back to your closed off self almost immediately. You wouldn't talk to your siblings, wouldn't eat. Nothing would bring you out of your room. You stayed in there for weeks at a time while they looked for the man that had killed your father. You stayed in there when the found him. You tried to stay in there when they had brought Captain America back with them, but Shuri and T'challa both insisted that you needed fresh air.

So you were dragged out to the garden with Shuri and it felt good. The sun was out and shining, Shuri was telling jokes and you were actually laughing. Laughing like you hadn't done in ages. You were so content and happy in the garden you hadn't even noticed you were being watched.

“So you're sure you can help him?” Steve asked as he, T’Challa and Bucky made their way through the med bay.

It had been along week and everyone was beyond tired. Tired of fighting, tired of chasing, tired of almost being mauled to death by a man in cat suit. Everything was far from perfect now, Tony was still, rightfully upset at Steve and Bucky. Natasha had completely ‘noped’ the fuck out of the situation for the time being. Sam, Clint, Scott and Wanda were currently in an underwater prison and Bucky still couldn't help but think this was all his fault. Even though it wasn’t, he knew in his head that they had caught the guy that pretended to be him, had locked him up and the world knew now that he was innocent of the crimes that were brought against him, but still he had thoughts that maybe if he had died when he fell off that train, or died when he was being tortured by Pierce, Steve and his new, good superhero friends wouldn't be in the position that they were currently in.

They would be happy alive and together and he would be where he belonged dead and buried.

“No worries my friends,” T’challa says as he looks solemnly out the glass window towards where you were sitting talking to Shuri, “We have already done this once before with great success.”

Steve and Bucky both follow his gaze as they land on you, Steve is the first to speak. “Who is that?”

“My sister,” your name rolls of his tongue like butter and Buckys head almost snaps back to look at him,“she was also forced into a similar situation as your friend manipulated, tortured...” he thinks for a long second before he continues, “Broken.” That's the best word he could think of at the moment. He doesn't like to say it. You aren't broken but you were by them. Abused for years and years until your father, the black panther at the time, came and rescued you. He doesn't like to remember how many hours he and the entire Wakanda team of doctors had stayed up late at night working to find a way to help you recover.

Bucky tries your name on his tongue as he watches you. It burns of bad memories and a hatred he can't grasp. He's said it before, heard it being screamed before, but it doesn't connect immediately why it taste like bile in his mouth.

“Was it?” Steve asks, the question doesn't need an ending because everyone in the facility knows it was them. Bucky doesn't look back at Steve when he rolls his eyes, still looking to where you and Shuri are enjoying yourselves in the sun.

“Yes.” It sounds simple and easy, but Steve and Bucky know more then anything it burns like molten lava coming out.

“What happened? Who helped you get her back?” Steve moved forward to stand beside T’challa. He and the avengers couldn't even break into a HYDRA base without them being 10 steps and 30 guns behind them.

This grabs Bucks attention immediately. One of the only people able to get in and out of the HYDRA base with information and a soldier was The Black Panther. The night after the break in the HYDRA agents told them of what a great lose they had suffered the night before. Wakandan royalty. It had been shouted, branded and beaten in some cases into them that night until all they could say was her name. It was drilled into them so thoroughly that most days when they couldn't remember their own name they remembered hers. He hated your name because they made him.

They had let royalty slip so easily from their grasps. The agents took their anger out on the remaining soldiers. They worked them even harder. Put them in the chair for longer stretches of time. Made them fight with bigger, better, more dangerous weapons. They fought to the death after that break in. So that when the soldiers got the opportunity she would be eliminated on sight. She was the top priority for every solider.

The memory is like a punch to the gut.

He takes a few seconds to catch his breath before he answer the question himself. “The Black Panther.”

“It was you?” Steve asked amazement clearly evident in his voice.

“The Black Panther did get her back, but it was not me it was our father.” T’challa says as he leads the way out of the med bay and towards where they’ll be situated for who knows how long. It's a sore spot Steve and Bucky both know so they let it drop.

But Bucky couldn’t help but to think about you.

He remembered when you first got dragged into that horrible cold cubicle cell just across the hall from him. How you screamed and punched and spit and bite as they tried to force you into your place. He admire you for your courage and heart. You looked like you could hold your own for the most part, but he knew eventually they would do something that completely broke you for good and he was hard set on not letting that happen, he had watched it happen dozens of times with potential soldiers, majority of them didn’t make the cut and were killed either in or on their first field mission, but he couldn't let those fates befall you. There was an undeniable urge to protect you from them. Something about you made him want to keep them from hurting you even if that meant he got the chair a hundred times a day.

“Did you know her Buck?” Steve whispers not for any real privacy reason but in case Bucky didn't  want to talk about it.  

“Yeah, I did.” It's all he says before he walks down the hall to be prepared for cryo.

It takes an hour and half before they're ready for him. He spends that time mostly talking to Steve and gorging out on some of the best food he's ever had.

“So what's next,” Bucky asked as he picked at his plate “you heading back to New York to make amends with Tony once I'm a popsicle again?” He doesn't want to be left alone in Wakanda, what if they find him and there's nothing T’challa can do to stop them? What if they kill everyone there looking for him? He doesn't want to be alone again.

Steve couldn’t help but to let out a few short chuckles. “No, I kinda like it here,” Steve looks out of the window that takes up the entire left wall, “plus Tony's still gonna be pretty sour at me.”

“Why?”

“I misspelled his name on a package. To lighten the mood.” Hopefully it would lighten the mood and not make it a million times worse. He could only hope for so much at this point and skipping down the road hand and hand with Tony was far from attainable.

“Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes,” a nurse in all white says as she steps into the room. “whenever you're ready.” Bucky took one last giant bite of food savoring it, partly because it was good and partly because he was terrified that it would be last thing he ate before he woke up strapped to a HYDRA table.

Bucky took a deep breath before he got up from his seat and followed the nurse to the room where his chamber was.

It was brighter than HYDRAs cryo room which was a good sign, when he woke up he would know that he was safe. There wasn’t any machinery or anything hanging over or in front of any of the chairs in the room which was yet another good sign. There were only 7 people in the room including him. Steve,T’challa, you and 3 nurses. It was surprisingly intimate. Sure he was more than grateful for it, but he also assume that there would be more people.

“Sergeant Barnes right this way.” The same nurse from before said as she pointed him in the direction of a bathroom for him to get changed in.

When Bucky comes out of the bathroom, hair wet wife beater shirt fitting just this side of too tight, is when you finally get a good look at him and realization dawns on you. Sure you had overheard T’challa these past few days talking about HYDRA again and you had assumed he was telling the new techs about it but no. Here in the flesh was The Soldier. The very same Solider that you had spent so many cold nights in the HYDRA base staring across from, that had taught you how to fight and survive and he was here. Right here.

You wanted to say something to him, tell him how happy you were that he wasn't trapped anymore, to ask if he remembered you, but you couldn't you knew better than anyone else that the sudden barrage of questions wouldn't do him any good so you didn't only stared for far too long.

“Shall we proceed?” T’challa asked as he approached Bucky and Steve.

“Ready?” Steve asked giving his friend a gentle shoulder bump.

“Yeah.” And with that the 3 nurse that were in the room made their way out and it was suddenly even more intimate. He watches with a look of surprise on his face as they leave and the door beeps shut.

“For your comfort.” Is all T’challa says as an answer for the unasked question.

“Sergeant Barnes if you could please have a seat we will begin.” You tried not to stare directly at him while you prepped him for his first shot, only quick glances and polite smiles never anything longer than 2 seconds as you rubbed alcohol onto the spot where the needle would go.

Bucky probably should have been paying more attention to what T'challa was telling him, but you were so close to him, practically in his face, he could feel your breath on him and it was so distracting in the best ways. The way you just barely brushed against his side, the feather light touches on his arm.

“Fuck!” He snatched his arm away from the table, you and the sudden pain as fast as he could. He clenched and unclenched his fist for a few seconds waiting for the numbness to take over his entire body, waiting for the buzz of the familiar pain to come crashing through him but when it never came he remembered exactly where he was.

“Didn’t you hear them Buck?” Steve asks taking a cautious step closer just in case he had to restrain his friend.

He didn't, obviously, far to distracted by you and the way the white lab coat was a stark contrast to rich brown skin, the way you moved preparing him for the shot, and they minty smell of your gum, but when he felt the needle he couldn't help but be transported back to the HYDRA base. When he looked up he felt like a complete ass. Your hands were up in front of you stretched out in open surrender, the needle shattered on the floor and T’challa and Steve were both giving him curious stares.

“Yeah I did.”

“We’re gonna have to do it again. Do you need a minute? We can take a break we aren't in any rush?” You asked with nothing but utter and true concern.

“No I'm fine now. I just,”He rubbed his hand over his face and took a deep breath. He didn't wanna explain what had happened in front of you in case you felt bad about causing that memory. “I'm fine now.” He lays his arm back on the table and nods for you to continue.

“We can just take a 5 minut-” Steve starts to say but is cut off immediately by Bucky.

“No. If we wait I'm… I'm not gonn-” Bucky stopped mid sentence as his eyes shot open and he stared down at you  while you pulled the needle from his arm and tossed it away.

“You should start feeling the effects in about 20 minutes and then we'll be ready to put you under.” You said as you smiled at him and rubbed an alcohol pad over the insertion spot before placing a tiny, very unnecessary, bandage over the almost invisible wound.

Bucky remembers the first 10 minutes after you tell him this, everything else is a blur. Fading in and out consciousness and relying heavily onto Steve so he doesn't fall face first into anything. It's kind of surreal to not be immediately plunged into a deep sleep and instead have it creeping on to him.

“I'm so sleepy Stevie.” Bucky slurred as he slumped over onto Steve as they walked to the cryo room.

“I know, Buck.” Steve said for what felt like the millionth time in the last 5 minutes.

“Can I take my nap yet?” At this Steve had stopped replying, a lot annoyed at the constant bombardment of question and whines from his friend. Instead focusing on getting him down to where he needed to be. It was becoming increasing more and more difficult the longer it took and he was regretting letting Bucky lead him outside of the building in the first place. When they had finally arrived Steve was more than happy to dump Bucky into the chair.

“How are you feeling Sergeant Barnes?” You asked as you helped him into the seat.

“Sleepy.” He said as he rested his head back against the chair and closed his eyes.

“Do you feel sick at all?” You checked him over. He shook his head no as you checked his eyes over for any signs that medicine had a bad effect on his reflexes.

“Does your arm feel funny by chance, no itching or soreness where you got the shot?” He gave one last head shake before T’challa gave the OK to start moving him to the cryo chamber.

“You can take your nap now if you're ready.” At that he completely stopped fighting the sleep that was trying to take him over and fell over into unconsciousness as the nurses and T’challa locked him into the chamber.

“So now what?” Steve asked as he watched Bucky sleep.

“We wait of course.” T’challa says as he watches the ice slowly creep up the front panel of the chamber.

When Bucky first opens his eyes after being frozen for what he assumed was at least a last few months all of the lights are off and he's in a bed. It's a shell shock, his mind races for a few seconds before he shoots upright. He opens his mouth to call for Steve but the only thing that comes out is a painful screech and an uncontrollable coughing fit.

A glass of orange juice and plate of saltines are being gently placed on his bed and he flinches back completely taken aback by the fact that there is another person in the room with him.

“You need to drink something or you're gonna hurt yourself.” You say urging the glass closer to him.

He doesn't look up just yet, but he does drink down the juice in 2 big gulps before immediately reaching for the crackers.

“It’ll be the only thing you can stomach for a few days, but trust me once you can eat again I'll make sure you have whatever you want.”

“Thanks.” He shouldn't have tried to talk, it feels like there is a knife scratching the back of his throat and it burns, but you deserve words and not just a head nod.

“It's the least I could do,” You make your way back to the computer typing in a few notes and commands, “you’ve done way more for me than bringin’ me orange juice and crackers.”

Maybe it's because the crackers are so dry, maybe it's because he tried to shove seven of them in his mouth at once or maybe it's because of what you said, either way he's choking. You motion for him to cross his arm over his head and go to slap his back hard to clear his air passage.

“I- It wasn- I don't remember wha-.”

“You’re a horrible liar, Mr.Barnes and we both know it.” You finish typing in more commands occasionally asking Bucky how he felt, if he was nauseous, if he had a headache, all the things they had asked you after you were woken up.

He doesn't know why he had thought you had forgotten. He remembered it every time they tried to scramble his brain like eggs after you had been freed. He remembered Steve, and Brooklyn and You.

None of the other soldiers had gotten taken to the chair, no one had flipped out on a handler, all of the fights had been damn close to perfection. It was a good day. Then he heard the yelling, he didn't recognize it as any of the other soldiers or any of the handlers or personnel for the place.

“Let me go!” The voice, a lady, screamed.

“Shut up and move!” He saw the shadows as they moved down closer to where he was. The smaller of the shadows dropped and he flinched back as he heard knees slamming against the concrete floor.

“Ouch!”

“Shut up.” Why they would put a new recruit, a female recruit at that with the buffiest most testosterone filled of these beef heads he wasn't sure, but something in him told him he couldn't let that guy put a hand on her.

He doesn't look when she's dragged Into her cell just across from his, but he does catch the sound of a faint scuffle.

“You dumb bitch!” Before he even knows what's happening his metal hand flies into the sink in his cell. He picks up the chunks that he can and smashes them down before he brings his fist down onto the small lock on his door over and over and over before it gives and he's out stalking the halls. Its another beat of time before he hears the slam and click of a door and the alarm letting the personnel know hes out.

He doesn't know why he risked his streak of good behavior for her but he does and it's worth it for him. If the world knows him as a monster and weapon that's fine because he helped a person even it was small and insignificant. Even if no one else would ever know he knew and he did it and for that he couldn't be complete monster.

“I didn't recognize you,” He was just full of lies today, “Your hair was longer back then.” That was absolutely true. Your hair before HYDRA was long, down to your mid back, and had impossibly tight curls all throughout it. Now though it was short and barely came to your shoulders, though it was still really curly.

“Well if I learned anything from that hell hole it's that long hair can always be used against you.”

That made Bucky feel sick. He loved your hair it was one of the many things that brought him comfort, knowing that you had something that was so unusual for what they wanted you to become. They wanted all their soldiers to conform to there stander and you didn't. Long curly deep brown hair for one of the world's best assassins was just unheard of.

When you trained with HYDRA they used everything as a weapon against you, if you were tiny they made you fight people larger than you. If you were thinner than your opponent they would make you fight with weapons that were far heavier than you could work with. Anything that could put you at a disadvantage, ‘Too make you better’ is what they would tell you while you were on the grown bleeding and broken.

He remembered seeing them use your hair as a way to detain you, pulling you by it to slam you against every wall in the room, standing on it as you laid on the ground so you couldn't get up, watched the other soldiers yank your hair to throw you off balance during one of the hundreds of unfair fights they had thrown you in. Then when the dust was clear and it was time to file back into your cell he would listen to you cry out in pain at the excruciating headaches night after night.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He looks honestly sad about you cutting your hair and it makes your head a little fuzzy.

You clear your throat not knowing what to say after that before you proceed. “So, uh since I've done this before and I have the hands on experience of going through this I'll be here to help walk you through what to expect over the next few weeks.”

“Thank you.” and it's so sincere coming from him you know that he is truly and unbelievable appreciative of you and the whole team for helping him.

The next few days go by without a hitch. You mostly make sure his body is in stable enough conditions for his new arm to be attached. After being frozen for nearly a year you have to make sure he can handle it without complications.

“So if you could just like do some small finger movements for me that would be great.” You asked as you sat at the table next to Bucky's bed.

“Like what?”

“Miming playing the piano, flipping the bird, cracking your knuckles, whatever you want is fine.” You said as you begin to write down his entry for the day.

He doesn't know what to do with his hand and fingers so in his state of nervousness he runs them through his hair.

“Perfect!” The smile on your face is so bright and infectious he can't help but return it with a laugh.

The rest of the consultation goes smoothly, you finishing up Bucks records so he can be taken to get his arm attached and Bucky trying his damndest not to stare at you and the way you moved.

When Bucky finally leaves your office you have a smile on your face a mile long and you don't try to suppress it partly because you don't want to and partly because you couldn't even if you wanted to. You knew Bucky probably wasn’t as giddy after your meetings as you were but you genuinely couldn’t help it. The person who had basically saved you from hell was back in your life and even if he didn’t think of the same way you had, even if he had done it a hundred times after you were saved, it was still special and you were still so thankful for him.

T'challa is always the first person to talk to you after all of your meetings with Bucky and he always calls out your over the moon happiness which you don’t deny.

“I take it you had a good meeting with the Sergeant?” He asked as he looked over the files you had been working on with Bucky.

“Yep, he is well on his way to the road of recovery.” You smiled even brighter if that was possible because you were truly happy to be helping Bucky recover.

“He isn’t the only one.” T’challa mumbled as he walked away from you with the files.

It had been well over 9 months since Bucky had woken up in Wakanda and it had definitely, without question, been the best months of his long life.

He had his arm back and it was newer and better than ever. He had Steve by his side again, he still wasn't a hundred percent sure why he wasn't back in new York with his team but every time he questioned it steve would just ignore him. And he got to spend 85% of his day with the most gorgeous girl he had ever seen in his life.

“So I was thinkin’ we could go take a walk around that little water bank you like, maybe have a picnic or something?” Bucky asked as you inspected his new arm. Shuri and T’challa had both agreed that it would be best for you to work on it for him because he trusted you like he didn't  trust anybody else. He knew you wouldn't hurt him on purpose or other wise. You knew what tools reminded him of HYDRA and you knew what to do should he ever be brought into a panic while you were working on him.

You and Bucky had become closer and closer over the months. So much closer that if someone could find one of you the other was sure to know where you were because you were always together. It had become so common for you two to be together that when you were forced to be apart, for your work or his classified meetings with Steve and T’challa, that you both became physically more distracted and anxious. You had unknowingly become each others comfort zone.

“I could really use the break.” You say as you take off the gloves you we're using to poke and prodded at Bucky.

“So say yes and I’ll make sure to bring that old people pudding you like.”

“Watch your mouth James you are an old people.” You we're always thankful for your darker complexion when you were around Bucky because you knew if you were lighter every time he was around you be a tomato.

“I never said I didn't like it too.”

After taking virtually no time at all to think about it, you say yes, and again you’re thankful that he can't truly see how deep you're blushing.

Bucky had been utterly and truly surprised when you had agreed, so surprised that he had become a stuttering mess as he stumbled over a shaky goodbye and rushed to find Steve.

“Sergeant Barnes, you look rather pleased this afternoon.” When he found Steve in his room and he wasn't alone, he shouldn't have been surprised. Steve and T’challa had to keep in close contact so they could become somewhat amicable with Tony. So no, he shouldn't have been surprised, but with the adrenaline pumping through him he was and he looked like a complete idiot when he had pushed Steves door open with the excited news on his tongue only to be stopped in his tracks when he saw T’challa.

“I uh, well it's a gorgeous day o-”

“He just came from seeing Y/N, of course he's in a good mood.” Steve said as his eyes sparkled at how happy his friend had become over the last 9 months.

“Ah, then she to must be in great spirits.” T’challa had started to tease Bucky about you in the last few months and Bucky beamed every time he did. His eyes would light up and he would smile wider than the sun. In private. When only he and Steve were around the second you showed up his face went blank. Which only confirmed for T’challa and Steve that he was in deep.

It was weird satisfaction that Bucky got whenever someone so close to you noticed how much joy he got out of spending time with and around you.

Steve would always tell him that whenever he came from one of your meetings he was just like Steve had remember from before the war and Bucky took satisfaction in that as well. That you could bring out a side of him that he wasn't even really sure he remember about himself.

“You like her.” Is the first thing Steve says when T’challa leaves.

“You're an idiot.” Buck doesn’t look Steve in the eyes because obviously he's right he does like and as far as he can remember he's liked since HYDRA.

“Why don't you say something to her?”

“Like what? Hey I’m still not a hundred percent in the head but i’d love to kiss on you a bunch.” Bucky rolls his eyes still not looking at Steve. 

“You are clearly the idiot in this situation.”

He is an idiot he knows that, but he also knows that its more then him just liking you. Its the both of you with both of your struggles coming together and it could be explosive in the best or worst way. If he tried something with you and you both crashed and burned he would never forgive himself. 

“He likes you.” T’challa starts as he opens the door to your room.

“What?” 

“You heard me, he likes you and you like him,why haven’t you done anything about this yet?”

“Well first he doesn't like me, so its kind of impossible to do anything when someone doesn’t like you. Second if i did, which I’m not sayin’ I do, but if, there is a giant if there, I did maybe like him I- I couldn’t he’s gettin’ better with his recovery and i’m, I ju-” “You don’t think you're getting better?”

“I can't be, I don't feel like I am.” It was frustrating to some degree watching someone who went through the same thing you had, getting better and better and you not changing one bit, still suffering from nightmares and the occasional panic attacks. It was selfish of you, and you knew that, to want Bucky to stagnant and not make progress like you hadn’t, but you didn't want to suffer alone anymore now that you had Bucky. You wanted to have someone who woke up with you in a cold sweat at 3 am and just knew what was wrong and how to help fix it. But he was getting better, he was recovering with such ease and it hurt, when you wake up in the middle of the night you would walk around to see if anybody, mostly Bucky, was awake and, of course, he would be sound asleep in his room. It was selfish of you, but you wanted him to have nightmares with you. 

“Y/N, you're getting so much better,” He made his way over to you when he saw you had started to cry “It's hard for you to see because it's not the same progress.” when he finally made it to you couldn't help but to succumb to tears as you rushed into his arms.  

“It's not fair.” You're not sure if your talking about how your unwarranted frustration towards Buckys progress is unfair or the fact that he's getting better and your not. Either way the statement still rings true.

“It's been better recently. There aren't so many now and when they are it's only me and an empty room so that’s a victory. I owe that all to you guys here.”

It's towards the end, you assume, of the picnic the food is all gone and the sun had gone down a good 2 hours ago, the moon was full and high in the sky, reflecting beautiful of the water just in front of you. It was almost peaceful Buckys deep smooth voice lulling you into a calm outer state even though your insides were far from calm. You and Bucky had started to have a deeper talk and neither of you were quite ready to call it a night yet.

“It's nothing really we were more than gla- wait what?” You must be looking at him like he had grown a second head by the way his eyes have gone wide.

“What?”

“You still have nightmares?” He laughs and you feel a little offended and a lot embarrassed.

“As much as being here has been helping me, and it has been a lot, I don't think those will ever go away.” He sounds sad and you feel like the biggest asshole on earth. “They’re just more manageable now, there’s a reason to fight and want get a good nights sleep.” He takes this opportunity to look at you and admire the way the curls in your hair look like springs as they blow gently in the wind. “Don’t want to be half sleep deprived during our consultations.”

“I feel like an idiot.” You say as you watch the wind pick up a leaf from the ground and carry it off towards the water.

“Why?”

There's a bitter wet laugh that comes from you and you don't look up at Bucky when you speak. Your already crying and if that is any inclination about how this is going to go that isn’t really good.

“I was jealous of you,” you don't have to look at him to know that he's staring at you “I thought that you didn’t have them anymore,” you wiped roughly at your soaking wet cheeks and continued, “and I was jealous because I still have them every night and I was selfish because,” You're crying rivers at this point, but you don't want to stop because it feels so good to let the tears and pain out, to finally tell someone how you felt and what you struggled with instead of closing yourself off, “I wanted you to still have them, because I didn't wanna be alone again.”

“Hey,” he moves to sit in front of you gently pulling close to his chest, “it's fine, doll.” he rubs smooth circles over your back. There is a plethora of whispers into your hair ranging from ‘It's okay’ to ‘I'm here’.

“I don't wanna be alone anymore.” You sobbed into Bucky's shirt. He doesn't say anything and for a second you aren't sure if he cares or not, but he pulls you back even closer to his chest. It's bone crushing and a little painful, but it's comforting and nice and exactly what you need.

The physical contact, the tight way he holds you. It had been far too long since you had been held.

There were no words that Bucky could think of to make you feel better, he wasn't much of a words person anyway so action. He was good at action, so he hugged you as tight as he could. A silent promise that you weren't alone and you didn't have to be as long as he was there.

That night you stayed up with Bucky talking and crying to him about everything. It felt refreshing to have someone to talk and listen to you without fear of judgment or pity, someone who didn't have to ask about why you ticked the way you did because they ticked the same way, someone who went through hell right beside you.

Your personal therapist had told you so many times that talking would make it bearable, but for a long time now there was no one to talk to. Your siblings wouldn't understand the pain and you were terrified they wouldn’t see you as their sister, but instead as who HYDRA had changed you to. You couldn't talk to your dad about it afraid that he would lock you up in a bubble. So you didn't talk about it stayed quiet and smiled on the outside while the memory and pain ate at you everyday for years from the inside out. Now that you could talk to someone about it openly and honestly, someone who felt the pain that you had and knew you weren’t a charity case felt damn good.

Bucky understood what you went through. Understood why it made your heart stop when a guard would approach you too suddenly, too loudly. He understood why you didn’t wanna go certain places, didn't want to eat or be around certain things. In return you understood Bucky much the same. You understood why he didn't want to be the reason Steve left his friends. Understood why he didn't want to go back to New York. But both of you had each other now.

“Thank you.” By this point your voice is broken and scratchy, your eyes are swollen and red, and you're practically glued to Buckys chest with how tight you both are holding on to each other. It had been a full hour and a half of you crying to Bucky and him listening intently never once interrupting you, which you appreciated, you just wanted to get everything out and off your chest.

It probably sounds like you are thanking him for listening to you cry for the last hour, but its so much more. You're thanking him for giving you an outlet, thanking him for letting you finally open up about something that has been so tightly shut for so long.

It was beyond painful for Bucky to hear you talk about this, even though he had witnessed it and gone through it too, hearing it was on a totally different level.

When you had finally finished talking and he was sure you were done he pulled you away from him just far enough for his hands to fall to your puffy cheeks and pull your face up to look at him. 

When your eyes met his they were watery and red a clear sign that he had been crying right along with you.

His body was buzzing with anticipation. He wanted to kiss you, he had planned to try and make a move, but that shot was blown when the conversation had taken a turn.

His eyes dropped down to your lips for a split second before he shook his head slightly and looked up at you.

“I’m so sorry.” You weren't sure why he was sorry, he didn’t do it, he was a victim just like you were. You wanted to tell him not to be sorry, that you were good, felt better because of him. Words escaped you though when you looked up and saw him looking at your lips. 

So you leaned forward and pressed your lips gently to his. As soon as your lips touched his though, he went rigged. When the kiss went unanswered you pulled away, maybe you had misinterpreted the way he looked at your lips as something else, ready to apologize for the suddenness you started to pull away from him, but he stops you as he pulls you back into him, his hands holding your face again, but he doesn’t move in to kiss you, just looks you over. 

He looks at the curve of your nose, the arch of you eyebrows, the slight red tint on your tear stained cheeks that he can just barley make out under your deep complexion and the moon light, then he looks at your lips again. They're swollen from you biting them and a little chapped from the cool night air, but they look so soft.

“Mommy!” He says as he runs around the corner into the living room.

“Um, um, um.” He’s hopping from foot to foot in front of you.

“In and out baby.” You said as you watched him try and catch his breath.

He takes a deep breath in and a slow one out before he starts. “Daddy says um.” He looked like he was deep in concentration trying to remember the message. His thick eyebrows furrowed together in concentration. His bottom lip sticking out just a little bit. 

“Um i’ll be back!” and then he was off again.

Bucky knew his son wouldn’t remember and he didn’t blame him, his brain was always on other things, What new toys uncle Tony would have when he visited the tower, What kind of cool things Uncle Clint would show him with his bow and arrow, the cookies you hid in the top shelf that he would let him sneak late at night when he was supposed to be in bed. Too many things going on in his tiny baby boy’s head. So when he ran back in the room Bucky was in he just stood up and followed him to the hallway.

“I messed up and forgot.” He said looking up at Bucky with big water brown eyes.

“Hey, it’s okay I’ll stand right behind here and if you forget just look at me and I’ll help you. Got it?”

“Got it.” He said as he went back to find you still on the couch now completely done with your hair and the TV totally forgotten about.

“Daddy says that um…” he looks behind you and towards where Bucky is silently pleading for help and Bucky doesn’t miss a beat and holds up a picture of Dominic and Natasha.

“Aunty Nat!” He yells in excitement.

“Dad says that Aunty Nat um she…” and then he’s looking back at Bucky again. Bucky runs to his son’s room and grabs his toy replica of the avengers tower.

“The tower! Aunty Nat needs you at the tower mommy.”

“And would you be going to the tower with me?”

“Um I think that…” He looks back at Bucky because that wasn’t a part of the previous conversation. He could see that his son really wanted to go to the tower by the way his brown eyes sparkled but Bucky need his help today so he shock his head no.

“No mommy.” He said shaking his head and running off to Bucky.

“Did I do good?”He practically yelled as they made their way down the hall.

“You did so good.” He whispers and holds his hand out for a high-five.

“Can I pick the song?” Sam asked as he scrolled through buck’s iPod.

“No.” Buck replied not really focused on the man but instead on the clothes around him and his son. He hated clothes shopping with a god damned passion but this was important and he and his son had to look nice. So here he was looking at one of the tiniest button up shirts he’d seen in his life.

“Dude, I guarantee it’s gonna be perfect. She’ll love it.” Sam responded as he kept searching the iPod for the song he had in mind. He knew it was in there somewhere he’d put it on the damn thing.

“What you think bud?” He looked to where his son sat cross legged on the floor with a bag of blueberries in front of him.

“More berries.” He says and Bucky watches as blueberry juice drips out of his mouth and all over his shirt.

“Yep that’s about what I expected out of you.” He looks towards Sam who looks very very hopeful that bucky will say yes.

“Fine,” Sam cheers loudly about to open his mouth to reply to bucky when bucky cuts him off, “But if I don’t like i’m picking my song got it?”

“Got it!” Dom cheered from his spot next to Sam.

“So let me guess you’re my distraction right?” You asked laying across Natasha bed you were incredibly sleepy and could barely keep your eyes open.

“And why would you think such an obviously correct thing?” She said as she finished painting her fingers a deep red.

“Because I was told you needed me here and we’ve done nothing at all for the last hour and a half.” She didn’t say anything back to that only smiled at you and kept doing her nails.

“Let me guess again, since I’m so good. There’s a dress or something here that i’m supposed to somehow squeeze into before I go home?”

“You’re really good.” She says as she takes a qtip with nail polish remover on it and fixes the tiny mistakes on her skin.“ And if it makes you feel any better it’s really pretty and needs hardly any squeezing.”

“Haha.” You roll your eyes at her.

“Let the man enjoy this. He’s trying to surprise you. Act surprised”

“It’s just really hard when hes so bad at planning surprises. This past Christmas he tried to surprise Dom with one of those giant indoor trampolines but he got so excited he gave it to him an hour and a half after he got home with it.” You said as you recalled Bucky practically bouncing in his seat as he tried to keep the excitement off his face.

“It’s his first kid of course he’s excited can you blame him?” The way she said first kid made your stomach tickle and you suppressed the urge to rub at it. It had been two weeks since you found out you were expecting baby number two and the thought of telling Bucky made you feel sick.

You must have been staring off into space because the sound of Natasha clearing her throat brought you back.

“It wasn’t even December yet.” You smiled hopping right back into the conversation and ignoring her questioning gaze at all costs.

When he finally gets back to the house he is immediately greeted by Steve, who had spent the better part of his day running from flower shop to flower shop looking for these damn flowers that he just had to have.

“The living room should be all good to go.” He said as he got up from his kneeling position by the coffee table placing the last of the few white flowers he had just gotten.  

“Thanks … Get out.” Bucky says as he goes to put the few bags he has in Dom’s room.

“I really can’t stay and watch, I’m your best friend?” Steve says with full offense evident in his voice as he watches Bucky scurry around the apartment.

“Don’t care. Lock the door on your way out.” He says as he pulls out an all black jersey with bold silver letters, alongside the outfit that Dom would be wearing for the night. A white button up shirt a new pair of jeans that they had just bought earlier that day a pair of black and white converse and a black bow tie to top it all off.

“I bet she would want me to stay and watch.” Steve whined as he twirled one of the many flowers he had bought that day between his fingers. Steve loved you and Dom just as much ( maybe a little less, but only a very little) as bucky. He loved you for helping his best friend have as normal of a life as possible, for giving him the family Bucky had always wanted. For giving Bucky the son he had told Steve he had dreamed about having for years. He loved you like the sister he had always wanted.

“Too bad she’s not here huh?” Bucky asked as he comes back into the living room.

“Fine i’ll leave,” Steve begins as he walks towards the front door, “but you better ask me to be your best man.”

“Tony already called dibs. Sorry buddy.” Bucky yelled after Steve as he walked out of the door.

“WHAT THE FU-” Steve turned on his heel to look at Bucky but was met with the front door being closed in his face.

Bucky let out howl after howl of laughter as he heard his best friend grumble loudly behind the closed door. Steve had to know he was kidding but his reaction none the less was glorious.

“C’mon buddy bath time.” Bucky walked out of the hallway and further into the apartment back to Dom’s room.

“Do I have to get a bath daddy?” Dom asked around a mouth full of blueberries.

“Yes you have to.” Bucky yelled from his son’s room as he got all of the stuff for his bath ready.

“But I don’t wanna.” He said in a sing song like voice and Bucky mentally snorted. He waited to hear  the telltale sound of him getting up from his play table and chair and following him to his room.

“But you have to.” Bucky said in a matching singy song voice.

“Why?” He asked as he shoved more blueberries in his mouth.

“Because it’ll make me happy.” That was a good reason right? To make his dad happy.

“Why?”

“Because it’ll make mommy happy.” if making Bucky wasn’t a good enough reason surely making you happy was.

“Why?”

Oh god. Normally Bucky would find this funny when it happened to you. One thing would happen that lead dom down a steep slope of ‘mommy whys’ ‘mommy why are blueberries blue? mommy why don’t we have a dog? mommy why?’ and Bucky would encourage it no matter how many times you told him not to because he loved to watch you explain why. The way your brown eyes would light up at every curious question Dom had. The way you tried not to smiled as you talked about why having a puppy was hard work even though deep down you wanted one too. The way your curls bounced when you laughed as you explained why he couldn’t have pancakes for every meal. He would always laugh and tell you how adorable it was to watch you two together. But now he’s regretting all the times he had told his son to ask you a question because it’s blowing up in his face and he can’t get mad because it’s his very own fault.

“Because if you don’t I’m gonna have to call the Captain on you.”

“No Uncle Steve only gets the bad guys! I’m not the bad guy daddy!”

“Bad guys don’t take baths and you don’t wanna take a bath.” Bucky says nonchalantly as he walks to the bathroom to start the water.

Dominic sits on his bed and thinks about it for a long while before he finally walks into the bathroom with his arms in the air ready for Bucky to take his shirt off.

“Fine.” he grumbles out.

The bath took far longer than Buck had anticipated it too. Dominic insisting the entire time that he could wash himself and for buck not to help him. So bucky was resigned to making sure he got every bit of himself clean without touching his son only pointing a finger here and there as he ever so slowly washed his entire body from head to toe. What felt like an hour of sitting on the hard bathroom floor later Bucky heard his son finally drop the wash rag into the water.

“All done?” He asked.

“Yes.” Dom said as he stretched out his arms for bucky.

Bucky grabbed the big fluffy purple towel from doms bathroom drawer and held it out so he could wrap his son and take him to his room to get dressed.

He grabbed the chair, a hard hair brush, 2 scrunchies and the bottle of leave in conditioner you always used when you did your sons hair and set them down fully ready to take this battle head on. He had done Dom’s hair a good 5 times maybe and every time you told him he did a fantastic job, but you weren’t here now.

“Let’s do this son.” Bucky grabbed a single latex glove to put on his left hand just so the hair wouldn’t get caught between the metal plates of his hand and tug at the curly hair. He took a t-shirt and tossed it on his son’s head to make sure his hair was mostly dry.

It takes a good 25 minutes to brush through all of Dom’s hair making sure and sure again that there are no surprise knots anywhere.

“What are we doing today up or down?”

“Um.” He hums thinking for a few second about what his answer should be and then with the biggest smile he could give he told Buck exactly what he wanted.

You’re in the middle of taking down the last few twists you have left when Natasha’s voice draws your attention. When you turn to look at her she’s staring directly at you.

“You have a secret.” She says as she watches you for any inclination that you do have a secret to tell her.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talkin’ about.” You turn your attention back to your hair and away from the redhead before she draws any information out of you.

“I think you do know and if I tried hard enough I bet I could get it out of you.” She gets up and stalks towards you fully ready to find out the secret she’s sure you have. There’s a beat and then she’s standing right behind you.

“You can try as hard as you want but there’s no secret to get out of me.” You turn to look at her dead in the eyes because fuck that. She isn’t getting a damn thing out of you and if you have to stand there and look at her for 3 days straight you damn sure will. Screw her.

“Barnes teach you to lie like that? It’s almost convincing.” She says as stares intensely into your deep brown eyes hoping for a spark or hint of anything but comes back empty handed. She stares at you, all of you to see if there a twitch to your eye, a quiver of your bottom lip, a clenched fist anything. But you’re stone like and unrelentingly.

“It must be a good secret.” She says as she hands you the tiny rat-tail comb off of the counter  you use to fluff your hair out.

“There’s no secret so it can’t be good.” You turn away from her to finish putting the last bit of oil in your hair but you can still feel her eyes on you. Your heart is pounding and you know it’s loud can hear and feel it in your ears.

When you make it home the first thing you notice as you walk closer to your door is that all the lights in the living room are on. Which is unusual for a multitude of reasons but mostly because whenever Bucky and Dom are home alone they tend to spend their time in your room. The next thing is the small curly head peeking behind the blinds. You keep making your way towards your door when you hear your favorite voice.

“I can’t reach it!” You hear Dom yell and then you hear the sound of what you can only assume is Bucky running to help him open it.

“Thank you daddy.”

“Sshh.” Bucky tries to whisper.

“Oh!” You can almost picture the way your son nods his head vigorously. Then you hear Bucky’s feet retreating back to where he was to begin with and the door squeaks open.

When the door opens you look down too see your son standing there and your heart melts. His hair is brushed back and into a low puffy bun almost identical to the ones Bucky constantly has, he’s wearing a white button down long sleeve shirt with a tiny black bow tie and jeans. He is damn adorable and it takes a lot out of you to not cry at the sight.

“You looks so handsome son.”

“Thank you mommy, follow me please.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the odd politeness he was showing. He was being a tiny little gentleman.

You could just about make out the sound of music from the living room. It was low and smooth and the closer you got to the living room you started to recognize the song more and more until you finally go there and knew the song immediately.

See first of all I know these so-called playas wouldn’t tell you this But I'ma be real and say what’s on my heart Let’s take this chance and make this love feel relevant Didn’t you know I loved you from the start, yeah

The room was covered from top to bottom in purple roses. There was only a small path on the floor that didn’t have roses on it that lead to the center of the room. So you followed it.

When I think about all these years we put in this relationship Who knew we’d make it this far? When I think about where we would I be if we were to just fall apart And I just can’t stand the thought of leaving you

You don’t hear his footsteps walk towards you. You never do and it’s always annoying how such a large person can walk so quietly. So when you hear him clear his throat you jump almost a full 2 feet in the air.

“Did I scare you?” He asked as he tried his hardest to cover up his laugh with a cough.

“You always do!!” You should be used to it but you aren’t and it sucks every single time.

“So what’s all of this about?” You knew. The song, the flowers, the way Dom was dressed, you would have to be a literal fucking peanut to not know what was happening.

“Well, I figured since you were out numbered you’d wanna join the winning team.” He said with the biggest grin on his face.

“The winning team?” You cocked your head to look at him. One hand your hip waiting for an answer.

“DADDY! I’M STUCK!!” You heard your son frantically yell before bucky could answer you.

“Do you need help baby?” You asked but before you could go and check Bucky was already heading to get him.

“Stay absolutely stil-” Bucky was cut off before he could finish his sentence by aloud bump followed by a soft ‘ow’ and you couldn’t help but let out a snort. Bucky smiled at you before he jogged off to help Dom.

You were about to take a step forward to follow but he quickly put a stop to that idea

“Nope. I’ll be right back.” And then he was gone.

You paced the floor knowing what he was gonna ask when he came back and you were beyond nervous. You could feel your stomach twist in every direction the more you thought about telling Bucky you were pregnant. A far away part of you knew he was gonna be happy and excited about having a baby. But you couldn’t help but feel nervous. What if he just outright didn’t want them? How would you explain to Dom why you and bucky weren’t together anymore if he didn’t want them? If he didn’t want you all?

“Okay doll ask again.” Bucky said as he jogged from the back room back to you.

“What?” You were pulled from your thoughts so suddenly you forgot what was happening.

“Ask about the winning team one more time.” He could practically hear the grin on his face. He was such a doof, but you loved him. God did you love him

“What winning team honey?” You couldn’t help but smile at how excited he was. Even if on the inside you were practically dying.

“TEAM BARNES!” You heard your son yell as he rushed from out of his room. He was wearing an all black jersey with ‘TEAM BARNES’ in giant letters on the back.

“I knew I wanted to marry you since the night you gave birth to Dominic.” Oh god! You weren’t ready to hear him say these things. “I knew when I first heard you laugh I would want to hear it for the rest of my life.” He was just a little behind you and you knew that if you turned around completely you wouldn’t be able to keep your cool, but you never really could around him. “I knew it when I had my first nightmare in front of you and you just held me against you. Even though you were 8 months pregnant and could barely move, you held me as close as you could with your big belly and whispered that I wasn’t alone anymore, that I had you and the baby with me always, that I didn’t have to deal with this by myself anymore.” God dammit Barnes!

You couldn’t bring yourself to focus on the rest of his speech to focused on the ‘what ifs’ your brain wouldn’t stop firing off. What if he thought all the things HYDRA did to him was too much for two kids. What if being an Avenger was already too much with just Dom. It wasn’t fair to put him in a situation like that.You had to give him the opportunity to back out if he wanted to. Sure he had said many times that Dom was one of the best things in his life, but what if he changed his mind after you said you were pregnant with a second baby.

Meet me in the altar in your white dress We ain’t gettin no younger, we might as well do it been feeling all the while girl I must confess Girl let’s just get married I just wanna get married.

“Will you marry me?” He asked as he dropped down to one knee.

You wanted to tell him sooner rather than later. Before you were too big to hide, before you were supposed to squeeze into a dress, before… before you forced him into something you weren’t sure he wanted.

“Of course Buck!” It came out too easy too fast. But you loved the idea of having Bucky as a fiancee as a husband. So much so that it distracted you briefly from the wagging war inside your own head. When you turned around the rest of the way Dom was jumping up and down in excitement and Bucky was eye level with your belly.

He slowly slides the polished silver ring onto your finger. You are both shaking  messes so it takes a good minute for him to finally get it on and when it finally makes it to the base of your finger you can’t help but stare at it and how it glows against your brown complexion.

“Buck…” Your voice is watery and not because of how stunning the ring is. As soon as the word leaves your lips he’s wrapped around you in a second hugging you and kissing your cheeks.

“You’re gonna look so beautiful in a wedding dress doll.”

It was your engagement party with the team a full 2 weeks after Bucky had proposed to you and you still hadn’t told him yet. The time just never seemed right. The night he proposed you were both to caught up in the excitement of it all and it didn’t seem right. You had just wanted to spend your time together before too many people were in your face.. Then you had flown back home to celebrate the engagement with your family and the time still didn’t seem right. There was always someone around when you wanted to tell him. You loved your family too the moon and back but that week you wanted nothing more then to have lasers beams shoot from your eyes when ever they interrupted you.

You are standing by one of the many bars Tony has at the tower sipping on a virgin pink panther. There aren’t many people here which you are incredibly thankful for. Knowing Tony and parties you had expected there to people from floor to ceiling. Luckily somebody, maybe Pepper or Steve, had talked him into only having just the avengers and a few of the agents you and Bucky were particularly close to.

“No alcohol for you tonight?” Natasha asked as she approached you sipping ever so subtly at her clear drink.

“You never know when my kid is gonna come runnin’ up and steal a sip. Gotta be prepared.”

“Well if you can’t have your own you can always have a sip of mine.” She said as she moved the strong liquor closer to you. It smelled horrid and made your already nausea stomach even worse.

She watched you with an arched eyebrow as you pushed her glass away from you.

“No thanks I’ve never really been a vodka kinda girl..” You took a sip of your overly pink drink to try and calm your stomach.

“Well if mine won’t do how about,” You watched as she looked around the room for something and then her eyes lit up, “How about Thor’s drink?” and then she was motioning for the asgardian to come over to you.

“Hello!” His booming voice shouted as he got closer to you both.

“Hey Thor, Y/N here can’t have a proper alcoholic drink with Dom running around trying to have a sip,” She began to explain and the more she talked the more aware of her plans you became, “So we were wondering if she could have a sip of yours?”

“Certainly!” He shouted as he moved his glass of almost pitch black liquor directly into your chest. It smelled like paint thinner and gasoline. The second after you smelled the drink you made a break for the nearest room with a bathroom to let everything go.

“I fucking knew it you liar!” Natasha shouted through gritted teeth as she helped you up from the bathroom floor so you could walk to the bed just a short distance away.

“Natasha.”  You whined as you laid on the bed in the spare room clutching your aching stomach.

“Shouldn’t you be all excited for the new baby and your engagement? You’ve been moping around for weeks.”

“What if he doesn’t want it though?” You asked solemnly.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“What if one kid is enough for him? One kid that he’s taking care of that he didn’t even help create? What if he’s only helping me out with Dom because he felt  sorry for me?” You were going to have a panic attack or throw up you couldn’t really be sure but you felt something coming up.

“So the way he acts with Dom doesn’t show you he would want another one?” She was rubbing your back at this point. Her way of apologizing for making you puke you guessed. You couldn’t really be sure she was hard to read.

“It’s different he knew going into this I was pregnant with Dominic already. There were no surprises.”

“So you think he didn’t know you would get pregnant when he came inside of you.”

“That sounds disgusting don’t say it like that i’m gonna throw up.” You turned your head further into the soft pillow trying to distract yourself from what she was saying

“Barnes came, nutted, finished, dumped his load, busted, planted his seed, creamed, ejaculated,  inside of you.” She said as she watched you and full belly laughs.

Hearing her say all that made your stomach turn and you made a beeline for the bathroom again.

“I’m gonna get you water don’t move.” She yelled to you from behind the bathroom door.

“I know you’re going to get Bucky don’t lie to me.” You yelled over the sound of the toilet flushing.

“You lied to me it’s only fair.” And then she was gone.

You splashed cold water on your face once you heard her leave the room and put your curls up into a bun at the top of your head. It was far from perfect you had curls falling out from every side but it didn’t matter your mouth tasted disgusting and you need to brush your teeth.

When you were done and didn’t taste like your breakfast and lunch mixed together you made your way back into the spare the bedroom and sat crossed legged on the bed waiting. Waiting to get sick again, waiting for bucky to finally show up. Just waiting.

You were startled when you heard the sound of heavy feet making their way closer to the room you were in. You knew it was Bucky so you weren’t scared that they were gonna get hurt.

“Doll?” Bucky asked as he came in the room with a bottle of water.

“I… I mean we…” You hadn’t even looked up at him yet but you were already stumbling over your words trying to explain it to him. Where the hell did you start when you were telling your fiancee something that you were sure would ruin everything.

“Doll please talk to me,” He started, “Natasha said it was important if you don't… if you don’t wanna get married that’s okay. I understand if I’m no-”

“No I wanna get married … To you I mean. I wanna marry you.”

“Then tell me what’s goin’ on doll.” He kneeled in front of holding your hands in his. Twisting your engagement ring ever so slightly

“I… We uh…” How they hell did so many people do this every single day.

“I have never had to do this before and it’s a little nerve wracking.” You let out a water laugh that was mostly tears.

“Doll?” He squeezed your hand

You took a shaky deep breath before you finally just let it out.

“I’m pregnant buck.” When you were pregnant with dom you only had to tell your family that you were pregnant. So now having to tell buck that you were expecting was unimaginably difficult.“I’m so sor-”

“WERE HAVING A BABY!?” He shot up from his position in front of you.

“Do you know what this means?” He asks as he paced the floor.

“You … you aren’t mad?” You asked after doing s double take.

“Why would I be? Doll this is one of the best days of my life.”

You couldn’t help the wet sobs that came from you. “I thought you wouldn’t want … because Dom and…” you couldn’t even get all the words out.

“Doll, I love you. I love Dom. If I didn’t I wouldn’t I would have been long gone by now. I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if I didn’t love you both. I’m so lucky to have met you and even lucky to have had the opportunity to help you raise our wonderful son.”

Why you had ever thought he would be mad is beyond you so you would chalk that up to raging pregnancy hormones.

“Oh no.”

“What Buck?” You asked as your heart dropped a little.

“What if the baby is a girl? She’s gonna look just like you. Her hair is gonna be just as bouncy and curly. Her eyes are gonna be just as deep and mesmerizing. God she’ll probably have your laugh. I’m gonna have to fight off so many people that wanna date her! Doll I’m a hundred years old I can’t take this.”

“You’ll be fine.” You told him as you pushed him down to lay on the bed with you.

It was quite as you both laid in silence. Buckys hand occasionally drawing stars on your stomach and you humming a tune that you weren’t even sure you really knew, but you were happy and content to just lay in bed and to finally be able to bask in the excitement of being engaged and pregnant.