Letter #1020:
Hi K.
I donāt know why Iām writing this letter for you, I know I can just open your blog and paste this on your drafts, or I can just save it on mine, since you can also access my account.
Way back then, I never thought of YOU falling in love with me, cause as I always sing the line from my favorite song āIām stuck in this illusion called USā I thought, you and I are two people who will just stick us friends, but here we are now, saying I LOVE YOU to each other.
I know youāre ex gf would never understand me or us because you said you love me too early, Iām not sorry for what happened, I guess it happened not because it was our choice but it was meant to happen. I was really a friend to her during that time, I didnāt ruin what you both have, and I didnāt stole you from her. Maybe thereās an misunderstanding about that, but I will never be sorry if she canāt understand me, Iām tired of explaining myself, and I donāt want to bother anymore, maybe we could live like this for now, maybe some other time, Iāll make a move to reconcile with her. But for now, Iām not the one whoās ready to be friends with her again. I know sheās still into you, and I believe you still care about her, and itās fine with me, you had her before you have me.
With regards to your āfriendā that I will always feel like Iām jealous, I donāt know, there are times that I feel like you care for her more than an older brother, I know you said that you love me and i just need to trust you. But.. maybe itās not possible for you to fall for her anyway right? Cause you know why? Way back then, we weāre like that, slowly without noticing, we didnāt know that weāre falling for each other. I donāt know, maybe I donāt like her, because sheās acting like sheās your girlfriend. She gets mad when youāre busy. Both of you argue with your time, and me? Iām just trying to understand you. But believe me, when Iām jealous, Iām having a hard time to understand you and our situation. Sometimes, I almost wanted to ask you to make a choice between the two of us, but I donāt want you to put on that kind of situation, cause I know, itāll be very hard on you.
Label is not important, as long as you love each other. That matters. But if time comes that youāre having a hard time on me, just tell it straight to my face, Iām willing to let you go, not because Iām not in love with you anymore, but itās another way of saying that Iāll always love you.
But now, I can really feel it, little we know weāre falling apart, weāre slowly drifting apart. But can you just please tell me if we were. Ayoko ng ganito. Ayokong nag hohold on sa isang tao na matagal na pala akong binitiwan or worse hindi naman pala ako kinapitan, na ako lang pala yung hindi bumibitaw.
Since then, palagi kong sinasabi sayo kung balak mo kong iwan sabihin mo na agad, so I can still accept it, habang hindi pa ganon kasakit yung sakit na pwede kong maramdaman. But you said no. Iām still holding on with that no. I know Iām the girl who always leave but this time, I donāt want to wonder for the rest of my life why I didnāt take the risk in holding on to you.
Sorry if I have this kind of letter again, I just feel like I have to write this down.
Always,
B






