#ledmedved

The motorcycle had always made Yakov nervous, and Lilia even more so. They hated when he and Otabek would zip around the city on it, especially if it was nearing winter. Now he understands why they were so worried. With a simple phrase his heart sunk, and with another, it shattered into a million pieces. 

He doesn’t remember much of the phone call, other than ‘There’s been an accident.’ and ‘Beka didn’t make it’. He doesn’t even remember hanging up, doesn’t remember how he ended up sitting on the bathroom floor. The tears flow, but he doesn’t bother to wipe them away. Instead he sits in utter shock for a long while before releasing an agonizing scream and slamming his fists against the tile floor until the knuckles are cracked and bleeding.

The next few days are a blur. He goes through the motions, with Viktor and Yuuri at his side, but their presence goes largely unnoticed by him. When it’s over he helps Adiya pack up Otabek’s apartment. He borrows a few hoodies, shirts and sweatpants for the last time and slips Otabek’s ipod into his pocket. Adiya hands him a little box she pulled from under the bed. He doesn’t open it until he’s home, and his heart breaks all over again. He never takes the ring off.

Yakov screams at him when he sprains his ankle trying to achieve a jump that Otabek had been working on. ‘Beka could’ve done it,’ whispers a voice inside his head. ‘Beka’s dead,’ says another.  

Skating becomes his entire life.  He throws himself into it to try and ease his pain, skates to songs that Otabek has remixed, turns them into beautiful programs, but it all feels so hollow. So young, but he already feels as if everything is over. The love of his life is dead, and so is his best friend, his first friend. Yuri goes through the motions of living, of carrying on as he once did, but he’s not fooling anyone, they all know it’s just an act.

Isolation becomes his lone companion, more so than eve before. Everything he touches turns to poison, or that’s what he believes. Nothing he touches ever stays for long. His father never did, nor did his mother, now Beka’s gone too. He doesn’t want to infect anyone else. He becomes untouchable to everyone and everything. No one can get through his defenses. He doesn’t try to date, doesn’t try to make friends, feeling as if he’d only be betraying Otabek. The friends that he does have are kept at arm’s length. He can’t poison them too.

His star rises, shines brighter, but it’s already threatening to burn out. At twenty-three he looses his grandfather, at twenty five it’s Moorka. The light is fading, but he keeps skating. What is he, if not a skater? What else does he have left? Everyone leaves, everything dies, and it’s all his fault.

Viktor has to intervene before he destroys himself completely. He’s twenty-six, bigger than Vitya ever was, but more hollow too. Viktor curses himself for ever letting it get this bad. Yuri moves to Hasetsu with them, tries to be normal, tries to battle his demons. He doesn’t skate, choosing to dance instead. Three times a week he skypes with a therapist. 

Time doesn’t mend his broken heart, but a little girl with big brown eyes helps him piece it back together. She’s just as lost as he is, everyone keeps dying around her too. At twenty-eight he becomes papa to a little girl that he knows Otabek would’ve adored.

It takes until he’s twenty-nine for Yuri to finally agree to grab coffee with someone Evgeni’s been itching to set him up with while he’s in town for Katya’s wedding. Of all people his little sister had to marry, it would be JJ’s little brother. His coffee date is tall, dark haired. Plays the violin. Supposedly just his type. Yuri doesn’t think he’s ready for this, but he’s going to try. He can’t bear ‘papa you look so sad.’ anymore. Two years later they’re engaged.