#lads applestar

By the third or fourth night Xavier has made some interesting observations about the Farspace Fleet's Colonel.

The first thing is that Caleb only shows up around dusk, on the days the sun clung low to the horizon, as if daylight was trying to hold its favored child close. Xavier can tell he’s in a good mood if his uniform is still warm from traces of sunlight (perhaps from a ride in the clouds?). The bad days are when he's cold, cold to the touch, cold in demeanor, and empty behind the eyes.

Speaking of Caleb's eyes, there's always tears in them and a strange unreadable emotion on his face after they're done with…whatever it they usually do (fucking, mostly). It's like Caleb is trying to cram all of his allocated weekly vulnerability into a compact moment, to experience it all at once so he can get it over with. Physical intimacy? Check. Physical touch? Check. Human connection? Maybe.

Caleb also leaves odd reminders of himself around Xavier’s apartment— almost like a compulsion. Or a half-hearted reminder that they're technically adversaries, on account of him being EVER's lapdog. Twice now, Xavier finds recording devices on his nightstand. Caleb doesn't even bother to turn them on.

Xavier doesn’t trust him. He knows Caleb feels the same way. But he understands. The desperation, the fear, the uncertainty Caleb bears. The lies, the secrecy, the reach of EVER and the Fleet. He knows not what Caleb’s struggles are but can relate to the mask

At least Xavier has Jeremiah. He's not sure who Caleb has.

"Caleb," he says one evening, savoring the name on his tongue as he wipes his fingers, slick with Caleb's saliva, all over the other man's face. It's the first time he’s referred to him by name.

Xavier pulls the limp man up by the hair.

"I think something is very wrong with you."

Caleb says nothing, violet eyes unfocused. Maybe Xavier is the one who isn't self-aware.

"There’s something very wrong with me too."

It's an admission Xavier wasn't planning on making. He's not sure why he said it. But he can no longer pretend that these trysts are the realm of anyone sane. He can no longer pretend that the enjoyment he gets out of it isn't scratching highly specific fucked up part of himself. The part that wants to see others grovel and debase themselves purely for his own personal enjoyment. The one that enjoys playing with his food.

"Did you need it this much?" he asks gently cradling Caleb's face, thumbs delicately wiping the stray tears that had fallen.

Caleb is past words.

Xavier presses a soft kiss to the hair stuck to his temple. "I'm sorry, I should've known."

Caleb is spread low face down on the bed, knees apart, back arched. His head is positioned away from Xavier, and the silver-haired man is very much enjoying seeing the thick dildo pumping in and out of the Colonel's ass. He's gotten better at using his evol to fuck himself. A quick study, as always.

The springs on the bed groan and shift as Xavier sits down next to him, hovering just out of reach.

"I brought a gift," Xavier whispers into the shell of Caleb's ear, placing a devastatingly gentle kiss on his cheek. Caleb sighs happily at the sound of Xavier's voice, shoulders relaxing into the bed.

"Stick your tongue out."

Caleb whines, because he knows what Xavier will do next. It's his absolute favorite way to break him down. He won't make it to the end of the game Xavier is playing with him.

Xavier rolls his eyes and suddenly, forcefully plunges his fingers down Caleb's throat.

Oh, how Xavier loves it when Caleb is like this. What a good boy he is, acting out just enough. Caleb is the one who needs this the most right now, but even in the depths of his need he puts others ahead of his own. Caleb gives him all the right responses, all the right avenues and openings for Xavier to use him, for Xavier to puppet. He can be rough with Caleb in a way that is different, and the rawness of their exchanges is just between them and them alone.

"I guess you better focus harder," Xavier traces up the length of Caleb's cock, feather light. The slight touch hits Caleb harder than any toy--he moans, and for a few fleeting seconds, jerks his hips upward, chasing Xavier's touch. Unfortunately for him, Xavier notices.

With just a slight "tsk" Xavier puts the heel of his palm over the base of the dildo stretching Caleb wide, and slowly pushes.

The feelings running through Xavier's heart are however, in direct contrast to image formed between their physical bodies. In his mind he's have never been more intimate, more close, more honest with Caleb. Physically, well, Caleb is unable to speak, as Xavier's middle and index fingers caress Caleb's tongue. He's so taut with tension that it almost hurts, sweating from the extended use of his evol, knuckles white from gripping the sheets. Caleb's world shrinks down to the fullness in his ass and the taste of Xavier's fingers.

Caleb starts to drool and Xavier groans at his surrender.

"I have to do everything for you, don't I?" Xavier tsks, before firmly pulling on Caleb's tongue. The blush on Caleb's cheeks is so beautiful, so raw, so honest. Underneath, he'd always been such an honest, earnest boy, at his best when he can fulfill orders.

Honest in a way Xavier could never imagine being.

For now, this will have to be enough.

notes: this has languished in my drafts since...last March? Spiritual successor to many tricks and tools and joys. I had half an idea to make this a situationship/getting together starapple fic but just lost a lot of steam and so here it is as a short, abandoned drabble instead.