#lagerhta

Thoughts. 

Mood:

So yeah. I’m not sure I’ve ever watched a more incoherent hour of television but let’s just go through it as I usually do … 

The adventures of Bjorn Ironside: Bjorn comes home and breaks up with Torvi. Ubbe kisses Torvi (HUH?). Margrethe sees this and then decides it’s the perfect time to tell her husband she wants to be a queen. 

I mean … if I just caught my dude cheating on me I wouldn’t then go telling him about my traitorous plans, as he wouldn’t be someone I could really trust. Just sayin’. 

Also. Apparently Halfdan won’t be fighting with his brother and will stick with Bjorn because DUDES WHO EAT OTHER DUDES TOGETHER STAY TOGETHER. 

And I just watched the weirdest shit of my life as Bjorn’s sudden-betrothed ties him up and threatens to chew his balls like she would a reindeer’s. 

I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence. I JUST WROTE THAT SENTENCE. 

I CANT ANYMORE. MOVING ON. 

Somewhere in Norway: Astrid is pregnant because OF COURSE SHE IS. I CAN’T. THIS STORYLINE IS TRASH. PLEASE KILL IT WITH FIRE. 

I just … 

We covered this last week. So many amazing writers covered this last week. The HORRIBLE NO GOOD DISGUSTING trope of an unfaithful woman being “punished” with rape. Add to that the HORRIBLE NO GOOD DISGUSTING trope of an LGBT person being “cured” with rape … and this week on Vikings, SHE’S PREGNANT THE PLOT THICKENS. And we’re all puking everywhere along with Astrid. 

I mean. Way to go, show. I wasn’t sure I could see something more vile from you. You got me. 

#teamlagertha: She had some good moments, especially with Bjorn. I felt for her when she talked about wanting to have a farm again, and then at the end as she gazes up at the almost-full moon. I was reminded of that amazing sequence from a few seasons back when the pieces on the board had been set and everything went checkmate for King Horik. 

Do I dare to hope for an episode like that for the finale? 

NOT REALLY. 

Also, I don’t believe for a second that Lagertha would be so cool with her son dumping Torvi, given her history. Not for a second. Much less arrange a match for him FIVE SECONDS LATER. 

#teamivar: should I say it? Okay, I’mma say it. Ahem … QUEER BAITING. 

They see on AO3 that Ragnar/Athelstan is still the most popular ship well LET’S GIVE EM A NEW ONE KIDS. 

But you’re not gonna convince me that a show on the History channel is actually going to explore a sexual and/or longing relationship here, not when ad revenue for RAM TRUCKS and the “traditional” American way is on the line. The only people allowed to be gay on this show are hot chicks, but then when they do that … well, we all know what happens, folks. See, Astrid. 

It’s cute though. Ivar and Heahmund flirting over bible verses and tales of Thor. Ivar just wants someone as steadfast in his crazy as he is, you guys. It’s sweet, really. 

And I didn’t miss Ivar’s reaction to Harald’s announcement of impending fatherhood. I’m just not sure what will come of it, if anything, as potential plot threads appear and disappear on this show as much as the women do. It’s apparent that he wishes for Heahmund to be his proxy, his legs. Will he want him to be something else as well? Whatever it is, Ivar is infatuated, and Heahmund is learning his tells over a tafl board, and it could be a great storyline. Emphasis on COULD BE. 

Spanglo-Saxons: Alfred was probably my favorite part of the episode. Mainly because it actually made a lick of sense. And I always love it when a dude is cheeky to a priest. But when we heard Athelstan’s voice I was like … there it is, the Ghost of Good Episodes Past. Come to haunt me. 

Meanwhile in Floki-land: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

☆ character posters: lagertha