~~~

It had been a few hours. Patton's feet felt like static, his voice was expelling various croaks and hiccups from laughing so long. Though he never shouted out his safeword, he was very close to breaking. But he was having so much fun. Then a timer went off. Patton gasped and breathed in heavily as the hands on the stocks retreated for a brief moment, only to reemerge with a damp towel to wipe his feet with. Remus stood up from his slumped posture to the side of the bed.

"It was so kind of you to come to little ol' me for tickling pleasure~"

Due to the sensitivity Patton was still facing, Patton squealed and cackled when Remus tickled his ears. Remus snorted as he held the remote up.

"Word?"

Patton stared at the remote, then Remus, then the stocks. He wiggled his toes a bit before smiling brightly and shaking his head. Remus laughed.

"Fine then! Your funeral!"

With a press of a button, the hands de-summoned then emerged once more. This time with some kind of special oil and fuzzy socks. Or what Patton thought was fuzzy. One hand used a brush to "paint" the oil on Patton's soles before the other one placed a sock on each foot. Oh no.

"Rehehehehehee! The … sohohohocks! They… tihi… tickle." "Well, they are made out of microfiber. Just a little experiment that I wanted to try out."

The hands started to massage Patton's soles with the socks still on and it became clear. This would be the thing that broke him. Patton couldn't hold back at all as he cackled with glee, his wrist now being bound down to the bed and his feet, while still in the stocks, had the toes held back with two appendages while the other two grind their knuckles on his heels.

It tickled like hell! With the added bonus of the itching powder and oil combo, this made for one of the worst tickling experience he had ever been in.

"NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! FU-FU-FU-FAHAHAHAHAHAHAHACK!! RE-REMUS!! PLEHEHEHEAHAHAHASE!!" "My my~ What's the matter, Uh oh Daddy-O? Are you laughing or screaming?" "AH- HEHEHEHEHEHEHE- NOHOHOHOHO!! REMUS!! REHEHEHEMUS PLEASE!!" "All you have to say is that little word."

Patton tried to hold in his breath but all that did was make his cheeks puff out and make it even harder to hold back. When the damn broke again, Patton finally hollered out.

"SHROOMS!"

The hands retreated again like the previous times and this time when they reemerged, they pat the back of the moral facet's soles. After they wiped his feet again, the stocks let his ankles go as well as the wrists letting go and slithering off either side of the bed to their original sitting position on either side of the bed.

Remus clapped happily as he walked up to the bed and lifted Patton up, who was still in a partial daze. Remus snuggled Patton for a brief moment before snapping for the bed to go back to his regular coffin-styled one.

"Well… it was nice of you to stop by again! It really is no bother! All you have to do is send in a request and I'll be there."

Patton nodded.

"Thank… … you… kiddo…" "No problem!"

Virgil was dying, and Patton was killing him.

Not because he was doing anything wrong-- Patton would never do something to hurt Virgil, and even if he did he would always apologize and try to fix things in the future. He made mistakes sometimes, but Virgil wasn't perfect. All he cared about was that his friend was trying.

So no, Patton wasn't trying to kill Virgil. But he was.

They were all downstairs, everyone having a good evening together. Logan and Roman were in the kitchen, meal planning for the week; Remus and Virgil were sitting on the floor playing a new horror game that'd come out recently; and Patton and Janus sat on the couch watching Tiktoks on Janus' phone. He was very picky about his Tiktok taste, hence why he insisted they use his phone, but Patton didn't mind-- he found most things funny anyway.

And therein lied the problem: Patton's laugh.

There were levels to Patton's laughter. He'd start with giggles, his shoulders scrunching up as his smile widened on his face. They'd get louder if he found something particularly funny: strong belly laughs as he pointed to the screen and repeated every punchline out loud (to Janus' chagrin). And when he saw something really funny, something that delighted him with how surprising it was... there was no word for it other than cackling. Shouts of laughter that burst out of his mouth, head falling on Janus' shoulder as he wheezed words out between desperate belly laughter.

It was driving Virgil crazy. Because it was adorable.

He couldn't focus on the game. All of his thoughts were stuck on Patton behind him on the couch, listening to him laugh and getting increasingly distracted. Were his cheeks getting pink? Was his nose scrunching up? When he let out another peal of laughter, did Janus feel as tempted as Virgil did to give him something else to laugh about?

And his laugh!

Virgil was doomed.

"Come on, Virgin, get on with it!" Remus' voice snapped, bringing Virgil back to reality. He narrowed his eyes and moved his character forward.

"I'm coming, chill out."

"Oh, I'm chilled, baby! You're the one who's too chicken-shit to go through the maze."

Virgil narrowed his eyes. "Bite me, I'm not scared." His character entered a doorway and the screen went black, loading the next room. In the TV's dark reflection he could see Patton sitting behind him, grin wide enough to split his face as he giggled at whatever video they were watching. Virgil couldn't help it; he leaned forward, trying to subtly watch his friend laugh without turning around.

So of course that was the perfect time for a jumpscare.

Virgil shrieked, throwing his controller to the ground and covering his face with his hands. He heard his character die on screen, he heard Remus and Janus mocking him for losing, he even heard Roman and Logan stick their heads out of the kitchen to see what on Earth all the noise was about. But of course, for Virgil, all of that faded into the background: the only thing he could focus on was Patton's screaming, squealing, adorable cackles.

"Virgihihihil! I'm so sorry-- I'm sohohorry-- are you okahahay?" he asked, desperate laughter falling out in between trying to check up on Virgil. "I'm sorry kiddo, I'm sohorry but-- that was so funny!" His giggles and guffaws made Virgil feel flustered, embarrassed by his outburst, but also ignited the competitive spirit in him.

He whipped around. "I'll show you some thing funny!"

And with that, Virgil dove in fingers first, latching onto Patton's stomach and squeezing before the other Side could blink. He heard Patton take one big gasp before his laughter exploded tenfold.

"Wahahahahait! Ahahahahaha!" He squealed, throwing his head back. Janus leaned to the side, clearly amused at Virgil's retaliation, and Remus laughed and pointed at Patton's demise. But neither of them mattered to Virgil. All he wanted was to hear Patton laugh.

"What's wrong, Pat? What's so funny now?" he taunted, moving his hands rapidly between tazing his tummy and his sides, crawling down to squeeze at his hips and thighs, or fluttering so quickly agsint his neck and chin the other Side couldn't even block him. Patton screamed again, wiggling wildly and flapping his hands around in a desperate attempt to block Virgil's access to his tickle spots, but he made no real motions to stop him.

"You-- you're-- Virgil!" he squealed. "Whyhyhyhy--!"

Virgil slowed his hands just enough to let Patton breathe. "'Cause you laughed at me!"

Patton panted. His face was now a bright pink, and his eyes sparkled with mischievous delight. "No, not you, I was-- laughing at a video!"

"Oh, really?" Janus interjected. "What was the punchline then, Patton?"

Patton could only giggle in response. He wormed his way back against the couch cushions, but Virgil kneeling on the floor in front of him easily kept him boxed in. "Um-- um-- it was--"

Remus made a loud buzzer noise. "Too slow, Patty-cakes! Janny, wanna be player 2? I think Tickle me Emo's gotta take care of a dirty liar."

"Noooooo," Patton whined. He grabbed Janus' wrist. "Janus, save mehehe!"

Janus looked down on his, face unamused but eyes clearly playful. "No, I think Virgil's correct. He'll need a lot more laughter out of you before he's done, isn't that right?"

Virgil smirked up at Patton. "That's exactly right, Jay." He drummed his fingers against Patton's tummy, making him giggle nervously. "And I've been waiting to do this all day."

Patton's eyebrows raised. "Wait, you have? What-- ahahahahaha!"

Patton was doing his usual weekend task of sweeping the kitchen floor. He had cute cat headphones on, and was dancing around the kitchen while picking up the dust with the broom. 

🎶“Ooo-oo-ooa! Go totally crazyyy! Forgot I’m a ladyyy! Men’s shirts, short skirts, Whoo-oo-ooa! Really go wild, yeah, doooin’ iiit iiin style!”🎶 

Patton switched to whistling as he kneeled down to pick up the dirt with the dustpan. With the dirt in the dustpan, Patton stood up and walked towards the garbage under the sink. 

He opened up the door under the sink, and started to pull out the garbage…

Suddenly a flash of green filled his eyes! “PEEK-A-BOO!” 

Patton screamed and dropped the dustpan, falling backwards onto his butt. “Owww…” Patton rubbed his back and glared at the garbage. “Remus!” 

Remus was clapping his hands, just celebrating the reaction. He took some of the dust from the pan, and held his hand out flat. “Smokescreen!” He suddenly blew the dust into Patton’s face! 

Patton screeched and started waving his hands everywhere. “HEY!” He spit and coughed as he tried to get the stupid dust away from him. “You’re disgusting!” 

Remus giggled and leaned against the corner of the garbage bin. “Oh boo hoo…Poor Patty dropped the dust all over the floor! Whatever will he do?” Remus teased in a passive aggressive tone. He expected Patton to cry like a baby, or pout like a child. Or maybe even grumble like an angry puppy. 

But a whack to the head with the dustpan? 

That was so far down his list! 

“OW!” Remus held his forehead, and stared at Patton with a deranged look of shock. “What the f***?!” 

“Clean it up!” Patton shouted. 

Remus’s shock slowly turned sly again. “Aaa ha ha…No.” He responded. 

“Clean. It. Up.” Patton warned again. 

Remus just laughed. “Or what? You’ll hit my poor little head again?” He taunted. 

…A single swing of the dustpan touched down on his cheek, sounding more like a slap than a proper hit. And good lord…That one stung. 

“Oooww…Who died and crowned you the royal bastard?” Remus grumbled. 

“Your mom! Now CLEAN UP!” Patton shouted at him. 

Remus stared at Patton for a few seconds…before slowly bursting out into laughter. He clutched his stomach, letting out the most genuine, yet deranged laughter he had hiding in his system. He was laughing so hard, in fact, that he accidentally flew back and knocked the garbage bin, and himself, onto the ground. “HOHOLY SHIT! And I thought it was never possible to get you mad!” Remus reacted. 

“Ohoho, I’m not mad…” Patton let him know, lifting his chin as he adjusted his smirk. 

Remus smiled innocently. “Oh great! Looks like I can keep pulling these-” 

“I’m livid.” Patton interrupted. 

Remus’s smile slowly dropped as his brain started registering his face. That wasn’t a calm smile…That was an evil, mischievous smile! “Well…Ain’t this something?” Remus said in a cowboy accent. 

“Clean it up!” Patton ordered, pointing to the garbage can. 

“No can do, sunshine.” Remus teased. 

“CLEAN IT!” Patton shouted. 

“No need to yell, I heard you the first time.” Remus reassured him rather casually. 

“IT’S YOUR MESS!” 

“.....And?” Remus laughed a bit. “Wha- You expect me…To clean up dirty things?” Remus giggled. “Patty please…” He pointed to his own clothes. “Do I look like a maid to you?” Remus teased. 

“I don’t care! You made the mess, you clean it!” Patton ordered. 

“Or what?” Remus stuck his tongue out. 

“Or I’ll make you!” Patton ordered. 

Remus laughed a little too hard at that. “Ohoho, you’ll make me?” He let out a giggly sigh. “I’d like to see you try.” 

Patton widened his eyes. Oh…So he’s gonna be like that, huh? Alright, game on! 

Without any warning, Patton sprinted at Remus. What was he intending to do? Remus had no clue! But regardless, Remus was too cunning and flexible to let Patton get what he wanted! If you’re gonna play rough with Remus, you have to earn your win. 

And so, Remus slipped out of the way, leaving Patton struggling to stop himself. “Oopsie!” Remus teased. 

“You little-” Patton turned to him. “GET OVER HERE!” Patton shouted. 

“Oooh! A Mortal Combat reference? I’m impressed!” Remus teased. 

“I told you…to clean the mess YOU MADE! And would you listen to me? NO!” Patton shouted. 

“Well, yeah! I’m the stinky man!” Remus declared. Right as Patton sprinted up to him, Remus grabbed his arm and pulled him into his chest. “And I’m thinking Mr. Grumpy here…” Remus roughly threw him to the carpet. “-Needs some anger management therapy.” 

Remus lifted up Patton’s shirt slightly to access his bare belly. The moment Patton felt it, he froze and squirmed. “Remus, NO!” Patton shouted. “Don’t touch me with your filthy hands!” He argued. 

“Oh don’t you worry, sweetcheeks…I won’t touch you.” Remus reassured him. 

“Then what are you doing right now?!” Patton signalled to his stomach, which was clearly being touched. 

“Oh, that’s easy!” Remus’s fingers started skittering. “I’m tickling you!” He declared. 

Patton did NOT anticipate the tickles at all! He immediately guffawed and covered his mouth. “NOHO! REMUS, DON’T YOU DARE-” Patton stern words immediately dissolved into high-pitched laughter the moment his belly button was gently clawed at. 

“Don’t I dare, what? What is it I mustn’t dare do, Papa?” Remus asked. 

“DOHOHON’T TIHIHICKLE MEHEHEHE!” Patton wiggled and squirmed as laughter kept endlessly spilling from his mouth. 

“Ohohoho, but I DO dare! I dare to tickle you a million times over! Cause as Roman would say…” Remus smirked and scratched at Patton’s lower belly. “Laughter is the best medicine!” 

Patton squealed and snorted, cackling between snorts. That was one of his worst spots! Patton tried his hardest to push Remus’s hands off him. But either this stinky man works out in his spare time, or Patton’s arms are getting weaker the older he gets! 

Because Remus? He is STRONG! Like, uncharacteristically strong! I suppose stinky doesn’t mean lazy, but still! Where did all this strength come from?! 

“Hmmm…The wheel seems to be turning, but…” Remus giggled and traced a finger close to Pat’s left side. “The hamster appears to be dead.” Remus playfully remarked. 

REHEHEHEMUHUHUS! HAHAHAHA- PLEEEHEHEHEASE!” Patton begged. 

“Oh wow! Is the therapy helping you?!” Remus asked excitedly. 

“NOHOHOHO!” Patton shouted back with the best stern face he could muster.

“Welp-” Remus resumed tickling his entire belly with both his hands. “I guess I gotta keep going until it works!” 

Patton threw his head back with a long, almost freeing fit of cackles. As much as Patton was angry before, now he couldn’t even be mad, even if he tried! And the longer Remus kept tickling him, the less angry he felt! And Patton couldn’t tell if that was a good thing, or a bad thing. On one hand, he never expected this from Remus, of all people. But on the other hand…He was a little bit impressed! Remus may be the stinky, dirty side, but…He knew how to deal with Patton in the right way. 

“Is it helping yet?” Remus asked playfully. 

“Hahahaha- Ahaha lihittle…” Patton muttered. 

Remus gasped dramatically. “It’s working?!” Remus asked excitedly. 

“Hehe- Hahahaha! Y-Yehehehess!” Patton responded. 

“Well daaaamn! That was quicker than I thought!” Remus reacted, lessening the tickles. “I guess you really ARE the Dad of the group!” Remus teased. 

Patton’s loud laughter lessened to giddy, high-pitched giggles. “Yohohohou ahare- Hehehe! Aha daharedevil!” Patton said through the giggles. 

“Ooooh!” Remus stopped tickling him and leaned on both his hands. “Soooo…Are you saying my dare was a good thing now?” 

Patton nodded his head and looked at him. Patton’s smile slowly softened as he recovered from the giggles. “Yeheah…I guess.” 

“You guess?” Remus smirked and squeezed his sides a few times. “What do you mean ‘you guess’?” Remus asked. 

“eeEEHEHEhehehee! Rehehemus stahap!” Patton told him, gently grabbing his wrists. 

“Okay, fine.” Remus stopped and stared at him for a few minutes. “Feeling less murder-y?” 

Patton sighed. “Would you be mad if I said ‘yes’?” He asked. 

“Oh god no! That’s my job!” Remus helped Patton up onto his feet. “And since you impressed me with your stern parenting…” Remus reached down and picked up the broom. “I will clean up the garbage.” Remus told him. 

Patton widened his eyes at him and adjusted his glasses. “You will?” 

“Yeah! So long as you continue blasting Shania Twink.” Remus teased with a wink. 

Patton raised an eyebrow and rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He opened his phone and opened up Spotify. “And it’s Shania Twain.” He turned on the song from before. 

🎶Whoo-oo-ooa! I wanna be free, yeah, to feel the way I feeellll…🎶

It was a slow day, so the sides convinced Thomas to go out. Long story short, Thomas had a little too much to drink and had to Uber home.

If you’re not aware, alcohol affects the sides differently. For instance, Patton: He gets more slap happy, and in Logan’s opinion ‘a lot more unbearable than usual.’

For Roman however: He gets a lot sassier and his imagination works very quickly. Quicker than normal.

Jump to now, Roman was trying to keep Patton under control, while also trying not to topple over himself. -yes, the alcohol works different for them, but they’re still a bit tipsy-

“What do ya ge’ when ya mix a cow an a tornado…???” Patton said, rocking back and forth on his heels, trying to stay up.

“I don’t know, what?” Roman asked, trying to humor him. “A udder disaster!! Haha!” Patton bent over in hysterical laughter.

“Ok, I think it’s time for you to take a nap.” Roman suggested. “Na’ am not tired! I’m fine…” He said, before collapsing into Roman’s arms.

“Either you go to bed, or ima make you…” Roman stated, a slight smirk playing on his face. “Whadya mean??” Patton asked, barely still coherent.

“I mean…” Roman trailed off. “This.” He said as he started spidering his fingers in between Patton’s ribs. Resulting in Patton squealing and clamping his arms to his sides, hysterically giggling.

“Oh. What’s wrong Patton?~” Roman asked him in a teasing tone. “Did you see a spider?!” Roman asked jokingly. “NohohahahehehehHEHEH!!” “Oh, I think I see it! It’s crawling on you Patton!” Roman said in faux shock.

“Oh no!! Now it’s crawling into your belly button!” He said as he started spidering his fingers into Patton’s navel. “EEEHHEHEHehehhe!!! RohohHahHAHAHMahahahHaHAHNNN!!” Patton shouted.

“What? I’m trying to help!” He said, as he started swirling his finger in Patton’s belly button. “EEEHEHE!!” Patton squealed again. Roman then started to take his other hand and squeeze Patton’s knee. “AAHAHAHEHEHeheheh!!” Patton laughed hysterically at that.

“Wow, is there anywhere that you’re not ticklish??” Roman said, breaking his facade. “NOHOHO!! EHEHEHhehehehEEE!!” Roman had stopped squeezing Patton’s knee cap, and shoved his hand in Patton’s armpit. The finger that was in Patton’s belly button was now poking at his neck.

“Are you gunna go to bed now, or do I need to keep going ‘til you’re all tired out?” Roman asked, keeping up his attack in Patton’s pits. “EHEHEE!! YEEhheheHEHES!!” Patton responded. When he said that Roman stopped.

“Are you good, Padre?” Roman looked at Patton, who was currently a giggling panting mess. But, regardless he gave a thumbs up. When he did that Roman snuck one last poke to his armpit, which made Patton give one last giggle and flinch away.

“If you didn’t want Patton to be so chaotic, then why did you convince Thomas to drink tonight?” Logan asked, walking into the living room. “Because, it allowed Thomas to have some fun.” Roman shot back at Logan.

“Plus, it gives me an excuse to tickle Patton.” Roman said with a devious smirk on his face. As Roman was reaching to tweak Patton’s side, his hand got snatched. “I’m glad you had your fun.” Patton stated. “Now it’s my turn…” fear washed over Roman’s face.

Roman managed to quickly snatch his hand out of Patton’s grasp, and bolted. When Roman ran it was silent for a second, and then…”oh, this is gunna be fun~” Patton said under his breath.

Logan still stood there, not quite comprehending what just happened in front of him. He then turned to leave rolling his eyes. “I’ll never fully grasp the importance of these silly activities.” He said, walking out of the living room.