#lastvoyages

He sent Dracula away days ago. He doubted that the man (man? vampire?) had bought it but he wanted to be alone and the easiest way to insure that was to do what Amanda said. Drive everybody away. That was the easiest thing to do. Drive everybody away and accept that they were right and he was wrong and that he had always been wrong. He wasn't a hero. Heroes didn't kill children. He wasn't a good vampire either. So much for power. He wasn't even a good serial killer. Had he been a good killer he wouldn't feel so bad about any of this. He could fantasize about it like he had with Amanda but he didn't want to anymore. You have a lot to answer for. After everything people had said and told him he'd gone ahead and lost control. In a moment when he should have been strong or offered his services to help catch the person who had hurt his warden he had lost his mind and gone off on a goddamn rampage. Sitting alone with his thoughts, he wondered exactly when he lost his soul. Then he wondered when he'd become one of the half-cocked old timers who'd lose their shit over a case. He embarrassed himself, embarrassed his warden, and hurt someone he'd been trying to manipulate. Someone he'd cared about. The kid would probably hate him. He'd tried to believe in him despite everything. One person, one single goddamn person and he'd destroyed months and months of relationships and friends and plans and a sense of freedom... You would think you would be tired of cells by now. Hoffman set aside his drawing materials. Months. Months and now this. His sister stood there with her hands behind her slim and white and beautiful and a sad sad look on her face. "Not you." He shoved his work away, "Christ-either you're real and there's-the worst most painful flood going on, or you're a figment of my imagination and I've slid backward, or I'm dreaming..." He didn't have time to finish as the apparition strode forward and wrapped her arms around him. She held him tightly for a moment-solid and real-before stepping back. "You're not answering me." By way of response, she drew her hand back and slapped him across the face. That felt real despite everything, "What the hell was that for?! I suppose I earned that according to you?" Earned it? No. No you didn't earn it you shithead. You stupid idiot. You moron. Killing kids? Breaking bones? Who are you and what did you do with my brother? "Angelina-" No don't Angelina me! His sister looked furious, You should be a warden on this stupid boat. You should be helping people find who hurt your friend, you should be doing the right thing... "I was trying to do the right thing! Blood for blood, that's how it works!" Blood for blood? Amanda Young for John Kramer, Seth Baxter for me for me? Who did you kill David for? "Stop it." Did he kill your friend? Who's going to be next? "Stop it!" He threw his drawings across the cell at the thing standing there shouting at him, denying him-and she broke down. You were supposed to dance at my wedding Mark. You remember that? You remember how you were supposed to dance at my wedding and how you put me up on that damn pedestal for everybody to see? "I had it all planned out." My brother planning my wedding. Did you ever once think about your own? He had no response to that. I am dead Mark. I'm dead. I got so angry at you for trying to control me. "You threw me out of your house." ...okay considering that you told me that I was going to fuck up my life? I think we're about even. she sat, Mark, it's okay to be scared. "...I'm not scared." ...yes you are. her voice took on a knowing tone, I know you might think that you're not, but you are. You've been scared for a long time big brother. What happened to me was awful. What happened to you...you did. "...I am not. scared." Have you ever relied on somebody else? Ever? Not to my knowledge. You had the job. That's it. And when things happened-and weren't you telling me shit happens? You lost it. "I'm not scared Angelina." So why are you sitting down here drawing pictures of all of your friends from up there and all of the places you've gone and all of the things you wanted to do? He frowned at her, "I..." Mark. I need you to do something. I need you to do something for me. For everyone you know. She crossed the room, I need you to do this, please, because otherwise there is absolutely nothing else I can do for you, or for anyone else. "What?" Plan your wedding. He withdrew from the apparition, from the specter, from the ghost, "You-" Plan your wedding. Sit down here until you can walk around again go up there and make food. Play games, do what the wardens tell you to do, help them if they need help, hold hands, sing-songs and then plan your wedding and go back and if you can't get it through your thick head that Sarah Harding is a person who matters just as much as you do and that Amanda is a person who matters just as much as you do then go back and get down on your knees and merry Alison Kerry. I always liked her. I like more. She doesn't drink nearly as much as Kerry did. And then when that really-nice-long suffering werewolf says that you're ready-and I know you will be ready-I want you to help someone else realize that things do move on and that people can change. His gaze was wet, his vision blurred, "...You're-" I'm dead! I'm dead. I need you to do, what I can't do. I don't need you to be a hero cop big brother, I just want you to do what you love to do and know that there's more to being a peace officer then catching the bad guys. To be a peace officer, you have to be at peace. "...Don't leave me." He ran across the cell and took her in his arms, "For godsake what am I going to do without you? Who's going to listen to me when everyone else has gone? Who's going to take care of me?" You-Mark-god-damnit don't be stupid. Don't be stupid. You. You need to take care of you and other people will want to be with you. You can do it... "No I can't. I can't. It's hard-" Promise me! Please Mark, promise me. Promise me that you stop and think about it. Promise me that you try. Promise me! Not for me. For you. Please. She clung to him crying. "Don't cry Angelina. Don't cry. I promise. Please, just don't cry anymore. I can't stand to see you cry. I never could. I'll try. I'll try hard. please please be happy for me..." You're crying too dumb ass. The ghost wiped her eyes and stood up, Big bad Mark, linebacker for the football team crying. I can't wait to tell everyone. "...Bitch." You promised. Her gaze turned gold, Remember you promised. You promised me you would try. No more games. No more anything else. I can't stand it. You be my brother now. You be my brother the police officer. "...I miss you so damn much." If you don't blow it we can see each other again. She tossed her head, elegant, a horse in the wind, That does not excuse you from anything I told you to do however. Remember, I took a child psychology course. "...at a community college...?" Mr. Four year university. I want to come back and I want you to be back at the NYPD okay? I want you to have people you can go to besides me. Even if you wanted to go out and be a vampire.... Wherever you go I'll go with you...as long as you don't fuck it up. He wants to say so much. He wants to tell her to stay, to say he's sorry, to justify his actions. Instead she hugs him one last time. "...It's going to be hard." You saved your partner's life-spending four hours wedged in with a bleeding man keeping him alive while keeping yourself alive. "I'm afraid." You faced down a guy on angel-dust and kept him talking long enough for someone to knock him out. "...I can't." ..You survived a murder attempt. The ghost moved forward and put a hand to his wounded cheek, John Kramer did a lot of things wrong, but the words can still mean something. "Cherish your life." Amanda was right about one thing. His sister sighed and raised an eyebrow in his direction You really don't know how to listen. ----