#laboranddelivery

Short version of my birth, water broke around 3am, contractions stalled in the afternoon so had to drive into the office to be checked since my water broke, got there and I was 8cm dilated so had to immediately go back home to have her since I was planning a home birth. (And one of the reasons I wanted a home birth was to not have to be in the car while in labor😂)

Ella Jane was born at 10:23pm on July 20th 2021

I never felt pain until the very end. It was incredible and I absolutely am in love with my little girl

Parings: Sam Winchester x Preemie!Daughter

WC: 1200

Warnings: Pregnancy, labor, premature birth, death during surgery, angst, life changing decision, cursing

@spnmixedbingo​​​​​​ Square Filled: Hospital AU

 @winchesterandbeyondbingo​​​​​​ Square Filled: College AU

A/N: I originally was doing an aesthetic and ended up writing this.

A/N II: Aoibhe (ey-va) This comes from the Gaelic word “aoibh,” which means beauty.

*divider by @firefly-graphics

*photos found online

*no Beta-all mistakes are mine

When Sam was growing up he wanted to be a lawyer. He dedicated all his spare time in college studying for the LSATS, earning him a phenomenal score of 174.

The weekend before his admissions interview to Stanford Law School his pregnant fiancé went into labor at 33 weeks. While the doctors were trying to stop her labor the baby went into distress and they were rushed to surgery for an emergency c-section.

Complications developed during delivery and Sam's fiancé died, leaving him to raise their little girl, Aoibhe, alone. 

Aoibhe was overall in good health but it was having some issues associated with her premature birth. She had trouble keeping her body heat and poor sucking abilities, normal at her age and needing to gain weight before going home, she had to spend an unspecified time in the NICU.

Thankfully the hospital had recently opened 24/7 NICU rooms for parents to stay with their babies so Sam didn’t have to leave his little girl.

Sam spent the first days sitting next to her incubator, tentatively touching her thin skin the way the nurses showed him, soothing his tiny girl with delicate caresses. The first time she wrapped her hand around his pinky finger, he broke down, grief breaking through the numbness of losing his love and hope at their baby’s strength.

Few days later it was deemed she could be held, scaring the hell out of Sam. It was one thing to touch but hold her with his massive, rough hands, what if he did something wrong or messed up the wires monitoring her. 

The nurses found a reclining chair big enough for him to comfortably fit his 6’4” frame while doing Kangaroo Care. Sam was self conscious the first time he shed his T-shirt but when his baby girl was placed on his chest, warm and surprisingly solid for her size, everything around him quickly fell away.

When Aoibhe was almost 35 weeks the doctor tested her sucking abilities, she showed favorable progress so they decided to pull her feeding tube and start bottle feedings. A few days later Sam was given the news they would be going home when Aoibhe reached 36 weeks.

Sam panicked, he was still in his tiny apartment that didn’t have adequate enough space for the specialty items Aoibhe needed to properly care for her and his older brother Dean was moving in to help him, taken a sabbatical from his job at their dad’s garage.

Once again the nurses, who’d been carrying for Aoibhe came through, helping him weed through what was absolutely essential now, what could wait and somehow the brothers fit two men and a baby in the small space. 

So here we are.  August 4th 2020.  In the midst of the pandemic.  I thought I was going in for my weekly stress test & OB appointment, and now I’m being told that I am being admitted.  That my blood pressure is dangerously high & this baby needs to come out.  As much research as I had done through the entire pregnancy, the birthing process was not something I had looked into very much.  Basically because it’s terrifying and I just didn’t even want to know.  So now, here I am kicking myself because I have absolutely no idea what to expect aside from an entire human being coming out of my body & HE wasn’t the one who was saying it was time....I called my fiance in tears, told him what was going on, begged the nurses to let him come up & so the adventure/dream/nightmare began...

I get up to the room, waiting for my fiance, and I’m starting to sweat.  All I’ve been told so far is to get into the hospital gown and wait for the doctor...They hooked me up to the fetal monitor, all the machines for my pressure & pulse, a DREADFUL COVID test and after an hour, finally got an IV into my bicep(the joys of being a recovering IV drug addict)  While waiting for the doctor I had a meltdown, I begged my fiance to just take me home, to let the baby come when he was ready, that I’d stay in bed & be careful, bawling my eyes out all crumpled up on the hospital bed.  Thank God for him truly, holding me tight, giving me the strength I needed right then & throughout the entire delivery, never leaving my side. Because we weren’t ready to stay, he had to run home, grab the bags & get the house in order while I sat in the bed with my mind really spinning... Okay, so fast forward a little, because this is a long, crazy ass story....So, doctors come in, let me know that yes I have preeclampsia, they absolutely should have caught it sooner but now we’re here & we gotta get this baby boy out ASAP but as gently as possible...so let the induction begin.  Now, because I’m in recovery, I chose to not take any kind of narcotics, and my fiance made sure to remind & ask every single nurse & doctor with every SINGLE medication that it couldn’t be a narcotic. My gift from God that gave me my mini gift from God. 

The first thing they gave me was IV magnesium, which I guess helps to keep seizures from occurring due to the preeclampsia getting worse, but gave me the worst migraines I’ve ever had, and because of the IV, I was given a catheter because I couldn’t get out of bed. So while that was flowing, the first thing they decided to try was some type of balloon thing, I’m sorry I don’t know any technical or medical terms because I was barely even there, let alone paying attention to names of things, the only thing I was thinking was “please get your fingers & tools & whatever else OUT of my lady parts...”.  So thanks to google, I guess this balloon thing is a catheter & the balloon gets filled with some solution that causes dilation...needless to say, it didn’t work...got me to about 2-3 cm and that was it.  So the next morning, it just wasn’t working any further, so the doctors wanted to try something else.  So they decided to start the pitocin.  For anyone who doesn’t know, pitocin is a hormone & it’s used to speed up the labor, and strengthens the contractions.  Basically, it SUCKS.  The contractions grew, as did the pain, but I wasn’t dilating fast enough.  But finally, at this point I was ready for some relief(non-narcotic of course. ha.)  I do have to say though, what they say about them is true.  I was petrified of getting a needle in my spine as I assume most people are, but the amount of pain I was in, and the relief it brought, it was well worth it.  Unfortunately, the next problem that arose was the fact that the epidural kept wearing off.  Yes, wearing off.  I had to push the button for more relief several times, and that was scary.  “What if that shit wears off while I’m pushing?  What if they can’t do anything or give me anymore after a certain point?” It was just frustrating that every few hours, the pain was excruciating again.  My poor & wonderful fiance held my hand the entire time, while I was squeezing him to death, begging him to fix it & to make everything better...I know there was nothing he could do, but just his presence, just his touch, and just saying the words out loud for some reason made me feel like he was fixing it!  Weird I know. 

 Anyway, so, even after having all these things done so far, I still wasn’t ready to push.  I don’t know what this boy was doing in there, but he had absolutely no intention of leaving my body.  Now to be fair, up until this appointment, I had been telling him that he wasn’t allowed to come any earlier than my due date because I was absolutely not ready, and he for sure heard me & took it very serious because he was NOT taking all the hints that it was time to vacate.  Okay, so its now the second day of labor, nothing is working, but I guess they decided I was dilated enough to break my water...oh goody.  I wasn’t sure exactly how they were going to do that, but after everything so far, I had a feeling it would be just as uncomfortable as everything else had been.  And I was correct!  They used a long hook looking tool & broke it, it wasn’t painful, but it wasn’t fun.  Again, maybe TMI, but I was not a fan of having a hand jammed in my body every half an hour for 2 days....Now, once again the epidural had worn off so because it had been continuing to wear off, the doctor was called & came back in to give me a second one...lucky me.  Now, I don’t know if the doctor gave me a stronger dose this time or if it didn’t go in the right way or what happened...I had the craziest rush, my vision was blurry & no bullshit, I passed out for like 2 hrs afterwards.  It was insane & actually kind of scary...I was going in & out of consciousness, the nurse was telling me to pay attention to how my body felt, in case it was time to start pushing(I guess if it feels like you have to poop it’s time) and I couldn’t talk or tell anyone what was going on because I was so out of it.  My fiance was getting all types of worked up & nervous, because I couldn’t even answer his questions if I was okay or not...it was wild, and I felt the poop-pushing feeling but couldn’t tell anyone before I passed out!!

So now, finally, it’s August 6th, around 6pm.  I finally woke up & I had the craziest urge to poop/push.  So FINALLY, it’s time to get this stubborn little peanut out!!  This part was actually the “easiest” part...sorta.  It was the only thing that went the way it was supposed to go.  Push hard = baby out.  It took me one hour, and that entire time was spent trying to get his round little head down the canal.  Once his head was down, the rest of him slid right out!  Now, I’m not sure if this is standard but WHY on earth do they not put something behind your back or have someone hold you up?!  I truly was out of breath & was at the point of giving up SOLEY because of the strain from having to sit up & push like that.  Because of COVID, I could only have one person in the room, which of course was my fiance, but he being the amazing man he is, called my mom on FaceTime so I had her support through the phone & my fiance was there holding my hand(and at the end, literally holding me up so I could push!)  I told him I couldn’t push anymore, that they were going to have to cut him out of me if he didn’t come out at that point.  I gave one final push as hard as I could, and he came out.  At first I didn’t realize that he was finally out.  I was so tired, still out of it, and then all of a sudden I feel this weight on my chest & there he was.  This beautiful, purple, slimey, LONG ASS, handsome, perfect little boy was finally here on my chest, all 20.5 inches, 7lbs14oz of him.  Oliver Anthony was welcomed into the world.  

My sister-in-law ended up having her baby last Thursday! I was traveling home that day so, I wasn’t able to meet him that day. They’re both home and doing well. Unfortunately due to my cold, I haven’t been able to see him. That was a huge bummer. I’ll be home at the end of October for his Baptism so, I’ll get to see him then. My younger sister-in-law is due with her 2nd child on 10/28 so, she should have had my niece by the time I’ll be home. There will be two babies for me to cuddle!!

I definitely did some pampering/self-care while I was home. Saturday, I got a haircut and scalp treatment. Monday, I got a chemical peel (oh boy). It was a much different experience from my first chemical peel last December. I’ll post pictures when my skin is fully healed from it. Then Tuesday, I got my hair/roots touched up. On Wednesday,I got a pedicure and boy did my toes need it. No more pampering for a while.

I finally submitted all my paperwork to get my passport renewed. I’ve been thinking about it for the last year and half and I finally just got it done. I don’t have any set international travel plans, I just wanted to have it ready. My first passport expired in 2016 so I didn’t have to go to a place to renew it. All I had to do was mail the requirements in. I also had my TSA Pre-Check enrollment appointment today. I’ve been flying more lately so, I figured it’d be nice to have. It’s $85 for 5 years. All I had to do was fill out an application online, make an appointment at one of the enrollment centers (which is done while filling out the online application) and then bring my ID and birth certificate to the appointment. The appointment itself was short, about 10 minutes. I lucked out in doing it now because, the location in Des Moines is closing 9/30. It doesn’t look like there is a new location being opened up as of now.